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By | December 1, 2014 44 Comments

What if lying for sex were illegal?

man with black mask 200x300A couple of weeks ago, New Jersey Assemblyman Troy Singleton introduced a bill to expand the definition of sexual assault to include “rape by fraud.” This is defined as:

“An act of sexual penetration to which a person has given consent because the actor has misrepresented the purpose of the act or has represented he is someone he is not.”

Singleton is the Assemblyman for Burlington County, New Jersey, and one of his constituents is Mischele Lewis, who was seduced and defrauded by William Jordan. When Singleton read about what happened to Mischele, he reached out to her and offered to write a law to protect future victims.

Now, the story about the bill has hit the media. Unfortunately, much of the reaction is not good. Here’s a sampling:

“This law is so vague and wide-reaching that it’s easy to see how pretty much everyone could be considered a rapist, because, as any quick perusing of OkCupid can tell you, representing yourself as someone you are not is a universal behavior.”
The drastic overreach of the ‘rape by fraud’ bill, on Slate.com.

“Rape is a serious crime that can inflict lifelong physical and emotional damage, and no woman should ever fear to report it or have it taken lightly by authorities.  Falling for a line from some cad, crawling into bed, and handing over your checkbook isn’t in the same category. Not even close.”
Quigley: Is there such a thing as rape by fraud? on NJ.com.

“No no no just no: we do not need a legal remedy for people having bad judgment. Is it a shame that some people misrepresent themselves to get people to sleep with them? Sure. But not every aspect of social and sexual relationships can be a matter for government concern. What’s next, making it a misdemeanor to use outdated photos on your Tinder profile? Criminalizing push-up bras? Throwing people in jail who say they’ll call the next day but don’t?”
Lying to a lover could become ‘rape’ in New Jersey, on Reason.com.

In my opinion, the media pundits who made these comments were likely never involved with a sociopath.

Here’s what the critics don’t understand: Human predators live among us. These people hijack the natural human bonding process in order to exploit their victims.

The original story about the proposed law was written in a fairly balanced way. It told a very shortened version of Mischele’s story, and quoted Joyce Short, who contributes regularly to Lovefraud.

Rape by fraud? N.J. lawmaker introduces bill to make it a crime, on NJ.com.

The story was accompanied by a poll Did people agree that there should be a law against rape by fraud? When I looked at the results, 57 people said yes, there should be a law and 1,500 people said no.

Broadly drafted

So why do so many people seem to be against this law? One complaint is that it is too broadly drafted. I actually agree with that, and I’d suggest that part of its definition of sexual assault be removed:

“An act of sexual penetration to which a person has given consent because the actor has misrepresented the purpose of the act or has represented he is someone he is not.”

I spent a lot of years dating. I know guys will say that they like you, say that they’ll call, dangle the idea of a committed relationship, just to get you into bed. Women do this too. Although it can be cruel, it’s part of the dating game. You have to know your own intentions, and be able to evaluate a potential partner’s intentions.

So if a person promises to love you in the morning, and then disappears, I don’t think that should be prosecuted as a crime. I’d recommend removing the language about misrepresenting the purpose of the act.

Crime of identity

Misrepresenting who you are, however, is different. In Mischele’s case, William Jordan, an unemployed American who had been convicted of bigamy, fraud and child molestation, pretended to be Liam Allen, an employee of the British Defense Ministry who protected high-ranking public officials.

Jordan is a complete and total con man. He is also a psychopath. Lovefraud author Dr. Liane Leedom scored him at 40 out of 40 on the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R).

This man is one of the most dangerous psychopaths I’ve ever heard of. I’ve spoken with at least four of his victims. He doesn’t just lie. He engages in total psychological manipulation in order to break his victims down and exploit them.

Mischele didn’t have “poor judgment.” She did everything she could to investigate Jordan. But right from the very beginning, Jordan gave her a false identity. He spoke to her in a British accent. He showed her fabricated documentation. He had other people call her on his behalf, although these others were likely Jordan himself, impersonating other voices.

