The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
Oxy,
Most times, I accept that about my father..
And I need to comment.. calling your parents egg donors .. I find offensive..
They are your mother and father.. flawed as they may be…
I have respect for that …
I just need to reestablish boundaries.. and I do.. but it still takes it toll on me… but it has also made me strong in certain ways also…
Oxy.. that’s it .. my Dad likes to punish me for not letting him control me.. but at the same time he admires me for doing so…
So complex.. so ‘crazy’
Now, I am going shopping…. ta da..
thanks all….
this is melissa99….under an old profile I guess…
Wow that’s really sad and yes you’re right.. Most guys have had the same behavior for years”.trying to get sex etc..trying to force it on people”these days it just seems worse I guses because of the internet”and the number of people doing it and the method by which they are doing this”.it’s just ridiculous”.and twice betrayed yeah it’s so true that the net Is used to illicit sex”and its just so disgusting”.I do think it’s true that you wonder”is it stupid to try to wait for someone real”I think there are good people out there but finding them is the really hard part”and the majority out there who are putting themselves out there are these maniacs, predators, perverts, sex addicts and creeps”posing as nice normal person.. Its such a shame..”
Iwonder–yeah there aer so many guys out there like that these days”its just a shame and scary”it’s hard to tell. Someone told me as well they know a girl”.she went on two dates with this guy”she was halfway in love”the 2nd date”he got what he wanted, and bailed”and she’s still heartbroken and even talks about him”so strange”
Its true”don’t get with a guy who hates his mother..not all but many are narcissists who were abused by an N mother”.I know one my sister’s ex husband..who has serious emotional issues”and got married when he didn’t want to be and divorced in less than a year” and she is still going through the shock…its hard to trust any of those people these days and so scary on top of it…
on another note…does anyone know how to negotiate with a sadist/sociopath…as the current sp im dealing with…has gone to great lengths at this pt to torture me sadistically and uncontrollably and he has no desire to stop it seems….even this level of abuse…is beyond his normal abuse… and there is nothing i can say or do to stop him…. how he’s abusing me is complicated….but my life is being ruined and i can barely function….he doesnt care though..and continues doing what he’s doing….and knowing that i am suffering terribly….and hes the only one who can stop it…i have begged pleaded with him and nothing works….i have pleaded for weeks and it doesn’t work….he doesnt seem to care…and im at my wit’s end….i think he has been driving me to insanity hoping i will drive to his plac.e…in this mode of desperation/insanity but i refuse to and keep resisting out of fear… its just a bad situation to be in but i dont know what to say to the N….to get him to stop, comply, change what he’s currently doing….its just scary for me…as ive been unable to go to work the past week many days b/c of what im going through… he knows what he is doing and wht im going thru and is taking pleasure in it…. but i dont know what to do …..not contacting him….doesnt do anything….nothing does..
A LOT OF n’s or sp’s hate their mothers…some though are different..the sp i know worships his mother…she is deceased, but all he does is talk about how great his mother was…what a wonderful woman she was…he would lie and just cry over his mother, anniversaries for thsi or that….he said once in a check out line a guy was swearing, and he told the guy to shut up and not swear in front of his mother….he said the guy ignored him and continued, then he grabbed the guy’s head and bashed it really hard onto the conveyor belt…and then left teh supermarket…and cops came to his place and they kenw him and nothing happened….could be a lie but doubt it…as he was violent and sick…but liking his mother didnt make him not a sociopath…it was just odd to witness such an extreme horrid monster….crying over his mother….but I do think his father abused him terribly as a child and other abuse which created the monster he was…along with being an orphan ….but it is scary the kind of terrible people n’s and s’s are… some hate their mothers because they were N’s who abused them horribly….and some hate their fathers….but anyone who was abused in childhood and has these deep rooted issues….is going to be a terrible N and in marriage or dating abusive dysfunctional psychopathic etc….
