By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I don’t have much use for people who lie ”¦ but sometimes I have resorted to it myself, and today was one of those days.
You know, sometimes psychopaths are sort of like a sexually transmitted disease, they are the “love that keeps on giving in a negative way,” it seems, forever.
What brought me to telling a lie, because it was just more believable than the truth, was a convoluted story about the “Trojan Horse Psychopath” who infiltrated my family. This man is a three-time convicted child molester who had been a former cell mate and friend to my son, Patrick Alexander, who is in prison in Texas for murder. My son had sent him to infiltrate our family as a “friend,” and position himself to be able to kill me and take over our family resources. The Trojan Horse Psychopath had worked on my farm and helped out with my elderly family member, and thus gained access to my home and sneaked into my personal documents.
I’m a meticulous record keeper, and very organized with my record keeping, and pretty well know how to lay hands on any document I need instantly. I have a fire safe in my office that is never locked, because it is small enough to steal and carry off. I have a sign on the front of it that reads, “There is nothing of any value in this safe, the combination is X-Y-Z, it contains only business documents I want to protect from fire.”
Vehicle titles
The titles to my several vehicles and trailers that are used around the farm are, and have been for years, kept in the slot on the inside of the door to the safe. Since I haven’t bought or sold any vehicles or trailers (except for the recreational vehicle I bought to live in when I fled my home in the summer of 2007), I had not had any cause to go through any of these titles, or even count them, until yesterday. I decided to sell a Conestoga wagon, and the flat-bed trailer that I used to transport it, so I went to the safe to get out the title to the trailer and it was gone! Going through the titles there, I realized that four of the titles to various vehicles and trailers were missing!
The Trojan Horse Psychopath had been arrested in August 2007, when he and my son’s wife tried to kill my oldest biological son, after my son discovered they were having an affair, so he hadn’t had access to my documents since several months before his arrest. But prior to then, he had stolen documents and “messed with” my credit card accounts, my cell phone account, and other items that kept me spinning in my insanity. He would order items off “late night television” and have them sent to my house, like those “Send me $49 and I will make you a real estate millionaire,” and those “clubs” for music and videos that are like the Mafia, once in you can never get out! He even signed me up for interest in Scientology, and I still get tons of mail filling up my post office box from that group. He took over my cell phone account and deleted my contact numbers and added and deleted services and turned it on and off.
Nice ladies
So today when I had to go to the department of motor vehicles to request the replacement of four vehicle and trailer titles, there was no way I was going to tell this tale of woe to the nice ladies behind the desk. There was no way they would have believed me if I had told them the truth of why I needed that many titles replaced, so I took the easy way out and I lied. (So shoot me!)
I told them that my grandkids had been playing “office” and had gotten into my important papers and destroyed them. The nice ladies believed my lie and I paid my fees and the titles should come in the mail in just a few days.
I sort of feel guilty about telling the nice ladies the lie, but there was no way they were going to believe that a pedophile ex-convict from Texas got into my documents and randomly destroyed and stole some of them just to mess with my mind. Maybe I should have used this as a “teaching opportunity” to educate these women about psychopaths (I was the only customer in the office with three nice ladies), but I had to be quick in order to get to the court hearing of the ex-minister of our little country church who had been arrested for child pornography and Internet stalking of a child. I didn’t want to explain to them why I was in such a hurry either.
Here’s the news story on HarrisonDaily.com:
Man, 58, arrested after Internet sting: Agri inspector
Predator in court
I didn’t want to miss his court date, and as it turned out, I was the only one from my community there. He was, I believe, very shocked to see me walk into the courtroom in the small country town about a hour and a half drive north of where I live. I was dressed very nicely in my “pillar of the community matron goes to court or funerals” ensemble. Court had not yet convened and people were quietly talking among themselves in the spectator section of the room.
As I walked by where he was seated, waiting for his turn in front of the judge, I slapped him cheerfully on the back and said, “Hi, Dicky, what are you doing here?” I didn’t wait for a response, but kept on purposefully walking and sat down a couple of rows directly behind him, where he couldn’t see me unless he turned around in his seat, which he didn’t do, but sat facing forward, looking neither to the right or the left. None of his family was there, and though most of the defendants in the courtroom seemed to have friends or family with them, no matter what the charges were. He was alone. I don’t doubt that he felt my eyes boring into the back of his neck.
I never did particularly like this man, even when he was preaching at our little community church. His messages always seemed to me to be shouted and angry, rather than uplifting and loving. He presented an angry God, not a loving father. In fact, several months after my husband’s accidental and very sudden death, I was very sensitive to shouts or loud talking, and I actually went to this man privately and asked him very nicely (I thought) to “tone it down,” and to shout less, and maybe the attendance at our little church might stop dropping. My request was not received well, needless to say.
He did, however, embrace the Trojan Horse Psychopath and my (now ex) daughter-in-law, both before and after their arrests for trying to kill my oldest son. My requests (before their arrests and afterwards) went unheeded, and I was basically told not to bother him, he was “too busy” to get involved in my problems.
