The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
Eva,
I know about being mortally scared. When I realized what my spath was, my heart rate went up over 100 beats a minute and stayed there for weeks. I lost 20 lbs in 20 days with no effort – my heart rate burned up the calories.
I prayed to Saint Michael, who kicked Lucifer out of heaven, to protect me and he did. there were a couple of miracles in that june of 2009 as I prayed to Saint Michael. A cop friend of spath went running from me in fear and my trojan horse Brother in law (another cop) also got up and ran away from my parents home. He came over and asked my dad why I was afraid to talk to him, and dad said, “maybe you know better than I do.” He got up and ran out the door. LOL.
Don’t be afraid to believe in miracles. They will happen for you.
http://www.ewtn.com/devotionals/prayers/michael.htm
Dear Lesson learned,
I totally relate to what you posted 100%. I haven’t posted in awhile b/c I have been busy with relocating. (No Contact going on 2 months now..) I made my move away from where my spath is and I am doing a lot better for the most part..but last night…I was just in an awful mood and cried and cried and cried. I fear the voice may not be silenced for a long time. I am over 7 hours away from where he is but I know he is with her and even though she sure didn’t win a prize (he was never faithful to her either..she didn’t know about me and I didn’t know about her for a long time until he started slipping up and we caught him)…it just makes me so mad! I know that if he is treating her good now, it won’t last long..but I get so angry and upset. On xmas..he sent me a message from the computer to my phone..that said..”I just wanted to wish you a merry christmas..nothing more, nothing less.” I didn’t reply. He had to send it through the computer b/c either his phone is shut off or she monitors his phone bill. Did he REALLY have to add the whole nothing more nothing less part??? I assume he knew that would annoy me and possibly trigger me to reply. Anyway, I ignored it but boy did it bother me and I am pretty sure that he doesn’t know that I have left the area or I am sure he would have had something to say about it. He sent that message right during xmas dinner with my family. Well..I guess he is not treating her good bc he should not be sending me anything AT ALL!!! I am going to change my cell phone number as soon as I get a landline set up. We need those little mind eraser things like the men in black had in that movie lol. I sure wish I could forget about him so all this pain and feeling of rejection would go away. 🙁 Hope everyone is doing ok on here…missed chatting with all of you. Just trying to get my life back to some type of “normal.” It ain’t easy..that’s for sure. Happy 2011 everybody! May good things happen for good people 🙂
Thank you Skylar. I’m not religious but thank you very much for the good intentions.
I’m losing weight too and my heart worries me a bit because i’m a smoker and i’ve heard of heart attacks on people in their 30′. But i’ll have to survive. It’s soon for me to die and very unfair to die because of a shit caca of sadistic psychopath who is only worth for contaminating the world.
When I was with my spath…there were times that I was smoking 3 packs a day. I am down to less than a pack a day now and feel a lot better. I cannot believe I did that to myself because of him. Ugh.
Mending,
I do understand. She knew about you and stayed with him anyway? poor thing 🙁 My ex POS(piece of shit) did this to me too just the other day. Every few days, sometimes he’ll go weeks, but he still has to land one in there on occasion, even while he’s love bombing and sleeping around with other women. As if I would go back. NOT! the last time he did it, I told him in no uncertain terms to leave me alone. Period. I’ve not heard from him since and I’m hoping that I don’t! Unfortunately, he lives and works not far from me and of course, as I was driving to my cellphone company to get my phone fixed, there he was. Makes it a lot worse when he’s around, lurking, ya know? I was super triggered. I smoke too, Mending and I’m glad to hear you’re down to a pack a day. I never went above a pack a day, but I drank alcohol while with him. He’s very alcoholic. I don’t now, although I partied on New Years. Funny, when he’s not around, I have no need for it. I realized it was a coping tool for me to BE with him at all. The man is crazy. And he’s to the point now where he can’t even hide it.
