Before sunrise on September 11, 2001, my rowing partner, Mary, and I, were already on the water for our morning workout. As darkness imperceptibly gave way to light, the bay was calm, the air was clear—an absolutely beautiful day dawned. We glided past herons and egrets, enjoying the quiet peace of Nature.
A couple of hours later, I was driving to a 10 a.m. meeting when I heard something on the car radio about a small plane crashing into the World Trade Center in New York City. By the time I reached my client’s office, all of her co-workers were standing around a radio. Both towers of the World Trade Center were hit, and the announcers were talking about a terrorist attack.
“What do you want to do?” I asked my client. Neither one of us knew the office protocol for terrorist attacks.
“I guess we’ll have the meeting,” she said.
So we did. But from the expansive plate glass windows in her conference room, I had a clear view of the flight paths into Atlantic City International Airport, which was about eight miles away, right in the middle of the busy Northeast corridor. Jet after jet was landing. None were taking off.
I rushed home after the meeting and turned on the television, shocked at the images that played over and over on the screen. A huge jet, loaded with fuel, crashing into the tallest building in New York. One tower fell, then the other. It was horrifying.
Was my family safe? One brother had an office in Lower Manhattan. My other brother was managing a construction project at Newark International Airport. My sister had flown to Hawaii a few days earlier. Gradually, when cell phone calls finally went through, I learned that my family was okay.
Thousands of other people weren’t so lucky.
Thousands of other people, through no fault of their own, had their lives ripped apart. People on their way to important destinations, people starting their day at work, were suddenly gone. The people who loved them were left to ask why.
Why did this happen? What had they done wrong? What did I do wrong? How am I going to survive?
They clung to hope, and then there was none.
I knew what that felt like.
A year earlier, I was forced to give up hope. I had been pursuing my $1.25 million judgment against my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. I was convinced I would find the money, and it would right my life that had been so wronged.
Before meeting my ex, I had been going to work every day, having fun when I could, and hoping, along the way, to make a romantic connection. James Montgomery presented himself as the love of my life. In truth, he was a terrorist who intentionally crashed into everything I had built, and brought it down.
I was outraged. I was an upstanding, responsible human being. I had done many things right and nothing wrong, yet my life was ripped to shreds.
I sought justice. The court said I was right, and the judge in my divorce awarded me everything that was taken from me—$227,000—plus $1 million in punitive damages. I pursued the money until 2000, when I had no choice but to admit failure. I was not going to recover what I had lost.
I collapsed. I raged. I demanded answers from God. What had I done to deserve this?
On September 11, 2001, and in the following traumatic days, I couldn’t breathe. I viscerally felt the nation’s collective horror. I knew the outrage, the confusion, the fear, the hope and then the hopelessness. I felt like I was reliving how my own life had crashed, magnified by a hundred, or perhaps a thousand.
A couple of weeks after the devastating tragedy, I wrote a poem. It was all I could do.
One Day In September
By Donna Andersen
Tuesday the eleventh dawns like any other day
Sunlight breaks the grayness as we row upon the bay
Herons, gulls and egrets barely glance as we glide by
They’re the creatures, at this hour, that rule the brightening sky
These mornings are a treasure, Mary and I agree
Ten o’clock my meeting is all scheduled to begin
Everyone is staring at a radio as I walk in
The peak of New York City has exploded into fire
Thick, black smoke is billowing from our economic spire
Do we work? Do we stop? Are they getting out?
Message light is blinking where are you? Are you there?
Are your brothers in New York today? Is your sister in the air?
Cell phones are not working have you seen the awful news?
What on earth is happening? Has anyone a clue?
Yes, the TV’s on, but I can’t absorb the scene
News uninterrupted, it’s bad and getting worse
Crash into the towers the idea is so perverse
Ten thousand in each edifice had just begun their day
Now a pile of rubble and all I can do is pray
Let there be survivors, please; God, we need you now
Jet slams into shining glass
The hundredth time today
Another angle, another shot
Let’s review that play
But this is not a game
Fires burning, twisted steel, it’s such an wrenching sight
Sweetheart, please come over, I can’t be alone tonight
Earlier this morning it was birds that ruled the sky
Now it’s raining jet fuel why did they have to die?
All those lonely pillows in so many empty beds
Family and friends are safe, but I can’t catch my breath
Two degrees of separation keep me from knowing death
Mary’s childhood classmate was one who called his wife
From up above the fire, hoping vainly for his life
Never did I know him, yet still I feel the loss
Countless private tragedies just add to my distress
How can I stop crying, ease the tension in my chest?