Although Jordan took $5,000 from Mischele, from a financial perspective, she got off relatively easy. Jordan took $333,000 from Mary Turner Thomson, and probably hundreds of thousands of dollars more from his other victims.

Con artists know that if they can hook you sexually, their exploitation of you will be much more successful. So it’s not just about the sex. It’s about the damage they do to the rest of your life.

Lying about identity

How about the person who pretends to be single, but in reality is married with kids? Or the person who pretends to be a college professor, but is really a janitor? These may be lesser lies, but they’re still devastating to the person who was lied to.

I think these lies should also be considered crimes of identity, and therefore, sexual assault by fraud. Is this harsh? Perhaps. But these people lied; they should pay the price.

Here’s the bottom line, in my opinion: I think New Jersey should pass a rape by fraud law, but the bill that has been introduced is too broad.

Lying about your identity to engage in sex should be a form of sexual assault. Because anyone who lies about his or her identity is a predator.

Exposing the con artists

Will this law stop New Jersey psychopaths from lying about their identities in order to exploit their targets? I doubt it. Psychopaths don’t believe that laws apply to them, and aren’t concerned about consequences.

But a “rape by fraud” law could be useful in exposing psychopaths and protecting other victims. In my experience, exposing psychopaths is the only thing that works against them.

I would love to set up a database of everyone convicted of sexual assault by fraud. Now, that would make it hard for these predatory con artists to get a date.

So what do you think? Would a “rape by fraud” law be helpful?

 


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aintgonnatakeitnomore

Rape is a serious crime that can inflict lifelong physical and emotional damage, and no woman should ever fear to report it or have it taken lightly by authorities.
INDEED;
which is why RAPE by fraud is such a serious issue and needs judicial recourse. It is indeed RAPE. There are physical repercussions as well as deep emotional damage. Severe PTSD often results from rape by fraud and is drastically under-diagnosed as practitioners do not take the victim’s injuries seriously…sound familiar? Chronic, debilitating illnesses can result from the stress of the ongoing abuse of rape by fraud. People commit suicide because of the rape; sometimes during the ongoing abuse, sometimes once they’ve finally physically fled, escaping the rapist, but alas, not the very real damage done.
Rape by fraud colors their whole world. It never goes away. It can take years of therapy to work through accepting their life experiences; and then, moving on to a fulfilling life. It’s not unusual for this to NEVER happen, for the victim to be trapped in fear and pain because of the rape by fraud.
To try to belittle the horrendous acts—that should be considered crimes—perpetrated on them, is to deny the victims the truth of their stories, their right to restitution, and their freedom from further threat to their desired peace, prosperity and the pursuit of happiness.
Shame on whomever fears this legislation. Ignorance is one thing. Now, you no longer have that excuse.

dorothy2

Aint…………Very VERY excellent post. You nailed it.

Unfortunately the law has run into significant problems, that I hope can be fixed.

I believe this law should be considered “Sexual Misconduct” in order to distinguish it from violent rape, which is termed Sexual Assault in New Jersey. Without a clear distinction, I’m afraid the law will not pass.

I’m also troubled by the severity of punishment which, at this point is consistent with violent rape. The law will go through a process that is likely to change that, but submitting it, in its present fashion, triggered media-induced objections, especially from violent rape survivors.

Particularly when a Legislator submits a controversial legislation, often a focus group and press release precede doing so. It did not take place with this law. Once the bill is submitted, the press becomes instantly aware, and they will trample each other in an effort to get the scoop. That’s why efforts should be made to submit the best bill possible, even prior to its “going to committee.” Failing to do so puts the bill in the position of swimming upstream through an avalanche.I began receiving phone calls from the press the morning after it was submitted and did my utmost to correct the misconceptions that were written.

Here are the basic legal principles regarding the crime of rape by fraud, and why it is actually a crime:

1. The ItsOnUs pledge, supported by President Obama, clearly states that “Non-consensual sex is sexual assault.”

2. Model Penal Code, the widely accepted standard for criminal law clearly states: “Consent is INEFFECTIVE when induced by force, duress or DECEPTION.

