By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I don’t have much use for people who lie ”¦ but sometimes I have resorted to it myself, and today was one of those days.
You know, sometimes psychopaths are sort of like a sexually transmitted disease, they are the “love that keeps on giving in a negative way,” it seems, forever.
What brought me to telling a lie, because it was just more believable than the truth, was a convoluted story about the “Trojan Horse Psychopath” who infiltrated my family. This man is a three-time convicted child molester who had been a former cell mate and friend to my son, Patrick Alexander, who is in prison in Texas for murder. My son had sent him to infiltrate our family as a “friend,” and position himself to be able to kill me and take over our family resources. The Trojan Horse Psychopath had worked on my farm and helped out with my elderly family member, and thus gained access to my home and sneaked into my personal documents.
I’m a meticulous record keeper, and very organized with my record keeping, and pretty well know how to lay hands on any document I need instantly. I have a fire safe in my office that is never locked, because it is small enough to steal and carry off. I have a sign on the front of it that reads, “There is nothing of any value in this safe, the combination is X-Y-Z, it contains only business documents I want to protect from fire.”
Vehicle titles
The titles to my several vehicles and trailers that are used around the farm are, and have been for years, kept in the slot on the inside of the door to the safe. Since I haven’t bought or sold any vehicles or trailers (except for the recreational vehicle I bought to live in when I fled my home in the summer of 2007), I had not had any cause to go through any of these titles, or even count them, until yesterday. I decided to sell a Conestoga wagon, and the flat-bed trailer that I used to transport it, so I went to the safe to get out the title to the trailer and it was gone! Going through the titles there, I realized that four of the titles to various vehicles and trailers were missing!
The Trojan Horse Psychopath had been arrested in August 2007, when he and my son’s wife tried to kill my oldest biological son, after my son discovered they were having an affair, so he hadn’t had access to my documents since several months before his arrest. But prior to then, he had stolen documents and “messed with” my credit card accounts, my cell phone account, and other items that kept me spinning in my insanity. He would order items off “late night television” and have them sent to my house, like those “Send me $49 and I will make you a real estate millionaire,” and those “clubs” for music and videos that are like the Mafia, once in you can never get out! He even signed me up for interest in Scientology, and I still get tons of mail filling up my post office box from that group. He took over my cell phone account and deleted my contact numbers and added and deleted services and turned it on and off.
Nice ladies
So today when I had to go to the department of motor vehicles to request the replacement of four vehicle and trailer titles, there was no way I was going to tell this tale of woe to the nice ladies behind the desk. There was no way they would have believed me if I had told them the truth of why I needed that many titles replaced, so I took the easy way out and I lied. (So shoot me!)
I told them that my grandkids had been playing “office” and had gotten into my important papers and destroyed them. The nice ladies believed my lie and I paid my fees and the titles should come in the mail in just a few days.
I sort of feel guilty about telling the nice ladies the lie, but there was no way they were going to believe that a pedophile ex-convict from Texas got into my documents and randomly destroyed and stole some of them just to mess with my mind. Maybe I should have used this as a “teaching opportunity” to educate these women about psychopaths (I was the only customer in the office with three nice ladies), but I had to be quick in order to get to the court hearing of the ex-minister of our little country church who had been arrested for child pornography and Internet stalking of a child. I didn’t want to explain to them why I was in such a hurry either.
Here’s the news story on HarrisonDaily.com:
Man, 58, arrested after Internet sting: Agri inspector
Predator in court
I didn’t want to miss his court date, and as it turned out, I was the only one from my community there. He was, I believe, very shocked to see me walk into the courtroom in the small country town about a hour and a half drive north of where I live. I was dressed very nicely in my “pillar of the community matron goes to court or funerals” ensemble. Court had not yet convened and people were quietly talking among themselves in the spectator section of the room.
As I walked by where he was seated, waiting for his turn in front of the judge, I slapped him cheerfully on the back and said, “Hi, Dicky, what are you doing here?” I didn’t wait for a response, but kept on purposefully walking and sat down a couple of rows directly behind him, where he couldn’t see me unless he turned around in his seat, which he didn’t do, but sat facing forward, looking neither to the right or the left. None of his family was there, and though most of the defendants in the courtroom seemed to have friends or family with them, no matter what the charges were. He was alone. I don’t doubt that he felt my eyes boring into the back of his neck.
