Lovefraud recently received an e-mail from a reader telling us about discussion on another Internet forum called PsychForums. Here’s what he wrote:
Found an interesting set of postings. On PsychForums. “Craving for Antisocial Behavior.” With postings between four psychopaths. Arguing for various positions With general agreement that society has infringed on them. And so deserves the revenge. Sounding like people are viewed similarly to enemy combatants. And deserve what they get.
Alternate view is that people’s revulsion against psychopaths is understandable. That people don’t want bad things to happen to them. So don’t be a fool and don’t get caught or cry unfair. There are plenty of ways to enjoy life without having to risk jail to get it.
Seems to sum up the psychopath side of the story fairly well.
If you want to know how these psychopaths think, read their discussion:
PsychForums: “Craving for Antisocial Behavior”
I wanted to add that the P and I had lots of mutual “friends” from the reptile site. I distanced myself from all of them. He got custody of the internet friends, except for the few who became my real friends.
I agree their friendships are superficial. But I also think alot of their friends are duped just like we were. I think they see some red flags, don’t really “get” what they mean, and just dismiss the signs. Plus since they are not up close and personal with their friends, day in and day out, it is easier for them to uphold their mask. But even with the friends, I do think the friends of a long time get glimpses behind the mask sometimes, but like us they try to explain it away and rationalize what it means. But then, I also think they tend to have a few friends who are just as disordered as they are, and know what they are all about and just don’t care because they are similar.
Plus, guys, a lot of them RESERVE THEIR REAL NASTY SELVES for those that LOVE them. Casual friends WOULD NOT PUT UP WITH THEIR BEHAIVOR, only US (the ones that loved them) would put up with one tenth of the crap they lay out.
Go out and talk to one of your casual friends the way they talked to us and see how long it takes that casual friend to tellyou to Get F’d!
My saintly mother is absolutely the SWEETEST person in the world, the most kind, “forgiving, and generous woman—TO EVERYONE BUT ME. When you look at her life, really, she doesn’t have any REAL CLOSE friends, just “acquaintences” people that you could play cards with, or see at a church social, or maybe go out for a meal together but she would NEVER TALK ABOUT ANYTHING OF ANY EMOTIONAL IMPORTANCE with these people. She could never spill her guts, or cry on their shoulders the way my best friend and I do. The only people she talked aobut me with were the Ps, and they were egging that on, telling her how MEAN I was to her because I wouldn’t jump to her every command, and wouldn’t continue to put my ENTIRE LIFE on HOLD to be her constant companion, because I was no longer willing to NEGLECT MYSELF in favor of her ENTERTAINMENT.
Nah, they don’t have any REAL friendships. Just people they “know” and have superfiscial relationships with.
A REAL FRIEND is someone you can call in the middle of the night and say I NEED YOU NOW, and hang up, KNOWING THEY WILL BE THERE IMMEDIATELY. They will not ask “why” and they will not say “Oh, it is inconvenient” they will COME IMMEDIATELY. I am very fortunate that I have SEVERAL of this kind of FRIEND. Quite frankly if you have one or two of this kind of friend in your entire life you are fortunate. The Ps do not have ANY REAL FRIENDS —though they may have a partner (another P) who will get involved with them in something shady, but when the chips are down and the cops are at the door, they turn on each other.
Look at the “relationships” your P has—they have victims who will sacrifice for them, and the rest are just people that they casually know, or they sure don’t show their TRUE nasty self to these people.
My ex has no friends. He says “I trust no one.” Gee, I wonder why…..maybe because HE can’t be trusted? The only people who got close got burned. His wife & I emailed this week. He was the same with her as he was to me: cut us off from our friends and family, was controlling, maniuplative, verbally abusive, spit in her face like he did to me, etc. He likes the one-on-one isolation of himself and his victims. He choses the weak women who can be dominated. He has his game down. The first 6 mos is the honeymoon romance and then slowly he starts to chip away to get his claws on all you own. The reason why I think we tend to hang in there so long is that we hope the insanity is temporary and that we can get back that 6 month honeymoon time….to feel like that again. In reality, that honeymoon time was created for what is to come down the pike. ..the ugly truth.
