Lovefraud recently received an e-mail from a reader telling us about discussion on another Internet forum called PsychForums. Here’s what he wrote:
Found an interesting set of postings. On PsychForums. “Craving for Antisocial Behavior.” With postings between four psychopaths. Arguing for various positions With general agreement that society has infringed on them. And so deserves the revenge. Sounding like people are viewed similarly to enemy combatants. And deserve what they get.
Alternate view is that people’s revulsion against psychopaths is understandable. That people don’t want bad things to happen to them. So don’t be a fool and don’t get caught or cry unfair. There are plenty of ways to enjoy life without having to risk jail to get it.
Seems to sum up the psychopath side of the story fairly well.
If you want to know how these psychopaths think, read their discussion:
PsychForums: “Craving for Antisocial Behavior”
hey all…
i’m really glad TOWANDA caught on. it really does say it all, don’t it?! lol…
ox: are you SURE they don’t change? why why why do i keep having the feeling that he’s got a big smile on his face and is so happy without me?
i really thought he’d try to call me to see how i was doing. or at least have a mutual friend call. well, he told all his dudes NOT to have any contact with me (i think he thought they might make a play for me if they knew he was out of the game).
amazingly, they ALL listened to him. i haven’t had a call from one of our mutual friends (who were his friends initially) at all. incredible.
i feel so damn dumped. yes, i know i’m better off without him, but bottom line, i got dumped big time. and it sucks.
he ended up with EVERYTHING. his wife, his kids, his house, his friends, his new gf (and impending baby), and his reputation (which is universally seen as god-like).
i really hate this. i was doing SO much better a month ago!
Yes, I will have to watch the movie some time (What movie is it again?) and look for that scene.
LIG, this is where the NC is really really necessary right now. You need to be completely separate fro any of his friends and not know what he’s doing and with whom. It will torture you. You really need to do things that will totally get your mind off him for a while. If you can force yourself to “change the channel” in your mind, I promise you these feelings will pass. Do anything you can to get your mind off of him. He is like a dangerous addiction. You know that being around him and even thinking about him brings you pain. So you need an act of will to stop going there. I don’t know what the time frame is for you, but I know it will get easier.
I’m sending a big hug to you. You probably could use a few of those.
You trusted and loved someone who is not capable of loving you or seeing your real beauty as a person. It is not really personal. It has nothing to do with you!
star: thanks sweetie.
it is SO hard to grasp that it wasn’t personal. it was VERY personal. i knew him since he was a teenager. his mom was my closest friend. i was a member of his family. i took care of him like a wife would, like a mother would, like a best friend would. i put my entire being into that relationship. i was honest and true, i was warm and loving, i was loyal and real. and to him, it was a simple manipulation. that’s pretty damn personal.
i called him today at work and heard him answer in a calm, happy, lilting voice. i hung up (he gets lots of these every day since hundreds of females have his number).
why shouldn’t i think that now that he’s rid of my nagging self, he isn’t happy with his new set-up.
i dunno. there’s a level of injustice here that i just can’t swallow.
LIG,
I wish I knew the right thing to say. You had a lifelong relationship with this guy sounds like. It must hurt like hell. I can’t even imagine the level of betrayal. I am amazed at the coldness of sociopaths and how they can move on without a second thought. One day they’re madly in love with you. The next day it’s like you don’t exist. It’s one of those illogical riddles that can’t be solved. You will never figure it out. Solid stable people do not do these things. The “love” was not really grounded in reality. It was their closest facsimile. And it was based on control and manipulation. This is the only way they know how to relate to people.