I never did particularly like this man, even when he was preaching at our little community church. His messages always seemed to me to be shouted and angry, rather than uplifting and loving. He presented an angry God, not a loving father. In fact, several months after my husband’s accidental and very sudden death, I was very sensitive to shouts or loud talking, and I actually went to this man privately and asked him very nicely (I thought) to “tone it down,” and to shout less, and maybe the attendance at our little church might stop dropping. My request was not received well, needless to say.
He did, however, embrace the Trojan Horse Psychopath and my (now ex) daughter-in-law, both before and after their arrests for trying to kill my oldest son. My requests (before their arrests and afterwards) went unheeded, and I was basically told not to bother him, he was “too busy” to get involved in my problems.
Sixth sense
It really isn’t all that noble of me to glory in the downfall of those that I don’t like, but at the same time, it is validation of my “sixth sense” about people. Almost every time I have ignored my dislike of someone there has been something, somewhere down the line, that has validated my “spidey sense” about that person. Several times that “something” has been child molestation or murder, or all of the above, though at the time I felt the intuitive dislike for that person, I never dreamed that they would molest children or be responsible for someone’s death. I just thought, “I don’t like that person,” or, “there’s something about them I don’t trust.”
It is important, I think, that we listen to our intuition about predators, and believe me, psychopaths are predators on two legs. They camouflage themselves and try to blend into the landscape just like a lion does, but there is something within us that, if we listen to it, will many times protect us. If we “turn it off” or “tune it out,” however, it can’t protect us from the predators. Just like the antelope must be alert for the lion, we must be alert for the psychopaths that prowl the savannas of our lives. When we get a whiff of “there’s a predator about,” we must honor that intuition in order to survive. Even if no one else would believe it!
Oxy ~ Great article, as usual. I think that the lie to the nice ladies at the DMV was perfectly understandable and acceptable.
I have something to confess to you. I first “met” you on Aftermath. I remember reading your story and saying to myself “OK, we’ve got a live one here” This is just too unbelievable to be for real, this woman must have been kicked in the head by one of those oxen. The more I read and interacted with you, I realized you just can’t make stuff like this up. That is when I got real serious about educating myself on sociopaths. While it didn’t take me long to see you were for real, there was a moment there.
This is why the lie to the ladies was the ONLY way to go. You got to walk out with what you needed without having three women thinking they had just encountered someone two wings short of a bucket.
On to sixth sense, I feel I am pretty good at “gut feelings” too. In my head, not outloud, I automatically put people I instinctively dislike in the “waste of oxygen” slot. Move on and stay away, don’t dismiss or as you put it “turn it off”, just stay clear.
“Hi, Dickey what are you doing here” – I love it when a plan comes together.
Thanks for being here for all of us.
Holy cow! This makes my story with a sociopath seem…pretty tame in comparison.
Hi Joyce,
It is so hard to comprehend how you could have gone through all you have and still come out with a great sense of humor!! Kudos to YOU!!!
I agree with Dawn, I almost feel lucky that what I endured with my spath pales in comparison with yours. You are truly a STRONG woman!!
I always thought I had good intuition about people but often find myself wondering how I couldn’t get the “vibe” from the masked knight/now “nut job” I married. LOL!
Dear Milo,
Yep, I remember you from Aftermath….the person I wrote about on Aftermath (in addition to my story about my son etc) that I took in as a “victim” who turned out to be a psychopath in disguise, was a poster from LF and also (under a different name) on AFtermath…she eventually got kicked off Aftermath blog, but when I put up my story about taking her in and how she turned out to be a FALSE victim, only a psychopath posing as a victim, she complained to the management and got my story (though it had no NAMES even screen names) removed, so I quit posting on Aftermath, and several others that used to post there also quit posting there.
