The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
pilgrimage
Hi katiebug and thank you for your wisdom. Ironic the s is better at nc than me. I thought I was ok and stopped having to read about s’s and hanging out on sites like this but since he went nc I am here at LF seems like 24/7. It has been 8 months since I have seen him and I am still dealing w/ the pain.
Hopeforjoy
One Step,
Hope you feel better, thinking about you. I’m so sorry about your pain, the terrible toll dealing with spaths is showing in your health. The ptsd can bring on auto-immune diseases and fiber-myalgia (sp?), I read about that in one of my sex addict books.
Sending healing thoughts your way!
learning
Dear Pilgrimage,
Its normal, its ok, you WILL be okay. At 8 months out I was still stringing along holding on to texts and hope. It took me nearly 2 years to really get my head around the unhealthy aspects of our connection. It took me a long, long time.
Im so glad you are here. Its such a positive sign for you that you really do want SOMETHING to change. Not knowing what to do or how to accomplish full-on NC , or rather how to accomplish being ok with full-on NC – is such a personal journey. But I promise you, if you start small and start to think about yourself — what you deserve — how wonderful you are as a person and that you really do belong with others who treat you respectfully and honestly — slowly you will embrace going NC. Its easier for them to go NC because they dont take a moment to stop and think about their actions or the effects they leave on others –
Go through the pain, let yourself feel what you are fighting or maybe afraid of — so you can really come to realize — that hey you are ok and you are going to be ok without him. In fact, you may even grow to see yourself in a whole new light – stronger, wiser and more informed about others and what you will never accept from another.
I really had to push myself daily to realize there really is more to life than my ex…and that in fact I was holding myself back by not letting go and embracing that its ok and necessary to let go and grow and learn and look for likeminded people to befriend! Hang in there… we are here for you… any time…any day. xoxo LTL
pilgrimage
Dear learning,
What kind and wise words you have given me. I guess the s’s are really like teachers and the survivors who have come out of this whole, healthy and happy are teachers and healers as well (like you) for the weary still fighting their way out of the fog, and heartbreak. Thank you again. I hope I can come out of this helping others as well.
erin1972
one_step: I tried the coconut water today and I like it. I drank it after the outdoor workout in the 90plus degree heat. I will start having it at work in the afternoon before I hit the great outdoors. I love being out in the heat. I enjoy sweating much more than I thought. The 90 lb weight loss is GOING to happen-hopefully by the end of the year. That’s the big goal.
I have 6 days off next month to do WHATEVER I want-big power workouts, tons of sleep, spa day, shooting range-whatever and I’m SO excited about it.
ErinB-thanks so much for your words. I really appreciate it. Ya’ll are all great and I owe part of this to all of you! :):):)
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hopeforjoy – ty. keep those healing thoughts coming. still sucking over here.
erin72 – sounds like a great time!
melanie
well the SP screwed up my modeling profile…as the admins of the place shut it down which was the goal of the sp….that was a nightmare….as he badmouthed me to them and they believed him.. it was a bad situation and just contributed to the alreayd horrors he has been doin to me and was a nightmare…ie he won…..and got rid of my dream and all my hard work witha simple phone call.. while he is torturing me on a level that he has never done b4 or i have never suffered though and while his photogrpaher profile is still up and going so he won by destroying my dream and a place where people came to look at my pictures and everything…on top of that the sp is torturing me worse with black magic…to a point where i was in severe crisis pain couldnt breathe, barely move, chest body constricted felt like i was going to die… and had to call a healer…the torture was getting worse and worse and symptoms of the last and most serious stages of it….ive been thru serious and severe black magic type stuff but nothing this bad in my life…he is terrorizing me on another level now and it is scary… i was in severe crisis and spiritual crisis and thought i wasnt going to survive…the healer helped a lot but there ies stilll severe suffering…the sp trying to get me to drive to his place again for two months or just trying to kill me…so now it is just getting worse…i cant say anything to negotiate and the sp isnt talking to me…again i duno why he is doing this….but there is nothing i can do….except try to survive….its extremely scary though…. the scariest ive been thru so far… im just scared…as…there is nothing i can do to help myself and whatever i can do seems to be to do whatever i can to not have to suffer more….or worse…and even prevent what it seemed like was severe illness or death or i dont know what……
Iwonder
Melanie,
Uhm..why did you write “I can’t say anything to negotiate and the sp isn’t talking to me again.?” Girl, screw your head on right. Why would you WANT this guy to talk to you? You want the pain to go away? Then block his phone #, block his email address, don’t call him, don’t look for him, don’t surf the net seeing what he’s up to, and guess what? The pain will go away! It’s not like you are married to him, have kids with him or joint finances and can’t walk away. You have such an easier fix than most folks on this site. It’s kind of like a light switch. You can turn it off it you choose to do so. How the hell can someone MAKE YOU go to his place? That would mean you have to get in your car, put the key in the ignition, drive there and no one can make you do that but yourself. Unless, of course, you want to feel more pain. How are you going to ever have a healthy relationship with a beautiful man if you allow yourself to continue this path of self-destruction? Sorry to be so blunt but I’m afraid if you don’t end this “relationship” the next Sociopath you attract may be 20 times worse and you may find yourself in total hell next go around. Learn to walk away. Learn to cut ties. Only you can get “unstuck.” Choose to heal. Choose to look ahead as to how wonderful the future can be with someone who adorse you and truly loves you.
Psyche
Melanie,
I’m really concerned about you. I don’t know what to say that might help. Please get some distance from your abuser if you can, as soon as possible. Go to a place where people you can trust will take care of you for a little while, if you have a place like that.
Psyche
ErinBrock
OZ!