LIG I am feeling just like you the past week – having vision’s of him smiling and laughing and thinking he so relieved to be rid of me.. Well they probably are – they were happy and smiling at us when they needed something – whatever it was ‘connectedness’ comes to mind. Whatever it is we give them that they can’t get on their own. I remember how relieved he was to be rid of his X before me – hell I was relieved for him. He had painted such a horrible picture of X before me – I was oblivious to what was going on – it was all about me back then – he wanted everything I wanted – he thought I hung the moon. That lasted for about 3 month’s – the rest is down hill history. Been six months NC and I am sick of myself for caring what he is up too. Hell – I made some inquiries recently about him. And the answer I got back made things worse – so I did it to myself. Kinda like you calling and hanging up? Why do we do that too ourselves? Do we hope they are sad and missing us? NO they are NOT duh!!!!! They will be happy every moment they are not by them selves, because they suck life out of people – and when we are out of life and insane and of no worth to them they get bored with the game they have been playing and move on to fresh humanity, someone that does not know what they are. Because when they look at us they see everything they hate about themselves. And we can never put reason to it. Just is not possible. Cant be done. there is no reason. Someday LIG we will look back and and we will find reason enough for saving ourselves – wont we? I think so. That is the day I am living for – and suffering now for – we have no choice if we want to live and smile and breathe and think with out them in our mind – let’s work hard ‘everybody’ for that day…
Dear LIG, and Henry,
(screech!) that’s the sound of my oven door opening as I pull out the BIG skillet!
First off the flip flops from happy to the pits is natural and normal! BOINK
They do NOT CHANGE, and even though it may APPEAR that they are “happy” how can ANYONE be “happy”when they do not have a SOUL? When they cannot love or bond to anyone else? BOINK
They are so superficial that my granny would have said “they are as shallow as a pie plate” and that is the TRUTH.
I used to think that I “would be happy if….” and you fill in the blank. But you know what, happiness isnot when you “have _____(fillin the blank) happiness is a side product of being more secure in YOURSELF. That is why they can’t be genuinely happy because there IS NO SELF, they ahve to suck from someone else to even be ALIVE, just like a tick on a dog’s ear. They are parasites. Leeches. Vampires. Creeps. Hallucinations. They are not even REAL.
Now you to shape up, and Henry is right “someday we will look back and we wil find reason enough for saving ourselves.”
I may hit the pits tomorrow, but you know, TODAY WAS WONDERFUL, I didn’t worry about yesterday and I didn’t worry about tomorrow, I just ENJOYED TODAY, THE HERE AND THE NOW. I worked outside and accomplished a lot and almost felt manic it was so good to feel an accomplishment and to just enjoy the WONDERFUL weather and not think about the past or the pain, or worry about tomorrow.
There is no one in my life to tell me how “awful” I am or to take advantage of me, or to suck the life out of me. Just watching the kittens play and my dog chasing the “monster squirrels” out of the yard (they might be a big danger to me you know) LOL it was just a super day. I will never live this day over again and I am glad I enjoyed it. No one can take that away from me. I chose to be HAPPY and to thank God for the many blessings I have. I am not going to allow them SPACE in my HEAD.
Sure a year ago I was a loony tune, I was on the floor in the fetal position sucking my emotional thumb, crying like a baby, but you know—I AM WORTH MORE THAN A MILLION Ps PUT TOGETHER! I AM WORTH MY OWN LOVE. THEY ARE NOT WORTH MY LOVE. Only people who love me and care about me are welcome in my life–the rest of them can go fly a kite!
towanda!!! glad you had a great day OXYWOMAN!!!!!
Like most of you, I needed that BOINK on the head! I had a really bad yesterday and it really makes everything else bad too. It just magnifies everything. I was feeling so bad I even considered going on medication to balance things out, but I am not sure about it. I haven’t felt the need in the past 3 years, but these last 4-5 months of no contact have been very trying. I know it is the right thing to do, but it feels that I am going against who I am and everyday I have to make a conscious effort to do this. I have to make a conscious effort to think about myself. I guess I am trying to reverse the brainwashing.
I got back from my vacation the other day and had a great time. I really needed to get out of dodge for my ex’s wedding. Yes, I feel that he can go on easily with his life. When I was married I was always alone; he was always working. Now that he is married they are always together. They are going to a wedding tonight. I remember going to a wedding the next weekend after we got married and I went by myself and now he is going to his new wife’s side of the family wedding. Yes, I am hurt. I don’t want to be alone–I am just lonely. I am so much of a better person, I can love, I am loyal, trustworthy, honest and have a soul. I am lonely and he is not. It is just not fair! I am just down on myself now and just sad.
I know he is doing these things because he is in the honeymoon stage still. They just got married and haven’t even known each other for 10 months. Ya know, I have read that S’s move fast, either marrying or moving in early on in a relationship. I can see that in my ex S. Is it because they can only enjoy the honeymoon stage of a relationship and not the “real” relationship? I guess we all love the honeymoon stage, but we can love deeply and on many levels and a S can only “love” in the honeymoon stage.
