A sociopath looks deep into your eyes.
“I never loved anyone like I love you,” he says. “We are so special together. People will never understand why we’re so attracted to each other. They say we shouldn’t be together, but they’re just jealous about the intensity of our love. Love can overcome anything, you know. It’s you and me against the world, kid!”
With words like these, sociopaths launch one of their most important strategies: Isolating you from friends and family.
It doesn’t seem that way at first. In the beginning, sociopaths want to be with you all the time. They proclaim that they are so wrapped up in you that they can’t bear to be apart, and it feels flattering to be so desired. Slowly, this morphs into the sociopath always wanting to know where you are, which morphs into jealousy if you spend time with anyone else, including your family and long-time friends.
They want you all to themselves. Not because they love you, despite their flowery proclamations. It’s because they want to control you.
Isolation tactics
Sociopaths employ many tactics to keep you from the people who love you. Here are a few of them:
- Sociopaths intercept phone calls and mail, and “neglect” to give you messages.
- Sociopaths purposely insult or pick fights with your family and friends, so that the people you know find it easier to just stay away.
- Sociopaths say they are “protecting” you from the people who want to drive the two of you apart.
- If you do see your family and friends, the sociopaths call and text constantly, interrupting your visit and making others uncomfortable.
- Sociopaths make up lies about what friends and family are saying about you.
- Sociopaths lie to family and friends about you, trying to turn them against you.
- Sociopaths rage at you when you leave, and rage again when you come home.
- Eventually, sociopaths forbid you to have contact with family and friends.
My experience
I remember how James Montgomery worked it with me. At first, he was solicitous towards my family. But nine months after we met, my family was suspicious of him, and my brother wanted to run a credit check. I knew Montgomery’s credit was bad—he’d already told me so, put expenses on my credit cards, and wiped out my savings.
I informed Montgomery, in anger, about my family’s concern. His first reaction was to tearfully ask if I wanted him to leave. Believing that my husband was working towards out mutual good, and wanting to get my money back as he consistently promised, I said no, we’d stay married.
But from that point on, he used the incident to drive a wedge between me and my family. He refused to attend my other brother’s wedding reception, stating that he wouldn’t go where he wasn’t welcome. He raged that I was an adult, I’d made my decision to marry him, and in some places people could be sued for interfering with a marriage. He disparaged my family and friends.
So as life with my husband became worse and worse, there was no one for me to talk to about it.
Pleas from family members
Isolation takes away your support system. When your contact with other people is limited, it enables the sociopaths to control the information you receive. And the more control they exercise, the more you lose your sense of self.
Periodically, Lovefraud receives distraught calls and e-mails from people who have lost sons, daughters or other family members to sociopaths. They want their loved ones to return, but the victims refuse. The sociopaths have so much power over them that it seems like the victims are lost forever.
The sad thing is that frequently, very little can be done until the victim himself or herself is ready to end the involvement. Psychologically, Dr. Liane Leedom explains, the victim has to take on his or her own distress. If family and friends are distressed, they are carrying what should be the victim’s emotional burden. For healing to begin, it’s up to the victim to start making a change.
For more information on this, read Dr. Leedom’s blog, How can I get my _____ away from the psychopathic con artist?
Find the strength
Are you in this position? Has a sociopath separated you from all your friends and family, so that you feel like you have nowhere to go?
Know this: If the sociopath is the one telling you that your friends and family want nothing to do with you, that the sociopath is the only one who loves you, there’s an excellent chance that he or she is lying.
If you’ve always had a good, or at least decent, relationship with friends and family, they’re probably worried sick about you, and willing to help you escape the prison built by the sociopath.
All you need to do is find the strength to contact them.
I would suggest hydrocoric instead of muratic. LOL
Oxy,
the boys in Belfast would always say “just to scare the shite out of em, not kill em”…
🙂
Ah, yes, the “boys in Belfast!” Sweet laddies they are! L:OL
sweet as yur grannie’s treats…HaHaHaHa…
ayelah – very good!
‘Spath’s motto: “one for all”.all for me” ‘
sky – your statement up thread, ‘But a really good person wouldn’t be caught up in that ”“’, touched me – I am working through the reactions of the other people she duped to my giving them info about who she is – and this touched some of that tangle. tis about THEM, not me. thanks baby!
i wish freedom for them, but if they dont’ want to see…then i can’t help. due diligence: done.
One-step,
Yep, its not all about the socios its also about all the people they ensnare and why its so easy for them to whip up a frenzy of hate. In the book Ponerology, it describes how the other personality disorders are played upon by the socios. Cluster B PDs are their target for getting help in their evil deeds. Schizoids are described as their “henchmen”.
We see it happen all the time in the genocides and the bullying people to death. I’ve even seen attacks on healing blogs like this one. Hate seems almost normal now because it is so prevalent. My parents fight all the time and I used to fight with the exP . It seemed normal. I thought all couples fight, right? Wrong. Its not normal, it IS prevalent. Adults don’t have to have a drama attack when their egos get bruised, even if it was intentional. When I first met my BF he would have drama attacks and I would get all upset. Not any more. By patiently behaving like an adult and pointing out the dramaqueen behavior, he is learn ing to be as kind and patient as I am to him. He still freaks out occasionally, but now he quickly points it out within seconds and calms himself down. I ackowledge that its possible that he is just learning to be a better actor, but time will tell and meanwhile this experience is adding tremendously to my growth- which is priceless to me.
Kathleen, a poster on this blog was most instrumental in helping me grow up. She didn’t tell me what to do as much as she told me that I was capable and loved. It was amazing how much her words have continued to support me for almost a year.
adamsrib LOL He lives a life in, muratic & hydrochloric acid! and the best thing he runs his own bath full of stress,failure, disappointment, self loathing & hate every single day. Karma is good, I am free to be me, he is incarcerated in himself for ever!
I love that no matter what he did, how much he hurt me I can now go on to have a good life, a life in which he will never live in peace, love and happiness!His life will always be torturous. The devil sits on both his shoulders,in his heart and in his head….
It is bliss to be free of that!
At moments when I was feeling vengeful & full of frustration, anger & despear, my Mother would say, ” Danielle you don’t need to do anything, he will do it all to himself, always keep your nose clean”..and she was right, everywhere he goes, every person he meets, it always ends the same way! The only thing that worries me is he is a violent S and it seems he is getting worse the older he gets the the more desperate he gets and although I want all things bad to come his way, I dont want more people to get hurt, which of course they will, but I cant control that, I only have to worry and my babies and me! 🙂
Oxy, Is Bullet Proof & Button’s still Around? I have been so busy lately and haven’t seen all posts & blogs! But haven’t seen them in a while and miss there blogs!
Dani, nope haven’t seen BP or Button either one in a while…hope they will come back, but seems that sometimes people get what they need here and then sort of drift away or get busy with the rest of their lives….there are a few of us who feel like LF is like AA, and we need a frequent or even daily “meeting” to keep on going and growing!