3. There are 5 elements to the crime of fraud, but to summarize, fraud takes place when the perpetrator knows they are telling you a lie, and that you are relying on their lie to deprive you.

By simply connecting the dots on these three legal principles, we can see that consent achieved by fraud is no consent at all. When a hoax is used to VITIATE your consent, a sexual assault, not seduction is happening. Although the victim does not know it at the time, no fraud victim ever knows they are being defrauded at the moment. That’s the point. In plainer language “vitiating consent” means invalidating your “knowing consent.”

Con artists rely on your cooperation to rob you of the things you would not, otherwise, part with. They know your cooperation is invalid cooperation, and it is the actions of the offender, not the naiveté of the victim, that is the crime.

So what are the problems enforcing such a law in society?

Basically, morality has sunk so low that a vast amount of people think it’s perfectly ok to defraud you of sex. It’s widely accepted that telling “fibs”, or “puffery” as it’s often referred to, is part of the allure. And very frankly, telling fibs will never rise to a level of being “prosecutorial” because they cannot be proven. Cases of “puffery, “I’m Brad Pitt’s best friend,” would simply become a “he said, she said” in a courtroom. In order to convict, a District Attorney, a Grand Jury and a Jury must agree that a serious crime has been committed, based on substantial proof. Proof, not truth, is what makes a case prosecutorial.

This law, #3908, was submitted with language that creates the fear that wearing Spanx or perfume would get a person a 20 year stretch in the state pen. This concept needs to be fixed. It’s my suggestion that the law include wording to clarify that no appearance enhancements are to be considered trickery when applying this statute. And I believe, if that had been done prior to submission, the media hysteria over it would not have taken place.

The burden of proof must be high for these cases so that the public does not think that little white lies, “Yes honey, I emptied the dishwasher,” would be seen as a crime.

Lies of intent, although real and damaging, “I’ll marry you in the morning,” are much harder to prove in a courtroom. The offender would simply say, “I changed my mind.” Society must be made aware that such lies take place, but rarely could they be considered prosecutorial. This explanation should have been included in the description that was submitted with the law.

Principally, this law should cover the irrefutable hoaxes people create about their identity. I suggested the term, “false personation” which exists in fraud laws of other states, so that a high level of subterfuge is reflected in this law.

One of the benefits that will come from this statute is that it can and should state protection against sexual fraud when someone passes along a life-altering communicable disease by committing a hoax to hide disclosure. Doing so would have made this law far more appreciated by society upon its introduction. Let’s hope this concept makes its way to the bill. I’m trying.

In all laws, degrees are ascribed to identify the severity of the crime. And this bill should cover different aspects of what we generically refer to as “rape by fraud.” One such circumstance is when someone climbs into a victim’s bed and pretends to be their husband or lover. In this type of hoax, a maximum penalty could apply. In fact, the level of this crime could rise to “aggravated.”

Relationship hoaxes would carry a lessor penalty perhaps somewhere between 18 months and 5 years, depending on the severity, “degree” of the crime. An example of a relationship hoax would be something like what happened to me. My ex pretended to be a different age, religion, marital status, education, etc”. “false personation.” Ample proof existed that he had lied. I was not the only person he told those lies to. It would not have been a “he said, she said” in a courtroom.

Even though many of the lies told to LoveFraud participants would not pass muster with a prosecutor, if done right, this bill’s passage would enlighten society to the heinous nature of defrauding someone for sex. And when it happens to them, Victims will be far more cognizant, as well as the people they count on for emotional support. Validation can mean a world of difference for a rape by fraud survivor.

I worked for four years researching and writing my book, building my blog and fighting to raise society’s awareness. This crime is not confined by state borders, and I will fight for appropriate laws anywhere they are lacking. I sincerely hope, despite its very rocky start, it can be salvaged to protect the citizens of NJ.