Yes, I realize my story does sound “insane” and you would not be the ONLY or the FIRST to think I was a nut job….when I went to an EMDR therapist, after a 2 hour intake interview he was not sure I was not a paranoid nut job and I had to take my son D in and some documents to prove that “Yes, really, almost my entire family is lined up to try to kill me” LOL
I have apparently been born in a nest of vipers, and then attracted them as well….because I did not know what “normal” people were! I’m learning though.
Glad you liked the article, but it was a CRAZY day. The fact that I survived it and it didn’t “eat me alive” –especially finding out 4 years after the fact that the Trojan Horse had apparently gone through my DMV titles and just randomly removed 4 to fark with my mind when I did find them missing. I am sure he was chortling all these years wondering when I would discover a bunch of the titles missing and what a Pain in the rear it would be to replace them. No telling what ELSE is missing that I may not discover for another four years! LOL
Donna and Dawn, my story may be more bizzare than yours but it doesn’t mean that your pain was less real than mine. Pain is pain, and I realized in reading Dr. Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search for Meaning” about the emotional effects of the Nazi prison camps on people, is that pain acts like a gas, and it expands to fill the container. So ALL PAIN is total. If a baby drops a passy and cries, his PAIN IS TOTAL. If someone you love dies, your PAIN IS TOTAL. The two events are not the same, but in both cases the pain is TOTAL.
Hi Ox. Spot on as usual. Sometimes we do have to lie because no one would believe the truth or because we would have to give too much detail. I think of it more as giving info on a need to know basis.
My spath used to say to me ‘you lied’ and I would say ‘no, I only told you what I wanted you to know’ (and left out the other bits!)
LMAO at the ‘spidey senses’
Oxy ~ It was actually the story of the woman you took in that made me realize you were for real.
I also pegged a woman on there, maybe the same one it doesn’t matter, but I fell for her story at first as it was kind of similar to mine. Then I went back and read all her postings from the beginning. Wow, it was all there in black and white, lies and contradictions. Just for the fun of it I googled her username. Bingo, up popped all kind of sites, from social media to you name it. She told all kind of sob stories, no one exactly alike. I kept my mouth shut and just never replied to any of her posts. It did teach me a very important lesson though. She had almost EVERYONE on there conned and they poured sympathy on this woman. I still see some people mentioning they are thinking about how she is doing, now she is gone. How could a whole group of people that are shouting the “red flag” signs be so easily fooled? I know the answer, these S/P people are GOOD at what they do.
Anyways, let’s be careful out there people – shall be the lesson of the day
Milo,
Well, this woman who fooled me (for a while) also fooled some professionals, who frankly I think would not recognize a psychopath unless it was in prison stripes!
The thing it taught me, and actually I am GLAD for this experience, because I DID LEARN A LOT FROM IT at not much cost, is that many times the person who presents themselves as an “innocent victim” is actually a psychopath who got bested in their last relationship and is now using the PITY ME, THE POORRRR VICTIM ploy as a way to get close to the NEXT VICTIM.
This woman was very bright, educated and articulate, and she knew all about psychopaths and could write the most engaging advice to people on LF and on Aftermath as well. She did not have any intention though of helping herself or getting a job. Even when she was given an opportunity to make money by doing editing jobs over the internet by a legitimate outfit (I knew them) she would not do it….all she wanted to do was to play the DRAMA and PITY play games all day every day.
And if you think about it, how many times has your daughter presented herself as the VICTIM of her mean old mommy? What about that GAL woman? It is VERY COMMON for a psychopath to present themselves as the VICTIM when in fact, they are the ABUSER, and it is not uncommon at all for two abusers to get together in a “gasoline and fire” relationship and the “loser” of the encounter then goes on to present themselves as INNOCENT victims and to SUCK sympathy (and money if they can) from well meaning “rescuers”—and I was a well-meaning rescuer, but NO more. I’m swearing off the rescues.
Just like the deal with my neighbor, “Grandpa” and the meth-ho he has taken in. I can’t rescue him, and giving him money or gasoline is not helping him, but I don’t want anyone to starve for water, or him to be down in the holler and fall and break a leg and lay there for 3-4 days til he dies, so I keep an eye on him and keep in touch with his daughter, but no gasoline and no money. I realize he isn’t going to help himself, and it is “unfortunate” but not my responsibility, but I also have compassion on him because before he got slightly senile he was a good friend and a good neighbor, but compassion does not mean I will “enable” him. I have to set boundaries that are good for me and good for him.
