The question was, “When can you trust your man?”
A reporter who was writing an article on the topic for a major women’s magazine asked the question. It showed up in my e-mail because I subscribe to a service that distributes questions from reporters to experts all around the world who may be able to answer them.
I knew what the reporter was looking for. She wanted succinct little tips like:
- “You can trust your man if he always shows up when he says he will, or at least calls to tell you he’ll be late.”
- “You can trust your man if he introduces you to his mother.”
- “You can trust your man if he shows you his income tax return.”
But, after being married to a sociopath, and hearing the stories of so many Lovefraud readers, I knew that these external signs may not be accurate.
The luring stage
In the beginning of a relationship, the luring stage, sociopaths can be reliable and punctual. They may seem proud to introduce you to their families. They may appear to be financially solvent.
Sociopathic individuals can appear to be deserving of respect, love and trust as long as it suits their purpose. These predators know what they are supposed to do to win over a lover. And they are capable of actually doing it—at least until they feel like they no longer need to.
Once they have their hooks set in you, they may be late—or even disappear for days or weeks with no explanation. Their families may trip over themselves to be good to you—probably because they want you to take the parasite off their hands. And they may flash cash and financial documents—cash taken from the previous partner, and documents that are forged.
So how do you know when to trust your man—or woman? Here’s my answer: You can trust your partner when you can trust yourself.
Trusting yourself
When it comes to romantic relationships, there are two dimensions to trusting yourself.
The first is your own sense of self. You know who you are, what you want, and where your boundaries are. You know that you deserve to be loved simply for being yourself. You understand that a relationship involves giving and taking by both parties, not one person doing all the giving and the other all the taking. You will not jeopardize your well-being in order to have companionship.
The second dimension is trusting your intuition. Your gut, your body, your sixth sense, will tell you when something is wrong. You must have to have enough faith in yourself that you can hear or feel the intuitive messages, and pay attention to them. We get in trouble when we allow ourselves to be talked out of what our intuition is telling us. When a person or suggestion makes us feel uncomfortable, that’s our early warning system, and we must trust ourselves enough to listen.
I responded to the magazine reporter’s inquiry. I told her than the time to trust a man is when we trust ourselves. She didn’t reply. I assume that my answer wasn’t what she wanted.
EB – i think dowsing responds to is differences/ interruptions in geology- either energetic or material. i don’t know much about the ‘how’ of it. the 3rd generation dowser i worked with said they could find things on the land using maps and concession numbers (lot number, lat. and long.)
can’t think why they would need a name to find something on property. address – well, yah. if they are coming to your place. 😉 or if they are using a map.
sound like these folks have lots of 20tth c tech that will aid.
if you are not comfortable with these folks – and if i were you i would be suspicious of most folks given the reach of the spath – let me know and I can always put you in touch with the guy up here. if he can do things with maps, then distance shouldn’t be an issue. think he charges something very reasonable – under $300. may be wrong, but that’s what i remember.
re eb’s name – ‘diggerbrock’ is gooood name. and if you find the stash eb – you will have to change your name in commemoration. i changed mine when i felt some joy for the first time post spath. and THAT is worth commemorating.
Dear EB,
The ultrasound technology is (I THINK) what cops use to locate graves out in the boonies etc. and shows where ground has been disturbed etc. sounds more scientific than just a guy with two pieces of willow branch in his hand walking around until the branches move and cross over each other. (the traditional dowser) so hope you get some results and find something.
Sorry you are getting more cold and snow, for today we have spring, but who knows what tomorrow will bring—a white out blizzard? ice story? who knows?
EB Your new name should be DITCHWITCH ~! lol oh my I need to get a life…
HENRY!!!!! GREAT!!!! TOWANDA!!!!
Yea, you do need to get a life, don’t we all! LOL
Great idea though for EB “Ditch witch” Yea!!! Or how about “Gold Digger” (for those of you who might not know, a “ditch witch” is a kind of heavy equipment which digs trenches in soil to lay pipes or cables.)
