The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
hens
Hi Buttons This has been a place for me to explain my feelings and uncover all the bad thing’s in my life. Thing’s I swept under the rug and blocked out of my mind as a child. I have that same humiliation and embarrassment of being duped out of my love by my mother as I do my former partner. I so regret the years of my life lost to them. My mother always had this hold on me, everyone saw it, I cherished her and kept her path in life clear from danger. The hold she had on me was from something evil. She is quilty of murder by suicide as far as I am concerned. This place and explaining my feelings has made a very positive change in me. I dont think of her much. That is a victory for me..as I have said here many times, no contact is our only weapon and our ultimate salvation.
Psyche
Btw, I thought I’d better clarify, my last response was to OxD, who thinks we fail in not having compassion for sociopaths. Sorry Ox, it’s nothing personal, but I just can’t agree at all with your assessment that:
“we don’t have compassion for them, we enjoy seeing them twist and turn and hurt because we take away their supply. In a way sometimes we do the very thing that we accuse them of doing”we fail in compassion.”
Ox Drover
Dear Psyche, let me CLARIFY what I mean by “compassion” I mean that we don’t GLORY in their down fall, believe me I have DONE ENOUGH of that! Just like I have hated them, felt bitterness against them, etc.
It is like “forgiveness” when Ii apply it to them does not mean a “squishy feeling” in my heart for them, or restoring trust, or saying that they are not responsible for what they did, because I will never trust them, they ARE responsible, and what they did was horrible. The forgiveness only gets the BITTERNESS OUT OF MY OWN HEART, that bitterness poisons ME, not them. It is like drinking poison and expecting them to die! LOL
Jesus said “be ye angry and sin not” meaning I think that anger itself is not a sin. Jesus himself was angry! But he also said “don’t let the sun go down on your wrath”—and wrath is not just ordinary anger, it is toxic bitter poison malignant anger that eats at US. Getting it out of our hearts helps us, not them.
I started prayiing for my egg donor and for my P-son, and I didn’t mean a single word of it. I had to write it down and read it out loud and I knew that God knew I didn’t mean a word of it, but eventually I started to mean it. Not that I felt all squishy but, but as long as I can keep that attitude the poison doesn’t eat at me! It is easy to fall off that “wagon” and to become bitter again, to become wrathful again. To want to stab them again, to want to choke them again! But when I feel like that, I am blocking my own healing, my own peace, and I don’t want to be LIKE THEM, without the ability to have compassion on the most worthless creature in the universe.
Doesn’t mean I want to cuddle it, or feed it, or take it home with me, and I will defend myself from it if I have to, just like I would a poison snake, but I’m not going to spend the rest of my life and the energy I have hating it. I have to work at it, believe me. Dr,.Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s search for meaning” was the thing that taught me to quit hating, to work at stopping that bitter feeling. I figure if he can forgive and not hate after spending 4 years in a Nazi concentration camp and losing everything but his life, then maybe I can find the meaning in life he did. At least I am going to try, it beats, I think, being bitter and angry all the time. Besides, there are those who have lost a lot more than I have and have risen above it and I want to do my best to follow their example.
Yea, it is human nature to want to see them twist over the fire like a rack of lamb on a spit, but it isn’t I think, the best thing for us to think and feel like that forever. (((Hugs)))) and God bless.
Wini
I agree with you Oxy. Forgiveness is for us to focus on so that we can heal from the EVIL they wreak in our lives. The more we practice forgiveness towards them, the sooner it becomes a reality. It’s not easy, I will never tell you that it is, but it does happen. As for compassion for them … again, it isn’t compassion that I have for other loving individuals that I have in my life. My compassion for them actually breaks my heart that I have to know they have absolutely NO CLUE what love is truly about. What honesty is about. Respect, honor, decency, loyalty, friendship, parenthood. They just mimic others to pretend to be real, but we have to have the unpleasant knowledge that they are so out of touch with human feelings and emotions. That they are just walking, talking, robots … machines. Plug them in, plug them out.
Bottom line, no matter how much pain and anguish they’ve caused in my life, I have to humbly get on my knees and thank God that at least I follow His truth and can feel all the emotions of a loving, caring feeling human being.
Peace.
Psyche
Ox, glad you clarified. But I still believe we SHOULD make evil squirm, by taking the high road, any chance we get. It can only help, period. It evaporates my bitterness to be able to do something productive in a highly f’d up world. I like being pro-active in the face of evil, love it, actually.
Leaving that aside, I have to freak out for a second, on line, since there’s no one at my place to freak out with. Was just on Facebook, where I saw a photo of my mother. I haven’t seen her, or a picture of her, for more than 10 years – I have not been in contact with her since 1997, in an effort to sustain some measure of sanity.
And there she was, in some silly attention-grabbing photo, looking as histrionic as ever, BUT SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE THE SPATH WOMAN AT MY CURRENT OFFICE (this is why I’m freaking out), who loves to hate me for the same reasons that my mother did (jealous nastiness). They look the same, with the same facial expressions. Same haircuts, same brown turtlenecks. Same desperate need to look ‘cool’, written all over their faces. What is UP with the similarities??
Maybe no one can relate, and it is time for me to get to bed anyway, but I HAD to say something. Yikes!!!
Hens, btw,
I know what you mean when you say you feel terror when your mother’s around. I have a strong reaction, too – more like a sick drain of energy, in the pit of my stomach, and like I have a rock in my stomach at the same time, just from seeing her face.
Aaak, I’m going to bed. Thanks for talking with me today y’all, I’ve enjoyed the conversations and ‘company’! Have a great weekend!!
Psyche
GettingIt
Gang, Anyone on here? I am pretty distressed right this minute and have to be careful as to what can be shared. But, I so need your expertise and advise. OK, trying to be less vague: WHEN PROTECTING OUR CHILDREN, Do we give them what they want and they go away out of boredom, or do we fight them and risk the well being of the rest of the family and – mainly – child’s welfare and safety?
IF I give him what he wants, will he keep wanting more?
If I don’t give him what he wants, will he hurt my baby?
I fear so many times more since I just heard that things are not working out for Mr. traveling Temp. So, what do I do? ??????
Wini
GettingIt, I’m on-line, but I’m not the right person to give you advise about the parental rights of the parent who has a partner that’s a predator.
I can speak with your healing, one on one.
GettingIt
Healing… Sometimes, I know I’d be healed or well on my way if I did not have to have exP in my life and if I did not have to have the fear and overwhelming disgust every time my child visits with the Monster. I wish I could be able to separate and let go, to accept that kids are “Resilient” as they say, to be OK with the unimaginable… he already “won” so many times over. It’s like he keeps pushing the limits to see how much I can take. Or, maybe, it’s all in my head… I just want to be of no use or interest to him. And I want our child to be of no use or interest to him. He’s abandoned them and abducted them, so I can’t predict what’s in his head. And – feeling so powerless to protect my child is very painful.
GettingIt
well, I’ll try to sleep. Wini, thank you for responding. Peace and love.
Wini
GettingIt, I’m sorry I couldn’t help. I hope you can at least get a good nights sleep.
Peace.