By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I don’t have much use for people who lie ”¦ but sometimes I have resorted to it myself, and today was one of those days.
You know, sometimes psychopaths are sort of like a sexually transmitted disease, they are the “love that keeps on giving in a negative way,” it seems, forever.
What brought me to telling a lie, because it was just more believable than the truth, was a convoluted story about the “Trojan Horse Psychopath” who infiltrated my family. This man is a three-time convicted child molester who had been a former cell mate and friend to my son, Patrick Alexander, who is in prison in Texas for murder. My son had sent him to infiltrate our family as a “friend,” and position himself to be able to kill me and take over our family resources. The Trojan Horse Psychopath had worked on my farm and helped out with my elderly family member, and thus gained access to my home and sneaked into my personal documents.
I’m a meticulous record keeper, and very organized with my record keeping, and pretty well know how to lay hands on any document I need instantly. I have a fire safe in my office that is never locked, because it is small enough to steal and carry off. I have a sign on the front of it that reads, “There is nothing of any value in this safe, the combination is X-Y-Z, it contains only business documents I want to protect from fire.”
Vehicle titles
The titles to my several vehicles and trailers that are used around the farm are, and have been for years, kept in the slot on the inside of the door to the safe. Since I haven’t bought or sold any vehicles or trailers (except for the recreational vehicle I bought to live in when I fled my home in the summer of 2007), I had not had any cause to go through any of these titles, or even count them, until yesterday. I decided to sell a Conestoga wagon, and the flat-bed trailer that I used to transport it, so I went to the safe to get out the title to the trailer and it was gone! Going through the titles there, I realized that four of the titles to various vehicles and trailers were missing!
The Trojan Horse Psychopath had been arrested in August 2007, when he and my son’s wife tried to kill my oldest biological son, after my son discovered they were having an affair, so he hadn’t had access to my documents since several months before his arrest. But prior to then, he had stolen documents and “messed with” my credit card accounts, my cell phone account, and other items that kept me spinning in my insanity. He would order items off “late night television” and have them sent to my house, like those “Send me $49 and I will make you a real estate millionaire,” and those “clubs” for music and videos that are like the Mafia, once in you can never get out! He even signed me up for interest in Scientology, and I still get tons of mail filling up my post office box from that group. He took over my cell phone account and deleted my contact numbers and added and deleted services and turned it on and off.
Nice ladies
So today when I had to go to the department of motor vehicles to request the replacement of four vehicle and trailer titles, there was no way I was going to tell this tale of woe to the nice ladies behind the desk. There was no way they would have believed me if I had told them the truth of why I needed that many titles replaced, so I took the easy way out and I lied. (So shoot me!)
I told them that my grandkids had been playing “office” and had gotten into my important papers and destroyed them. The nice ladies believed my lie and I paid my fees and the titles should come in the mail in just a few days.
I sort of feel guilty about telling the nice ladies the lie, but there was no way they were going to believe that a pedophile ex-convict from Texas got into my documents and randomly destroyed and stole some of them just to mess with my mind. Maybe I should have used this as a “teaching opportunity” to educate these women about psychopaths (I was the only customer in the office with three nice ladies), but I had to be quick in order to get to the court hearing of the ex-minister of our little country church who had been arrested for child pornography and Internet stalking of a child. I didn’t want to explain to them why I was in such a hurry either.
Here’s the news story on HarrisonDaily.com:
Man, 58, arrested after Internet sting: Agri inspector
Predator in court
I didn’t want to miss his court date, and as it turned out, I was the only one from my community there. He was, I believe, very shocked to see me walk into the courtroom in the small country town about a hour and a half drive north of where I live. I was dressed very nicely in my “pillar of the community matron goes to court or funerals” ensemble. Court had not yet convened and people were quietly talking among themselves in the spectator section of the room.
As I walked by where he was seated, waiting for his turn in front of the judge, I slapped him cheerfully on the back and said, “Hi, Dicky, what are you doing here?” I didn’t wait for a response, but kept on purposefully walking and sat down a couple of rows directly behind him, where he couldn’t see me unless he turned around in his seat, which he didn’t do, but sat facing forward, looking neither to the right or the left. None of his family was there, and though most of the defendants in the courtroom seemed to have friends or family with them, no matter what the charges were. He was alone. I don’t doubt that he felt my eyes boring into the back of his neck.
I never did particularly like this man, even when he was preaching at our little community church. His messages always seemed to me to be shouted and angry, rather than uplifting and loving. He presented an angry God, not a loving father. In fact, several months after my husband’s accidental and very sudden death, I was very sensitive to shouts or loud talking, and I actually went to this man privately and asked him very nicely (I thought) to “tone it down,” and to shout less, and maybe the attendance at our little church might stop dropping. My request was not received well, needless to say.
He did, however, embrace the Trojan Horse Psychopath and my (now ex) daughter-in-law, both before and after their arrests for trying to kill my oldest son. My requests (before their arrests and afterwards) went unheeded, and I was basically told not to bother him, he was “too busy” to get involved in my problems.
