The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
{{{{Jeanne}}}} Welcome to this amazing site, and may you find continued education and healing here among other Survivors.
There’s nothing that you can do to help the spath’s new toy. You can’t protect her. You can’t warn her. The only thing that you can do is to keep your feet on your healing path. This goes true with your spath son, as well. If he fits the profile, then suffice it to say that accepting the facts as they are will only help you to continue down your healing path. You will have the necessary tools to protect yourself from your own offspring, as many of us have had to do.
I was married to a spath and produced 2 children with him. Divorced him, and my eldest son developed into an spath, as well. He is violent, criminal, abusive, and in every way sick and evil. Certainly, I’m sad to acknowledge this, but it is 100% true, and I refuse to pretend otherwise. To pretend that he isn’t precisely what he is would be taking a stroll down to Denial, and that’s the last place on earth that I want to go.
You are among friends, here. There is too much to learn and experience, sometimes, when we feel that we are in this by ourselves – that there’s nobody else out there who could possibly believe that our “allegations” could be true. At this site, you are safe and you are valued. Again, welcome.
Brightest blessings.
Thank you, OxDrover and Buttons, for your warm support and blessings! So I guess you don’t think contacting the girl’s father is a good idea, eh? I fear that I might have made things worse for her when I “interfered” at the beginning of their marriage. He can’t stand it that I’m the one who got away from him. I hated him from the beginning because the abuse started right away, but I was more or less enslaved in a bizarre sort of fearful trap for four years that’s hard to descibe. I have a friend who lives in L.A. who found the father’s address and phone number for me, and I was thinking to have my L.A. friend mail a copy of “The Sociopath Next Door” to the dad with an anonymous note from me that his daughter is in danger from such a person. If my ex-husband finds out I am “interfering” in his sociopathic game again, I fear it will be worse for the girl. So maybe better not to risk that, do you think? But I can’t stop thinking about the baby. Somebody has to watch out for the baby.
Jeanne
Dear Jeanne,
I wish I could tell you there is anyone but God that will be watching after that baby, but I can’t. Hopefully, with the monster 68 years old, he will fall into the hands of God himself soon enough!
Jeanne, even if you can provide bona fide documentation, you’ll come off sounding like a ranting lunatic and I’m sorry to say it. I don’t know how many people I informed (WITH HARD EVIDENCE) of my son’s forgeries, abuse, and professional diagnosis of borderline personality disorder only to have those people question my politics, patriotism, and sanity.
Even if she received an anonymous copy of the book, she would not take the time to read it and digest what is in the pages – she’s 26? Please – if you can get her to put her cell phone down long enough, she might be able to read a grocery list.
“Somebody” to watch out for the baby is not Jeanne. Yes, it’s a shame and a sin that children are born into spath families, but we are not responsible for other people’s choices. If the wife were a minor, then I’d be more inclined to act. But, she is an adult and has made her own choice. Unfortunately, she will not learn except through her own experiences. You are not responsible for her choices, and you cannot assume responsibility for anyone’s choices other than your own. The impulse to warn, protect, and inform is very compelling, but I would gently suggest that you be the core of your focus and energies and leave the rest up to the Great Creator.
😉
OxD……ditto.
Oxy/Buttons: agree.
Jeanne: my counselor told me when I fretted over various people when I left my PX……Girl, you cannot carry the world on your shoulders just because you are one of the ones that cares/loves, gives and is responsible.
Thanks again, OxDrover and Buttons. To clarify, I wasn’t thinking of sending a book to the girl but to her father so that he would maybe be moved to keep a careful watch over her. But you are both reinforcing some advice I got from another reliable source, and I always think when the same good advice comes from several different sources it’s a good idea to pay attention to it. I’m ashamed to admit I was starting to have fantasies (only fantasies!) about helping him along towards meeting his Creator, and that’s definitely a warning sign for my own mental and spiritual health. Thank you for helping to rein me back in! I think it’s no accident that I found this website.
Deara Jeanne, God has sent a bunch of us here to this website! And yes, I’ve had some of those terrible fantasies too! We wouldn’t be human if those ideas didn’t sneak into our heads from time to time, but I just ahve to keeep reminding myself that it is a terrible thing for a person with a reprobate mind to fall into the hands of a living God, which eventually he will do. There is nothing I could do to them that would be worse! So I have to leave the vengence to God. ((((hugs)))))
Oxy: AMEN!!!!!!
I am back ~! Dodged the tornado’s one more time, electric has been off almost 3 days did anybody miss me?