The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
oxdrover: regarding the magic i dont know anything about it and i dont think one spell cast is going to be able to stop him…he is ruthless he stops at nothing…he does this daily non-stop….even with no results he never stops….yes im trapped because im under the spells voodoo and at his mercy….suffering…part of it is to lure me to his place…all while he is saying “i dont want to see you”!!! it’s reverse psych coupled with torture energy….its just sick his sick twisted game….but i fight/resist…deal with the pain– it is very powerful stuff.. extremely painful hell…and it is hell and torture i cant describe…and worse because i resist…and he keeps doing it and won’t stop….i do things but it is constantly there and its not a mind game it’s heavy serious stuff.. again hes saying staunchly how he doesnt want to see me….hes done with me…yelling scraeming….he DOESNT want to do this..etc…or hes ignoring me, while projecting this torturous powerful lure…through energy/projection/magic that is tryign to get u to his place.. its this sick control sadistic thing….its so out there …and something he did when i first met him but not recently and not like this…..normally its not this bad…he would see me after 2-3 weeks…not torture me with energy this way.. ie its black magic voodoo making u want to go to his place…or just torturing you with it..so extremely….he also psych tortures me into driving to his palce along with all that…by doing something horrible to me while ignoring me…hoping i’ll get mad and drive over there….he keeps doing different tactics…anything but inviting me over…which he wont do since it’s part of his sick warped horrid mind game of “torture” like….i wont see u or invite you unless u pay me money…or give me 100 different things…but i’ll torture u or do spell stuff on you trying to u to my place (while im telling u and yelling howi dont want to see you) ie terrorizing you by making u think i dont want to see you while projectnig this lure at you so strongly that you feel ur going to die if u dont see me…he also thinks the reverse psych makes me want to see him…but it just scares me…into not seeing him…and his tactics never work yet he keeps doing them over n over again and never stops…… again im too scared to go uninvited he lives an away hour and so i resist…but its mostly the magick stuff and its not just one spell he has done and does lots of things…i dont know anything abotu this stuff and everytime i go to healers in the past to do things to help they ended up doing more damage…so im scared..especially since it sa vulnerable situation now… now he’s making it 4-5 weeks of not seeing me while torturing me with energy daily..and yes the energy is torture and so painful…and when i first met him he would do this to me and just sit waiting for me day after day…yet i’d never show up…because he is saying “I DONT WANNA SEE U I DONT WANNA BE WITH YOU”!!! so twisetd and crazy”and I knew he was waiting for me to show up but was too terrorized to understand–then”even after days of different tactics, (spell work) and ignoring me.. I never showed up”and once he called and yelled in frustration”’NOTHING WORKS ON YOU!!!!! or “WHATS KEEPING U FROM ME”??? (again while he is threatening u daily telling u he dosent awnt to see or be with you youre broken up…saying if u showed up he’ll put a bullet in your head) and he would try more and more crazy tactics”he will also say you’re ‘broken up’ and he wants nothing to do with you…thinking that’ll make u ‘drive to his place’ ….he will do or say all sorts of crazy things, project all sorts of crap…all while he is telling you he wants nothing to do with you…..thinking that will make you drive to his place…when it terrifies you..and u dont knwo what to believe…and u are just terrified….he then seems perplexed why u dont show up but u assume he cant be that stupid…and hes just trying to torture u for no reason….it is crazy sick…horrific….anything but invite u over…he will ‘never’ invite u over….he will psych torture abuse, reject refuse you…play 100 different reverse psych games….it is so out there scary.. I would even say to him.. please just invite me over.. dont do this to me.. I told you I will never show up uninvited…he doesnt care and just does it more…and more again with no results, appaerntly just torturing me for no reason….and i am legitimately extremely terrified to show up uninvited due to past traumatic experiences…and the entire ordeal involved….and he just wont stop and keeps doing it…he may even say in the middle of it all “oh im sitting in my living room studying” trying to give me the hint that “he’s home”….but im still too scared to show up…again b/c im not invited, he is still saying to me “I DONT WANNA SEE YOU”…terrifying