mending I know how terribly devastating, excrutiatingly painful it is to know there is someone else. I found out mine was love bombing a woman from his high school reunion in September while he was still with me. I found out, cuz I had a suspicion about it and sure enough…I was right. I contacted her and let her know what was up with him. I TOTALLY spilled it on her about him. She was blown away. She had no idea about me, and he was doing the pity play about his ex wife. In case you don’t know my story yet, I was in a nine year affair with POS. He’s been divorced about a year now. He never mentioned me because that just wouldn’t be something you’d want a new girlfriend to know about yourself, huh? 🙂 He was super pissed off at me for exposing him, and she immediately let him know that it was going nowhere with him, dashing his hopes. She makes a ton of money and he’s massively in debt. Made me feel good that I could prevent another victim from getting hurt, BUT it was also very validating for me, because the shit he was doing and saying to her, was the same shit he was doing and saying to me. We both dumped his ass, but the next day he was out perusing again and pursuing me again. I refused to see or speak with him anymore.
so mending, even though the girl he did this to you WITH, is also a victim too and you can bet your bottom dollar that he’s doing EXACTLY to her what he’s done to you. You already know this, given that he’s texted you and is hiding things from her. It won’t be different with her and hopefully what has happened is that the knowledge she has, will give her a subconscious knowledge that help the alarm bells go off sooner.
You were very blessed that you were able to relocate. I’m not in a position to do that or I certainly would. It would make things so much easier if I didn’t have to see him. Truly.
Hang in there.
The text message was to piss you off, to keep you on the line (in his mind), to torture you, to give you little reminders that he’s still around. Good for you for ignoring it.
I’m scared but i won’t die of any heart attack because i don’t want to. And can’t kill him either because i don’t want to pay 20 or 30 year in prison because of a shit of psychopath. It is not fair to pay for a psychopath as if it were a non psychopathic person. So i’ll have to smoke less, having not any hard attack and survive the sadistic and aggressive 2nd psychopath that makes the 1st one to appear almost like an innocent angel of big dimensions. The spanish littler one is for me much more scaring than the german one.
Eva,
I didn’t realize that you aren’t religious. Hope I didn’t offend.
Perhaps I’m a bit over the top with my beliefs but they are so real for me.
My spath has destroyed other people with very little effort. An ex Gf committed suicide; he managed to sabotage an aircraft and it crashed and killed his friend; and an old man who invested his lifesavings in a business with my spath lost it all in a fire, before I met him. (set by whom?)
Thru all that, I came out alive and managed to one up him a few times without even trying! It was like a guardian angel was protecting me. Even the relationship and job I have now, is because of the spath – spath introduced us 25 years ago and I magically ran into him at a store last year, while I was trying to pay a debt that the spath had left in my name. LOL.
The coincidences are inexplicable.
Don’t be scared Eva, just be wary. You know what he is, he’s an infant.
I wanted to comment on the sexual part. At first my spath was great, very attentive, blah,blah, blah, then he had problems with erection (am thinking he was losing control and didn’t like it).Then later on, if I wanted sex, he withheld it. For awhile, that is pretty much all I wanted from him.
Then as I am thinking back, he began telling me hurtful things, or pick a fight like flirting with some other women. If I was upset, then he wanted to have sex. I am know thinking the crazy POS likes getting me upset- it turns him on. The more I would feel heartbroken and done, the more he would apologize and want to have sex.
What a mind f***.
I tried to warn the newest victim, about how he was texting me, emailing etc. meanwhile being with her (I just recently found out he was with someone else). However, she just ignored it and posted pictures of her and him together on facebook.
I am NC, blocked him from my cell phone, etc. but what an idiot I was contacting her and then seeing those.
What I am happy about is, she is his new narcississtic supply, and he will leave me alone. I want so much better for me than being in a sick twisted triangle with either of them. She will find out one day, but that is not my problem- she was warned.
Now I have a new year to spend time with enjoying my good friends, loving my children, being good to myself and respecting myself.
LL, mending, skylar, et. al, thank you again for this forum.
Oh and mending, my ex sends either a text or email every week. Saying he misses me, or wishing me happy holidays until I found out he was calling while at some other woman’s house. It was messing with my mind, so I am paying $4.99 extra a month to have him completely blocked. Worth every cent.
Skylar of course you didn’t offent me. I know you ment best intention and i value it. I’m not fond of saints and so but i respect it. I’m not so little spiritual but just i don’t need images or churches.
I’m joking with that of the heart attack and so…If i were close to a heart attack “hard” or “soft” one I would kill the “infant”!!!!
Infant. Yes, yes. I never saw so twisted infants!
I’m going to sleep; it’s very late here. Thanks for your advice Skylar. Well thanks to all for endure my nice English 😀 Besides anti-psychopaths therapy is a good practise for my English.