There is a great deal of negative backlash that we must counter in order to get this bill passed. LoveFrauders can make a significant impact on the opinions of Legislators voting on this bill. Especially, if you live in NJ, please write to your local Assembly Members and State Senators, encouraging them to pass this legislation. But anyone, from anywhere can write to the NJ Legislators and make a difference!

Please be on the alert when you see press coverage on this bill. We need everyone to speak up and counter the silly objections that people raise. Your efforts can truly make a huge difference, not only in another person’s opinion, but also by increasing the balance of positive interest. Legislators vote for bills that get them re-elected.

Assemblyman Singleton should be applauded for putting his career on the line over this law, but writing the best bill possible will cause the most benefit to society. I hope you will write to him through his Chief of Staff, Hilary Beckett, and let him know you support the additions and changes I recommend, including naming Legislation #3908, “Sexual Misconduct” today!

[email protected]

Sincere thanks,
Joyce

concern

I support the law, Donna. It’s a great idea and the time is right to bring the issue up for public discussion. At least some sociopaths will be held accountable and we need to give prosecutors the ability to move forward on these cases. Currently the status quo is ‘anything goes’ in the dating world. “All’s fair in love and war”, right? A con-artist is free to lie about his name, address, education, employment, income, assets, criminal history, mental and physical health history, and hide obligations like debt, marital status, and children. How can someone give consent when they’ve been deceived about the very identity of the other person? Why would this seem ok to anyone? Fraud is fraud. This is a combination of both sexual and financial predation, so it’s much more serious than a financial fraud by itself. No matter what the circumstances, all victims of rape live with traumatic life-altering consequences and the costs to society are a horrendous burden.

Thank you for your support! Write your district law makers and ask them to support it too. Collectively in NJ if the supporters write to their government officials, we can garner support where it’s needed and that’s at the trenton state house.

flicka

I ask myself, after some 40 years as a victim of sociopathic abuse, what this law would actually accomplish. What has the plethora of recent laws done to make society any better? Was society not better off in the 19th century when general American morality was far greater? Certainly, occasional hallacious atrocities did occur, but not with such universality as today. Do not more laws simply line the pockets of judges, lawyers and police while furthering the inaccessibility (monetarily) to the average victims? They say collective morality cannot be legislated and I sadly agree. Somehow, if we are to succeed as a planetary species, we need to get back to our old morality of applauding relationships, hard work and honesty instead of the mighty dollar. Is not most advertising, politics, the legal profession and our overall worship of superstars not fostering deceit? Laws can only be as good as those who enforce them, no matter how well intentioned.

Yes, these issues demand our attention, creative thought, and much discussion. The problems are complex and there are no easy solutions. Reverting to the morality of an bygone era is not possible, and those times were not as rosy as nostalgia may have us believe, anyways. Morality change will only follow societal change.

Whether you live in NJ, or out of state, you can write to NJ lawmakers and ask them to vote YES on #3908. Here is the website with all the email addresses for the Senators and Assembly Members throughout the state.

http://www.njcommunityresources.info/njlegislators.html

JOyce

Ok, of all of the media outlets, only 2 reporters asked for the verbiage of the law. That is a whole purpose and reason to the law being drafted so broad to start with. One is because it is a good 12-18 month process. Will go through various redrafts during the process and it was advised to start broad because it will be narrowed down repeatedly during the process and this is normal. However the process typically doesn’t have to occur because of media scrutiny of a law that virtually no one had the most updated language that was officially introduced 2 weeks ago because it has not been made public. Because of this scrutiny is has been revised and I have given approval on the next draft which will be introduced in a quorum next.It was intended for this to be a controlled press release at the appropriate time, but it got out there and spread like wildfire with only 2 edit outlets reaching out to either Troy or myself to get the real story, target offenders and goal of this law. Misogynistic men posted repeatedly how women wearing makeup, push up bras, having Breast implants, wearing span or other aesthetic things could be liable to prosecution. Other people said it was a gold diggers law. I even heard myself and other victims referred to as prostitutes with buyers remorse. For the most part I am trying to stay away from most articles and comments, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to read it or for other victims to then feel further shamed to never come forward, which many don’t. Rape victims felt like it demeaned their experience, which it was not meant to do but many psychologists believe that those who have been in a long relationship with a psychopath / sociopath and finds out their relationship to be a fraud can still suffer the same long time psychological damage as someone who experiences a violent rape/sexual assault. They still feel violated and go through the Kubler-Ross stages of grief.

