The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
LL, you are so right that living with them is an incredible stressing situation. We are all creatures of habit and like our comfort zones… but WTF? asking somebody into your life if you are not willing to be flexible with your habits and comfort zones.
I am having a hard time loading this thread. We need to continue this on another one. which one?
ntcrze
S1?? I dunno??? I was having trouble loading threads earlier? You choose which one works for you and I’ll follow. 🙂
That’s the thing….you’re right we have creature comforts and habits, but there was always this discomfort that I would never be cared for. I couldn’t be sick around him either. I have IBS really bad and when I get nervous or stressed, which was often with him, my gutts would start making HORRIBLE noises and he’s embarrass me SO BAD about that….”Do you have to go to the bathroom or something?” What is interesting about that, is when I had a couple of glasses of wine with him, my gutts would calm down. It was the only way for me to be able to relax at all around him and I say that LIGHTLY….I couldn’t have headaches and/or otherwise incapacitated,but boy if HE was sick…LOOK OUT!!
Skyler wrote…..”I would love to get feedback from everyone about what kinds of tv and movies their spaths liked and whether they were TRUE preferences or just affectations to their facade.”
This got me thinking….my ex spath hole (let’s just call him ‘fat boy’) watched “judge Judy’ and those awful shows with people screaming and fighting with bouncers on the stage? I hated them…all that yelling. Gee, I guess I should have known then he liked DRAMA.
I don’t think that he ever read a book that I didn’t suggest and literally (small pun) put into his hands. Never thought about that before.
fat boy liked horror movies…the kind I never watch because I close my eyes for most of the show. Also liked mindless, rude, adolescent comedy.
Sky LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
My POS (Piece of shit) LOVED JUDGE JUDY!!! LOL!!! He would “critique” her approach of the law, particularly when it was participants who were in front of the Judge arguing about issues he deals with on a daily basis at work. HILARIOUS! He just HAD to watch it!
He wasn’t a horror movie person. He loved comedies. Particularly two and a half men. Hmmmm……I happen to like the show myself, but he would make comments about the Charlie Sheen character with regards to his approach to women, which is mainly CALLOUS and INSENSITIVE and SEXUALLY PROMISCUOUS IN NATURE…hadn’t thought about that until just now. POS had a VERY demeaning attitude of women as leeches and sexually prude. Funny…..what a projection that was!!!
He was the quintessential drama King. I swear to GOD almost on a daily basis, he bitched about his job, his ex or his kids CONSTANTLY, with the ending sentence of rage at me as usual “WELL I”M GLAD YOU’RE HAPPY, GO BE HAPPY!!” WTF? Then he’d say, “Well my life will always be this way, for a very long time”…lol!! He never gives a second thought to the idea that he CREATED the situation in the first place. Poor new victim, she’s gonna get an earful. BAR NONE, he was the most CONSISTENT drama KING on the planet. BAR NONE!!! After what latest love bomb told me, it doesn’t take but a few weeks for his mask to drop. Her kids did not like him INSTANTLY and he became verbally demanding VERY early!!!
LOVE IT!
my spath said she didn’t watch movies or tv. guess she logs all her screen time in front of a computer!
grrr.
and here lay another piece of one steps history, now deleted.
Have I used the ‘c’ word yet today?
To those of who had fantastic sex with your spath, good for you. So glad somebody on LoveFraud got some.
My husband did not like sex. We had sex before marriage but it wasn’t very good. He said that was because it was against his principles and it would be different after marriage.
After marriage, he seduced. He’d came on strong until I was hot and bothered. And then he calmly walked away snidely ridiculing me for being horny. No matter how diplomatic I was, when we had sex he didn’t touch me (mission only, his arms on elbows either side of me, and NO kissing or looking at me – a job to do, finish the deed and wash.). I asked if we could try something or ask that he hold me or kiss me, he got annoyed and snarled at me for being needy, demanding (but he still “did the job” so I know his parts worked! He told others it was b/c he didn’t want sex with me b/c I was too difficult.).
You see, my husband LOVED having his orgasm, he wanted lots of those. He just did want to have sex WITH me. His fav was to put his penis through a knothole and have me finish him off on the other side. (I HATED IT, no connection, just function) I Found out just a couple of year ago (the foottapping senator? Gosh I was learning about sex on the news!) that was called a glory hole.
So an spath that is into giving pleasure during sex? That’s foreign to me (although he did have sex with other women but only, he said, b/c they made him.)
POWER? YES. he HAD to win by hook or by crook.
Control? YES! People swore he was the nicest guy b/c they NEVER saw him lose his temper. But they missed seeing him be furious, he’d be deadly calm but intensely furious (no one noticed but I did, his jaw would twitch. Once I identified that signal, I noticed he’d be furious ALOT. He could actually JOKE yet be controlling his fury. Have I seen him explode in anger? Oh yes. Hard to say which was more terrifying.
Katy,
LOL…so glad somebody on love fraud got some. I think some here had fireworks,mindblowing sex. It wasn’t that way with my POS. It was more mechanical. He RARELY looked at me either when he had an orgasm and toward the end,pretty much “scissors” position with sex. I think he got “bored” with me or at least he took the fun out of it by deliberately sabotaging it. He turned “prude” on me big time. Truthfully, I lost the desire to have sex with him anymore because he wasn’t ………it wasn’t…..it was fake….that’s the best way to describe it. I was always being used,but it was worse when he had the freedom to have me. If that makes sense. I think that once he “has” the woman, he quickly loses interest. Happened with his wife too.
I can’t imagine that katy. How humiliating and hurtful that would have felt to reach the point of being “ready” and then being ridiculed. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I can relate to that in some ways too, because MANY times POS would do his business, jump up, go clean up in the bathroom (he must have used a roll of toilet paper each time to “clean” up), and then soon he was showering after we had sex. It made me feel completely dirty. Like I was a sleeze ball or something. I understand the shaming and humiliation. It is VERY traumatic and hurtful!
Just so you know, mine wasn’t into giving ME pleasure…he was into pleasuring himself. I was a warm,pulsating human blow up doll. Nothing more. He RARELY did anything to please me, touch me, kiss me and if he did, it was VERY FORCED, making it clear that he didn’t really want too, almost a duty and when he did…he had to have a lot to drink first. It made me so uncomfortable and pleasing me was so rare that when he attempted it, I would push him away or let him do what he thought was enjoyable and and fake it while never making it, ya know? I gave up a lot of my sexual self, what I enjoyed, in that relationshit. Sounds like you did too, Chica. HUGS
Um, One, no????
But you have my permission??? UGH!! LOL
ll – well then, just mosey on over to the other thread;cause i used it over there!
yeah, lesson. that’s it. The clean up immediately after, like I “dirtied” him. I cried that I was his (gross term) c%m catcher, a masterbation tool. He’d just walk out if I ever cried. Said I was controlling and manipulating.
Petite is so worried that if she lets the cheating husband go back to his wife or on to someone else, she’ll miss out on the goodies. I can’t seem to get her to understand, his promise of goodies is the hook, there ARE NO GOODIES, just like I was promised love (and marital sex) and no matter far I reached for the goodies, there was only words, not reality.