narc’s/sp’s are just flat out crazy…they will terrorize/control people to awful degrees then punish the peopel for being dependent on them…its scary….they will break people down…and make people depedent on them and if they are losing that dependency do anything to keep the control, and punish the people for being dependent….they are complicated monsters…..deranged people too….unpredictable sick and insane….just be glad that the control they have over you is just some warped mental control because some will go to bigger degrees to have control over others which includes the legal system….once they have this control they won’t let it go or will fight to keep it– they think they are entitled to treating u like crap and making u a victim….and any objection u have to their entitlement results in more abuse/threats from the sociopath/narcissist….they are also insane weak and stupid creatures….. who at a whim will be your slave/puppet as well.. or other people’s….their powertrips are not always 24/7 or permanent…as they change constantly…from jekyll to hyde…..one second they will be doing something for you anything or extr a things… the next they will be…tormenting abusing controlling….and will do unpredictable things to leave you in a daze…out of control so they feel they have more power or control….and once they do that just get away from the situation because its a huge battle trying to do even normal things and dealing with or negotiating with an irrational idiot and monster such as the sociopath/narcissist….they are the most unpredictable psychopathic irrational insane freaks you can ever meet…or know…..just get away from them if u can…
Dear Style,k
I’m sorry that you find me referring to my DNA donors by terms other than mother or father, but to me, a father or mother EARNS that title. My DNA donors neither of whom EARNEd anything from me except an appreciation of the DNA I got.
My Sperm donor abandoned me, then showed back up in my life to rape me, abuse me, and then punish me. My egg donor knew about all of the above and still chose to not have compassion for me, but to blame me because I got raped. So, I feel totally entitled to refer to these people by any term I feel is appropriate, they have not, in my opinion EARNED anything from me except the back of my head as I walked away. They are not my “family” by virtue of DNA donations. My family are those that love and suppport me, nurture me and those are the ones I embrace as family. Some of them share DNA with me, some don’t, but they are my family of the heart!
I wish you as much peace and love as I have in my life, and the amount of abuse I have decided to toleate. NONE God Bless
Dear Melanie/melissa,
Sweetie you are ASKING THE IMPOSSIBLE, for us to tell you how to make a P STOP what they are doing? You say you begged and told him how much he hurt you and he is ENJOYING it and you want us to give you a MAGIC WAND to stop him?!!!! ROTFLMAO LLOL CHOKE SNORT!!!!
Come on, sweetie, you know the absolute ONLY way is to go NO CONTACT. Can’t go no contact cause you work with him? Well, then you get another job and in the meantime you treat him like a potted plant. Like he is not even something you would talk to. He lives next door, build a privacy fence as high as the law will allow. He calls. Change your number. He e mails. Block him or change addresses. He is the father of your kid, speak to him only via an attorney.
He hounds you, harasses you—stalks you—get a restraining order.
Make him Quit! LOL ROTFLMAO TILL I TURN BLUE!!!! AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN.
Ox,
I had to walk away from my parents too, it was the only way I could survive. Realizing our parents can never be what we needed them to be is a bitter pill to swallow; realizing that we harm ourselves by staying in contact is just as tough, especially if the case isn’t as clear as yours obviously was. For what it’s worth, and even if you’re 100% over it and now better for it, I’m sorry your parents were such monsters. I’m sorry for all of us, but like you, I believe that we can create a new life from the ashes of the old one, and fill it with people who can return the respect and love we have for them.
Family is so important, and for me, like you, family means mutual respect, love, and loyalty. With my younger siblings, who haven’t woken up all the way yet, I maintain contact, but can only do it from a safe distance, far away from the N parents and Spath siblings. Just praying for the day when the good ones can be with me on the ‘other side.’
Wish me luck, if you will, because I haven’t managed to rebuild my life from the ashes yet, though I have mastered the ‘walking away’ part 🙂 !
Psyche
well of coures there are ways….you can scare the P or N….you can do different things….depending on the situation…for me the situation is my lief and sanity…so its not just….hey im sick of his bad treatment….its a lttle more serious than that and i know there are ways of stopping abusers…..ways you have to really get into but they are there….and if anyone knows it would be helpful….im sure there aer people who’ve gotten vengeance or stopped a sp or narc….
Melanie, the only way I ever hurt a spath was to disrupt his plans . . . by walking away, and no longer giving ANYTHING to any situation he was involved in. That does piss them off, and it leaves them with nothing to work with IF you do it long enough. No one will listen to their whining forever.
The other thing that seems to piss off the women who love to hate me (jealous spaths who make Cinderella’s sisters look good) is to shine, to get my energy UP, to be and look my best, to succeed in MY plans that have nothing to do with their games, to thrive and stand on my own two feet, despite their best efforts to tear me down. When I can do that, they look really mad and as hateful as they actually are 🙂 Most the time I don’t have the energy for that, but when I do, boy does it work!
If you’re looking for a way to make a direct hit on an evil person, it’ll be like trying to punch a shadow. They feel nothing but their own needs, and their ‘need’ is to win by ruining you. So don’t let them ruin you, and turn you into a desperate victim, who degrades herself by stooping to their levels. They’d love it if you did that, if you fought like they do.
Psyche