jmmira

Seems to me, many, many women would be guilty of this crime. As a carpenter, I had many, many married women let me know in no uncertain way that they wanted to have sex while I worked on their beautiful house in rich, suburban Fairfield county, Connecticut. Although I never ever took any one of them up on it, I often wonder where I would be spiritually if I had and how karma would have caught up with me.

Years later, what I found is there is no such thing as karma. There are good liars and bad liars. Good liars never get caught and bad liars do.

Most women fight with words, manipulation and often using sex and flirting. Generally, most men are straight shooters, where women beat around the bush. You have to talk to a woman for half an hour before finding out what’s really wrong with her.

And now with all this bullshit where all men are now psychopaths as proposed by this site. Where many of the women on this site relate stories where they have no responsibility for there actions and blame everything on the men. Such as one story I read where a woman was a lesbian and supposedly in a committed relationship but kept calling this carpenter to do work on her house becasue she had a crush on him. She knew he was married, but called him to do work anyway, fully knowing she had a crush on him and that he was likely to have an affair.

Then the guy is blamed for having an affair on his wife and the women who hired him has no responsibility for aiding it. Now, we all know couples take each other for granted over time. But who knows what his wife was like? Who knows if the woman telling this story was telling the truth?

Now take this nonsense to court and consider the following. Men have NO rights in court and are presumed guilty the minute they walk in the door. Women have no responsibility in court, period and don’t give me any bullshit answers. I lived it, I lived with an abusive woman and my right to a fair trial was denied by the judge, while the judge broke the law. And of course the judge is a woman. So a woman can lie, lie, lie, lie, lie in court and hire a lawyer and lie, lie, lie and get away with years of purposeful lying, cheating, stealing, and using and manipulating kids and be rewarded for it.

And all these so called experts, marriage counselors, custody evaluators, judges and lawyers presume to size people up in an instant when their training tells them to dig deeper.

So yea, this might work for women, but consider that you might have son and how he may get a raw deal because of this bullshit!

denver2california

I have had similar experiences as jmmira. When I was a teenager working in a grocery store I had at least 5 middle aged women do things to “expose” themselves to me while taking their groceries out to their cars. A few of them even wanted to hook up. One of my friends was pushed into the back seat to be kissed upon by a woman. He considered it thrilling. Then my girlfriend trapped me…I told her I was not going to have sex because I didn’t want to have children yet. Like a dumb teenage boy I let her seduce me (my fault) and when I tried to “Pull out” she held me down (so to speak) She got pregnant, we were married for 24 years w/3 children. I was proud of this and happy, until she whacked out for several years spending money like crazy w/out earning any, then seperating from me 5 times before divorcing me and making up lies like I cheated on her and used drugs. (never true) Looking back I think women are smarter than men but can be just as sneaky. Sort of a love fraud thing yes. I have since remarried , to what I believe is another path of some sort. (my dumb fault for trying to “save” troubled women)

elizabethbrooks

I continue to read up on this issue, because of the extreme and severe fraud that occurred in my 26-year marriage to a sociopath. My ex pretended to be one person, all moral and honest, posed as a great Christian dad, enrolling our kids in private Christian school, etc. and yet lived a secret life the entire time I knew him, which involved a lot of prostitutes, cheating, theft, etc. The deceit was incredibly crafted, and not one person in our large families knew of it. While I’ve wondered why no one ever told me about him, I believe the people he cheated with all had secrets or reasons to hide it, too, like they were paid professionals, or they were disordered, married women, etc. He apparently never got involved with anyone too close to me, none of my friends, etc.

