True Lovefraud Stories, on Lovefraud.com, is a series of case studies illustrating how con artists and people who would probably be diagnosed as sociopaths ply their trade. Months, and sometimes years, have passed since these individuals were profiled. But according to updates we’ve heard, they’re still pulling their scams.
If you are still trying to believe that the predator you were involved with will see the light and change his or her behavior, read these stories. You’ll see that it’s not going to happen. Once a sociopath becomes an adult, he or she does not change.
Dennis SanSeverino
Since February, Trish Rynn, who lost her home and inheritance to Dennis SanSeverino, has been trying to hold him accountable. Back in 2006, SanSeverino pled guilty to theft by illegal retention, and was sentenced to five years probation. He was ordered to pay Rynn restitution of $275,000.
Well, he hasn’t been doing it, and Rynn has been trying to get SanSeverino prosecuted for violating his probation. The prosecutor’s office in Cape May County, New Jersey, wasn’t exactly interested in pursuing the case, but Rynn was persistent, and Judge Raymond Batten finally found him guilty of violating his probation. SanSeverino’s sentencing hearing was scheduled for September 26, 2008. He never showed up.
That day, SanSeverino’s latest girlfriend called the court and said SanSeverino was in the hospital. The judge didn’t buy it and issued a warrant for his arrest. But the con artist has apparently left the state, and authorities don’t seem to consider this case worth the time and expense of extradition.
Brian Ellington
Lovefraud has been hearing from all kinds of people about Brian Ellington. Apparently he’s been making the rounds of North Carolina golf courses, pretending to be a pro and betting $1,000 a hole. When he wins, he makes out. When he loses, he doesn’t pay. He also runs up bar tabs and leaves, forcing whoever had the misfortune of being the evening’s drinking buddy to foot the bill.
Then we got phone calls from someone with official connections saying that Elllington had been arrested in New York. He had a court appearance for a petit larceny charge scheduled for September 22, 2008, in the Bronx, but did not show up. A warrant was issued for his arrest. Ellington was also supposed to be in Manhattan court in August for a disorderly conduct charge, and we doubt showed up for that one either.
Phil Haberman
Lovefraud has written extensively about Phil Haberman, first profiled by the Dallas Observer as “G.I. Jerk.” Haberman married a woman before shipping off to Iraq so he could collect separation benefits from the military. When he got to Iraq he claimed special forces training, diving skills, medic training—yeah, right. The army shipped him back after 24 days.
Eventually, he received an Other Than Honorable discharge—his second one. Since then, however, he repeatedly tried to enlist in National Guard units that are shipping out to Iraq. His most recent attempt was last week in North Fort Hood, Texas—the largest active duty armored post in the United States. Commanders became suspicious of Haberman’s stories, and the man they asked to check Haberman out was already intimately familiar with the con artist’s scams. According to posts on ProfessionalSoldiers.com, Haberman was “shown the front gate of North Fort Hood and told to never come back.”
So what did Haberman do? He went to the Dallas JAG office and filed a complaint against the commander for kicking him out.
By the way, Haberman posted a video of himself during parachute training on YouTube.
Lance Larabee
Lance Larabee, who has conned women into buying him houses, boats and planes, has declared bankruptcy in an effort to avoid paying the judgments against him won by one of his victims, Debbie White. When White contested the bankruptcy, Larabee filed a claim against her for invasion of privacy. Apparently Larabee didn’t like what was written about him in Lovefraud and other places. Hearings are coming soon.
James Montgomery
I was contacted recently by a woman in Australia—my ex-husband, James Montgomery, is on About My Age in Australia, “The online community for over 50s.” Montgomery claims to be a “retired academic and screenwriter.” Yeah, right. This woman got suspicious about his Ph.D., Googled him, found Lovefraud and dumped him.
I checked out my ex-husband’s listing on AboutMyAge.com. He’s posted a photo that was taken in 1997, when he was married to me and was a guest on a local radio station, which is reproduced below.
