The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
Skylar, Lesson – ‘sociopath chanel’ (((((funny))))))) I wonder if watching tv is one of spath’s traits?
Oh, yes. Mine liked nature programs and science programs, and sci-fi. At least that is what he said, but he may have been trying to come across as intellectual (which he is not).
Near the end, I stopped acquiescing and stopped allowing him to dictate what we watched, because I wanted to watch comedy -which he HATED, because he didn’t get most jokes.
Funny thing is he said he liked nature and science programs but he would always fall asleep in the middle of them.
Lately he has been renting movies (using my blockbuster card, which I have now cancelled) and all he rents is horror flicks – his favorite. Anything that creates stress is the REAL spath channel.
I would love to get feedback from everyone about what kinds of tv and movies their spaths liked and whether they were TRUE preferences or just affectations to their facade.
Same with music. My exP complained how much I listened to Rush, but he told his friend, that he loved Rush. He was a musician guitar player, with technical aptitude but no soul and no interest in listening to music.
My spath bf liked cartoons. I just laughed out loud when someone said we should get a spath channel. Whoops I am laughing again. I need to laugh today. ha ha ha ha ha.
When I first met him he seemed to have a script including videos that reflected his personna, or I should say he got his personna from the videos. I want to use a phrase but I can’t become of anonymity, but he had a phrase he used to go along with a personna. The phrase was in the first DVD he brought over. The movies he liked that I had were Finding Nemo, Cars, Bugs, lol. I love Finding Nemo, but by the time we got to AntZ I decided to do the dishes before I fell asleep.
He, like my ex husband, liked the History Channel. spath bf liked the show Ice Road Truckers, I think because it was a show that his best friend watched. He did like Pawn Stars, but that was probably because he was a thief.
TTS
The P didn’t like to kiss. Well i understand why because kissing is only meaningful if you’re in love with someone, it provides no “stimulation” per se like sex does. What machines, what monsters. Anyway they’re all a bunch of disgusting perverts who treat women like blow up sex dolls. Fuck em.
Also lessonlearned- i feel ya on the alcohol bit. he would ALWAYS offer alcohol to me at his place.. and then later in the involvement he said i drink too much- which i didn’t- and if i did he would be OFFERING it to me half of the time. I barely drank before my involvement with the P, so i knew that I was not fond of the drink. I think it’s kind of like a sedative, they think if you’re somewhat altered it’s easier to take advantage of you. It IS traumatic- it’s one of the most traumatic things ABOUT the involvement… it is a type of rape IMHO. As one woman was quoted in Robert Hare’s “Without Conscience”… “I went to bed with a boyscout and woke up with Jack The Ripper.” ( paraphrased ) … and “I wish I had been raped… then it would have been all over.”
I don’t like to talk about sex with the Spath. Primarily because I think it makes it more real. I sort of like to think I never did have sex with the P.
dancingnancies – kissing was a no no. pecks but never a full on snog and your right about the dolls. Mine liked history channel/cartoons too. I like to watch drama but he would always find an excuse to watch something he’d recorded or something he perceived as ‘better’. And yes, the remote was ‘his’.
Sex……this is so embarassing. I am going to tell part of my story with recent ex spath though. I will get to the punch line first, He couldn’t get it up.
We had talked and talked a lot on the phone before I actually met him. This was the first guy after my divorce was final who wasn’t married, I wasn’t married, and could actually stay overnight. I just want to say that the one’s who were married didn’t tell me that until I met them. I was looking for an available single man.
I admit I had had phone sex before. I was trying it with him. He made me feel “immoral”. When I made a certain statement he wanted to know how many others I had told that to?
After meeting in a public place for lunch, the next time he came to my house just for the evening. After that he was going to spend the night. It was his idea. He was acting like a perfect gentleman. He told me that at any time I was not comfortable I could ask him to leave.
He made out with me, was a great kisser. We had spent the entire day together. When it was time to go to bed…..remember this was my first sleepover after 25 year marriage. He suddenly got very tired, rolled over and went to sleep. I was shocked. I know he was attracted to me as evidenced earlier in the living room.
The left morning I made an excuse for him. I told him “You are 60 years old.” It is all right. We can do other things…..like XXXXX. The next time he did, never oral on me. I did oral on him because I needed to get some life out of him. I never actually liked it before but with him I did. Looking back now, I believe he did just enough to get by. He wanted a place to stay on the weekends. He even said once “Don’t think I am just coming over for sex.” Well no I certainly didn’t think that. ha ha.
He seemed to have the sexual maturity of the guy on American Pie, which was another one of his favorite movies.
