The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
SeeingClearly
Good Evening All:
First thank you for your post, I needed all these words badly.
I had a major melt down today. I won’t go into it much here because I have reason to believe the catfish is mulking up the water here.
Any way I came here for solace and I received. This is a very healing place. I will not make broad statements in order to protect myself. Love peace and harmony to all of you.
Stay Strong Stay Safe and Stay Sane
True-to-Self
You are welcome, SeeingClearly,
I am new as of last week. I’m not sure if you are new or just saying hello, but we do understand.
Your last line is definitely advice I can use.
TTS.
SeeingClearly
Dear True
I have been coming here for the past 2 and a half months. This is my saving grace place. Each and every time I need a refresher course I come here and the right words are spoken.
If you need healing from any relationship not just a S which is what I encountered, this is the place to be.
The people here are all giving of their time and sprit to help others. We are here to learn and listen and pay it forward.
God speed you on your way to healing.
Stay Strong Stay Safe and Stay Sane
soimnotthecrazee1
LL,
I’ve been reading this afternoons posts. WOW!!! What stories. Did we all have the same one and just pass him around? They are… like stated machines and monsters. Mine ruined hisself with porno…. had not a clue about sensuality when it came to him. And what’s with the roll over go to sleep in seconds, not just after sex… everynight. Had to sleep witht he tv on and watched tv in his sleep. he knew when he heard x show come on it was almost time for the alarm to go off and get up. Non emotional machines. Ox has explained this in the past to me on another thread and it made so much sense! The Ah ha moment!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
notcrazee – seems a lot of them fall asleep and wake up instantly.
and yes, in as much as people with empathy could be said to be ‘all the same’ we can say the same about them. it’s so freeing to see their ‘game’; it’s not personal to us, it’s just what THEY do.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Wow! I just deleted all the spath email.
there is so much space in my email inbox – all those folders, gone from sight. yippee!
soimnotthecrazee1
Hi Seeing and TTS,
This is the place to heal. Keeping reading I’ve only been here a few months and it works. Such validation, understanding and knowledge here.
Hugzzz,
Soimnotthecrazee1!
lesson learned
Reading all of these stories is interesting. There are variations though.
My spath would go in cycles. want sex everyday if not every other day, then not at all. He complained that his wife never wanted sex one minute and that she always slept with her pajamas on….BUT HE WAS THE ONE WHO DID THAT! It wasn’t until I spent the night with him and did several times that I realized that statement was referring to HIM! I DON”T sleep with pajamas on and he KNEW that. “Oh I’d just love to sleep naked” um, noooooo lol!! It was either the second or third time I spent the night, after sex, he tossed me his pajamas out of a drawer. Oh brother. There were many times I felt he was having sex, just to be having sex. Mine didn’t fall alseep instantly like a corpse afterwards. He had to watch tv.
He use to hate having sex while I was menstruating until later in the relationship. The last time we did and I was menstruating, he got out of bed, took a shower, came in, removed ALL the sheets and blankets from the bed, right down to the mattress and was spraying it with some stuff and wiping it down…now mind you, that was EXAGGERATION……there were a couple of spots on the sheets and I could see how that would need a change, but when I saw that, I felt instantly ashamed.
Not long before the relationshit was over, he said to me “do you think we could ever get together without having sex?”
Um…………….ok? Like I COULDN”T do that??? I would rather have done that than NOT. He had me so twisted in my mind about what he was….sexually insatiable or sexually intolerant. Getting it up was never a problem for him. But there were times when he would “orgasm” and there would be nothing in the condom. There were several things about all of this that felt like a set up to disappoint or hurt me because he KNEW I paid attention to that stuff.
Dancing, I TOTALLY relate to your story about the alcohol. He did the same shit to me. He said I was drinking too much, but would continue to pour more into my glass. Offer more, while he “sipped’ on his. Asshole. It was TOTAL gaslighting. When I told him that we should quit, not drink anymore, he was like “Ok, that’s true, it’s probably healthier if we don’t”…but when I quit, suddenly it was NOT okay….I said, “What happened to quitting together?” (he kept saying I was an alcoholic and he wasn’t and could control it), “well, I don’t have a problem with it. I have control over MY drinking, I KNOW when to stop”….yet he obsesses about wine. Has cases and cases of the stuff and drinks bottles of it at night. While I was drinking with him, I was the alcoholic. When I stopped drinking, well, he certainly had self control but I had to stop because I didn’t??? WTF???
I’m still trying to unravel all of this mess…..so many things have been arriving into my mind as flashbacks as I recall even the most subtle of covert attacks upon my psyche…..
lesson learned
Oh the wake up instantly thing was BIZARRE!! HIS MORNING ROUTINE COULD BE TIMED!! I use to MAKE FUN of him about his morning routine it was SO RIGID!!! He NEVER relaxed. EVER. NEver stayed in his pajamas, had a cup of coffee and just chilled. Always ALWAYS right into the shower, BOOM BREAKFAST< BOOM DUMP, BOOM BOOM BOOM……….then he'd sit and read the paper over breakfast…even THAT was stressful….he HATED talking during meals. ALl the shit he told me he liked was a LIEEEEE
lesson learned
It is INCREDIBLY stressful living with one of these people INCREDIBLE Stressful!! Walking on eggshells CONSTANTLY!!! I NEVER knew what was coming next. EVER!!