When I first met Montgomery he lied to me about his age, claiming he was “a genuine baby boomer”—49 years old—when he was really 55. I wonder what he’s claiming now. Here is a current photo, taken in March, 2008. It is not posted on AboutMyAge.com.
In 1969-72 I lived in Los Angeles where Charlie Manson and his “family” murdered Sharon Tate et al and saw it unfold on the daily news, so I have always been a bit fascinated with Manson. He also looks a great deal like my P-bio father in the face and both have that same Satanic STARE (“the LOOK”).
In any case I stumbled across a book written by one of Charlie’s jailers, a prison administrator who was in the prisons he was in for almost 20 years and was fascinated by him as well, and became “friends” of a sort with Charlie just to observe how Charlie manipulated the other inmates, and also the system itself to “get what he wanted.”
He called Charlie a “psychotic” at times, though he admitted that Charlie knew just what he was doing at all times, and other times referred to him as a psychopath. He never really understood why charlie would do things without any “reason” or gain apparent to anyone else, and that actually harmed Charlie himself.
No, they NEVER DO QUIT, not even in prison. In some ways prison is I think an IDEAL environment for them as there are so many ways they can “break the rules” (since to start with there are so many rules) and “breaking the rules” just to be “breaking the rules” seems to me to be something that gives them enjoyment. My P-son always seemed so joyful and gleeful in breaking ANY rule inside prison. Of course if he got caught which according to his parole report he got caught 19 times and thrown in solitary for serious infractions of the rules, busted down to max security from general popluation, and transferred to “hell hole” prisons from rather “nicer” ones, but it didn’t seem to phase him at all. It may have made him mad, but over all he still felt like he had “won” even when he finally got caught because he got away with it for so long.
He would always come up with some “excuse” to me why he got into trouble that was of course not the truth, but in reading the letters he wrote to his Trojan Horse Psychopath that he sent to kill me, he bragged about the REAL reasons he got “busted”—the book about Charlie’s prison life also talked about Charlie doing the same thing, as well as “taking credit” for various things that happened in the prison that he may or may not have been able to have “accomplished” to embarass the warden.
The prison administrator who wrote the book obviously had an ax to grind about some of the wardens and other staff, guards and “goons” (staff) as well as some insight into the way the worst of the worst convicts lived their lives inside.
Was kind of an interesting book from several angles though I didn’t “buy” it as 100% good insight, or even as 100% “true” but sure did reinforce that no matter where they are, they NEVER GIVE UP. And Parole boards NEVER SEEM TO GET IT THAT THEY DON’T.
The one thing in the book that I thought was very interesting was how being around Manson, the Psychopathic guards, and the whole system had adverse effects on the administrator, who had been in Catholic seminary for 6 years before leaving seminary and becoming a prison administrator. The stress of being around this kind of person at work, and the brutal “goon squad of guards” who would beat a prisoner without any remorse, he saw how it effected him, and at one point he actually became violent with one of his own teenaged children.
The Bible says “evil companions corrupt good morals” and I think that just being around “evil people” even as an administrator who had compassion for even the worst of the inmates tends to have a corrupting influence on even the best of people. A soul searing “contagion” as it were.
They never do give up.
This article and topic speaks to the fact that personality disorders are not curable. As we know, sociopaths are severely personality disordered people. They are diagnosed as such because their behavior fits a pattern that doesn’t change with time or experience.
I remember when I was trying to figure out what happened to me last year. I had never had such a harrowing experience in any dating relationship before. After it was suggested that perhaps my ex was a sociopath I was still in denial. I also have to admit that I had limited knowledge of his past and didn’t know if what happened was exclusive to me or not. I had been lied to so much.
As I was trying to put the pieces together and praying to make some sense of all of it the answers came. I was blessed to speak to someone from his past who shared that what he was doing wasn’t new. Then I watched him repeat patterns by dropping his blog on one website (because I confronted him for lying on it) and starting up on another. Literally dropping one identification as an athlete in one sport and starting another as an athlete in another sport. Dare I say that he takes the definition of athlete to another level with his big ol’ self. But he virtually “reinvented” himself. Or at least his public persona. To think of the lies he told the other people on the first website about why he was leaving. It was tempting to tell them the truth but how far would that have gotten his agenda regarding me? He had already been slandering me to them and got me kicked off by lying. Oh well. Didn’t hurt me any. I knew I did nothing wrong to deserve that. But it served him to protect his identity. That was his goal.
