By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I don’t have much use for people who lie ”¦ but sometimes I have resorted to it myself, and today was one of those days.
You know, sometimes psychopaths are sort of like a sexually transmitted disease, they are the “love that keeps on giving in a negative way,” it seems, forever.
What brought me to telling a lie, because it was just more believable than the truth, was a convoluted story about the “Trojan Horse Psychopath” who infiltrated my family. This man is a three-time convicted child molester who had been a former cell mate and friend to my son, Patrick Alexander, who is in prison in Texas for murder. My son had sent him to infiltrate our family as a “friend,” and position himself to be able to kill me and take over our family resources. The Trojan Horse Psychopath had worked on my farm and helped out with my elderly family member, and thus gained access to my home and sneaked into my personal documents.
I’m a meticulous record keeper, and very organized with my record keeping, and pretty well know how to lay hands on any document I need instantly. I have a fire safe in my office that is never locked, because it is small enough to steal and carry off. I have a sign on the front of it that reads, “There is nothing of any value in this safe, the combination is X-Y-Z, it contains only business documents I want to protect from fire.”
Vehicle titles
The titles to my several vehicles and trailers that are used around the farm are, and have been for years, kept in the slot on the inside of the door to the safe. Since I haven’t bought or sold any vehicles or trailers (except for the recreational vehicle I bought to live in when I fled my home in the summer of 2007), I had not had any cause to go through any of these titles, or even count them, until yesterday. I decided to sell a Conestoga wagon, and the flat-bed trailer that I used to transport it, so I went to the safe to get out the title to the trailer and it was gone! Going through the titles there, I realized that four of the titles to various vehicles and trailers were missing!
The Trojan Horse Psychopath had been arrested in August 2007, when he and my son’s wife tried to kill my oldest biological son, after my son discovered they were having an affair, so he hadn’t had access to my documents since several months before his arrest. But prior to then, he had stolen documents and “messed with” my credit card accounts, my cell phone account, and other items that kept me spinning in my insanity. He would order items off “late night television” and have them sent to my house, like those “Send me $49 and I will make you a real estate millionaire,” and those “clubs” for music and videos that are like the Mafia, once in you can never get out! He even signed me up for interest in Scientology, and I still get tons of mail filling up my post office box from that group. He took over my cell phone account and deleted my contact numbers and added and deleted services and turned it on and off.
Nice ladies
So today when I had to go to the department of motor vehicles to request the replacement of four vehicle and trailer titles, there was no way I was going to tell this tale of woe to the nice ladies behind the desk. There was no way they would have believed me if I had told them the truth of why I needed that many titles replaced, so I took the easy way out and I lied. (So shoot me!)
I told them that my grandkids had been playing “office” and had gotten into my important papers and destroyed them. The nice ladies believed my lie and I paid my fees and the titles should come in the mail in just a few days.
I sort of feel guilty about telling the nice ladies the lie, but there was no way they were going to believe that a pedophile ex-convict from Texas got into my documents and randomly destroyed and stole some of them just to mess with my mind. Maybe I should have used this as a “teaching opportunity” to educate these women about psychopaths (I was the only customer in the office with three nice ladies), but I had to be quick in order to get to the court hearing of the ex-minister of our little country church who had been arrested for child pornography and Internet stalking of a child. I didn’t want to explain to them why I was in such a hurry either.
Here’s the news story on HarrisonDaily.com:
Man, 58, arrested after Internet sting: Agri inspector
Predator in court
I didn’t want to miss his court date, and as it turned out, I was the only one from my community there. He was, I believe, very shocked to see me walk into the courtroom in the small country town about a hour and a half drive north of where I live. I was dressed very nicely in my “pillar of the community matron goes to court or funerals” ensemble. Court had not yet convened and people were quietly talking among themselves in the spectator section of the room.
As I walked by where he was seated, waiting for his turn in front of the judge, I slapped him cheerfully on the back and said, “Hi, Dicky, what are you doing here?” I didn’t wait for a response, but kept on purposefully walking and sat down a couple of rows directly behind him, where he couldn’t see me unless he turned around in his seat, which he didn’t do, but sat facing forward, looking neither to the right or the left. None of his family was there, and though most of the defendants in the courtroom seemed to have friends or family with them, no matter what the charges were. He was alone. I don’t doubt that he felt my eyes boring into the back of his neck.
I never did particularly like this man, even when he was preaching at our little community church. His messages always seemed to me to be shouted and angry, rather than uplifting and loving. He presented an angry God, not a loving father. In fact, several months after my husband’s accidental and very sudden death, I was very sensitive to shouts or loud talking, and I actually went to this man privately and asked him very nicely (I thought) to “tone it down,” and to shout less, and maybe the attendance at our little church might stop dropping. My request was not received well, needless to say.
