The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
muldoon...
Buttons….I understand and dont take offence…I have often thought upon seeing emotion from it be it sorry, affection, regret that he is not far off script reading,its not from the heart..
Buttons
😉 attagirl, Muldoon!
pilgrimage
“This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.”
The above statement is so true but still I feel stubborn and obsessive trying to understand what happened. I think this is why I can spend days reading about S’s. Like most trying to recover from a relationship w/ a S my whole world, belief system and everything has been turned upside down.
I remember the S asking me why I was frightened when we were watching a scary movie and I think he was truly curious as fear was something he did not have.
The movie was about ghosts and hauntings. Just because one can not see something with the physical eyes does not mean it doesn’t exist and this concept always scared me a little. However what scares me now (after being with a S) is seeing the physical being, human, person or whatever and in reality they don’t exist, nothing inside…spiritless or soulless.
silvermoon
I found another profile on the person who I thought -well you guys know what I thought…
He actually wrote on a profile “I like a lot of sex in my life”
Does it get any plainer……?????
bulletproof
pilgrimage
I had many puzzling moments whilst watchimg movies with the P. He was from a different country so I gave the benefit of the doubt to that…a cultural language difference.
In hindesight I can see really clearly he had NO EMPATHY so he didn’t like emotional movies. I remember getting a film out about suicides of Golden Gate bridge…it was semi-documentary and utterly fascinating…He just did not get it. He said it was the most stupid movie ever and really expressed his contempt for the suicides. (I was empathising with them)
He went for big silly funny comedies….and he only laughed because other people laughed…I even started laughing when nothing funny was happening and guess what, he would be falling around the place laughing too (THERE WAS NO JOKE>>NOTHING)
subtle emotional nuances were lost on this bozo asshole (excuse the language but he earned it! ) he was watching MY EXPRESSIONS and mimicking them…he could only do that with comedies because the characters were miming..exaggerated..so he could read the emotional plot….anything subtle he was blind, lost and hey that’s a tragedy right there…he can’t feel empathy….there is nothing more gorgeous in the world than feeling empathy for living things, it’s what I will value most.
bulletproof
agreeing with pilgrimage in that it’s mind blowing…off the scale of human understanding and scary beyond words
Buttons
Bulletproof…I have goosebumps rising up all over my arms with your reference to watching movies, etc. Ex spath was the same, exact way and would actively mimic that which he saw people portray in movies, especially comedies. You’ve got some super insight, and I appreciate your putting your observations into something that I can easily understand. Thank you, so much!
bulletproof
thanks buttons
I have goosebumps too as I realise in hindesight the “whole Story” I think that’s the function of the so called PTSD symptoms (nightmares, intrusive flashbacks, obsessive re -running of everything over and over…)
I could never have come to these conclusions without the benefit of intrusive flashbacks, you might also call it hindsight…rather than being stuck in the past you are actually summing it up in a co -herent whole, that you can put into words…updating, and updating until you have the complete picture/ or lesson…..and then I think letting go becomes an option.
It’s so hard to face the truth. it’s taken me nearly 1 year no contact to get the “insight” or “truth” and that is NO EMPATHY means NO EMPATHY
As for the sex thing, yes technically brilliant but human connection? zero
Ox Drover
It is true we must accept what IS, but I think the fact that we get so LITTLE VALIDATION from the rest of the world about our assessment of the true situation, that it makes us doubt ourselves to the extent we feel literally CRAZY!
Like Buttons said, the people we try to talk to, to share our feelings and insights with in-validate us with “you can’t quit loving/helping him/her, s/he is your ________” (fill in the relationship) WE are looked at as the UN-natural ones because we chose to opt out of the relationship that is so painful. Our neighbors, friends and family devalue us, invalidate us and increase the damage done by the psychopath in the first place.
I think I would have had better luck telling people I had been abducted by space aliens than telling them my egg donor is as FAKE! I think They wouldn’t think I was completely crazy at least, only partly crazy!
hens
yes Oxy – but eventually the truth be known about the spaths and narcs in our life – sometimes we here Yes you were right sometimes we dont..sometimes we here I told you so — all that matters in the end is we have removed that source of pain and learn to take better care of ourselves and the one’s who are true caring feeling people – for me it was the physical toll it took on me that was the kick in the head I needed to stay away from em…mommie dearest or not..