He also withdrew from life for a time and took a year off of work and sold his house (at least I guess it sold as I know he put it on the market a long time ago). It took me time and research and healing myself to realize what he was doing. I don’t feel too bold to say his behavior was a way to avoid anything and anyone who could criticize him as he had become increasingly homicidal last year after failing with his then current identity. At least he admitted this to me and stated that he only felt “sane” around people he didn’t know. So to leave and “reinvent” himself was his answer. But I am saddened to know that in “reinventing” himself he has not changed at all. Is it fact? Well, I am not in his life to know for sure but I won’t hold my breath. His former aliases, two birth dates and watching him abandon one website audience for another was enough for me. Along with the lies and abuse I endured. When someone is so bold as to lie to your own family and long-term friends….well, he was desperate to protect something in doing that.
In writing this I don’t feel redeemed or validated by having seen the pattern or gathered the evidence. I am frustrated. Frustrated that people do this and they continue to go on and inflict harm on others. But what do we do as previous victims? I felt that warning the next victim was the best I could do at the time. Since then I have tried very hard to move on. Not only have I had the emotional trauma to work through but the physical. I have been home for weeks now recovering from meningitis that has affected my vision this time. That is two times that I’ve had it in one year. It had been eight years from the last episode. Four now in total.
What I know is that the trauma and abuse they inflict does not just hurt us financially and emotionally. It hurts practically every area of life. I don’t doubt that the virus that’s dormant in my system, which brings on meningitis, is wreaking havoc on me this year because of what I went through. I am praying that the damage to my eye sight is not permanent. I also never found it surprising to learn that my ex’s first wife died from cancer at a young age. Once it was discovered she died within less than a year. I’m also not surprised to hear that a good friend I met in the hospital last year, who was also there after being victimized by a sociopath, has recently learned that her ovarian cancer is back. The pain she’s been having over the past several months wasn’t due to an upset stomach or IBS. It was her cancer.
So what do we do? Besides moving on and focusing on healing ourselves I have that nagging feeling of responsibility to protect others. I see the damage done to me, done before me and I know what he can do after me. I see what’s happened to others here with their health, their finances and of course their emotional torment. But what can I or we do?
For me, I fear that re-engaging in anything regarding my ex would be detrimental to me both mentally and physically. Afterall, I’m still healing from the abuse from last year. But leaving the wolf out to prowl without alerting the masses seems like an awful alternative. I know I am not responsible for what my ex does but I hate that I feel that I have no way to prevent him from doing what he did to me to someone else. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. I also don’t like feeling that in the games they play they continue to win. Even if in the end they make themselves miserable. I can’t help but think of the amount of people they hurt in the process.
It’s sad to see this article. To see predators out there doing the same things over and over knowing that others are at risk for being harmed. I am open to hearing what’s helped others who might feel the same way.
“Lucy”
This is all really sad. I don’t think I’m ready to admit that the p in my life will never quit. I know she won’t– in my head, I know. But it’s just hard to believe that I will spend the rest of my step-children’s childhoods with her– never quitting. Even after this custody trial is wrapped up, she’ll never quit.
(Sigh)…
I do realize that everyone on this blog is from around the world and may believe COMPLETELY different things, but I do believe that we all, to some extent, belive in a GOD or some higher power. And because of this, I think therein lies the difference between US and THEM.
The last time I saw my X-S, I started talking about God, although this wasn’t the first time. Other times, he would talk about reincarnation. This last time however, he spoke of NOT BELIEVING IN GOD.