One thing I have read is that we victims were loyal and committed to the S and the relationship. My counselor actually said I am loyal to a fault. However, I just concluded that I was not loyal to myself. I believed in someone else more than I believed in myself. If you can’t trust yourself and your instincts, who can you trust?
While I was on vacation I brought my journal and wrote down all of the awful things he did and the red flags that I ignored. I wrote six pages, front and back, and that was only for the first 14 month period that I knew him. I still have many more years to go! I need to write down what I saw then to see what his new wife might be up against. Why is that important? Perhaps I need to make sure he hasn’t changed. Even with all that I know, I still doubt myself, because I still can’t believe there is person like him in existance. Now, I am not sure what is going on in his relationship with her, but I know there have been red flags that have been justified by either him or her.
Thanks for letting me vent, because it seems like everyone around me, except one of my really good friends, is getting sick and tired of my constant talking about all of this and my tears.
This group is just wonderful–thank you.
Ginger
LIG: In your post you mentioned you’ve had no calls from mutual friends (who were his friends initially) and that you feel he still has his reputation intact which is seen universally as God like.
You may not have heard from his friends, simply because it is an uncomfortable situation for them and they don’t know how to handle it, thus it is just easier for them and more comfortable for them to avoid contact. It may have absolutely nothing to do with how they feel about you as a person and many of them may like you very much and feel for your situation. Since he asked them not to contact you, it may also be a way for them to avoid the drama that they simply don’t want to be dragged into.
As for people thinking he is Godlike and his repuation being intact, I also doubt that. Sure he probably has a few like minded friends who condone his behavior (and do you really need them as friends and need their approval?). But seeing as how he has a long standing/long suffering wife, then he had a long term relationship with you while married, and now he has ditched your relationship with him because he was having an affair with yet another woman whom he impregnated (while not only still with you, but also still married to his wife), I’d be willing to bet that for every one person out there who condones his behavior, you’re going to find a heckuvalotta people (from business relationships, to more personal relationships he has on a social basis who may enjoy certain aspects of his personality socially) who think he is the jackass sleazeball from hell for what he is doing. No, they may not say that to him, and they may not say that to you, but you can betcha there are plenty of people out there who think his reputation is far from pristine and God like.
Even taking him being a socio or P out of the equasion and assuming he was just a cheating jerk, even if you got him back, still what would you have? At a MINIMUM you would have a still MARRIED guy, who cheated on his wife in a long term relationship with you, then cheated on you with another woman and got her pregnant while living with you and whom he will have life long connection with through the child. The question to ask yourself is, do you really want all that drama and nastiness in your life–would the payoff just to feel his arms around you again be worth the PAIN and drama and the constant knowledge of knowing that he will likely cheat again and hurt you?
Be strong and try your best to stick to no contact, and that includes stopping calling just to hear his voice. I understand it is hard and you are hurting, but it will get easier for you as time goes on. And one day the idea of his arms around you ever again will just make you wanna PUKE at the very idea. You’re just having doubts from time to time, thinking of the good times and minimizing the bad times in your mind (think I read somewhere–maybe on this blog–that with time our minds tend to veer towards remembering the good times over the bad)–anyway, we’ve all been there. But you are doing great, so keep to the no contact. TOWANDA!!! (been dying to say that word!) Jenn
OxD, you have such a way with words. What would we do without your skillet??? (lol)
I don’t think sociopaths can have real friends. Their friendships are very superficial. They may be based on partying or chasing women or a hobby, but they are not genuine. I would be very suspicious of anyone who would be a genuine friend of a sociopath. They are probably not good people themselves. My stepfather did not have any real friends. The guy I dated for 3 years who had “sociopathic tendencies” had many friends, but they all involved acquisition of money, or chasing women. Or sometimes, it was just a lonely person that they could feel some power over, like a father figure. The latest P I dated has no actually friends. However, he has made a lot of “internet friends” because he can pretend to be wonderful on the internet. His friendships there all revolve around snakes (it’s a snake site). He considered me his only real friend.
So, LIG, if you have not heard from his “friends” be glad. They are probably not people you want to be friends with anyway. If they cannot see the pain he put you through, what kind of friends are they to you?