He did, however, embrace the Trojan Horse Psychopath and my (now ex) daughter-in-law, both before and after their arrests for trying to kill my oldest son. My requests (before their arrests and afterwards) went unheeded, and I was basically told not to bother him, he was “too busy” to get involved in my problems.
Sixth sense
It really isn’t all that noble of me to glory in the downfall of those that I don’t like, but at the same time, it is validation of my “sixth sense” about people. Almost every time I have ignored my dislike of someone there has been something, somewhere down the line, that has validated my “spidey sense” about that person. Several times that “something” has been child molestation or murder, or all of the above, though at the time I felt the intuitive dislike for that person, I never dreamed that they would molest children or be responsible for someone’s death. I just thought, “I don’t like that person,” or, “there’s something about them I don’t trust.”
It is important, I think, that we listen to our intuition about predators, and believe me, psychopaths are predators on two legs. They camouflage themselves and try to blend into the landscape just like a lion does, but there is something within us that, if we listen to it, will many times protect us. If we “turn it off” or “tune it out,” however, it can’t protect us from the predators. Just like the antelope must be alert for the lion, we must be alert for the psychopaths that prowl the savannas of our lives. When we get a whiff of “there’s a predator about,” we must honor that intuition in order to survive. Even if no one else would believe it!
Ox Drover, I’m so glad you were able to get away and be in peace. 🙂 That’s what I don’t like, the war zone, which he seems to enjoy.
Skylar, I’m so sorry your ex did that to you! I can’t even imagine! But I’m also glad you were able to get out! And thank you for sharing that with me. I really wish he would just let me go. But I’ve seen what he’s done to people who go against him and I’ve heard the stories. He has this idea in his head that he’s going to try to kill me one day and I’m going to take revenge and kill him. When he told me about it, I thought it was creepy. But then -fridge horror- I began to wonder if he really wanted to die. Idk. But I think he would come after me. I just don’t have the street smarts to run from him forever, and there’s also my ex to worry about.
And if I deserve to be punished or killed for being too weak to stay with him, would he be proud of me if I had the strength to leave?
“In his mind you deserve it for not having the self-esteem to leave him.”
Skylar, the painful truth. But the truth.
ExU,
Are you for real?
you need therapy quick.
That was a tell. He isn’t going to TRY to kill you. He will kill you and you will never know what hit you.
You need to start planning your escape. NOW. Start saving money. Stash it in a secret place. get copies of all your important documents and stash those too. Start practicing being boring.
okay, slept in (yay) and am dong some of my own ‘housekeeping’ before starting work. i have had 4 situations in the last week where I have been rejected for some reason or another. it’s really getting me down.
i don’t even want to try …i am depressed. although oxy said that i wasn’t falling into the pit, i rather am…i have just been fighting it. I have to do something to pull myself up – i just need some people in the physical world to treat me like i am okay enough and normal enough.
i can’t change how i am that quickly. i will change, but it does take time. I know in three of these situations is was my behaviours and one was the MCS. I have gone back to neurofeedback and have upped the number of treatments of infrared to move thorugh the latest MCS bout…but it will take time.
i am NOT my behaviours or mr my MCS or my PTSD – but it feels like that’s what people are interacting with. and i can understand the behaviours part but i still feel kicked. the spath didn’t have to actively smear my rep. she just had to fuck me over enough that i would.
i have lost momentarily lost my interest in my work – it is too much and too hard. i have momentarily lost my drive. all these sidewinders keep coming at me and i am just too tired and tired of the stupid things people do that i am expected to be able to roll with – if someone makes mistakes that costs me three weeks of time, i can’t manufacture that time out of the air.
mornings are the worst, cause my body hurts so much. but i can’t fight it…i can’t think straight…tired…trying so hard not to be ‘done’.
Oh One/Joy, I can REALLY relate to this part: “the spath didn’t have to actively smear my rep. she just had to fuck me over enough that i would.” I ended up quitting my job because I couldn’t even get out of bed, but instead just lay there as the phone rang from work….I was catatonic, couldn’t answer it. I just didn’t show up for days because I couldn’t even MOVE. I cannot even begin to tell all the different ways in which I started to look bad because of the way I wasn’t able to deal with his torture.
What kind of work are you in? If it’s not an important career, maybe a job change would be nice. During the spath-years I coincidentally had one of the most stressful jobs of my life. The last thing you need on top of all that struggling inside of you is more things pushing you on the outside. Maybe you really do need TIME OUT. Vacation? Is that even an option?
Also, the way your body is suffering must be really hard psychologically. Don’t be so hard on yourself! These things are not you, it’s true. With all these painful realities we are left dealing with after the destruction of an spath, it’s like a constant battle uphill to sort it all out and get things back on track. Maybe just a break, a time out would help. Can you? Even if it’s just for a weekend. Go to a travel agency and ask them what they can whip up for a weekend at a low price. Something very different that will give your senses something new to see, something that might spark a little inspiration in you. I mean, if you’re loosing interest in a lot of things, do something interesting and relax.