Sixth sense
It really isn’t all that noble of me to glory in the downfall of those that I don’t like, but at the same time, it is validation of my “sixth sense” about people. Almost every time I have ignored my dislike of someone there has been something, somewhere down the line, that has validated my “spidey sense” about that person. Several times that “something” has been child molestation or murder, or all of the above, though at the time I felt the intuitive dislike for that person, I never dreamed that they would molest children or be responsible for someone’s death. I just thought, “I don’t like that person,” or, “there’s something about them I don’t trust.”
It is important, I think, that we listen to our intuition about predators, and believe me, psychopaths are predators on two legs. They camouflage themselves and try to blend into the landscape just like a lion does, but there is something within us that, if we listen to it, will many times protect us. If we “turn it off” or “tune it out,” however, it can’t protect us from the predators. Just like the antelope must be alert for the lion, we must be alert for the psychopaths that prowl the savannas of our lives. When we get a whiff of “there’s a predator about,” we must honor that intuition in order to survive. Even if no one else would believe it!
Shameon me,
Shame on YOU for breaking NC….NC is what gets the STINK of their lives off our skin. They are just like a big pile of shait, and if you stir it, you will get the stink on yourself!
Don’t even listen to people who talk about the X…DISTANCE YOURSELF from her—in life, in thoughts, in deeds. Get as FAR away from her and anyone like her (her friends) as you possibly can, and STAY away. Come here and read and learn more, more about what kind of person she is and what kind of person you want to be. Good luck!
EB ~
P daughter would blog about me on her myspace. She did not even have it private so it was out there for all to see. Like all of us know all too well, the stories were outrageous. According to her we sexually and physically abused her, left her alone “bleeding on the floor”. This lifelong DRAMA QUEEN knew how to spin a story. She even joined groups for abuse survivors just to steal other’s stories. While reading what she wrote enraged me, I wasn’t shocked or surprised because I KNEW what she was capable of. She is a SPATHALOGICAL LIAR (new word, thanks sky).
What really HURT were the comments people bloged back to her. The empathy people showed her. The nasty things they called ME. ME, the loving mother who had supported her in every way possible. That really HURT.
That is why I hold back for awhile, I do not want to hurt anyone like I have been hurt.
MiLo,
The “I do not want to hurt anyone like I have been hurt” empathetic tendency for most of us here is part of what the abusers-masking-as-victims (like your daughter and like the woman who I took in) use to HOOK US. We have been hurt, so we have empathy for their stories of being abused, so we reach a hand out to them—and then they BITE IT. LOL
That’s the time we have to use the new skills in boundary setting that we have learned and our new skills in spotting INCONSISTENCIES in stories and in “saying” versus “doing.”
Whether the relationship is on line or in life, we can RESERVE JUDGMENT until we have a sufficient amount of EVIDENCE to start to see what kind of person that person presents. We can watch for the inconsistencies in the stories, and MOST OF THE TIME there will be some “red flags” crop up, even on line, that will tell us “beware.” The woman that I blogged with on LF for nearly a year and then took in, she was VERY SLICK….but I will admit that when she arrived here (crying of course) and even then when her behavior around here was some how “off” (not consistent with her stories) I was like a deer in the headlights standing there just staring, not able to believe what I was seeing.
As more and more of her self-told “life story” began to unfold though, I WROTE DOWN some notes on it (CRS don’t ya know) and then began to realize that her stories were contradictory. Each story by itself might have stood alone as a “good tale” but you can’t be in two places at once, and you can’t have kids and not have kids at the same time. Individually, I’m still not sure which of her stories were truth, part truth, or out right lies, but I eventually figured out that the woman was NOT who or what she pretended to be, what she wanted me to believe she was.
She also had a “story” about how her last “employer” had used and abused her, stolen her things and even tried to kidnap her dogs….I was never able to contact that employer but did get an indirect connection to her, and apparently the woman’s story was NOT any where near the truth…it was pretty much about like the situation I had with the woman when I started to wake up and Smell the coffee….and I have NO doubt that she went on her way from my place telling every one who would listen how I had used and abused her, beaten her, robbed her and used her as slave labor on my cotton plantation and how she had been hooked to a plow side beside the mules to plow the fields, and how I had made her fan me as I lay on my bed drinking mint juleps until I passed out drunk—at which time she made her escape by following the north star. LOL
You know, though, Milo, those people who blogged back to her with comments were in the FOG of her lies, and they had no other evidence than her LYING WORDS…they gave her TRUST without first making her earn that trust.
You know I got so upset at what my P sperm donor had written about me in his books, because it was HORRIBLE…but finally I realized that if people read this and knew him, they would not believe it, and if people read this, and knew me, they would not believe it, and if people who neither knew me or knew him read it and believed it…SO WHAT? So those words being in print doesn’t bother me any more. They have not made a difference in my life or any of my relationships.
Oxy ~
That is exactly what my dear psychologist told me. Those who know you, know it is not true, the others SO WHAT.
She went on to say – DO NOT READ HER MYSPACE, FACEBOOK OR WHATEVER ELSE. In a round about way she was saying NO CONTACT.
After finding Aftermath, then LF, I went back to her and said “I finally get it” I think she muttered, under her breath “it’s about time” LOL
MiLo,
Yea, it is frustrating to know that they are out there spewing the drivel and lies, but there really isn’t any thing we can do about it, and in the end, it doesn’t make any difference if WE DON’T LET IT. 99.99999% of the “damage” they do to us is between our ears, and WE HAVE CONTROL over that….we can NOT LET IT BOTHER US.
I remember back when I was a kid and someone would say something bad the “answer” was , “consider the source!” How much value someone’s opinion has is based entirely on themselves….I would totally believe what my husband said was the problem with my car (he was an engineer and excellent mechanic and had nothing to gain by lying to me) but “Joe the mechanic” might not be such a good mechanic and he might be lying to me so I’d let him do an overhaul when all it needed was new spark plugs—-so CONSIDER THE SOURCE of any information — what is their level of expertise? what do they have to gain (or lose)? etc.
And sometimes, the “motive” that psychopathicly inclined individuals have may not be something that makes sense to someone who is not well acquainted with the psychopathic mind set. Like the people who invent whole groups of on-line personas and dupe others into believing them, not even for financial gain, but just for entertainment and fantasy value for themselves.
The worst one I heard about lately was a 47 year old man who was having an internet affair with a 18 year old girl and pretending to be a young soldier….and his wife found out and told the girl he was married and 47, so the girl, to get even with him, started having an online affair with a young man friend of his and rubbing the man’s nose in it, so the 47 year old man killed his friend, murdered him, and ended up going to prison….but then found out that the 18 year old “girl” he was having the affair with was REALLY an overweight and lonely 47 year old woman who used her beautiful daughter’s picture to pretend to be 18. Talk about convoluted and sick!
People can “be” anything behind a computer screen. LOL and motives for a psychopath don’t have to be anything that anyone else would find enticing. 🙂
Oxy: I used to do the same with the destruction my spath did. The very few folks I did tell about my spath experience just didn’t get it.
Even when I went for therapy months later talking to a therapist about my experience they thought I was the crazy one. Having an experience with a “sociopath” is equivalent to a “close encounter of the third kind” and those who have never experienced it will never believe you or think you’re making it up and you’re the one with the problems. I gave up on telling people. Only you folks that have lived through it know where I’m coming from.
Oxy
You wrote some interesting things, above, about the people who come to LF or Aftermath – the drama queens who never seem to make it towards healing, never seem to give anything back. I am sure you’ve seen a lot. I think many of us are initially stuck in drama land after experiencing a SPATH. It’s this whole adrenalin thing that gets going. I read a much older post of yours a few days ago about how healing is a process – not an end state – I have been thinking of nothing but that post of yours. I keep waiting for that magical day that the PAIN just stops, that it’s gone. And I guess you’re telling me it ain’t ever going to come and hit me upside the head. I’m just crawling out of it, day by day, little by little.
It was a great post.
Amazing Grace
Yes, at first, I did miss the sex too, but like Skylar I realized that the sex was mechanical, the “emotion” he put into it was fake. Now when I think about it I just feel bad. Every time I had sex with him I asked myself “are you sure?” and I’d answer “yes, I think so, I think he’s a good man”. How dumb of me. I feel raped. It was all a lie. If you’re craving the sex, I’m going to suggest that it’s at the surface level only. If you think about it, it was nothing more than a pure violation of beautiful YOU.
Skylar,
You said something that the spaths just want to turn US into them. I really believe you are right. My spath was SO JEALOUS of me and everything about me. He wanted to hurt and torment me. He sucked me into lying with him for no good reason. You are 100% right about this.
I think it was Erin who said she didn’t want to be known for her relationship with her SPATH. Wow, do I identify with that. A person I care about and respect, I told him about my spath. He eyed me suspiciously and doesn’t see me the same way any more. I feel bad about it. So I made a bad call, and it’s my fault that I’m too trusting, too empathetic? Christ.
Superkid10
Sky – i think the two things you are talking about above are separate: 1) in buddhism it’s said:’ space is information’ the 5.50 number) and 2) consciousness exists in more organs that the brain. it exists in our other ‘organs’, especially our hearts.
OneJoy,
I understand #2 but not #1 “space is information”. Can you clarify?
Superkid,
The pain will go away, it just doesn’t do it suddenly, it is ever so slowly.
After my divorce (years and years ago) which was very traumatic, about 18 months after this traumatic divorce which left me and my two boys homeless (we lived in my truck) we had finally gotten a house, and I was refinishing an old chair I had bought in the back yard, and was using a water hose to clean off the grime and it was hot, and one of the kids walked by and I squirted him and then the other one, and the next thing you know we were all 3 rolling on the ground, in the mud, wet, fighting over the water hose to cram it down each other’s shirts and LAUGHING AND LAUGHING, and all of a sudden I REALIZED, WE WERE HAPPY! Happiness had SNEAKED up on me while I wasn’t looking. So it will “sneak up” on you while you aren’t looking. KEEP THE FAITH! KEEP ON MOVING FORWARD! (((hugs)))