Onece, I woke up in the middle of the night and tried to seduce him gently with a tap on the shoulder, and he yelled at me. That should have been my first clue. He was a heavy sleeper. I had woke him up. He went to the bathroom and told me that most people sleep and I should try it sometime. I said “Those people are old and boring.”.
During my entire stormy relationship with him I was faithful. We did have a few hot and heavy bed times, but after he went to sleep that was it. The other first argument we had was when he woke up early and got dressed. I told asked him to come back to bed and cuddle. Later on he learned to do that, but the first time he said “I am already dressed.” DUH! He wanted coffee and a cigarette. Since I don’t smoke he knew to go outside and do that. I gave in and started getting up early and sitting out in the backyard with him for coffee. He was someone to talk to.
I guess I just needed the company and someone to talk to.
I actually talked on line to a former girlfriend of his who had done the same thing. He wormed his way into her house and never actually had sex with her. I believe he led us to believe that maybe the problem was us. I didn’t believe that for a moment. I have a weight problem, but other guys have found me attractive. What I kept feeling though was that he wished I were thin, and I wished he were hard. I say that jokingly because my self esteem was better before I met him. I could tell that my a test I took in a book on emotional abuse a year earlier.
Doing research on line later though I realize what his problem was……permanent nerve damage from years of alcohol abuse and cigarettes. He didn’t have diabetes but was very thin.
TTS
*shiver* Sends chills down my spine.. they always make it a point to state things like “I don’t want it to be about sex” ( when it IS ) or state the OPPOSITE of what they really want. I too was puzzled about just “doing the deed” then rolling over and sleeping like a corpse. I mean, who does that? Not any normal person for sure. Creepy…
Anyway sex with the P is enough to put anyone off sex for life. Seriously.. he would initiate and suggest weird bedroom behavior.. and then insinuate later that *I* suggested it- when I very well know that I didn’t- heck i was a virgin when i met him! They LOVE to shame you about sex because they know it’s a vulnerable area for people. That’s projection right there- they want to project their perversity onto you, the innocent.
He also said, “I know i may look like I have been with a lot of girls, but I really haven’t.” ( LIE. He fishes for women online as frequently as you and I breathe ) Plus did you catch the grandiosity? What kind of normal person would say “I know i may look like i have been with a lot of girls” something to the effect of ” I know I look like I can get a lot of girls.” Uh no. You’re full of shit and ugly as a .. i can’t even find a word for it because all animals are precious to me and should not be compared to a P.
True. How alike they all seem to be. I can identify my spath with going straight to sleep, I could literally count to 3 and he’s be gone. He slept (well like a coma) then as you say, thin, up in the morning without so much as a kiss, the ‘oh I’m up now’ routine, and yep downstairs for a ciggie.
Oh yeah, and he had to have an hours power nap in the afternoon.
OMG maybe it was the same spath!!
You are right – they are the ones with the problem.
They are little cookie cutter replicas!
Mine wanted sex all the time – at first.
Of course the kissing ended rather quickly, I think because he realized how much I like kissing. (I could win a marathon).
about 3 years into the relationshit, I got angry because it was progressing nowhere, he stayed out all night but expected sex whenever he felt like it.
I said, “I think you’re only with me for the sex.” He got mad and said, “I’ll prove to you that’s not true, I’ll go a year without sex with you.” The year passed and then another and another. very little sex occurred, but I was ok with that. Then I left him and he lured me back, but secretly wanted revenge and he made it about sex. Now, he only wanted sex in orgies…I’ve detailed them before, won’t go into it again. That lasted a couple years. very little sex, but always with “friends”. Finally I said no more and that lasted for over 15 years. I was a born-again virgin.
He was a widow. He had been with other women before, of course he had…..sheeesh maybe it was me, but when I asked him things about his wife he said “She liked it under the covers with the lights off.” Well so did he.
About ever feeling afraid. I am so glad that this is over. There was one time when he looked at me a certain way when he was about ready to go home. I felt afraid not sure why. He had a full blown tantrum once not even sure what started it, but I forgave him because he later had a horrible headache, I think be gets cluster headaches, BUT……he said this was the first time this had ever happened. Lier. He told me before that he got bad headaches sometimes.
Once he called me from work and said his nose would not quit running….later he got one of those headaches. I also researched that on line.
What did he want from me…..not much, but because some of my former husband’s tools were in the basement and it was a fun place to play, I think he was almost talking over my ex husband’s identity.
He told me “in a cute way” but used the word choke. He said I snored like a little pig. I didn’t know that but was not embarrassed. He said “I shouldn’t have said that to you” I told him that was all right and even laughed. Then he said ” one day, if it bothers me I will just choke you and stop it”. Why did I think that was cute the way he said it? Because I thought I knew him?
TTS