By Peggywhoever
All sociopaths wear a mask. The mask of kindness. The mask of generosity. The mask of romance. The mask of attraction. The mask of intimacy. The mask of seduction. And so on.
This is what reels us in. The pretense. The acting. The mask. The mask of perfection. And we, in our infinite loving goodness, reflect that mask back to them. The perfect mirrored reflection of beauty and adoration.
And then one day, that mask cracks. You remember the moment.. The moment when you look in their eyes and you KNOW the truth about them. The moment you recognize the pathological lies, the deception, the manipulation, the con. The game is up.
And from that moment on, your relationship with the sociopath is forever changed. This moment happened for me when”¦after middle of the night phone calls to his house and cell phone”¦I looked into his eyes and I KNEW. I knew he was having an affair, and that he was a liar. A year’s worth of investigation (yes, obsessing) has confirmed that nearly everything he told me was a lie.
From that point forward, the cruelty begins. Name-calling. Shouting. Out-of-control rage. Accusations of what you have”¦and have not done for them. Assaults on your character. Disparaging remarks. Outright slander. Saying horrible things about you to everyone who will listen. The smear campaign begins in full force.
Once the mask slips, you have a full view of who the sociopath actually is. Nothing is hidden from you anymore. They are the most hateful person you have ever encountered.
I equate the mask with a coin”¦beautiful, golden, intricately detailed and engraved on one side, and the cheapest, molten metal, with indistinguishable or hideous features on the other.
I thought my sociopath had a brain tumor. I couldn’t comprehend how someone who had seemingly been so kind, generous, and thoughtful”¦seemingly a “knight in shining armor”, turned into such a dark knight—instantaneously. Heartless. Cold. Unfeeling. Unsympathetic. Lying. Cheating. Berating. Chillingly frightening. Brrr.
After the mask cracks and you see their naked hatred, they become vengeful. It is as if they become your mortal enemy; even though you still love them and may try to salvage the relationship. And then they usually become cowardly. If you try to expose them, they will use every amount of charm and conning in their power to figuratively and verbally disarm you. (They are very good at this; they have a lifetime of practice).
They will attempt to dissemble your character piece-by-piece. They will not allow you to confront them with the truth; it is almost as if they become fearful of you and will try to retaliate against you with every piece of personal information they have garnered about you. Oh yes, and they will project upon you the very things that they are doing (and which you are innocent of). And they will tell unimaginable lies about you”¦that you are vile, manipulative, conning, vindictive, lying, and of course, crazy. Some of these whoppers are so monstrous that they can even ruin relationships you’ve had with family members and close friends. Everything is your fault, and they are the victim.
It is important to realize that just because you have seen their “true” self, they can still be extremely adept at keeping their mask intact for others. I have seen my sociopath go from screaming at me to laughing and smiling while speaking to someone on the phone”¦within 30 seconds. But you will most likely never see that initial charm again”¦unless there is something very specific they want from you.
And generally it is a very short time after you see their true self, no longer a reflection of beauty and adoration, that they will leave you. Or perhaps they already have their victim lined up. Because the sociopath cannot tolerate seeing their imperfections through your eyes. They will begin the romance phase, and once again have adoration from their next target. And the next. Then the one after that.
It is an awakening moment, when the mask slips. You are witnessing humanity at its very worst. (If they can be deemed “human—¦I prefer to think of them as aliens).
No matter how attractive you initially thought they were, a sociopath is actually very, very ugly…beneath the mask.
My ex-sociopath wrote to wish me a happy thanksgiving. he wrote he missed the baby. he has met the baby once, how much can he miss him!?! And also the other women wrote to me too, to ask me what the baby needed for Christmas! Are you serious? I thought I blocked her, so I had my email add her as SPAM. Now she will go straight to my spam. And, I am not replying to him. Seriously, this whole thing has been the strangest experience of my life. Today I went through emails just to remind myself how crazy he is. He was prefessing his love right to me right up to the day he told me about her. And then like a lightbulb, he had turned everything off for me. And now the other women writes to me about Christmas presents, and the women has never met the baby and NEVER WILL. And then he writes saying he misses the baby. It’s all a bunch of craziness. LIG, why don’t they just leave us alone? And why is the other women writing to me? Seriously.
