How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.

Read the letters here:

I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day

I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated

Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?

Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:

They wanted to.

Core of a sociopath

Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.

But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:

  • Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
  • Have no conscience
  • Are interested only power, control and sex

This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.

Implications

So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.

This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.

So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.

They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Psyche

    Melanie, before signing off for teh night, I didn’t want to leave you without something. I think the bottom line is that nothing can really help you as long as you’re in contact with this guy. He won’t change, and neither will the abuse.

    Sure, maybe he tried to ruin your dream, but that’s only for now. Life can change when you break contact with the people who want to harm you, and start to form new relationships.

    Your dream may come back to you, in a new form, and it might just stand a chance of coming true, if you’re not surrounded by people who contribute to your feelings of powerlessness. You do have power over yourself. You can rebuild that dream when the time is right, under healthier circumstances.

    Take care,
    Psyche

  2. Psyche

    Hey Melanie,
    I remember when I was in the worst of it, the blackest time, and I went to a friend’s house. She spent an hour or so just making me something and talking with me, and I fell asleep on her couch later. She gave me a blanket and a pillow. These were all simple things, but I hadn’t felt that cared for in years, and it helped more than I can say, just to remind myself that not everyone’s going to be mean and kick you when you’re down. I wish I could do that for you now, for what it’s worth.

    P

  4. hens

    Rosa I love that song ~! You are officially nominated LoveFraud DJ~! i wish I was computer savy enuff to do that…I would love it if you all could hear Sam Harris sing [What did I have then, that I dont have now].

  7. Rosa

    Henry

    I did post that other song, but I deleted it.

    Let’s just say that I’m a little uncertain about some of the dialogue on this thread.

    I don’t want to make a touchy situation even more touchy.

  9. hens

    YES thats it Thank you so much Rosa… I remember feeling like, what did i have that I dont have now? He loved me so much at first and I kept asking myself what was it he loved about me? Yes thank you Rosa I am a big Sam Harris fan…if you get time listen to his [I cant make you love me]

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