Lovefraud recently received an e-mail from a reader telling us about discussion on another Internet forum called PsychForums. Here’s what he wrote:
Found an interesting set of postings. On PsychForums. “Craving for Antisocial Behavior.” With postings between four psychopaths. Arguing for various positions With general agreement that society has infringed on them. And so deserves the revenge. Sounding like people are viewed similarly to enemy combatants. And deserve what they get.
Alternate view is that people’s revulsion against psychopaths is understandable. That people don’t want bad things to happen to them. So don’t be a fool and don’t get caught or cry unfair. There are plenty of ways to enjoy life without having to risk jail to get it.
Seems to sum up the psychopath side of the story fairly well.
If you want to know how these psychopaths think, read their discussion:
PsychForums: “Craving for Antisocial Behavior”
The only thing I’ve ever had any success with is refusing to “go back to normal”, to play their game and act like nothing happened. Sometimes if you keep saying “I’m not going to act like nothing happened after the things you said.”, they get the message that it’s IMPORTANT to watch what they say around you. You can’t make them feel it, but since they are actors sometimes they do revise how they act around you and the kids, which cuts down on the suffering.
I know my ex figured out that if he continued to say he was gonna call, then not call, he would lose me. After he did that a few times, I stopped taking his calls. He finally apologized and said he would “try not to do it again.” He didn’t even realize it was a hurtful behavior. He just saw how I reacted and didn’t want to lose his supply. So he tried very hard to call when he said he was going to. The words were everything to him and his actions meant nothing. He would say all the things he knew I wanted to hear. Then turn around and do the opposite. And he couldn’t understand why I was hurt by it. He also thought I had a long memory to remember the things he promised. Obviously, the S’s live more for the moment, just doing whatever they want to do.
StarG: Remember what they are the opposite of the Virtues in life because they don’t work on their spiritual growth:
Practicing these virtues is alleged to protect one against temptation toward the Seven Deadly Sins:
Humility against Pride
Kindness against Envy
Abstinence against Gluttony
Chastity against Lust
Patience against Anger
Liberality against Greed
Diligence against Sloth
StarG: If they don’t work on the virtues in life, they get caught up in the spin of sin … once sin after another. They need to get down on their knees and pray to God to allow them to get closer to him. God will do the rest … but they need to do this, we can’t do it for them. We can pray for them that they will get on their knees (humbling themselves to the creator).
They believe in themselves … they are their own little gods. God has it all built in to his plan … believe and have faith in me … or go through the perpetual spin of all the vices (sins) in life.
Take your pick. They chose, consciously chose not to obey and respect God.
Peace.
And I know some of you think this is malarky cause of the day and age we are in.
But, if God didn’t create us, then who did?
Do you really think this is someone’s imagination … all the millions of souls on the planet, billions and trillions of relationships, families … for all the years that humans have been alive?
It’s the same thing over and over and over again, different generations, different times in history, different names, places etc. but it’s all the same. Either you believe in God and live your life righteously the way he wants us to live, follow in Jesus’ way of living life, or you don’t.
All our EXs don’t live their lives righteously and there is no substance to them except sin. Hollow, no substance, no depth to them … sin. They are in a perpetual spin of all the major vices (sin) … no matter who’s bed they jump into, who’s life they destroy next, we can’t help them, only they can help themselves and that takes them getting out of their big egos, humbling themselves to God.
That’s it in a nutshell.
Peace.
I don’t think it’s malarky Wini but I do not know where I stand on it anymore. For me being a Christian greatly strengthened my desire to stay with my first husband, and I did stay many more years than I would have, for God’s sake.
Then my second marriage I was trying to be a good Christian, we didn’t sleep together before marriage, and then I found out the guy had NO DESIRE for a physical relationship at all.. and here I was married to the guy… this was really crushing to me.