me into goign there…so the game is terrifying me into not going there while projectnig some torturous lure to goign there, while i already want to go there anyway….so its a fun sick sadistic horror game….which he still does ie being a narcissist all they do is play these crazy games, one game after the next..and if it was just a mind game”it would be bearable but this energy projection stuff..it is torture on another level”but with this whackjob”it is just crazier and he never stops”and gets worse then later he said when i had first met him “i waited for you for weeks”..and i would think…i knew he was waiting for me.. of course while yelling at how he didnt want to see me or be with me, fighting screaming…threatening me if i showed up…but this is crazy insane stuff…he will do this day after day non-stop…and it is torture for the victim and im too terrified to show up to be this sp’s ‘puppet’ so he can yell at me and say ” I TOLD U NOT TO SHOW UP”!! or threaten anything who knows….while he is the one projecting this horror and lure to try to get you there….and playing these extremely twisted sick horrific games….again trying to get me to drive to his place while either ignoring me or claiming he doesnt want to see me….without the energy/projection stuff he wouldnt have this power to make u want him so badly…or be able to make u feel this way or torture/trap you….its extreme hell and so painful… something he did long ago but not recently…. its just hell and really bad..and yes ur trapped….i fight resist and refuse to drive to his place….out of extreme fear…and it is just some raelly sick crazy warped game that anyone would never imagine wnating to be involved in…..i doubt anyone has dealt with that here though some have….ie u may need to have experienced it to understand it and pain and hell involved…. i wish i knew about witchcraft stuff but i raelyl dont want to know or get involved….yes for protection but…even if i protect i think he’ll keep doing it….and then even get stronger in what he’s doing….i can only hope i resist long enough for him to quit, give up try a different strategy but oddly hes been doign this two months now and not sure why….and dont care why…..i just want to end the suffering but can’t…. again the reason im freaking out is b/c its never been this bad since ive known him….so its scary unpredictable…non-stop torture…and not even sure why this particular sp is using this tactic now…. but talk about being a puppet…and….he just wont stop even tho i never show up– he doesn’t stop.. worse just because hes doing it doesnt mean he’s sitting around waiting for you…he’s just psych torturing you and torturing you in so many different ways into wanting him confusing terrorizing u screwing with your head in extreme ways…and he could be otu with someone else laughing and joking while ur suffernig begging saying…should i drive there or not drive there…does he want me to go?? does he mean not go, or go.. is he waiting for me?.. even times he told me to come halfway he would start yelling ‘TURN AROUND TURN AROUND…GO BACK!!! PLANS CHANGED….TURN AROUND”…wow or he’ll threaten you ony our way there claiming that if u show up he’ll put a bullet in your head, shoot you, the door will be locked, u cant stay, this will happen’ and terrorize you so extremely…trying to get u to fear going there and confusing you while he allowed u to come….or all sorts of other horrid things….worse if for any reason u ever decide to drive there…then its the..will he let me in…will he be with someone else..yell at me…how long can i stay….is he going to call the cops on me….u even ask him well what if i show up—though thats what he wants u to do he’ll say “IF U SHOW UP I”LL CALL THE COPS ON YOU CUZ I DONT WANNA SEE YOU”…so sick warped.. because asking if u can do somethign ruins the game for the narcissist and the plan he has to try to get u running to him in desperation freaking out begging to see him all so he can reject and reject you more and threaten u more….though who knows what he would do but of cousre will terrorize u into not showing up…while he is doing everything else to try to get u there…through energy…in this case either trying to kill destroy you or drive u crazy it seems…its insanity adn so out there really twisted out there situation ive never heard of…and i regret being the person who knows the monster who would do something so warped to someone and who it this warped…its just so twisted complex crazy..pointless weird stuff that makes abslutely no sense..as to why someone would be doing this….and worse than a nightmare to be a part of….and to be the victim person who has to endure it…
Dear Melanie,
I really don’t think I can give you advice on how to counter magic, black or otherwise. I do hear that you are in INTENSE PAIN, however.