Henry, just read yours!!! May God bless us all.
Thank you Bird – Your x is filling his new gf with lie’s, he probably use’s (your) baby as an excuse for his cheating on her – like telling her he is going to go spend the day with his baby and she is falling for hook line and sinker – and she want’s to do something for his babie to so she can please him – Bird I will keep you in my thoughts – —-
bird: i dunno. i think if they left us alone they would lose whatever control they think they still have over us.
as for the OW, she’s doomed. and yea, she has some nerve writing to you.
i think henry is right. she probably thinks he’s over your house with the baby when he’s probably out cheating on her.
god, they’re sickening.
today was the first day i felt NOTHING for my ex.
TOWANDA!!!!!
OMG!!! It’s true, today the mask cracked for me after years of thinking I was the crazy one. She was a very beautiful female and she knew it! It started with her telling me her woes and asking for money which I gave her $2000.00. she move from her state to mine saying she left it all behind. I was unknowing but she kept that relationship up while the one with me for seven months until her lies were found out. i kicked her out but let her back in…it was good for awhile until i had doubts again…after some checking,her business trips out of town were in fact to someone from my past who I had dated very briefly. She went with the soul purpose to “screw”them” as she told me later because it was revenge. It was hell again but after three weeks she convinced me it was a mistake and i let her back in again! It was about a yr before she was bored and it started again. she had a new friend. she was very secretive about and when I asked her to stop the relationship she said she did. which turned out to be an embarassment to me. I text her one evening asking her if she would be home and “her unknowing victim” text me back from HER phone. Saying i was the evil one and i should be ashamed of what i had done to her! I had the “other woman” put her on the phone and she couldnt tell her she loved me…..but she would be at my house in a few minutes!!! And to this day she tells me she is not sorry because I made her do it!!!! I haven’t told the whole story. I paid I don’t know how many bills from this womans past because of what she said someone else was at fault. One night i was out trying to win a kareoke contest to get her money to pay past taxes and she said i had to go out with her friend because she didnt trust me. this friend informed me she could possibly have an STD! i blew it off but the next morning i confronted her about it! She lied and i could tell she was lying. she became confrontational and I let her get me in a headlock and she pushed me into a wall and my back cracked….i fell to the floor! she asked me if i was okay and i got up and we fought again. she left for work and i went to the doctor.. My back was fractured in two places and i was off work for three months. I didnt do nothing!!!! a few months later, she wanted to go out with a friend who i knew was a druggie…i tried to stop her but she drug me down my 100 ft driveway with her car when i tried to stop her. i called the police but refused to press charges. I didnt want her to go to jail! Then she beat me down again one night and she used everything in her power to get me. I had bought a six pack of beer on a Wednesday evening and at ten oclock we got into a fight, I called 911 from my cell phone and when the police arrived they didnt believe me. she told them i was a beligerant drunk and i said i have consumed five since four this afternoon. Didnt matter ,she used her charm and they let her stay in the house and told me I had no visible signs to let me press charges. I stayed in a different part of the house but a few hours later I got up for work and the entire right side of my face was black!!! i went to where she was and said. Look what you have done! she refused, so i took my hands and turned her head around to look at me! she said im calling 911 I said fine when i can Im gonna press charges. I was arrested later for assault!!!! It took $1000.00 but ultimately it was thrown out because of all the medical records and police reports i had. She was never charged. I ran a whowhere search on her and it came up with over 40 addresses for her. And also there were two other people in different states that had had Emergency protective orders against her at one time after digging further. These people are ruthless!!!! Still at this time she is having her friends call me, sending me texts telling me what an idiot she has been. the worst part is….when I talk to these friends, they defend her and there are no words humanly possible for me to state my case. I just have to look like an uncaring person and get the hell out!!!!!
