By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I don’t have much use for people who lie ”¦ but sometimes I have resorted to it myself, and today was one of those days.
You know, sometimes psychopaths are sort of like a sexually transmitted disease, they are the “love that keeps on giving in a negative way,” it seems, forever.
What brought me to telling a lie, because it was just more believable than the truth, was a convoluted story about the “Trojan Horse Psychopath” who infiltrated my family. This man is a three-time convicted child molester who had been a former cell mate and friend to my son, Patrick Alexander, who is in prison in Texas for murder. My son had sent him to infiltrate our family as a “friend,” and position himself to be able to kill me and take over our family resources. The Trojan Horse Psychopath had worked on my farm and helped out with my elderly family member, and thus gained access to my home and sneaked into my personal documents.
I’m a meticulous record keeper, and very organized with my record keeping, and pretty well know how to lay hands on any document I need instantly. I have a fire safe in my office that is never locked, because it is small enough to steal and carry off. I have a sign on the front of it that reads, “There is nothing of any value in this safe, the combination is X-Y-Z, it contains only business documents I want to protect from fire.”
Vehicle titles
The titles to my several vehicles and trailers that are used around the farm are, and have been for years, kept in the slot on the inside of the door to the safe. Since I haven’t bought or sold any vehicles or trailers (except for the recreational vehicle I bought to live in when I fled my home in the summer of 2007), I had not had any cause to go through any of these titles, or even count them, until yesterday. I decided to sell a Conestoga wagon, and the flat-bed trailer that I used to transport it, so I went to the safe to get out the title to the trailer and it was gone! Going through the titles there, I realized that four of the titles to various vehicles and trailers were missing!
The Trojan Horse Psychopath had been arrested in August 2007, when he and my son’s wife tried to kill my oldest biological son, after my son discovered they were having an affair, so he hadn’t had access to my documents since several months before his arrest. But prior to then, he had stolen documents and “messed with” my credit card accounts, my cell phone account, and other items that kept me spinning in my insanity. He would order items off “late night television” and have them sent to my house, like those “Send me $49 and I will make you a real estate millionaire,” and those “clubs” for music and videos that are like the Mafia, once in you can never get out! He even signed me up for interest in Scientology, and I still get tons of mail filling up my post office box from that group. He took over my cell phone account and deleted my contact numbers and added and deleted services and turned it on and off.
Nice ladies
So today when I had to go to the department of motor vehicles to request the replacement of four vehicle and trailer titles, there was no way I was going to tell this tale of woe to the nice ladies behind the desk. There was no way they would have believed me if I had told them the truth of why I needed that many titles replaced, so I took the easy way out and I lied. (So shoot me!)
I told them that my grandkids had been playing “office” and had gotten into my important papers and destroyed them. The nice ladies believed my lie and I paid my fees and the titles should come in the mail in just a few days.
I sort of feel guilty about telling the nice ladies the lie, but there was no way they were going to believe that a pedophile ex-convict from Texas got into my documents and randomly destroyed and stole some of them just to mess with my mind. Maybe I should have used this as a “teaching opportunity” to educate these women about psychopaths (I was the only customer in the office with three nice ladies), but I had to be quick in order to get to the court hearing of the ex-minister of our little country church who had been arrested for child pornography and Internet stalking of a child. I didn’t want to explain to them why I was in such a hurry either.
Here’s the news story on HarrisonDaily.com:
Man, 58, arrested after Internet sting: Agri inspector
Predator in court
I didn’t want to miss his court date, and as it turned out, I was the only one from my community there. He was, I believe, very shocked to see me walk into the courtroom in the small country town about a hour and a half drive north of where I live. I was dressed very nicely in my “pillar of the community matron goes to court or funerals” ensemble. Court had not yet convened and people were quietly talking among themselves in the spectator section of the room.
As I walked by where he was seated, waiting for his turn in front of the judge, I slapped him cheerfully on the back and said, “Hi, Dicky, what are you doing here?” I didn’t wait for a response, but kept on purposefully walking and sat down a couple of rows directly behind him, where he couldn’t see me unless he turned around in his seat, which he didn’t do, but sat facing forward, looking neither to the right or the left. None of his family was there, and though most of the defendants in the courtroom seemed to have friends or family with them, no matter what the charges were. He was alone. I don’t doubt that he felt my eyes boring into the back of his neck.
I never did particularly like this man, even when he was preaching at our little community church. His messages always seemed to me to be shouted and angry, rather than uplifting and loving. He presented an angry God, not a loving father. In fact, several months after my husband’s accidental and very sudden death, I was very sensitive to shouts or loud talking, and I actually went to this man privately and asked him very nicely (I thought) to “tone it down,” and to shout less, and maybe the attendance at our little church might stop dropping. My request was not received well, needless to say.
He did, however, embrace the Trojan Horse Psychopath and my (now ex) daughter-in-law, both before and after their arrests for trying to kill my oldest son. My requests (before their arrests and afterwards) went unheeded, and I was basically told not to bother him, he was “too busy” to get involved in my problems.
