The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.
Read the letters here:
I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day
I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:
They wanted to.
Core of a sociopath
Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.
But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:
- Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
- Have no conscience
- Are interested only power, control and sex
This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.
Implications
So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.
This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.
So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.
They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.
one_step! It was hard, painful, and long. But, I am FREE!!!!! I have never felt this good in all my life!!!! I thank you for your words of encouragement and support!! Big cyber hug! (((one_ step)))
TB – it’s only at the end of it that we can write such observations and such a chronology. Your commitment to your freedom and LIFE are inspiring. hugs right back at ‘cha!
one_step: you are so correct! Thank you for your kindness! 🙂
I am left so confused. I met this man Jan 09. He was quick to jump into a “relationship.” After only 3 weeks he told me he loved me. But..he didn’t tell me he lived at home with his folks until later. He had narcisstic traits and very selfish with his time. Divorced for 10 years, it seemed his past relationships only lasted 6 months. He turned ice cold suddenly..dumped me via text message on my B-Day after just days before told me he loved me and planned to take me somewhere for my B-Day. The VERY NEXT DAY after the text he went on line to find a new chick. How cold. He came back occassionally as “friends.” I tried so hard to see the guy I met..the one that was warm, deep, happy…but never saw that again. I know I shouldn’t have bought into the “friends” status thing..my feelings for him never changed..I told him that so many times. It was stressful I told him. Now all the sudden he tells me he met someone and he is going to marry her…this after just knowing her 3 weeks. He lives at home, works for the family business, makes decent $ and talks about his mom all the time. He also thinks he is from another planet..this is no joke..he believes this. What is up with this picture? During the “friends” status time, he’d come over with presents and we would go out and spend time together. I feel like I was used..he was just hanging around me until he found someone else..worse off, I allowed it to happen. I know I should have cut ties but when I care for someone, I just don’t turn off like that. What do you make of this?
Melissa99,
Come to think of it, after I read your post about internet dating, I met the guy on the net. He never wanted to just cuddle…he always put restrictions on the relationship like he only wanted to come over Saturday nights..for sex of course..and then would go home. Never spent the night. Showed back up on Sundays but went home again. I never met his folks either. Ugh..I was so duped. He came by 2 Sundays ago and I gave him his x-box back. He actually had the nerve to ask for it back. It was a gift he gave me. I gladly returned it. What an idiot. He wasn’t real. Nothing he said was real or from the heart.
Dear Iwonder,
You are right, “He wasn’t real” and now you are able to avoid him and the lies he tells. NO CONTACT! I will be willing to bet he does show back up sometime, they usually do when they are out of “supply” from their other victims~! Just keep in mind “He wasn’t real” (((hugs)))
Iwonder, Sounds like you met up with my ex!
Dear Brauer,
I think the “secret of the sociopath” is that there are really only TWO of them, one male and one female, and we have taken turns dating/marrying them. They are all ONE of the two psychopaths and since they tend to be married to more than one person at a time, that doesn’t keep us from dating them at the same time, or being married to them at the same time. Works for me! That’s why our stories are so similar!
Hello,
I have never written to a blog before but need some help regarding a sociopath who has been in my life. I’m 58 years old now and was married to one from age 18 to 22 back in the early 1970’s. After escaping that situation (he kept me isolated like a prisoner), I lived a miserable life of PTSD and suicidal depression for 35 years but started to get better a few years ago, especially when I realized he was a sociopath and starting reading about this condition. This realization helped me let go of a lot of the hatred, rage and bitterness that had been burning me down from the inside out. I try not to have any contact with this person or even think about him, but sometimes knowledge of his activities comes into my life through my adult son (the sociopath is his father and I fear my son may be one too, but that’s another subject). This man was a violent physical and psychological abuser and has left a string of many destroyed women and their children in his wake. I recently discovered that he is married to another young woman who is 26 years old (he is 66!) and she is pregnant. I find I can’t stop worrying about her and especially her baby. I’m having trouble sleeping, worrying about the poor baby who will be born to a destroyed mother and this sociopathic father. It’s amazing that I can still be drawn into this creature’s dark world even without him knowing it after all these years! It’s not good for me, I know that. But I’m wondering what is the common wisdom about the possibility of maybe helping this poor young woman? I warned her not to marry him but she did anyway, then phoned me a few weeks later telling me I was right and she described a pattern of abuse very similar to what he had done to me 35 years earlier. I sent her an article about sociopaths and she agreed he is one, but no one protected her (they are in California, I am in Michigan) and he got to her and she stayed with him. An additional complication is that he preys on women’s attraction to a paticular religion and pretends to be a great holy man. So this girl is duped and brainwashed, thinking it’s not really abuse and that she needs to follow and serve this “great man.” I know it would be counterproductive to try to remove her against her will from the situation. I’ve tried praying for her and keep getting the message “help her.” I’ve thought of contacting her father, who lives in L.A. also, but I’ve never met him or talked to him and don’t know how he would react to hearing from me. The sociopath has her convinced that her parents are “demons” and she doesn’t trust them. I thought if I alerted the father then maybe he could keep a close watch, re-establish a loving relationship with his daughter if possible, and if there is any trouble call the police. I know that the sociopath tried to beat up his 2nd wife (the one after me) when she was 8.5 months pregnant. By the way, he can also be very charming and is brilliant IQ-wise so he knows how to fool everyone and make them think it’s the wives who are all crazy (after he makes them that way). Any advice on if and how to help this poor girl would be greatly appreciated.
Jeanne
Dear Jeanne,
Welcome to LoveFraud. I am so sorry that you have experienced this and that the young woman is currently under this monster’s control. I wish I could tell you ANY way to save this young woman besides prayer, but that is about all I can suggest.
In the meantime, I suggest that you continue to educate yourself about these monsters and to heal yourself. I am also sorry that your son may take after his father. I also have a psychopathic son, and there are others here who have children that are psychopaths.
I’m glad you came here there is much support and caring as well as knowledge at this site! Again, welcome and God bless us all!