The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
Melanie, I don’t want you to interpret this as harsh, but two things have got to change: your maintaining contact with the spath and the wallowing in your victimization.
There is no reason – NONE – to maintain contact with a spath. Whether it’s through letters, text messages, emails, verbal discussions, physical contact, etc. NONE. If you know that this person fits the profile, then it’s your choice to stay or go and to maintain NO CONTACT or continue attempting to interact.
Unless the spath has you chained to the radiator, you have A CHOICE. You can pack up your important documents, your children (if there are any) and get the bloddy hell OUT. If you’re not living with the spath, then you have the choice of NO CONTACT and getting some counseling for yourself so you can pull yourself out of the cesspool of victim and back into the light of day.
It’s up to you whether or not you want to do something to save yourself. My encouragement that “you’re going to be fine” and your assertion that you’re NOT tells me that you either think that you can change this person, or that you have no intention of helping yourself.
Brightest blessing to you. I truly wish you well.
true, but much easier said thatn done….ive gone days months of suffering resisting suffering….resisting…no contact…torture.. just so much torture, hell and more hell..and only this monster leading me on mind screwing me terrorizing me on a phone making me do this that say this…just for nothing…to get nothing..even recently him leading me on that was the contact part, after weeks of no contact and sporadic bursts of him messing with me….then the black magic or energy stuff….at this pt..not much i can do…..moving is one of my only options to a diffeernt city, just a horror situation to be a part of….just regret ever meeting that sick person….or knowing or having to suffer in that way
no thats not true at all..the entire point is being trapped not only with someone who has abused u to major extremes in an abnormal way….and mentally tortured you but for the 100th time the black magic involved…..it is not something u can walk away from…..i have done things lived my life but no matter what it is non-stop suffering….it is not wallowing in it…..for u can’t get away from it…that’s the sad trap…if u haven’t experienced it u probably dont understand, but for those who do….or have….they can understand….and u dont have to be physically trapped to be trapped…and it is not just a mental trap it is much worse than that…. so if youre one of the lucky people who has never suffered at the hands of a witch doing energy or spells on you…. you are lucky…. and if u dont believe in it…..it doesn’t matter as those who are victims of it…. are basically screwed…especially depending on all the elements involved… and claiming i wont be fine is my assessment after what ive been through…..how on earth do u dare say that i dont want to help myself or that i expect him to change…. that is flat out ignorance…and coming from someone on a forum board…..who has dealt with a sociopath…..shame on you….one thing u can learn from people is that….no matter what happens, even those who’sve suffered at the hands of sp’s…will show little remorse for others….and display such pitiful arrogance themselves…. those unfortunately…are the people…..who are not socipathic but just low people….who dont help but rather condescendinly insult…especially people in severe situations…. really really sad…and take advantage of them too…. i would never say to that to anyone especially someone expressing such grief…it is just so so wrong and ignorance….just a sign of the ignorance u possess yourself….and taking advantage of those writing personal information about themselves….. also to say thtat during a time when people are going through some of the worst….is so low….so you really are rude….to even make those statements…and i hope u dont comment to em anymore…..im basically talking about my personal awful situation….which u i bet would have no clue of….except to spew some arrogant/ignorant statement…so callously…as if “oh hey just walk away or do this and if u cant well here are the reasons ur not” ciao….wow….seriously… that is so pathetic…..hope after all the posts here…most people can gather that getting away from an SP..N or anyone is not a simple situation and is complex and a difficult process…..and telling that to people who are in extremely really bad situations….is one of the dumbest things u can say to someone…
and most ppl here are venting their suffering…not ‘wallowing’ in their situations…..so pathetic to make those awful statements….that’s what these boards are for…for people to talk,vent….release…..im sure when u were dealing with an Sp freaking out u felt u were wallowing in your tragedy….so sad to say something so rude….and of course it is harsh but that’s what people like you do…u want to be mean to those who are down….and upset them…esp if they aer vulnerable and even talking about their situations….its sad how even abused people dont learn from their own situations….and lack real compassion and empathy….and find it a joke almost….
Melanie,
Do you truly believe that this person is exercising “magic” to control you? If so, then get a spell cast on him, or one to protect you. As long as you allow him contact though, he has control over you. If you go NO contact, and KEEP AT IT, then he has NO control, YOU do.
I know you feel trapped. But that doesn’t make it true. Feeling trapped and Being trapped are not the same thing.
Neither buttons nor I are insensitigve to your plight or your pain. We have both BEEN THERE, I left everything I owned, and ran for my life but I DID WHAT IT TOOK TO PROTECT MYSELF, and NO one can give you any advice or help other than REGAIN YOUR CONTROL, whatever it takes to do it.
We cannot do it for you. I have empathy for you,, but I can’t do it for you. Just like if you were having a baby and screaming in pain, all I can do is encourage you to PUSH no matter how bad it hurts because that is the only way to get it done and stop the pain. PUSH THROUGH IT. God bless.
Melanie,
I respectfully disagree with you that any poster here has “spewed some arrogant/ignorant statements” to you.
Many times posters come here and when they arrive they have no idea what or who they are dealing with. They learn as they go..
You have shared that you are well aware of who and what you are dealing with. So when one finally realizes what they are up against one of the healthiest things they can do for themselves is GET OUT. Granted, its a process, its planning and protecting and making decisions on whats BEST FOR YOU.