God, I’m glad he’s gone. It’s been 5 months and I’m back to the gym 3x a week, finishing up school, doing good at my job and chipping away at the enormous debt I’ve been left. I’ve re-connected with my cousin who is like a sister to me, my parents and my sisters. I walk with my head up high and go where I want, wear what I like, speak to whom I like. I don’t think I smiled much the first 3 months after the trauma. Now I sing in the car to the radio again (I know it’s nutty.) Driving to work, I look at the leaves on the trees changing colors and think how beautiful. Ahh..I can breathe again.
Iwonder, That’s great that you are healing the way you are and doing so well. BTW, I love pulling up next to somebody at a light and noticing that they are singing away. Always makes me smile. I occasionally do it myself, but I pretty much can’t carry a tune! haha
i wonder im so happy you are doing great. im in the same place as you.
this month will be 4 months since he has been gone and its much much better.
im back in school, Im paying off my debt he ran up, im saving money, i see my family more, i wear whatever i want, when i want, i talk to whoever i want when i want. ive connected to an old girlfriend of mine, i hang out with a big group of friends i havent seen in a long time. i feel like i have my self back but ive matured and look at the world differently
My ex doesn’t have friends either. I believe that is why he asked our 10 year old son to be his best man in his wedding last weekend–there was no one else to ask! I also found out that one of his best friends didn’t go to the wedding. When my ex resigned his position due to his wrongdoing I believe his friend distanced him self from him due to his actions. They were in the same profession; I don’t believe he has any friends in the profession anymore because his wrongdoing violated everyone in the profession. I don’t fault any of his friends for “buying” into him. However, eventually they all disassociate themselves with him. His best friend is a nice guy, very unlike my ex. When we got married his best man was someone he grew up with that he didn’t have contact with at the time. After the wedding he didn’t talk to him after that. His use for him was done.
I had a cruddy night last night, but the night before was really good. I felt happy. I spent time with my boys and played games with them. It was very simple, but nice to be in such a happy place. I don’t live in my ex S’s chaos anymore. That is a relief. Even when I was married I didn’t have this sense of happiness. It is a lightness in the heart; a smile on my face; and the deep breath isn’t a sigh to take my anxiety away, but a deep breath to make my whole body feel the happiness that my soul feels. WHAT AN AWESOME FEELING! I hope I can have more happy feelings like this. I am very much going through the grieving process again. The first time was when I divorced and it was well over a year when I finished that phase. It looks like I have another year to go. I can’t wait for the pain to go away to have more happy days and for the ups and downs not be so extreme.
Hi Blondie. It sounds like we’re on the same recovery path time-wise. I don’t know about you but now that I’m looking back, I kind of get mad at myself for letting go of me and to be taken for a ride. I will never let that happen again. It was a painful experience I’d rather not re-live. I mean, people break-up all of the time because they are just not a good match, no chemistry, etc. However, with a Sociopath, I was clueless. Up to the day I found out about the OW, he told me he loved me and referred to me as his finance. UGH!
Me ex P had two friends he’d known for about 15 years but he didn’t keep in close contact, only saw them every few months. He did, however, have scads of acquaintance type friends, although who they were was constantly changing depending on where he was working at the time etc.
He was also a phone-aholic. I never met a person who talked on the phone so much, anything from very short conversations to those lasting 20-30 minutes, and he’d sometimes call 5 or 6 or more people in one evening, and sometimes then he’d turn around and call the same person 2 or 3 times more times in one evening. He might not have bonded with humans, but he certainly bonded with his cellphone. Did anyone else’s P have an obsession with talking on the phone?
Jen,
When I smartened up and got my ex S cell phone bills I found that he had two cell phones and may still have two now. Yes, my ex was constantly on the phone, talking or texting. Also, before cell phones he had a pager. Then he had a pager and a cell phone. He always had very high cell phone bills and I was told that the cell phone co was calling his work to collect on a 2K cell phone bill.
You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the cell phones.
-Ginger