I was defrauded out of half of my life, and I am looking into legal recourse for this. I would never have been with a person like him. He spent his time with me heavily perpetuating the image of the “good guy” he wanted me to believe he was. Yet he was taking steps for years, to get out, planning ahead for the day when he’d finally tire of this family and quit. Which he did. What this could have done to our children is heinous…. but I have managed to minimize the damage with swift, detailed protection by a great legal team, private investigator, and the court system. He got zero custody or visitation and the children are healing well…. if he was still in their lives, they’d be ruined.

A problem may be being able to fund such a lawsuit against him. But I have not ruled it out, and will pursue a contingency suit, if possible. My case is very strong, I think….

So sorry you had to deal with that. Hugs!

flicka

Kudos to you, fellow victim. Keep us posted on your progress so we can all learn from your experience.

jmmira

The last thing I want to see is more laws implemented and enforced by morons who happen to work in government, both as judges, lawyers and police. The only people that will ever be found guilty is men. Nobody can afford justice and when you can’t afford justice, the court takes shortcuts and totally screws up the defendants life. The judges are never held accountable for mistakes and the people whose lives are destroyed by the mistakes never recover.

The people who are taken by these liars are naive, but not without fault. The moment we start making laws and assume that the law and court can discern who is a pathological liar is the moment we get in serious trouble. Hell, most of the lawyers are lying, egotistical, greedy narcissists! And what does that make a judge! They are just lawyers that want to go into politics.

This is more trouble, trouble, trouble. Have fun paying more taxes! I’m getting the hell out of this totalitarian, bullshit, special interest, common man destroying shithole!

sykntyrd

Your statement, “The only people that will ever be found guilty is men.” is flawed. The individual who has an ‘in’ with members of the “Just Us” club will prevail despite material documentry evidence to the contrary. How do I know, because it happened to me – – and I am a woman. A corrupt judge assisted my ex-path and his attorney, who just happened to be his employer’s city attorney, in rendering me penniless and charging me with criminal contempt of court leading to a 90-day jail sentence. My alleged crime, I requested open records via FOIA, which we all knew proved my ex committed a felony when he filed a false crime report against me with his employer’s police department. They covered up his crime and ensured it remained a secret by destroying me. I sued them in federal court. Had I been able to afford representation of counsel, I likely would have won my case. Although I survived two motions to dismiss, after arguing my case for 32 months, the federal judge finally ruled in the city’s favor. Our nation’s “Just Us” system is a joke.

flicka

Being a 77 year old disabled victim (first as s wife, then as s mother) of psychopaths, I must agree with the three people who claim the American judicial system is anything but just. I have personally experienced it as well as seen the results of it’s “operation”. As all the experts agree, the psychopath gravitates towards positions of power/control and what means of control are greater than the judicial, financial and political professions? Until society as a whole reverts to a foundation of morality, all the laws enacted will have absolutely no practical effect…we are just spinning our well-intentioned wheels in a system which applauds psychopathic traits.

We are many who are powerless victims operating singularly. Maybe one day we will unite and become a force for good.

Jan7

I applaud all those who are involved with the drafting of this important law.

My thought is WILL prosecutors prosecute once the bill is passed?

What will the prosecutors require to move forward with a trial?

Those are the biggest and most important question!

So many cases are not brought to trail even though there are laws on the book….just look at the Bill Cosby case years ago when the prosecutor stated he did not have enough “proof” to bring Cosby to trail. That prosecutor could have stopped a child molester serial rapist had he moved forward anyways.

You can draft and put a law on the books but it is useless if the prosecutors are not fully educated on sociopathic abuse. It would be great if in this law included a section requiring that all prosecutors/Judges attend at least an hour long presentation on sociopath fraud abuse. This could be a little side business for say Donna Anderson or others to conduct this lecture or for her to put a computer education video program together and sell it to the state of NY/NJ for their prosecutors/Judges to view on their own time. The importance of educating prosecutors on sociopathic abuse not only for this law but for the overall view of who the prosecutors are dealing with in large business fraud cases, domestic abuse, human trafficking, pimps, drug dealers etc is vitally and the upmost importance. After all prosecutors/judges run into sociopath in the court house far more then the general public does.

flicka

Good suggestion. I would take it a bit further in REQUIRING all legal candidates to have at least 1 course in mental illness before graduating.