Please dont continue to allow him to impose his “character” upon you/your life. In order to be in a position to never pick up a pen when he tells you to write letters, or in order to never again be in a position for him to torture you, lie to you, scare you, manipulate you, blast you, twist and turn you like a pretzel, do black magic, etc… in order for any of the hell you are living to stop/end – you must GET OUT and GO NO CONTACT.
Im glad you are planning to do that.
Melanie, it’s unfortunate that you feel my comments were arrogant or ignorant.
Go back and read your own posts and think about what they are saying. Then, consider that the members on this site have gone through much of what you’re experiencing, and worse. I’m not going to get into a one-upmanship contest, here, or minimalize your experiences. What I’m saying is that many of us DO know the definition of torture and abuse and for those of us who have Survived, it came down to a CHOICE.
Nothing can harm me if I don’t allow it to, and that includes “black magic.”
Brightest blessings to you, Melanie.
melanie:
it is something you MUST run away from. there is no other way out of the tangle of abuse. the reason there is ‘black magic’ involved is because, in my opinion, sociopaths are not human. literally. i truly believe they are some form of demonic entity.
whether a person is ‘low’ or a sociopath, if you are being violated in any way, the only way out is OUT.
yes, it’s hard. for me, it seemed impossible. but i made a decision to save myself from even one more night of drama … whatever form that drama took.
we all deserve to be free, and unharmed, in every moment. when we are used to the head games, and still think we can figure it all out and somehow turn the tide, we suffer. period.
i have been on this blog for two years now. i read many posts that made me angry and resentful. but in the end, the truth was that my buttons were being pushed. i was being told the love wasn’t real (YES, IT WAS!); that the abuse i suffered ‘wasn’t personal.’ (YES, IT WAS!). etc.
but letting it go means getting to the very core of who you are, what you believe yourself to be.
this takes work. we are all helping to guide you to what is right for you … and what your right path is to become free from an abusive sadist.
no one was sucked in more than i was. i lost everything.
but when i realized the only way to heal was to NEVER let one more word or action from the spath come into my life, i was able to slowly wrangle myself back to me.
as you can see. we are here. we do understand. and you will, too.
melanie,
and they DO stroke people’s egos! they do WHATEVER it takes to get what they want!
they will stop at nothing. don’t question their tactics. just run the other way. you can’t win against them. no one can.
well i compleely disagree with you.. as i am going thru extreme suffering and simply because i have ‘knowledge’ of the aspects of abuse does not mean that….well i shud get out or can get out because i “know what is going on”….that is very ignorant and arrogant and so untrue to tell someone that….probably the worst thing u can say to someone in a situation like that….so the people of this society feel that if u ‘know’ u are being abused and stay…oh well its yuor fault….that is so stupid wrong false etc….victim blaming…and to make such incorrect assertions such as ‘well u either expect to change the person or yadda yadda”….. totally wrong….and u can’t assess what is worse or not…..and people who’ve ‘been through it’…ive been thru lots of situations with narcissists oh and claiming arrogantly “hey black magic can’t harm me”… people who say that….are spewing more ignorance as most people who are victims of magic generally arent even aware of it… so its not something they can do mcuh about…..the majority of jerks in society arrogantly say “oh black magic cant harm me”…i cant even believe people make those statements when there are people who are killed or lives ruined from it….. and every situation varies……”every” situation differs…..so just because u ‘got away from an sp” good for you does not mean that for others it is that easy of a situation….and very wrong to throw in a meager 3 choices there…. thats like telling someone ok hey basically…ur trapped in the bottom of a pit and someone is hurling rocks, rocks, and more rocks at you….oh and then they do something worse, and worse….and u sink deeper and deeper….and deeper…. then people are standing on the outside saying “hey….come on get out….u can do it….we did it once….well sort of but not really..we were almost halfway out and there was a rope there…but trust me…ur just not working hard enough…..heck no….totally wrong…..so next time people are in extreme suffering circumstances…..telling them silly choices that arent even true….about their situation is wrong…. never say that to anyone….everyone KNOWS that if ur victimized by an sp u have to get out….and find awys….there are 10000’s of peopl ewho are struggling….and it does not come down to a ‘choice’ you are not a guru on abuse….every situation varies…..and its too bad that u or others cannot look outside your miniscule box of ignoarnce….and think you know it all and can advise others with vague ignorance…..just because u ‘got away’…. ive gotten away from other sociopaths before ive dealt with friends who’ve dealt with abusers narcissists…ive dealt with sp’s and n’s for years and read studied it….but i never have the place to judge or tell others anything…..only give helpful advice and dare not tell people why they must be ‘staying’ due to my own stupidity… utter wrong on your part to make people feel so bad when they are at their low….the worst part about dealing with those who’ve dealt with abuse….are those who truly lack knowledge…..who’ve dealt with one r two situations…when they were totally ignorant….then feel that they can advise othesr with vagueness ignorance rudeness…. its so common…those aer the people who unfortunately know the least but go around trying to assert that onto others….when they themselves barely knew it…. every situation is different…and u really dont have the place to tell others what to do based on what u did…..especially in a negative or rude way….also not everyone can leave a situation….or a