The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
thats awful twice betrayed….that seems so common though.. my ex sp was the same way….into I believe bestiality or for sure, all types of sick sexual deviant type scenarios, and even I believe an actual pedophile….as he made strange comments pertaining to that….and so many other sick things….it’s a shock and a shame…that porn has done this to these people and also these sick minds…because i’ve seen porn but it hasn’t turned me or others into thinking that’s the way life is, but these people really believe that’s how sexual encounters are supposed to be or try to live out their sick twisted fantasies…. it’s just sad and disgusting overall…
style I totally know what you are going through as I have an N mother and she is the same way and just terrible and an N family….who also will side with each other to try to put me down, and narcissistic people are unbearable as they react to anything with extreme anger…and act crazy and throw negativity upon others and cause some serious havoc….when im dealing with my N mother i just feel like venting or freaking out because they make you feel like you have no control put u down etc…it’s terrible…i have to negotiate with my mother once she turns into a carzy N and begins getting belligerent and yelling for no reason and worse they project it onto you…and start saying that you’re yelling or you’re getting the way that they are….my uncle is an N too and while putting me down for wanting to ‘live with my ex sp” at the time…he was having affairs and gf’s twice his age…while trying to tell me i shouldn’t have a bf…just hypocrisy….and is a pathological liar….dealign with them is realyl difficult and they aim to break people down and destroy lives…
style: that’s weird on your dad focusing on a female that looked like you. My X began to focus on our daughter and making lewd comments about her sexually to the point, her husband called him down. That’s how crazy my X has become. He wanted and probably has, tried everything. He is IMO, a card carrying nut now. My son saw him at our daughter’s [my son by my first husband] BD party and said he started shouting at him in the middle of the party! Just insane.
Yeah, these people will focus on very small flaws, even if temporary, and zing us with this. You know, style, I think it’s envy. I think deep in the recesses of their twisted minds; they want to be us. Because they cannot, they destroy.
*I call them people collectors. They collect people the way we do charms for our bracelets.
I have a good [male] friend, that is good to me in many ways, however, he is critical that way. Buttoned my coat wrong one day, while in a hurry and stressed, and he laughed hysterically, like I was a moron, clearly enjoying himself. Points out a tiny bruise on my leg like it’s a mile wide self inflicted stab wound. Watch those flags……tells a lot about who these people REALLY are.
Dear Abilgail,
How much of your story remindes me mine. The guilty I felt of not being good enough. They do what is called “brainwash”. Unfortunately we believed we did something wrong. Even my ex boyfriend’s mother said: “you must have done something for him to leave you like this”. And I believed that. How could a person, who said that loved you and wanted to have a family with you, all of a sudden dump you and exchange you for someone else, saying that he did it because you deserved that? Our brain thinks logically, and we come to the conclusion that he is right! I felt exactly the same way you did! Although I knew that situation was not good to me, feeling he was not acting right and suffering because of his actions, I couldn’t leave him, and beared what no other people could bear for a day. People wondered how could I bear such humiliation, cause at some point I knew I was being cheated on, but, as you said, thought I “couldn’t live without him”. You said he gave you security and, since he was older, it felt like he was the “father” you never had. You found an explanation for being involved with this guy and the need he filled in you. I try to understand why I was involved and could bear so many things, I wonder why I did not leave him. As you said, I had a “delusion” and closed my eyes, cause I wanted what I created to be true, even thought I knew that didn’t feel right. And just as you, after 2 years I still remember, and it’s difficult to trust people, my boyfriend is very patient to me, and I try to be calm but I get very insecure and anxious with the idea of him cheating on me, althought he gave me all proves it’s not his intention. When I told him what happened , the weekend after I couldn’t stop thinking of everything bad that happened, and I felt like I was experiencing all those things again. It took some time for that feeling to go away. This a trauma and I also wonder whether we have to avoid those memories or try to work on them to understand in order to forget and forgive. Forgive him and forgive us for having failed, cause we are humans, and we trusted these people and and believed peolple could be as realiable as us. But, just as you, God gave us a wonderfull man to make it up for, and they deserve the best of us.
I wish you all the best!
Twice Betrayed,
How did you get your ex to leave? Mine is digging in his heals (I’m sure it’s because he’s concerned about his reputation), our daughter doesn’t want him around, he’s a sex addict and she has picked up on his signals. Half the time I’m so paranoid because I don’t know what he is capable of, so any suggestions on how to sucessfully get him O U T would be helpful.
My anxiety has been soooo high. Oxy gave me some advice about what he is trying to portray to me (affectionate), and I have to remind myself that it’s a scam. I feel like I’m caving all the time! He is a pathalogical lier. Extremely manipulative. It’s like walking into a wind strom or trying to swim against a rip-tide. They make it really hard to get out.
My only prayer, is please God, make him leave without hurting me or my kids.
Hope: I stayed with him for another year, worked and put back $$. Sub-leased an apt. Hired a good lawyer, filed for divorce[the process server had to follow him home from his sister’s just to serve the papers, as he was hiding from him]; got a quick hearing before the judge to determine who could live in the house, packed some clothes and personal grooming, three of my dogs [still had many rescues in kennels outside] and left while he was at work. He would NOT leave, so I had to walk. Sneaked in/out during the day to care for my dogs [he had changed the locks so I could not get into the house]. Got my hearing before the judge [it was long/hard and very painful!] and the judge awarded me the house to live in until we could reach an agreement, my X had five days to get out. He did leave, but took many items/furniture with him against the judge’s orders which left him in contempt. Which later worked in my favor. I got alimony awarded in the meantime, to help me live. I moved back into my home, worked out a buy out on his half of the house [this took a solid year, all the while he was trying to get me to reconcile]. Numerous restraining orders, an order of protection which he violated and almost got jailed over…..that backed him off. Right down to 3 days before final hearing he was still trying to get me back. He didn’t show up for the final…he didn’t have to since I filed. He still continued to call and contact me, but I avoided the calls. Finally he gave up and got stuck on some other unfortunate soul. I didn’t have any small children, so don’t know how to work that. I can tell you how I worked it out with my kids with my first PX….I let him totally out of all financial obligations if he would just go away and he did, being greedy.
I’m very sorry, hope! I can tell you this, make a long thought out plan and begin/execute it step by step to get away from these types of people. Always have a back up plan and do not let him sway you away from your goal: to get you and your kids free. Hugs to you, hope!!!
TB – HUZA!
i know it took a lot of pain, sweat and time, but LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!!! Damn girl! 🙂
Rayn Earl McCann will be sentenced today
‘But they were duped by Ryan Earl McCann, his dozen different online personae, and a blackmail scheme that coerced at least 22 victims as young as 14 into engaging in ever-more degrading acts that left some in tears and contemplating suicide.’
http://www.ottawacitizen.com/story_print.html?id=2986719&sponsor=