Sixth sense
It really isn’t all that noble of me to glory in the downfall of those that I don’t like, but at the same time, it is validation of my “sixth sense” about people. Almost every time I have ignored my dislike of someone there has been something, somewhere down the line, that has validated my “spidey sense” about that person. Several times that “something” has been child molestation or murder, or all of the above, though at the time I felt the intuitive dislike for that person, I never dreamed that they would molest children or be responsible for someone’s death. I just thought, “I don’t like that person,” or, “there’s something about them I don’t trust.”
It is important, I think, that we listen to our intuition about predators, and believe me, psychopaths are predators on two legs. They camouflage themselves and try to blend into the landscape just like a lion does, but there is something within us that, if we listen to it, will many times protect us. If we “turn it off” or “tune it out,” however, it can’t protect us from the predators. Just like the antelope must be alert for the lion, we must be alert for the psychopaths that prowl the savannas of our lives. When we get a whiff of “there’s a predator about,” we must honor that intuition in order to survive. Even if no one else would believe it!
and if stop being freaking cold, maybe leg will be good enough to get back in the water this weekend!
One/Joy
You listed things you need
People in my life, friends in the physical world, and people in your home.
Okay you have vocalized (typed) a NEED that you are aware of in your life. The awareness of that NEED is the first step in MEETING THAT NEED.
So sit down and make a PLAN TO MEET THAT NEED OF “PEOPLE IN MY LIFE”
Where are places that you can go to meet like-minded and compatible people? Then go to those places and MEET PEOPLE.
Meet people
Make friends with people
Invite people into your home
Steps one, two, three.
NEED MET.
May not be easy, but we all need to do these things.
1. Recognize our needs (first off) and then
2. arrange to find ways to MEET THOSE NEEDS.
When we are in the “spin cycle” or as MiLo said it “white knuckle lifestyle” it is difficult to even do #1, much less #2. But you have made progress past the spin cycle and the white knuckle life style, so I think you are ready to proceed to step number 2, you are recognizing your needs now in a SANE manner, so onward and upward ONE STEP AT A TIME!
I feel a lot like One/Joy. I can totally relate. I am trying to reconcile this….but I am still so stricken with “newly escaped” paranoia that I need to take it kinda easy in the process.
One/Joy, if I lived near you, I’d drag you to a theme park and we could go on the roller coasters. Oh, come on! Trust me about one thing (cause I know from recent experience): When you are doing a straight drop from what feels like outer space towards the earth below in a creeky machine on a pile of wood, it is IMPOSSIBLE to think about the spath and their destruction or even the pain. Your whole mind will just wipe clean for a moment in time and the only thing you will be able to focus on is AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! That is soooo refreshing.
I highly recommend it to people in here, even if you think you hate roller coasters. It’s the PAUSE button for anyone who feels haunted by their trauma. Maybe call it the PTSD temporarily on hold switch.
Of course we have to actually deal with the situation and work on it, but sometimes we just need a break.
Surrounding ourselves with normal, loving, empathetic people on LF AND in the real world seems like a logical way to heal certain parts of us that still hurt.
By the way, I read something on a coffee cup the other day that made me laugh and I wanted to share it:
Forget love. Fall in coffee.
:))
Panther, I think my relationships have been like being on a roller-coaster! It’s only when I get off it, and my feet are planted firmly on the ground, that I begin to experience all the feelings that I have ignored and denied for so long.
And standing there, looking up, I feel panic, and greif, and confusion. I feel crazy, and shakey….Wondering why the hell I let myself go through that.
Yeah I feel the same way, but the roller-coasters at theme parks are exhilarating and they don’t take all my money, rape my soul, and lie to me. They just get my mind off the roller-coaster of relationships I went through as well.
I’ve definitely got some feelings that surface, but sometimes it’s overwhelming, since it’s so fresh, so I am looking for ways to get a break from them. I don’t want to drink or something like this, so child-like fun seems like a healthier way to give myself a little break…..maybe it’s not for all of us 🙂 It just worked really well for me.
Yes. I agree that it would get your mind off the problem. I guess I’m biased, because I hate roller coasters. Any time I’ve ever been on one, I’ve sworn to never do it again.
I haven’t been able to keep up with LF for the last several months, so not up to date on one-steps room-mate story….didn’t even know she had a room-mate.What’s going on?
I don’t know a lot, but the main part I know is that her roommate brought mold.
The rest maybe others can fill in.
And by the way I can barely keep up in here and I am here every day. There are so many conversations going on on so many different threads. I try to keep up, but it’s just too much disseminated information.
I love liver and onions AND I have “somewhat” of a skunk hairdo…imagine that…hahahaha! Only I get compliments on my hair all the time. It’s not a total white stripe down the middle.
Oxy, you are right. and i have been terrified. the roomie would be connected with the group i want to connect with…so i was hoping.
I cannot just go to events to meet people anymore. too much anxiety. there are many places and things i would like to do that i can’t do because of the MCS.
i know i need to meet one person and meet others slowly through them. i doubt roomie and i will maintain contact. she has gone off to stay on the couch of the person who actually organizes a lot of the events where i would meet the group i am interested in meeting. i have been stewing about how small that group is and how she might represent me, small place and all – it can be damaging. sigh. i know, don’t borrow trouble. just working through it.