The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
Buttons
{{{Lostingrief}}}…..bless your heart. Maybe, it’s time to change your member ID? You’re not lost, anymore, and you’ve dealt with your grief. Amazing. Courageous. And, a Survivor……. Brightest blessings.
lostingrief
i’ve been around LF for quite a while. thought about changing the name, but many know me by this name. i own where i am, but i also want to own where i was.
blessings back.
Buttons
What a great sense of self, Lostin…that actually makes sense to me! 😀
hens
lostingrief – I am lovin your attitude…I think we have given those x creeps way too much of our time and energy. Look how far you and I have come in these 20 something months. I think you should put your user name in backward – griefinlost – I am hens instead of you know who and everybody that matters know who I am and the same for you – I am hoping to just fade away in to life soon.. I think my therory that it takes two and half years to recover is a self fullfilling prophecy for me, I am looking forward to graduaction day from lovefraud and I know it will always be here for us ( i hope ) when we need it..but I am going to graduate with honour and pride with my new degree in spathdarofrogology. good to see ya grieflost…
super chic
lostingrief, I have always closely related to what you write.
The addiction was tough for me to give up too.
Thank you for sharing yourself with LF.
Rosa
Getting It:
You asked:
“IF I give him what he wants, will he keep wanting more?
If I don’t give him what he wants, will he hurt my baby?”
These are questions only you can answer, because you know this guy better than anyone.
We’ve never met him, so it would be hard for us to say.
But, if you think he’s capable of hurting your child, you definitely do not want to anger him or provoke him.
Especially if you are handing over your child to him.
If you are suspecting abuse from the child’s father, then you may want to HEIGHTEN YOUR AWARENESS.
Watch your child and the father like a hawk!
Watch how your child interacts with his father when you drop him off….Is he happy to see his father, or is he anxious and fearful?
Does he run to his father, or does he run in the corner and cry?
What is your child like AFTER he’s been with his father?
Is he happy and well-rested, or is he tired, irritable, or even traumatized?
Does your child wet the bed after he’s been to his father’s house?
Does your child have any unexplained bruises/scratches on strange areas of the body…like the back, bottom, chest, upper arms, forehead, neck?
I would be documenting & photographing anything unusual that points to possible abuse.
I would also have the child examined by a qualified professional.
Ox Drover
Dear Psyche,
You and I are in agreement. I am glad when EVIL fails. I am glad when good pervails! But the “BITTER glee” over the downfall of anyone, even a psychopath is not good for me. I am sorry that they are EVIL, but I also recognize that they have a choice as well as I do and it is a shame when anyone choses the “dark side” (a bit of Star Wars jargon therre!) How wonderful it would be if all people chose to be kind, compassionate and good. What a paradise we would have in this world if there were NO EVIL people here. Can you even imagine how wonderful it would be? We would ONLY have to contend with flat tires, cancer, and earthquakes, but everyone would pull together, have compasssion on their fellow man. No adultery, no lies, no need for prisons or police.
Of course this isn’t going to happen, and I am glad when JUSTICE PERVAILS and people are rewarded according to their deeds by “the higher power” (whatever name you call it).
Henry, darlink, I don’t think I will ever “graduate” from the need to continue my healing path, my growing, my reminding myself to BE the person I want to be, to work toward that end. I also want to “pay it forward” as they say now, and to extend a hand to those that were suffering like you (and I) were when you and I came here. I think those of us who are out of that CRAZY CHAOS need to continue to reach out as Donna has done and as she has given us the opportunity to reach out. To me it reinforces the things I have learned, as wellas gives me a cushin to fall back on if I need it from time to time (which I do).
hens
ox you were my cushin – you kept me pushin – you boinked me out of that fog – told me he was a dog – you were my cyber savior – you did me a favor -you were my drug – that pulled me out from under da rug – oh yeah – oh yeah – glad your a cushin – that keeps on a pushin – you are my friend – till the end – oh yeah – oh yeah..
GettingIt
Rosa, I thank you for very concrete and good suggestions. My child actually likes going there, but returns tired and angry. He exhibits inappropriate touching and sexuality for few days after. OK, I will say it: the Ex may be on the GO and I fear that he’s gonna get ideas that would put me with the weeping mothers at the doors of the White House. With that, he’s been trying to avoid child support, change schedules and do the common P things.
Now, they (Ps) mostly seem more alike than different. I don’t think any of us KNOW them because to know one you almost have to be one. Now, Steve is a different story. Perhaps, he can shed some light as to whether giving in will “buy more time”. here is what I think: if I give in (i.e. no child support, do as you will type of attitude, it may make me and the baby boring to him, it may be seen as a “win” or alternatively create a curiosity as to how far he can go without me defying his control). If I battle at this stage of the game, I fear of retaliation against me and the child. Thus, my question. If they are all alike (which they are in principle) perhaps, there is some kind of formula evil operates under. I hope I make sense. Things tensed up around here for the reasons I cannot share, but these were enough to intensify my concerns. I am NC with the P, but P always finds a way to unnerve me. I am of sound mind, to the best of my knowledge. And – before I was righteous, now I am on defense, because he does have my young unprotected and unsupervised, which makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. I am sure mothers will understand
silvermoon
Hens ‘n OX,
Its an interesting point you raise- the idea about when graduation occurs.
Do we who have experience ever not have time to be there for people who are just having it? Or the need for counsel for not getting pulled in again?
I don’t have answers but these are questions which have crossed my mind.
I wouldn’t say that graduation is close for me because I think it would be an arrogant presumption. There are milestones upcoming and these are not markers to corss alone I do not think.
And I agree OX, we keep learnin as long as we keep going.
Your posts speak to things I have thought about. And I am glad to know other people think about them too.