My best suggestion to you is that you cannot continue to try to do this without some REAL LIFE SUPPORT. Love fraud can give you suggestions, but unfortunately none of us can reach through the screen and actually help you.
I suggest that you might want to consider going to the emergency room of your local hospital and talk to them about what you can do. I do realize you are in tremendous pain, but only you can seek real world help and I truly think that is what you need desperately. God bless and protect you.
Ox-thanks for the positive words and same to you Buttons. I feel almost like my self before the relationship ever happened. These posts are making me tired so I will now say peace out ya’ll.
Dear Melanie,
You are in over your head…it really may help to go to the emergency room or a DV shelter just to talk to someone who may be able to help you devise a plan, start focusing on the possiblities ahead, not the continual negativity.
Also, through everything you have shared you have made clear that he has verbal access to you… you dont see him… but you enable and allow him to speak to you … to tell you he doesnt want you to come or to tell you to pay him money or to VERBALIZE to you that he will torture you, etc…
So, use abuse harm victimize me once ITS ON YOU…and use abuse harm victimize me twice then I have to take a look at what my choices are, how I am or AM NOT protecting myself and what positive steps Im taking to get away. Instead of just give up and succumb to his controlling mindf**king ways and settle and claim that IM STUCK, there is NOTHING I CAN DO — because that will enable the cycle to continue.
I know it feels next to impossible to get away. It did for so many of us – we were caught in a make-believe trap that felt so very real every which way we turned — but it was just that we rendered our power over to another … we rendered ourselves helpless and stuck and confused (all at the doings of anothers sick control and mind games).
As much as you would like to claim your situation is so different from others — its not — well the people are surely different — but the tactics, the bullying, the push -pull, the taking advantage of you and the scaring you and really twisting of your thoughts, comments, views, being in the fog ARE ALL THE SAME. Whatever or whoever he is – he is TOXIC for you and your life.
What exactly are you doing to get away? Have you changed your phone number? Have you talked to friends/family? Have you stopped all communications with him ? What is your plan?
it doesnt matter if he has access to me or not….right now is an extreme and vulneration position that he has me in ….he doesnt need to talk to me to be able to do witchcraft on me….and toxic isnt the word for the situation…..getting out was possible before he began doing wht he’s doing now which has lead me deeper into well where he wants i assume.. which not sure of….and im sorry but people trying to give advice….if ur being helpful that’s cool but do not begin to tell me oh this or ‘im way in over my head’….excuse me….im also not interested in takin advice as far as leaving b/c that is not possible right now…..as this is a crisis type situation for me…and has been for months now….talking to him or not talking doesnt change any of it…im more slightly fearful of what the sp’s motivei s to be doign all this….as it is out of his norm and he may have plans to be doing some serious damage to me…..thanks but i dont understand what u are saying…. no hes not toxic….hes a good guy and im in a good position…??….and toxic i mean the guy is a sadist….thats like saying some murderer is toxic…this guy is extremely sick twisted…..really really REALLY sick….and it is a scary situation to be a part of…. no i dont believe im stuck…i dont know why u people here continue making such false assumptions so that i have to keep defending myself…thats just so stupid….u have no clue what im talking about…and im not going to like kkeep writing no i dont feel this way simple b/c some person has decided to write i feel this false way that i don’t….wtf….i think u may not comprehend…what im posting and continue posting with things that make no sense… im tryign to express the sheer twistedness of this particular situation and how extreme and insane it is… not that i cant get out and im happy and stuck….. maybe reread the posts or something…oh and yes it is different…and not that it matters if ti is or isn’t…thats not the pt…not in a sense of oh my situation is so different and major…of cousre the things involved are similar with any narc or sp….but the context varying….but the context in this situation is very different and most ppl are not being tortured by energy vampires in this extreme way who make them suffer jsut to be in their presence….ive never heard of a situation liek that and if u have well then it happens but yes it is very different from other situations…in that nature and in many natures….not to say oh yeah im suffering more….but its not a normal type situation u hear about all teh time…..it is very abnormal and really messde up in my opinion and very horrific and extreme with the elements involved…..yes all narcs and sp’s do all those things….but most arent doing the things that this monster has done and not with all the complex elements involved…so im nto sure what u are trying to say…..in my opinion out of all the things ive read and experienced….its extreme and worse im experiencing it and suffering through it so its very extreme to me….ive talked to others who have not heard of it before….regardless thats not to try to make it out ot be something major but it is a sick situation….and sicker to be part of it….i dont know many guys who refuse sex with their gf’s who they never see and torture into seeing while they try to rape cats, homeless people and everyone else….never heard of that…..i think its pretty severely horrific…also just venting and writing so i dont understand why people keep writing silly rebuttals taht they are….such as….ur sayign this or that…im just writing a story expressing the situation…. not making general overall assumptions on how bad it is….but i personally do think its bad and havent heard of anyone ever doing this to someone in my life…i think its very extreme….i am in a nightmare just trying to get out or knowing that i have to deal with it…..just as anyone would be… im just in a nightmare situation and expressing it….liek anyone else would be…there is nothing else about it….