Dear LIG, TOWANDA!!! Great, you go girl friend!!!!!
Dear Eyes wideshut,
Thank you my dear, but what ELSE can you do with that much bull crap? The thing we have to do is to make fertilizer out of it and use it to fertilize the flowers in us for the rest of our lives living P-FREE.
Sometimes I even still get the urge to pick up a hand full and smear it in their faces, up their noses and into their mouths, and cover their hair and rub it in, but you know what, if you stir chit, you get chit on YOU. So the best thing to do is shovel it into a pile and let it compost so it won’t stink, and soon it will be rich potting soil that will make the finest flowers grow in our lives.
Dear anetsu,
Welcome to love fraud. I’m sorry you have had such a time with this person. She definitely sounds like a psychopath.
Hang around here and read and learn about the psychopaths, and also learn about US (the people who allow them to victimize us over and over) KNowlecdge=Power and the only way we can get back our power is to learn about them, and about ourselves.
This is a healing place and believe me when I say WE BELIEVE YOU, and WE UNDERSTAND, we’ve been there. (((hugs)))) and welcome.
Thanks OxDrover!!!!
it is so comforting that someone knows what i am talking about!!! Finally someone who knows my pain
well Donna i feel that the way you described the situation in this essay was perfect . So here is the question . How does one retaliate or defend or deal with it . Well one thing for sure , in my mind , is never forget and sure as hell never forgive . If you forgive a psychopath you are mearly opening yourself up for more abuse . Forgiving a psychopath would be like forgiving a shark before it bites your leg off . Considering that a psychopath feels no remorse , forgiveness is pointless just as any apology from a psychopath would be pointless and certainly not genuine . Psychopaths are after your destruction whether it be mental or physical . It seems to me that a lot of what is said in the bible about forgiveness was probably written by a psychopath . Forgive a psychopath and they will just come at you from another direction . Getting back to the bible for a minute . Who really wrote the bible . Lets assume for a minute that Jesus was real , which incidently I do believe . However what came next . Jesus was crucified . Did he then rise from the dead , I doubt it . What then happened was that christianity went underground for a couple a hundred years and then Constantine became the first christian emperor when he legalized christianty . Why did he do this . Probably because he realised that if he did not, he was going to have a big problem . The easiest way to quell your enemy is to embrace them . But first you take their doctrine and rewrite it to suit your purpose . It was Constantine and his people who wrote the bible . This was how the catholic church was born . The catholic church , through the centuries was responsible for the deaths of more people than probably any other group . Even today the psychopathic nature of this organisation is obvious with all the law suites against them because psychopathic priests were molesting children all over the world . I must say that having been in a relationship with a psychopath has opened my eyes to the bigger picture of what has been going on in the world through the centuries . Suddenly a lot that did not make sense is suddenly so obvious its scary . Throughout history it was the victor who wrote history . The losers side is hardly ever told .
I guess that in a way I feel that studying psychopaths from a clinical stand point is all well and good . There brain waves may be different but so what . What is this kind of research really going to tell us ?. As I have said before I feel that their is far more to be learned from us victims than by studying them in a laboratory situation . The nastiness of a psychopath is hard to understand unless you have experienced it , and even then that understanding is somewhat limilted unless of coarse one was a psychopath . For a minute there I wondered , do psychopaths try to manipulate each other ?. Before I finished the thought I realised they do , as there are two at work that are always at it . However their intereactions are somewhat different to the true psychopath victim relationship. I will have to think about that one some more . Well as Robert Hare said , I believe, there is only one way to deal with a psychopath and that is with overwhelming force . Overwhelming mental force should do in most cases . Question is where does one find that force . It is my belief that once you have understood the nature of the psychopath that force will come almost naturally . One theory I have , is attack in kind . Whatever game they are playing play it back . The best defense is a good offense . Confront them on the spot but always make sure there are witnesses . Psychopaths have to be beaten , forgive them and it will be your downfall .
I just realised that it was Peggywhoever that wrote the essay , sorry about that . Anyway I liked it anyway