It would be good if they were required to pass a psychopathy test, too. But that is never going to happen.

Jan7

PS. I just wanted to add that it might be beneficial to have several former NJ prosecutors help with writing this law to finely tune the law so that more cases can go to trail but most importantly more cases are won and the sociopath goes to jail. Sadly lots of laws have loopholes in them that defense lawyers use to get their guilty clients off the hook.

Just a thought.

flicka

I all boils down to the Mighty Dollar instead of seeking justice. Why are humans the only species out to kill one another just for fun?

Maybe we are the only species to have psycohopths.
http://PsychopathResistance.com

flicka

I think you may have hit on it!

Maybe we are the only species to have psychopaths.
http://PsychopathResistance.com

Jan7

You’ve brought up some very good points, and unfortunately, there is no way to answer your questions at this time. The hope, obviously, is that the law, in whatever form it takes, will be upheld.

But people are people, including judges and prosecutors. Even in Mischele’s case, one of the judges made a glaring mistake and tossed out her request for a restraining order, even though she actually had been granted one by the prosecutor’s office. And the judge was just plain hostile toward Mischele.

The language of the law is still in draft form. It is a long way from anything I could wholeheartedly get behind. While I support that an effort is being made to do something, the devil is in the details. We have yet to see what they will end up looking like.

Joyce

flicka

My point precisely; no law, no matter it’s wording, is able to enforce justice, common sense or be financially accessible to penniless victims. We have all seen judges who “interpret” laws according to their own biases politically, morally or financially. This personal opinion should not be considered as a critique of your valiant efforts which must be applauded.

Flicka-

Just want to clarify for you, because you raised the question of financial accessibility, this law is criminal, not civil. The impact is that the prosecutor would try the case on behalf of the state. It would not cost the victim lawyer’s fees to pursue justice.

Something has been added to the bill that raises my concerns about putting too much discretion in the hands of the prosecutor, however. I will do what I can to change that. Nothing is carved in stone.

Joyce

flicka

Joyce:
I thank you for the clarification although I still remain skeptical that written and well-intentioned laws will ever bring justice to the down-trodden. Perhaps I have experienced and seen too many injustices in my 77 year lifetime. But I applaud your dedication.

Jan7

The requirements to move forward on any criminal prosecution are proof. Without it, no case can be built against the offender.

And prosecutors are people. Some are particularly averse to all rape cases. There is no reason to expect they would be more likely to try a case of rape by fraud if they are.

Even in Mischele Lewis’s case, a judge refused her request for a restraining order when one was actually issued automatically based on Nicole’s Law. In NJ, all sexual assault victims are entitled to a temporary order that becomes permanent if the offender is convicted. The judge on the case was particularly harsh toward Mischele. Fortunately, the Prosecutor had indeed issued the temporary order based on Nicole’s law.

Just like everyone else in society, there are good judges and bad ones.

Joyce

Tessa

Joyce has really clarified “rape by fraud” for me. Although I felt that I had been raped by fraud in a spiritual sense, I can now see that I was indeed raped. This predator that I met on a dating site completely lied about who he was. So, when I consented to a sexual experience leading to an over one-year relationship, I was defrauded from the very beginning and he exploited me financially at a significant level and was going for big money out of my retirement funds. He kept me on an emotional rollercoaster for over a year and I was his lady in waiting. He continues to present the same fake image on the internet with his flashy web page and various youtube videos. It is obvious that he continues to snare people for other fraudulent schemes with his business page that boasts one scheme after another. It is a fact on the internet that he lies about who he is. I wish the law was in effect when this happened. I do feel violated. I have safety and security fears that I never had. I don’t want to live in the same house. I understand my fears and realize that it could have been worse, much worse. I feel raped on a psychological, physical, and spiritual level. This law is a good thing if it can be written in the proper way.