Ox- when you spoke of them ‘getting away with it all,’ or ‘never giving up or quitting,’ but mostly that they feel as though they “WON” somehow, is because,I wonder, that simply do not believe in GOD, at all. They lack FEAR, or consequences, and as we all know, a conscience. They believe they have “WON” and they will continue to do this forever, even in jail, until they die, because they do not see somehow that there is more beyond the RULES of this EARTH that will eventually and inevitably judge us. They do not comprehend that they will die eventaully, and none of their power (or whatever) will not come with them, but ultimately become their destruction. And if you do not believe in A GOD, I think that means you believe YOU are the God, and that is why they think they can do whatever they want. They see no end, no rhyme or reason to stop. In their evil eyes, they are ‘winning.’ We can do whatever we want to them, throw them in solitary for as long as we want, or even euthanize them, but they do not believe in an AFTERLIFE or JUDGEMENT, so it doesn’t matter WHAT we do. AS LONG AS THEY ACCOMPLISHED THEIR EVIL GOALS, THROUGH THEIR EYES, THEY HAVE WON.
I think we all know that is not the case, however. And that is why God says we should pray for these (people). For some reason, only GOD knows why, but they just DO NOT GET IT. We have all suffered, and we have all made mistakes, but we will eventually find peace someday. The “RULES” that our conscience tells us to follow, IMO, is something they don’t know. These “RULES” are something GOD has placed inside of us since before we were born. These ‘Rules’ are the difference of what is RIGHT, and what is WRONG. IMO, our conscience is simply being AWARE that we are alive, we will die, and there is a GOD (whether or not we practice religion or have a stong spirituality).
But these people will NOT simply GET AWAY WITH IT. If for some, this may be a justice to help them sleep better tonight. But for myself, I will sleep better knowing that we have someone who needs praying for, more than ourselves. I will be OK. All of us here will. Them…well, I’m really not so sure what GOD has in store for them. If they deserve what WE would do/give to them IF we were the God…I’m definitely sure they need someone to pray for them tonight!
LOL!
I would really like other’s opinions on my last comment.
Do any of you remember your x-S/P/whatever ever talking about GOD? And if so, do you really believe they actually or sincerly MEANT IT? Especially knowing that they DON’T MEAN ANYTHING THEY SAY?!
I think these are the people that really do need to fear for their own SOULS, since they do not FEAR GOD.
And that, IMO, is why they will never stop. They have no reason to.
I know that my or any other P/S won’t quit. Never allowing any type of closure and why should they? They never gave anything that they didn’t had to in the past so why should they change now? I have done all that I could to “weather proof” my life from my ex p. But in reality I know that the rain always finds a way in if just a few drops of moisture. So that I know I will always have to be steady and continue to maintain our vow to NC. I do thank God that because we (my children and I) know about people like their mother who lack empathy and any real type of personality that we can now see them way before they become a part of our life’s. To be forewarned is to be forearmed….
Dear LetgoletGod,
I do believe that a “spirtual” aspect is foreign to their concepts. They do not fear consequences (in advance at least), though they may hate the consequence at the time it is happening, but they don’t learn to fear that consequence in order to STOP the behavior to keep from getting the consequence.
When my kids were toddlers I ironed everything, sheets, etc. and they were always reaching for the iron. I was afraid they would pul it off and hurt themselves so I would say “Hot, don’t touch” but they kept it up, so one day I got the bright idea to turn it down as low as it would go, and I tested it withmy own finger, it was HOT but didn’t blister my finger, but it DID smart a bit for a couple of seconds. so I LET THEM TOUCH IT and said HOT!!!! So from that day forward if I didn’t want them to tuch something I said “Hot” and pointed to it—in fact, I pointed to lots of things I didn’t want them to break! LOL
But the Ps as adults don’t learn from a jail sentence or an embarassment, or a beating or anything else. You are right about that.
They do seem to think that tey are “special” and “better than” others, not bound by “ordinary rules like ordinary people”–and sometimes they do “get away with” doing bad things and not get “punished” by going to jail or losing their job or any other kind of punishment here on this earth, but I do believe that there is an afterlife and I do believe that we will hve to account to a just God for our behavior on this earth. I’m glad I don’t have to concern myself with God’s judgment, but I know it will be JUST.