I don’t know what else to say, but I hope you feel better. Wish there was some way I could help from way over here, but I am still dealing with daily tasks like cleaning my house (I don’t even notice it’s messy when I shut down…which happens a lot).
bluejay, So if I stay in the relationship, he thinks I’m weak. But if I leave, he won’t notice my strength? There’s really no winning with them. 🙁 Maybe I’ll ask him when he gets home.
Skylar, I have my own job and plenty of money. And I have all my documents in my own safe. But I can’t pick up and disappear with his kids and our baby, and I’m not prepared to leave without them. Even if I did run, I couldn’t hide my parents and sister too.
Practice being boring?
Hi Ex, there is no winning with them, no way! Who cares if HE notices your strength. You and your children will notice your strength. Why do you care so much what he thinks? Being happy and safe is not about what he thinks.
I don’t know what other people will say about this, but if he has threatened to kill you, then yes you CAN disappear with his kids and the baby. If he is violent and dangerous, then you SHOULD disappear with his kids and the baby. Wait, his kids. From a previous relationship? Oh, I hope not. Then that gets really sticky. If these kids are all yours and he is violent/dangerous/threatening, I think you should go tell the police that you want to safely relocate the family and ask for the police to help you do this. Maybe you can even have an officer stand beside you as you tell him that you’re leaving with the kids because you are afraid of his aggressive behavior and threats, and then you can pack up and leave that day. Although, I’d recommend having all the kids out of the house by then so they don’t witness what he’ll do at that point. I know you probably feel like you’re kidnapping the children, but I think anyone can easily see you’re actually trying to protect them.
Hide your parents and sister? They are adults. Would he really go after them? Just tell them not to tell him anything about your location. My ex went after my family (via email cause he lives nowhere near them) and they didn’t even respond to him. They immediately told me about it and ignored him.
Ex Umbris,
If you allow him to hold you hostage because of the kids, you are probably not doing yourself, your child, or even his children any favors.
A man/woman who is willing to hurt someone else is not going to make a “good parent” no matter what you do.
I suggest that you speak with an attorney and see what your options are in your state and under your circumstances. Each case is different.
BTW I agree with the above post, DO NOT TELL HIM WHAT YOU’RE THINKING OR ABOUT ANY PLANS TO LEAVE HIM. If you notify him in advance about anything, you are only tipping your hand and you WILL REGRET IT! PLAY YOUR CARDS CLOSE TO YOUR CHEST. God bless and good luck.
I think I may have been a little misleading. He didn’t threaten to kill me. He just thinks that’s how it’s going to end. And when he told me, he didn’t say it in a mean way or in any way that seemed threatening. He just said it, like he was thinking out loud or something. It still creeped me out though. But being creeped out by something husband says isn’t going to be enough to convince the police of anything. And he’s never hit me. He never even fights that much except like play fighting. He does have a temper sometimes, but it doesn’t last very long, and he usually leaves to be alone. He just says things that are so unnerving. And sometimes he can just be so cold. I don’t think he means to be, but it still bothers me. And it’s the things he does to other people that bother me the most. I know that if he can do it to them, he can do it to me if I stop being interesting to him or if I try to go against him. Okay, even if he never does those things to me, the fact that he does them at all still bothers me.
They are his kids from a previous marriage, except our baby. But I consider them mine too. 🙂 And yes, he would go after my mom and sister. And not over email.
bluejay, then I wonder if husband is a spath at all? He does learn and he does listen to people, especially people he respects. Okay, so he takes more ideas from books and “the television” (he talks about the tv like it’s a thinking thing that he has a relationship with, same with the internet), but he has learned alot from his uncle and one of his close friends. But still, he’s done some awful things that only a spath would be able to do and not feel bad about it.
Ox Drover, thank you. I’ll go talk to a lawyer. Like I said, he’s never done anything to me that is considered criminal. Well, at least not domestic abuse. He did spray paint “penis” on my car once. -_-
And sorry, I already asked him. 🙁 But I asked him why spaths think people are weak for falling for their stupid tricks but still hate them when they dont fall for it. He said spaths are insecure and don’t like people besting them.
Ex umbirs – dear you are sooo in the shadows.
THIS IS A THREAT: ‘I think I may have been a little misleading. He didn’t threaten to kill me. He just thinks that’s how it’s going to end. And when he told me, he didn’t say it in a mean way or in any way that seemed threatening. IT TRULY TRULY IS. PLEASE SEEK SAFETY AND COUNSELING IMMEDIATELY.
AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT TELL HIM YOU ARE READING OR POSTING HERE. DELETE ALL BROWSER ACTIVITY IMMEDIATELY AND DO NOT SAVE YOUR PASSWORDS.
IF ALL YOU SAY IS TRUE YOU ARE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE AND NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT.