By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I don’t have much use for people who lie ”¦ but sometimes I have resorted to it myself, and today was one of those days.
You know, sometimes psychopaths are sort of like a sexually transmitted disease, they are the “love that keeps on giving in a negative way,” it seems, forever.
What brought me to telling a lie, because it was just more believable than the truth, was a convoluted story about the “Trojan Horse Psychopath” who infiltrated my family. This man is a three-time convicted child molester who had been a former cell mate and friend to my son, Patrick Alexander, who is in prison in Texas for murder. My son had sent him to infiltrate our family as a “friend,” and position himself to be able to kill me and take over our family resources. The Trojan Horse Psychopath had worked on my farm and helped out with my elderly family member, and thus gained access to my home and sneaked into my personal documents.
I’m a meticulous record keeper, and very organized with my record keeping, and pretty well know how to lay hands on any document I need instantly. I have a fire safe in my office that is never locked, because it is small enough to steal and carry off. I have a sign on the front of it that reads, “There is nothing of any value in this safe, the combination is X-Y-Z, it contains only business documents I want to protect from fire.”
Vehicle titles
The titles to my several vehicles and trailers that are used around the farm are, and have been for years, kept in the slot on the inside of the door to the safe. Since I haven’t bought or sold any vehicles or trailers (except for the recreational vehicle I bought to live in when I fled my home in the summer of 2007), I had not had any cause to go through any of these titles, or even count them, until yesterday. I decided to sell a Conestoga wagon, and the flat-bed trailer that I used to transport it, so I went to the safe to get out the title to the trailer and it was gone! Going through the titles there, I realized that four of the titles to various vehicles and trailers were missing!
The Trojan Horse Psychopath had been arrested in August 2007, when he and my son’s wife tried to kill my oldest biological son, after my son discovered they were having an affair, so he hadn’t had access to my documents since several months before his arrest. But prior to then, he had stolen documents and “messed with” my credit card accounts, my cell phone account, and other items that kept me spinning in my insanity. He would order items off “late night television” and have them sent to my house, like those “Send me $49 and I will make you a real estate millionaire,” and those “clubs” for music and videos that are like the Mafia, once in you can never get out! He even signed me up for interest in Scientology, and I still get tons of mail filling up my post office box from that group. He took over my cell phone account and deleted my contact numbers and added and deleted services and turned it on and off.
Nice ladies
So today when I had to go to the department of motor vehicles to request the replacement of four vehicle and trailer titles, there was no way I was going to tell this tale of woe to the nice ladies behind the desk. There was no way they would have believed me if I had told them the truth of why I needed that many titles replaced, so I took the easy way out and I lied. (So shoot me!)
I told them that my grandkids had been playing “office” and had gotten into my important papers and destroyed them. The nice ladies believed my lie and I paid my fees and the titles should come in the mail in just a few days.
I sort of feel guilty about telling the nice ladies the lie, but there was no way they were going to believe that a pedophile ex-convict from Texas got into my documents and randomly destroyed and stole some of them just to mess with my mind. Maybe I should have used this as a “teaching opportunity” to educate these women about psychopaths (I was the only customer in the office with three nice ladies), but I had to be quick in order to get to the court hearing of the ex-minister of our little country church who had been arrested for child pornography and Internet stalking of a child. I didn’t want to explain to them why I was in such a hurry either.
Here’s the news story on HarrisonDaily.com:
Man, 58, arrested after Internet sting: Agri inspector
Predator in court
I didn’t want to miss his court date, and as it turned out, I was the only one from my community there. He was, I believe, very shocked to see me walk into the courtroom in the small country town about a hour and a half drive north of where I live. I was dressed very nicely in my “pillar of the community matron goes to court or funerals” ensemble. Court had not yet convened and people were quietly talking among themselves in the spectator section of the room.
As I walked by where he was seated, waiting for his turn in front of the judge, I slapped him cheerfully on the back and said, “Hi, Dicky, what are you doing here?” I didn’t wait for a response, but kept on purposefully walking and sat down a couple of rows directly behind him, where he couldn’t see me unless he turned around in his seat, which he didn’t do, but sat facing forward, looking neither to the right or the left. None of his family was there, and though most of the defendants in the courtroom seemed to have friends or family with them, no matter what the charges were. He was alone. I don’t doubt that he felt my eyes boring into the back of his neck.
I never did particularly like this man, even when he was preaching at our little community church. His messages always seemed to me to be shouted and angry, rather than uplifting and loving. He presented an angry God, not a loving father. In fact, several months after my husband’s accidental and very sudden death, I was very sensitive to shouts or loud talking, and I actually went to this man privately and asked him very nicely (I thought) to “tone it down,” and to shout less, and maybe the attendance at our little church might stop dropping. My request was not received well, needless to say.
He did, however, embrace the Trojan Horse Psychopath and my (now ex) daughter-in-law, both before and after their arrests for trying to kill my oldest son. My requests (before their arrests and afterwards) went unheeded, and I was basically told not to bother him, he was “too busy” to get involved in my problems.
Sixth sense
It really isn’t all that noble of me to glory in the downfall of those that I don’t like, but at the same time, it is validation of my “sixth sense” about people. Almost every time I have ignored my dislike of someone there has been something, somewhere down the line, that has validated my “spidey sense” about that person. Several times that “something” has been child molestation or murder, or all of the above, though at the time I felt the intuitive dislike for that person, I never dreamed that they would molest children or be responsible for someone’s death. I just thought, “I don’t like that person,” or, “there’s something about them I don’t trust.”
It is important, I think, that we listen to our intuition about predators, and believe me, psychopaths are predators on two legs. They camouflage themselves and try to blend into the landscape just like a lion does, but there is something within us that, if we listen to it, will many times protect us. If we “turn it off” or “tune it out,” however, it can’t protect us from the predators. Just like the antelope must be alert for the lion, we must be alert for the psychopaths that prowl the savannas of our lives. When we get a whiff of “there’s a predator about,” we must honor that intuition in order to survive. Even if no one else would believe it!
One, have you tried any of these air purifiers? I got mold in my bedroom, I am only slightly sensitive to it, not like you are, but I put the air filter purifers in my bedroom and it helped a great deal with removing the spores and dust.
Now I am trying to get the skunk smell out of my house….dog chased and CAUGHT a skunk and got back into the house before I realized he was skunked….I grabbed him up and de-skunked him but still have a whiff of it inside the house. Mostly in my office where the dog went to hide from me when I screamed!@....... LOL I threw out the cushion he laid on (thank goodness it wasn’t the carpet) HA HA but has cooled off outside today so I put a fan in the window blowing OUT. I guess it will just take time.
oxy – try putting out a couple of pans of tomato juice to get rid of the skunk smell.
electronic air purifiers are very expensive and will not do the job. i have tired in the past.
i have her washing all her clothes and i will dry clean her coat, and I have a new product that is a 10% tea tree solution in an aqueous base that will help. i need to get a whole bunch more of it. I will go in her room on tuesday when she is at shcool (with a resperator and skin barrier cream on, and wash things down with hydrogen pyroxide.
i feel dizzy and hot and my skin is burning and i have a headache and my face is numb….ergghhh. this sucks – but this too will pass.
Oh, guys, I’ve got a funny “dysfunctional self centered comment” to tell you….my egg donor has been renting out the house that son C and his wife lived in before the summer of chaos (2007) and this girl with 2 kids had moved in there that fall, and she and her husband had split up, then gotten back together, and ya da ya da, you know the drill, and she had TRASHED the place—I could see that much from the outside. The yard hadn’t been mowed in over 2 years (no joke) and several pick up loads of trash had accumulated on the car port. Actually I wasn’t sure from the looks of the place if any one was really “living there.” Well, anyway, I took some pictures of the carport a while back and e mailed them to egg donor and told her that I thought she might like to know the condition the yard was in (acting like she didn’t know) well, turned out the same girl was still in there…this is the girl whose horse I had taken in on an emergency basis after the tornado when her mother’s farm, fences and barns had blown away, and like to have never gotten rid of the horse which she was NOT FEEDING (it looked horrible) AND the horse was dangerous, it actually bit her on the breast and almost amputated it.
Anyway, the girl finally moved out and my cousin who cleaned and REPAIRED the place—em-fa-ses on REPAIRED, cousin TOLD ME that egg donor had finally given her 2 weeks notice to move because she hadn’t paid the rent in over a year and the girl then had called back and said “My attorney says that you have to give me 30 days” so egg donor told her “okay, 30 days.” Then the girl said BUT WHERE AM I GOING TO STAY? I HAVE NO PLACE TO GO!!! Like it was egg donor’s problem she had no where to go.
This girl, BTW has a biological mother who is without doubt a psychopath, and was adopted by a local family member when her DNA donor went to prison. Apparently no one knows who her paternal DNA donor is. The adopted mother is kind of a nut job, but this girl is a real “ring tailed tooter”—“but where will I go?” LOL It just seems that the NERVE, THE GALL is never ending with these people. They seem to think that others are some how responsible for providing them a free place to live and let them destroy it in addition.
DAMN Oxy……with friends like you ‘collect’…..who needs enemies? 🙂
Dear EB, Well, she has never been my “friend”— egg donor had just rented her and her husband and her 2 kids and his 2 kids the house here on the farm where son C and the P-wife had lived. I just did her a good deed by taking in her horse “for a little while” when her mother’s farm blew away….but that turned out to be just another thing somehow she felt entitled to. Remember NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED. But I kept telling her she couldn’t keep the horse here “forever”– plus the mean one was dangerous as heck and she couldn’t afford to feed them and I was NOT going to take that responsibility over. I finally told her she had to find a place to take them, and I actually loaded and hauled them to the next victim’s pasture and let them out in the pasture. The mean one didn’t even know how to lead and I can’t imagine how they ever got that horse loaded and hauled again without corrals or cow boys to rope and drag it.
I’ve already had some of the local trash wanting to know if the house is for rent, I hope that egg donor rents to someone that will not destroy the house again…but I have no control over that. Frankly I do NOT want that responsibility either. At least this way it is not on my back. I sold my rental houses, thank you Jesus! I am so glad to be RID of them and all the problems that goes with renting a place. If you want to lose faith in human nature and man kind in general, just rent a couple of houses for a while and it will cure you of any residual ideas you had about the goodness down in mankind. LOL
Good article. It really hit home for me. In dealing with the “aftermath” of the P I have found it very difficult to communicate with others, hence affecting my ability to make new friends. As I examine my life I am seeing others in a new light. I am eliminating toxic people but want to meet and establish new relationships with others. This is a hard task in itself for trust and anxiety issues. It’s funny how the baggage a P leaves can create “red flags” to others even by the mere mention of some past experience with them, whether it was their doing or not. This was a hard lesson I learned from “old friends” while in the P relationship that I do not want to repeat again. Sometimes saying less is best. For example in my case I have joined a few mommy meet up groups in an effort to meet new people/women who have young kids and are in the same life zone as me right now. Just stuff like meeting up at parks with the kids or coffee,ect. I have only gone to a few but have made a point not to mention the P. When I hear women talk about their husbands/boyfriends I just stay quiet. When asked questions about myself regarding the father a just say “we separated”. No one needs to know about restraining orders, court visitations, drama, dysfunction. It serves no purpose furthermore it would “red flag” me as a nut. IDE rather allow people to get to know me and form their opinions about me as a person as opposed to all the bs that’s been in my life these past 3 years. It’s only when this happens that any new friendship can develope. He has affected me however he does not need to continue affecting my future.. In whatever ways I have to control that. Sometimes saying less is best!
Lol.. However everyone in LF can know what a nut I am. 🙂 we’ve all been there.
The need to lie is real. People want to believe that the world is simple and safe (and it is, for the most part). When we start peeling back the onion to explain how hard some people work at deception, it scares people and WE begin to look as if we’re paranoid or worse.
It’s good for us to learn to understand the ways of the sociopath, and to take better care of ourselves. It’s also good to learn to put other people at ease around us.
ThePerogrine:
You said: it scares people and WE begin to look as if we’re paranoid or worse.
I completely agree with you. I don’t even know how I’ll ever date and be completely honest at the same time now without sending the guy flying out the door. I can see the conversation already:
Him: So, you’re single or?
Me: Yep.
Him: How have your past relationships been? -or- Have you ever been in love? -or- How long have you been single? -or-……
Me: Uhm….I uhhhh….well, yeah. So my relationships were almost exclusively with psychopaths, I mistakenly thought I was in love with each one, and I’ve been single for as long as possible to prevent repeating this pattern. And how about you?
I cannot see how to completely avoid this topic coming up if I ever truly get close to someone again. There is no way. I mean, imagine watching a movie with a sociopathic character. I can see me calling him/her out within 30 seconds of his/her character showing up on the screen and saying, “That’s the sociopath character! That’s him/her!” So the topic comes up.
Inevitably it cannot be avoided, but trying to explain this to anyone does indeed make us sound paranoid or worse. I’m puzzled by what to say, and how much NOT to say without scaring people away by seeming like a box of secrets.
Panther,
I dated a guy for a month before my BF. He was someone I knew for 20 years but had been out of touch with him.
I did tell him everything and then when we were watching movies, I did exactly as you describe:
I can see me calling him/her out within 30 seconds of his/her character showing up on the screen and saying, “That’s the sociopath character! That’s him/her!” So the topic comes up.
He did get tired of it I guess, or he got scared, knowing that my exspath was a murderer. But I can tell you another thing, he was not a good person. He was definitely hiding SOMETHING behind a facade.