In this life as well, there are consequences. If you drink too much you have a hang over. If you steal, sometimes you go to jail. If you cheat, your spouse catches you and divorces you. Maybe those things aren’t fearful consequences to the P, but they are consequences. Because they can’t love, they miss out on lots of good things that they don’t know even exist. Love and caring, selfsacrifice and concern for others.
Wini would say they live in their EGOS (Erase God OUt) and that is a lonely, dark place to be as far as I am concerned.
My mother says she is a Christian, and I have known other Ps who claimed to be Christians, even my P-son can quote scripture with the best of them, but even Satan can quote scripture for his own purposes. Living a life that is Christ-like, caring about others, repenting of your own faults and trying to do better, forgiving others and not being hateful and bitter within your soul, those are to me “religion” and “spirituality”–and it doesn’t matter to me if you follow Islam or are Jewish or “mother earth” or what your particular beliefs are, but all the religions that I have read about or know about encourage people to be good, kind, caring, selfsacrificing, honest, etc. and not to behave toward their fellow man like the Ps do.
There are some people of almost all religions who twist that religious teaching into a HATEFUL thing, if “you are not like us, then you deserve to die” kind of thing. I am sure that some of my ancestors were burned at the stake, and I am sure that other of my ancestors were the ones that lit the fires. People have always twisted religion into something to use to “burn others at the stake” but that is NOT spirituality or religion of anhy kind, in my mind, but one in which people use it as an EXCUSE to harm others. My own mother twisted what the Bible SAYS into what she wanted it to say, fortunately, I no longer believe what she taught me, and I feel closer to God today than I have ever felt. I feel like He has led me “through the valley of the shadow of death” and “made me to lie down in green pastures” and I am grateful for that.
My P-bio father even hated the idea that there might be a God. He died last year, and I am sure that by now, he knows for sure one way or the other. Eventually we will all know one way or the other. Frankly I would rather live a good life trying to follow the Bible and find out later that there is no God, than to live a life likek the Ps, and after death find out that there IS a God to whom I am accountable. Living a kind, good, caring life on this earth the best you can is a GOOD way to live no matter what else is true or not.
I think your name says it all, we need to LET (THEM) GO, and Let God handle them.
Hello Bird (and Baby Bird),
I don’t get to write much these days but I wanted to say congratulations on your revelation.
Sometimes I think our mad-as-hell stage is just a means to hold us together until we can really face the pain we have gone through. As we all know, there really is nothing like this.
The antisocial-blah and the psychopathic-blah (haha) is something that binds us together because we understand eachother in a way that others can’t. Somewhere out there is another group of people that went through something that we don’t understand and they are thanking God for eachother too. That’s kind of neat.
Anyway, I think even if the “other woman” seemed to add to or cause some of your pain, remember that she is so-under-the-spell. There was a time I can imagine I might have done some pretty crazy things when I was under that spell.
For your own well being, it’s best to release all that anger focused on her and the Bad Man and pour all of that energy into healing your wound up. But you just figured that out, didn’t ya!?
I love that people are healing. I just love it. We are resilient and we are loving people.
I am tired so I am not sure I am making any sense but anyway, I just wanted to chime in and show my face and say good for your sister!
Aloha……… E
LetGoLetGod,
My ex, whom I believe is a Borderline/Narcissist with some some sociopathic tendencies (exploitation) was formerly a Minister for Assemblies of God in Seattle.
He did talk about God but said his beliefs had shifted and that he had “thrown off the templates.” His God talk was kind of cunfusing and twisted. I think his beliefs shifted to support his exploitive lifestyle.
I do have a question for the ladies of this forum, well more for the mothers of this forum. The question would be:
If you had more then one child and then became pregnant again how long before you knew for sure you were pregnant? I mean to me if a woman knows the signs of being with a child wouldn’t she have a good ideal way before she tested herself to see if she was indeed pregnant? This question has something to do with what my ex P told me and I never believe she was being honest with me concerning this issue. I hope I am not out of line with this type of question but it has been bugging me for years… Well thanks in advance for any input!
James…