Holy Moly……bake some cookies or something people! 🙂
Ditchwitch….Gold digger…….NICE!
Ditchbitch works too….. 🙂
The persons not a dowser…..it’s his wife who does that…..he’s the techie mind…..
He wants to find something….cuz he’s the one making the drive and using his equipment……
Did a search on him…..he seems to check out…..he ‘is’ what he say’s he ‘is’.
I guess….this whole thing has a sketch ‘tone’ to it anyways……
If we do find something……I will rebury the container empty…..maybe with a bit of ash in the bottom…..he’s so stupid, he’d think the denaro sponatiously combusted in the can!
THAT would be CLASSIC!!!!!
Leave him with that to ponder……
We’ll see…..I feel good about this though…..when i pop in with a new name……YA’LL will KNOW the dealio.
BTW…..get a life peeps…..go dig in the yard or something!!!!
OH MY!
EB, LOL ROTFLMAO!!!
Darling, we do have a life, making up new names for you “Ditch Bitch Gold Digger” What a hoot!!!!
How did you meet this person? What happens if you find something, do you have to share it with him? What if he doesn’t find anything? Well, anyway, I hope you can find whatever it is that you think he buried out there.
Yea, it is kind of a slow day around here! Good weather today but bad weather moving in and maybeeeee we will have enough cool weather to butcher this coming weekend, and get the last cow in the freezer! Just got to watch the weather.
Well, good luck and hope you can find what you’re looking for!!! I imagine if you find it I will hear the yell and the whoopie clear from where you are to here! It will make people think there’s been an explosion! LOL
Yep……it’s a percentage.
Whatever I think fair.
decided on prior to search.
He comes….his cost……his ‘chance’…..no cost to me……
We find……we both win…..
We don’t find….I get piece of mind I gave it a good solid shot….nothing ventured nothing lost.
I can walk away…..knowing I tried…..with no regrets.
He can walk away with the adrenaline from the search…..and maybe a good story.
I’m staying out of your way…..don’t want to land up in the freezer……
Ya’ll send me the positive MOJO…..and keep your ears open for the EB BATTLE cry……….cuz…yeah…..you’ll hear me!!!!
EB you know the Mo-Jo is on the way!!! It’s still 60 degrees here but dropping and rain moving in, but at least it isn’t FROZEN RAIN in any form!
Son D and I worked outside some yesterday and today,, getting a few things done. I’m just kind of figuring I need to be ready to move when the next parole hearing comes up, so at least I’ve got the time to do it. I know you had hoped to get your repo on your house arranged differently but you did have some time to prepare and that was a good thing. The time we have to anticipate a move etc. gives us time to gather resources and so on. When I ran before I didn’t have time or brains to think with, just had to grab and go, at least this way there is time to get my cheet in order and go through what I want to keep, what I want to sell, and what I need to throw away.
Also, I know now that this house, this piece of ground, and all that goes with it (and the work and the upkeep) is not what is important to me anyway. When I had to take off before, losing my “home” was a devastation, but now I realize that this house is “sticks and stones” and not my “home” –my HOME IS INSIDE MY HEART AND HEAD, not a place on the map.
Ouch!!! Yesterday the smoke alarm kept going off and now my parrot has picked up the sound!!! And won’t shut up!!!! OUCH!!!!
I think once the big house is off your plate, and the yard is scanned, whatever is found is found or not found, and you have those less things to worry about or concern yourself with, you can get your feet back under you better and more solidly.
When we get this last cow butchered I’ll be down to my three pet cows 1 horse, my jacks, Fat and Hairy, 2 dogs and 2 cats, and the fire alarm parrot (who may get his neck wrung, wonder what parrot soup tastes like without salt?) LOL
I’m finding out the more stuff you have to mess with, take care of, dust, and move, the more work you have to do, the harder it is. I am getting less and less attached to all this “stuff.” LESS IS MORE. LESS IS BETTER.
When can you trust your man? From what I’ve learned from what I been through as well as everyone on here, NEVER!!!!