hey ya’ll-along with my new sense of self, I am proud to say that I am really getting good at recognizing red flags and not ignoring them. I said before that I am almost like myself before the spath, but actually, I’m better. I am starting to feel a little self esteem creeping back in. I am doing what I want and not worrying about what others think and not worried about having to explain my actions to others.
I went out to exercise in the heat of the New Orleans sun at 3pm in 90 plus degree temps. It’s part of preparing for my new career. I wore my underarmour compression gear without any clothes on top of it, which is kind of like spandex. I would considered doing that before but why be unbearably hot in tons of clothes when I can be a little more comfortable. I see other girls my size wearing it so why shouldn’t I? I used to be worried about the opinions of the skinny girls and worried about what they think. Well most of them probably arent’ exercising out in the heat like I am and who the heck cares?
I am very proud to say that is a very big step for me as I have too younger sisters who are very anorexic and way too skinny. I am heavy but I’m healthy and they always made me feel bad when we were younger because I was a size 8-10 and they were 0. I kept that inadequacy until I was grown. Part of why I fell for the ex spath is that he always said how I was so sexy and gorgeous no matter what. I just feel so much better and so much more ok with me.
Dear Melanie,
If you can’t go to a shelter or to a medical professional to escape his black magic influence, then I am OUT OF IDEAS. I do not know what, if anything anyone here can do for you.
If the situation is impossible for you to escape because of him some how bewitchingn you with black magic maybe you could go to a priest and get help. If you are not able to do that, I have no idea what can help you. I do not know how to combat magic of any kind except to turn to God for help if there is no one on earth who can help your situation. I truly am sorry you are suffering, and I can pray for you, but as I see it, that is ALL I can do to help you or all the advice I can give you.
Dear Melanie,
I dont need to reread your posts, in fact I no longer need to read current posts of yours.
You just said you dont believe you are stuck! But your 4:22 pm post you say ” Hey Im stuck in a situation”…. Really if you take a few moments and read all of your contradictory comments you may be able to sort this out a bit better than I can.
No matter what he is, who he is, what he does he is TOXIC for you! And it does matter if he has access to you or not.
Lastly, this about sums it up for me when you stated this
“im also not interested in takin advice as far as leaving”…
Im not interested in reading such horrific examples that you just want to share and do nothing about or wish to do nothing about. I dont support victims who just wish to share and dont want to make any effort in leaving.
And finally you dont get to control how others respond to you.
You ARE in over your head. God bless you and I hope one day you stand up and protect yourself when you no longer just want to share the destructive parts of your relationship with him! Good luck
Dear Erin1972~
Good for you! Thats the spirit and the way to deal with all those old emotions! Tackle it head on and just go for it!!! Great post! I read that we all should be drinking half our body weight in ounces of water a day!! Especially with being out in that heat!!!! Way to go!
Dear Oxy,
If I need skillet boinking…let me know! But right now Im off to the garden!
Have a good night ladies and gents!