Now I can’t really fit in with the church folks anymore because I made up my mind, I’m not ever going to do that again.. and I’m not ready to give up and stay single for the rest of my life either. So while I will never be into casual sex or a wild lifestyle, my Christian friends and family members relate to me as they would any outsider, telling me all the time I need to get right with God. This is true.. but I am really not sure how it’s all going to pan out for me.
Hey Kat: No one, believe me, no one wants you to have to deal with the likes of them (your EXs I am referring to). They (your EXs) are learning lessons in life … to stay focused on living a righteous life. Your EXs (as well as all of ours) chose to live life through listening to their big egos (Erasing God Out). That’s why God has it built into humanity … free will. You don’t want to believe in him … here’s the vices of the world, you can spin in those vices for years, repeating it and repeating it and repeating it. Only when they kneel and pray to God, will God get them out of the cycle of vices.
You walking into their path … wasn’t planned, and you are in pain so you will keep your eyes and heart and soul focused on God … God is allowing this pain for you and all the rest of us to grow bigger and better than we were before.
There is no shortcut in life. We can’t wave a magic wand and say ‘poof, you are healed from all your pain”. What we are experiencing is like childbirth … the pain of childbirth … then the child is born and grows from the pain of labor.
This is our labor pains … having anti-socials come into our space … causing us pain … and we know they are not living righteous lives … that’s why we are all blogging about the vices they created in our space. We know right from wrong. We know that we can change them through our love … they have to change themselves … no one, and I mean no one can do this for them. They have to get down on their knees and admit to God, that God is their creator. Period. They can change their lives … they have to first admit it, pray to God … and God will help them live a righteous life.
Right now, you need to heal yourself from the pain. Which means NO CONTACT with your ex and all the nonsense he brings into your space. NO contact for a reason. To heal, get your thoughts together … go through the growth of this pain … come out bigger and better person because of it.
Peace.
I meant to write “we can’t change them with our love”.
We can pray for them and love them from a distance … but that’s it. NO contact. No contact for a reason … so they can’t spin us around in their vice world. WE are TRUTH, they are LIES.
Peace.
All respect to you all regardless of beliefs, but I always want to put something for the people who find this marvellous forum but don’t believe in God.
I believe human beings are altruistic not because anyone tells them to but because they’ve evolved that way – it’s an evolutionarily stable strategy. I could waffle on at mind-numbing length about this but to anyone wanting a really inspiring text that provides an alternative explanation of morality then please read ‘The Selfish Gene’ by Richard Dawkins. (NB: *Gene*, not selfish human!) In short, humans don’t like selfish people and they will ultimately never thrive because the bulk of us aren’t built that way. Anyway – the book made my heart sing because it’s a beautiful account of the world and nature and because I totally believe in goodness and this gave an explanation that didn’t defy logic. (My encounter with the sociopath, who constantly tried to turn all rationality on its head, made logic massively important to me). Anyway I heartily recommend Dawkins’s book if you are interested in a scientific explanation of ethics.
Anyway, I just wanted to give an alternative opinion. (I feel the need to put it because my ex-sociopath liked to try and mangle my mind with religion and it didn’t guide him anywhere good…not that I think any of his stated beliefs were sincerely held of course!)
I don’t see the sociopath’s problem as spiritual in origin, but it becomes spiritual because ethics and morality are brought into question by their actions. I believe there is a defense system operating in them that renders them totally incapable of connecting to feelings. The defense mechanism of denial is the most primal and toughest to crack. Theoretically, sociopaths could change, but they just don’t have the motivation. They don’t know what love is so that doesn’t motivate them. They are not motivated by fear because they deny that feeling too. The healing process would probably be terrifying and quite painful if they ever embarked on it. There are reasons those defenses are there in the first place, and they hold in some pretty horrible feelings. If the sociopath ever broke through their defenses, there is no guarantee they would know what empathy is, if they never had it as a child. In the most fantastic case scenario that a sociopath was able to heal, they would probably be suicidal from remorse.