My brothers at ground zero passed buckets hand to hand
The president promises that America will take a stand
I am just a writer, searching desperately for words
Holes punched in our confidence, life forever changed
But this I know from experience: Good can come from pain
Our hearts have been ripped open, yet open hearts can feel
Compassion for each other may be the gift of this ordeal
Pray it is a turning point in our human history
Search for justice underway
Portends a mourning dove
In the end, there’s love and fear
And fear is lack of love
Our caring may be our hope
Hi Skylar:
Thanks for the comment. I will definitely look for the “Sacrifice and the Sacred” to read it. I read a lot about psychopaths and psychopathy. I don’t normally post unelss I feel there is something worthwhile to add. When I read Donna’s title:
When the towers fell, I already knew the feeling
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For Donna Andersen, the 9/11 attack felt like the attack of a sociopath, only far worse.
I wanted to say Dear Donna: 9/11 was the work of sociopath and since it was the work of sociopath, most people are in denial. The truth are too painful to think about. And I can see that there are those who think either it is OK for the big psychopaths to do whatever they want since the ends justify the means or we should only spend our time chasing the small psychopaths. As to the rest of us we either don’t want to believe that our lives are run by big psychopaths or it is too painful to face the implications of what it means when we think that 9/11 is the work of our psychopaths.
skylar and freedomfare,
Last night, I did some searching (via the internet) and read some information about the WTC buildings. Let’s say, my thinking has been expanded – I’m now considering the possibility that there were more people than just El-Quaida involved in this whole disaster. It’s unsettling because I don’t want to be a conspiracy monger.
Hi bluejay,
Why do we believe the psychopaths in our life when they tell us a lie?
Because we do not want to be a conspiracy monger!
Do you see how psychopaths big and small succeed in fooling us?
They play on our deep seated need to be “normal”, to be “reasonable”, and to be “accepted”!
Now, how do you discover a psychopath and avoid him (I say him because the majority of psychopaths are men)?
By being willing to face the truth no matter how painful it is.
How can we prevent psychopaths from harming others?
By exposing their lies and crimes.
freedomfare,
I’ve been thinking about this matter since yesterday. What I’ve come up with is that the Biblical interpretation of the world has been confirmed (in my mind). Since Satan is the ruler of the earth, he’s got his demons, people (psychopaths and others, etc.) doing his work. I can now see how the psychopaths resemble him (by the way they operate in life). Satan’s time (to rule) is coming to end, so he is continuing to wreak as much havoc on earth as he can. Since this may be a far-out perspective (for others), I might delete this post. These are my thoughts.
bluejay:
I totally agree! There’s no doubt about it to me. The Bible says in Ephesians that we don’t battle flesh and blood, but principalities of the dark.
bluejay,
Your thoughts seem correct to me.
Some people may argue that demonizing spaths is just reverting to old wives tales but I would argue that the language of the old testament is just that : language.
People didn’t have psychoanalytic theories, they only had their experiences of encounters with psychopaths, just like ours. So they used the language they had, to describe the emotional and spiritual realm which is where the spaths operate. Sure they have corporeal bodies, and often inflict physical and financial damage, but we can all agree that the worst destruction is to our psyches, when they shatter everything we ever believed in.
Since our presence here on earth is the result of our ancestors, we carry the remnants of their culture in our language. That’s why the biblical stories resonate with us.
In saying that Satan’s time is coming to an end, I feel that we are pointing out that the cycles of boom and bust are happening faster and faster. Even as we noticed that when the spath in our home was getting ready to discard us, his cycles of love and hate came quicker and quicker. We recognize the pattern and can read the writing on the wall. As does the spath.
skylar,
Not wanting to tell anyone how to think (or what to think), I have definitely had actual spiritual experiences (in my past), knowing for a fact that there are angels and demons. So, I believe that people can be influenced by spiritual powers, affecting their choices, how they operate in life. The Bible (the Old Testament and the New Testament) speaks to me about how to interpret personal and/or world events.
bluejay,
Agreed that we each have had our own experiences. Personally, I feel that I was delivered from the spath by an angel SEVERAL times. I prayed and I was rescued. The things that happened appeared to be miracles.
But it’s possible to gain insight from our ancient texts even without believing in angels. There is so much wisdom in those books.
skylar,
Yes, we can gain much from reading, studying ancient texts (and I’m not just referring to the Bible). I believe that God answered your prayers for deliverance, protection, etc. via angelic intervention (and I’m so glad that He did).
Hi Bluejay,
There are many ways to try and explain what we encounter in life. Actually, all the religious and spiritual traditions of the world are trying to do just that: explain the unexplainable, why we are here on earth and how we are supposed to live our lives. So it is no wonder that these traditions contain a lot of human wisdom. Accordingly, your understanding of what is going on in life is as valid as any other ones.
But the real question, in situations like the 9/11 when they occur, is what to do? How to react to these things? And what action to take in the face of the bad, ugly, unethical, and harmful human acts?
This is the question!
Btw, Bluejay, you asked me before, why do people do such thing. My short answer to you, is that I do not know! My question to you: why do psychopaths do the things they do to those who love them when there are more beautiful ways in which they can live their lives with those around them?