Sixth sense
It really isn’t all that noble of me to glory in the downfall of those that I don’t like, but at the same time, it is validation of my “sixth sense” about people. Almost every time I have ignored my dislike of someone there has been something, somewhere down the line, that has validated my “spidey sense” about that person. Several times that “something” has been child molestation or murder, or all of the above, though at the time I felt the intuitive dislike for that person, I never dreamed that they would molest children or be responsible for someone’s death. I just thought, “I don’t like that person,” or, “there’s something about them I don’t trust.”
It is important, I think, that we listen to our intuition about predators, and believe me, psychopaths are predators on two legs. They camouflage themselves and try to blend into the landscape just like a lion does, but there is something within us that, if we listen to it, will many times protect us. If we “turn it off” or “tune it out,” however, it can’t protect us from the predators. Just like the antelope must be alert for the lion, we must be alert for the psychopaths that prowl the savannas of our lives. When we get a whiff of “there’s a predator about,” we must honor that intuition in order to survive. Even if no one else would believe it!
One/Joy,
I think that tendency to be PROTECTIVE OF LF is in many of us, and that is why I think this blog works and has less flaming carp than any other blog I have been on or read.
I also use the “report” button (not had to so much lately) when someone comes on acting strange, or when someone posts something inappropriate. There’s a lot of stuff here to read and it would be impossible I think for Donna to be here 24.7 to read every word–she has to sleep sometimes. LOL So I think that protective instinct about “our” blog is a good thing and that there are many of us that have it and exercise oversight and if anything shows up that looks like it might flare up into a blog fight it is nipped in the bud. Donna is the ultimate responsibility though, and I think she exercises it well.
I’m feeling pretty good about me these days. I still feel the butterflies when I think of the phoney. I still miss the sex,but;NOTHING ELSE! I will never be the same after what has happen to me. There are evil people in this world.
I could make things difficult for the phoney if I chose at anytime. Pay back is a dish best served cold. Phoneys are sad sacks deserving of nothing. The first time I went to the phoneys house the smell was so bad from cat,dog,pee and crap. I could not enter. That was a sign from god to stay away. I should have listened. My question is it normal to want to just sleep with them and nothing more? The phoney is sooo nasty and low. An evil grifter in every sense.I pity the phoney. do all of you imagine paying back these devils?
Grace,
sex was good at first, and I miss that, but it was also sort of mechanical and manipulitive. He was only good because he knew how to push all my buttons. “Technically proficient” is the best description.
I don’t want to sleep with him though, just because of the disease factor….ewwwww. best to stay away from something that nasty. A prostitute would be cleaner and probably just as good.
I’ve heard that revenge is a dish best served cold, so I don’t feel I’m ready to do that. Besides, this knowledge has opened up a whole new world of learning – ABOUT ME. This is so much more important to me right now because it’s something that I will benefit from and my own life will improve. And you know, they also say, “a good life, is the best revenge”. It’s so true because that is precisely what they wanted to take away from us: our good lives. They wanted to make us into them: filled with rage, envy and revenge.
One Joy,
I checked out the link about consciousness that you posted.
The subject of life after death and near death experiences seems to be in it’s infancy. I think it’s very strange to attribute consciousness to our brain and yet still believe that we have consciousness when all measurements show the brain is flat lined. It seems contradictory to me.
What seems more likely to me, is that organisms have a collective consciousness and the flat liner is simply gathering data from there, to create a “memory” of what happened while they were flatlined. It’s a morphic field.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rupert_Sheldrake
For example, yesterday my BF bought a doodad which usually costs upwards of $75. He asked me to guess how much he paid for it at the pawn shop. I said, “$5.50”. Sure enough that is exactly what he paid. I didn’t “read his mind.” The number just popped into my head. I think the info was in the morphic field. BTW, I had no idea what the doodad was or what something like that costs. It was just a stainless steel block with lots of holes drilled into it. It’s a precision measuring device for machinists.
Today I spent time with my s current victim. He is married and unashamed to tell their sex exploits. He must be an s too because he said she was only good for sex. In no way the marrying type he claimed. He knows I slept with his sex toy and how important she was for me during that stretch in my life. He’s pretty cocky just like the S I suppose they get along so well cause they flock together those birds of a feather. Guess I’m staying away from him. Anyway I broke NC to wish the slut a happy birthday through text. No response as I have been disguarded for sure. I had emails from a strangers telling of her current exploits .
Breaking. NC brought me back to this site as I feel weird. I was invited to a birthday party being thrown for the S by her new lover tomorrow should I attend ? There is no way this herpes infected s could ever get me back but the entertainment value would be.priceless.
shame on me;
urgh.
they slime us. but that doesn’t make us into them.
be happy to be discarded.
work on being a better you. They will never get that.
We are them if we treat others like they do which should be avoided at all cost.