Hi Tessa-

If you still see this person scamming other victims, perhaps it’s time to put an end to his game. Could you let me know what state you’re in. I can tell you whether you have a penal code that can punish him where you live.

Joyce

Tessa

Joyce,

I live in Florida, but he had me mail him money. He did come back to Florida to scam me out of more money though.

Tessa

Hi Tessa-

So there are some interstate miss-uses… the internet and interstate mail?

We may be able to get somewhere on creating a federal law. There is also some language in FL law which could be used to go after him. If he’s not in the state, however, it’s very unlikely that you’ll get him arrested.

Can you provide me with the details of your story? If you’d rather keep that private, you can go offline to do so by entering it in the comment section on the first page of my blog. Everything entered there comes directly to my email box. It does not get posted. The link is http://www.RapeByFraud.com

Joyce

The man you describe is a criminal who exploits and hurts other people. I encourage you to do whatever you can, without sacrificing your sense of safety, to expose him. An unfounded fear of libel lawsuits is one reason why many victims refrain from revealing their abuser’s identity. To legally qualify as libel, what was said must be both defamatory and false. Furthermore, the burden of proof lies with the accuser. To win his case, he must prove that what you said about him is untrue. Just to be on the safe side, it’s good to keep with verifiable facts when publicly recounting your experiences.

On a separate note, you could easily alert any online dating/business sites he uses for his con schemes without revealing your own identity.

I wish that the good people of this world would unite and become a counter-force to reckon with against evil. For the time being, as individuals, we can take baby steps in that direction.

jmmira

As you stated, ” To win his case, he must prove that what you said about him is untrue”. And there lies the problem, that is clearly a statement of “guilty until proven innocent”.

It seems completely counter to justice that merely accusing someone means they are guilty. And if you are a female accuser, you have no reason to falsely accuse someone.

This is just not based upon reality, real people, real behavior. And what ends up happening is society has a knee jerk reaction, like that of Ray Rice punching his wife.

I can pull up so many threads on Youtube and facebook with women verbally abusing men and even women saying, “that bitch needs to be smacked!”.

Am I making an excuse, no absolutely not. But laws do not change society, education does. And until we focus on education, not brainwashing and criminalizing certain races and genders we’ll see little progress.

It seems reasonable to me that the party suing someone for libel would have to prove that libel in fact had occurred. The person being accused of libel and sued, a victim of abuse in this case, is innocent until proven guilty.

I believe your take on libel is correct. The burden of proof lies with the person bringing the claim. Also, I think they must prove damages.

One other cause to a claim can be pursued, that of “invasion of privacy.” For that reason, the only name that is accurate in my book is the publisher of Elvis Presley, who factors heavily in my story. Since she’s not a private person, she cannot expect privacy.

Joyce

It is good to know the psychopath’s bag of tricks. The threat of a libel lawsuit can be used to intimidate a victim from exposing the bully. It is also useful to know that a libel lawsuit can take many years and be very costly, so it’s not for everyone”

Eggshells,

The fact that the crime you encountered involved internet dating could add to efforts I’m making on another law. Could you please reach me at my blog? The follow button will take down your email address so we can communicate separately. http://www.RapeByFraud.com

Thanks-
Joyce

IMconfused

I just read a depressing article that seems written with my spouse as the model. It’s depressing because it validates my experiences with him.
Even when caught in lies, my husband refuses to take any responsibility…and assumes that life will resume as usual after a few weeks…because it always has…stupid me! That said, I wonder what will happen as I change my responses!
The article explains that a mental deviate is a self-serving con/fraud without regard for others’ needs…and his psyche won’t change.
If interested, you’ll find the article here:

http://datingasociopath.com/2013/03/25/sociopath-lack-of-conscience-lack-of-remorse-guilt-or-shame/

flicka

Excellent link! Thank you!

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