I don’t think the woman poster you were dealing with Milo was the same one I took in. There have been posters here who after a period of time showed up to be “drama queens” at the very least. They usually hang around a while soaking up sympathy and suggestions for healing, while never making any “progress” but after a while they move on to some other social networking sites I imagine, or just quit coming here. I’m getting to where I can USUALLY spot this fairly early on in the “dance” but not always, some of them ARE good…the difference is though, NOW I am getting to where they don’t irritate me much any more. If any. I just mostly ignore them.
Many if not most of us when we find LF are “crazy” from the pain, frustration and insanity, so just being “crazy” when you first come to LF is not really a sign that you are not a legitimate victim…it is that remaining in the victim stage, never seeming to make any real progress, and sucking in pity/sympathy without ever giving back to others….but by that criteria, my fake victim would have been a shining star. She was apparently caring, compassionate, educated, giving, supportive etc.—she was GOOD at what she did, she was a GREAT FAKE and I suspect that she had been at one time a very successful con person, but she was on the down hill side of the mountain when I took her in, and I think she was getting desperate and starting to come unglued because she was not having the success at manipulation she had enjoyed in the past when she was younger and more attractive and had more sexual and financial “flash” to put up a front with. It did make me realize though that I can STILL BE CONNED and I need to practice what I preach and WATCH for those red flags and HONOR THEM.
Oxy ~ yep, yep, yep that is the first thing I noticed about this woman, many would give her very good suggestions to help and she would always come back with Thanks BUT. She gave thousands of reasons why whatever would not help her.
It was not the same person, this one lives far, far from you. I didn’t want to say it, but yep the professionals were apparently fooled by this woman too, often posting suggestions directly to her.
Many times when I first read someone I think that is what my daughter says about me and it wasn’t true. You just have to wait around and see more, I guess.
MiLo,
Dr. Eric Berne’s book, “Games People Play” calls this the “Yes but…” game. The person comes up with a problem and asks for suggestions, when they are given one, they say “Yes, but, I can’t do it for X, Y or Z reasons” and then eventually you come up with another suggestion and they say “Yes, But…” again and eventually they “win” when you cannot come up with a suitable suggest that they don’t shoot down with “Yes, but…”
This woman I took in played the “yes but” game about getting a job. There was ALWAYS a reason she couldn’t get a job. Or even do a job on line. No matter how easy it was made for her to get a job there was always one reason or another she couldn’t do it. Poor woman. So pitiful. LOL
When I finally decided I’d had enough rounds of the “yes but” game and realized what she was doing, I spoke to a psychiatrist friend of mine who actually knew her, and the friend said that she agreed with me that the woman was a fake and a psychopath. Like any time you fire an employee, you don’t give them any “notice’ you escort them off the property immediately and I decided the way I would do this was to give her $150 for gasoline in case she didn’t have enough to get to the next town, but to have her leave THAT DAY. Immediately, when I told her “this isn’t working out, you need to leave today, here’s gas money, bye” she started in with the pity ploy about how I HAD ABUSED HER, DESTROYED HER TRUST, etc. (she took the money though) but I knew that not one word of what she accused me of was valid and I stood there with my empathy suspended entirely, and It FELT ODD. I actually wondered if that was the way that psychopaths feel when they look at us cry and beg them to stop hurting us. I guess it must be how they feel. Because I did not have one shred of empathy or compassion for that woman’s problems because she had brought all them on herself, she had refused to use the opportunities I had presented for her to help herself and was just trying to set herself up as a parasite on me and my sons like a tick on a dog’s ear. I don’t like being that “cold” but at the same time, I am realizing that OUR empathy can be used against us if we let it.
Actually I think that LF has less of the flamers and blogging bad apples than just about any blog I have seen. That’s why I am still here after 4+ years.
Oxy ~ without getting myself in too much trouble and trying to be diplomatic LF is “alive”, the other ……
I appreciate all the work Donna puts into this. I can’t even imagine what a task that must be and she does such an awesome job.