Safeguard:
Thank you for your comments! 🙂 You know…..for me, it makes ‘sense’ of my experiences if I can help others from what I lived! I am big on helping ourselves….because we are all we got! Nobody will pick us up and dust us off and ‘make’ it better….but us. We need to be inspired to be able to do this. ‘
I got through it by looking at others ‘stories’ in life……and there is ALWAYS someone worse off than we. And if they can do it…..so can I. None of us are any different, and we all have a ‘story’.
Don’t let your heart break over my or anyone elses ‘story’…..because I can now…..see the gifts it brought me. It was my time in life to dig that ditch…..do the hard work….sweat it out…..and learn about myself! And that I did……and if that’s what it took to get to ‘here’…..well….I wouldn’t trade it for the world! (Although I’m glad I wasn’t given a choice to trade it all in, cuz at the time I woulda!)
When my kids were gone…..it was HELL! BUT…..my most valuable lessons. Lessons of which carried me through the rest of my ‘story’ at that time. I learned self discipline, trust in myself and patience. I learned to have faith in my parenting and what I had modeled for my kids prior to that event. I was reminded of this by my support. I learned about friendships, faith and relying on others. All of these lessons came because I didn’t see I had any other choices at that moment.
The patience and self discipline taught me…..about ‘revenge best served cold’ effect……it taught me not to respond to my innate reflex’s……it taught me that I CAN get through this……and I did. I taught me how strong I was……because I didn’t see any other choice but to plow through…..
I remember vividly sitting on the edge of my bed one morning……looking at all my medications…..thinking…..Can I make it through this…..If I make it through the cancer and strokes etc…..okay…..Can I make it through this divorce…….okay. I looked outside and thought …….FUCK YOU….YOU ARE NOT GOING TO KILL ME!!!!!!
At that point, I released my fear of death. I knew my kids needed me…..I knew that ‘today’ wasn’t going to be the same ‘tomorrow’….maybe not better…..but different. I knew that my kids would figure it all out…..and I needed to divise a ‘plan’ for when they did….however long that was going to take.
Once I was okay with dying……I started living. I stood up and wasn’t affraid to fight like hell…..even if it meant dying do it. Shit….I was contemplating killing myself…..so who cared if cancer or a spath did it……FUCK YOU….BRING IT ON!
I call that day…..finding my ‘FUCK YOU” attitude…..(or more nicely put……Finding my adamant).
I made my apts for my specialists…..got my treatments…….flew to MDA by myself to do this…..and used that time to take care of myself…..research……plot and plan……and NOT GIVE UP!
From that point forward…..I changed!
There was alot of ‘From that point forwards”…….which occured. And each point I took notes…….and used my new found change.
So…….this all started in 2006….and here I am today.
It’s been going on years with spath. It’s been quiet around here……(spath wise). He called the kids in July…..they told him to fuck off and die. It made a huge impact on the eldest JR. He went back into counselling to work on things inside of him. He commented recently about the contradictions of the numerous messages spath left. He ‘gets it’.
Now, if you look at that situation……and how it promted Jr to go back to counselling…..(of which he didn’t earnestly participate when he first went) and work on Jr’s issues. That’s a gift!
I believe everything works out the way it should……And everything happens for a reason. So now…..I let it all ‘roll’. I can’t control the world……I make good decisions and show up for my own life……and whatever happens after that is for a reason.
Today……It help so much to know…..My story inspires others. That’s what I want! I want others to know…..YOU CAN ALSO WALK THROUGH THE FIRES OF HELL…..and get yourself through. Don’t look at the burns as ugly scars…..look at them as gifts……gifts that were given to you because YOU are a survivor……and you’ll always have those scars to remind you…..just how strong you are!!!!
Embrace the scars……they are gifts that brought us to ‘today’!!!!
And now it begins……….
Milo;
“Many times when I first read someone I think that is what my daughter says about me and it wasn’t true. You just have to wait around and see more, I guess. ”
Is that not the truth!!!!
I do the same thing……I used to offer my empathy to the first good victim story which came around…. 🙂 But now I can relate…..from the other sides point of view…..the accused.
Now….I offer cautious empathy……
I had an attorney once who said…..there are 3 sides to every story in court. His-hers and the truth.
And we know how a spath presents their story about us……..LOL!
I do think about it when I hear someone says …..triggerwords…… like….stories about someone faking cancer. That really pisses me off! HELLLOOOOO WHO DOES THAT? But, that was one of spaths stories about me……..which segwayed into she’s mentally ill…..
Another triggerword which shuts me down is……my ex is crazy. I’ts a passeee statement which is way overused. Does crazy define them because they didn’t want to put up with your ‘cheating, lying, stealing, abuse, cheapness yadayada….whatever? Every ex seems to have the ‘crazy’ gene.
This is why I stay well away from the ‘crazy’ word.
But yeah…..I get the same thing…..when you hear someone describing just what you were accused of……It makes us think twice! 🙂
shameonme:
No, do not go to the birthday party!! As much as I know you want to “just to see what will happen” you will just be miserable in the end. It’s best to stay away…