The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
Jazzy?
My husband LOVED Green Acres. And “the Pretender”.
ONE LOL!!! YOU are HYSTERICAL!!! Humor is so good for me right now. LOL, uh hem….I’ll avoid that thread then lol!!
Katy…..I wonder how many other Spaths did that. In my opinion it’s a form of sexual abuse, using mind fucking techniques to do it. My POS used to say that about me constantly, while reversing himself and being demanding and needy.
I totally agree with you in regards to Petite’s situation. Me too, Chica. If he had any goodies to offer, he’d be with his wife working out his marriage and practicing REDEMPTION and REPENTANCE, and getting THERAPY because he’s a SERIAL CHEATER…yea right, missing out on the goodies! NOT!! I hope she makes the right choice. I hate to think of one more human being being tossed onto love fraud because of the trauma they are enduring through a POS and then being completely dumped. I hope she can avoid that and I’m glad she has Ox and that she has this site to rely on. I’ll really be praying for her when he shows up in a couple of weeks.
Katy, I cried a lot after sex. Sometimes I couldn’t even put my finger on it. I love sex, the thought of having it…but he ruined my DESIRE to have it or the hope that it ever will again. I’m grieving that part of myself HUGE. And grieving that what I was giving him was love…and he was not. 🙁
Katy? GREEN ACRES???
green acres is an interesting choice! (and the pretender an obvious choise. ;))
Wasn’t Eva Gabor’s husband always putting her down as stupid?
we were ranchers. the humor in green acres was flustrating to me. since I didn’t like it, I am sure that’s much the reason he did.
yep, THAT makes sense.
Wow lessonlearned, it really struck me when you quoted him when he said “do you think we could ever get together without having sex?”
What a douche! I totally *feel* what he was trying to get across… its the SAME position they want to put you in with any other snide remark about sex… they want to SHAME you. Hell THEY have the sex problem, THEY’RE the ones who sleep around with a dozen different women.. wow. They really are all the same. Same as “I don’t want this to be all about sex” … UM… I’m not the one who leaves right after the deed, or falls asleep right after the deed, what a piece of shit. Eww.. I’d rather be circumcised than have to experience the displeasure of that again, seriously. Most of the time i was acting out of empathy, wanting to fill into his “needs”, and remarks like that really just make you go WOW. It’s that “Shock Effect” they like to pull. Like i said, he would suggest all these weird things in bed and later ask why i suggested them, when HE CLEARLY AND OBVIOUSLY did! And when i’d say, “I didn’t… you did.” And he would deny it… there you go, trying to rewrite history again, all with the intent of SHAMING. What pieces of work they are.
In the years we had sex, it was mind-blowing in a mechanical type of way. If you ever watched Star Trek-the next generation, before the android, Data, had sex with Tasha Yar:
Lt. Tasha Yar: What I want now is gentleness. And joy… and love. From you, Data; you are fully functional, aren’t you?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Of course, but…
Lt. Tasha Yar: How fully?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: In every way, of course. I am programed in multiple techniques. A broad variety of pleasuring.
Lt. Tasha Yar: Oh! You jewel, that’s exactly what I hoped!
Well, my spath was programmed in multiple techniques, he used words, touch, smell, sensory deprivation, sight, lies, lies and more lies. All meant to create intense excitement. As he told me later, he likes to take people to higher states of pleasure so that the have further to fall when he decides to push them off their pedestal.
In fact, he didn’t want connection but he did love to manipulate. Once I was 20 years old, he was looking for excuses not to touch me. He prefers 12 year olds. BTW, I worked out a couple hours a day back then and had a lean, sculpted physique. It wasn’t that I wasn’t attractive 25 years ago, it was that I wasn’t 12. LOL! how sick is that?
it’s funny that there were so many clues. Once, I pointed out the apartment where I lived until I was 5 years old and he said, “I used to drive by there when I was a teenager. I’ll bet you were playing outside and I looked over at you from the street.”
Now I know that he was fantisizing about how great it would’ve been to have sex with me at age 5.
sick sick sick.
One Step – shame yes, he tried that in the bedroom department. Just wondering if anyone else was asked to ……do things out of the’norm’?
Hi all. Happy new year. I have had no internet conexion the lattest days. This an interesting thead. I observed “mine” that at the beginning he kind of found it surprising the fact i enjoyed the sex, and at the end i felt he didn’t like it this fact very much and i observed he didn’t relaxe himself and he was more interested in controlling the situation than in the sex itself. It was then when i reallised their need for control is stronger than their need of sex. Much more stronger i think.
This is starting to make so much more sense to me now….the things he did as we share stories here.
I think mine liked the excitement of two women fighting over each other. I think mine liked sex with me WHILE HE WAS MARRIED, because there was NO COMMITMENT! This is what is SO perplexing to me right now. He’s love bombing and pursuing women in a way that he never did me, that I wish he had….that I had hoped he would while professing he wanted to be with me. He wasn’t willing to do that for me, but he is willing to do that for someone COMPLETELY different to marry, “I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life”. Piece of shit. This is where I struggle within myself and about him too. I see how Petite is struggling. All these other women got the goodies of the pursuit WHILE HE WAS SINGLE. I’m sorry, but I’m really struggling with that. Any input would be helpful here.
It’s interesting to note, he’s also QUITE infatuated with this idea that he’s the VICTIM and on high moral ground. when I contacted last love bomb victim, he was playing victim to his WIFE,….but conveniently left out his nine year affair with ME and that he was with ME at the time lol!!! OOPS! It pisses me off that he plays his wife as the bully, never mentions his indiscretion with me at all, etc. I think he thinks the new love bomb interest won’t find out. Trying to seal the deal with love bombing and sex before she would ever know, and by then, it wouldn’t matter.
Pisses me off.