Nearly all of the research into sociopathy has involved evaluating the personality traits of adult men in prison. The reason for this is that researchers have easy access to adult prisoners and more prisoners are male. Think about it—how else would a researcher find sociopaths to study? The problem with studying sociopathy in male prisoners is that we learn nothing about sociopaths who never get arrested. We also don’t know if the research results apply to women.
There is actually very little research data available regarding sociopathy in non-criminals and in women. The little research that has been done reveals that sociopathy in women entails two or three main features that are similar to those found in men. Namely, female sociopaths lack empathy and enjoy manipulating and exploiting others. Violent and impulsive behavior is less common in sociopathic women. This fact may make them more dangerous, as they more easily blend in with the rest of society.
The key traits of sociopathic females
A recent study of adolescent girls in detention performed by Crystal L. Schrum, M.A. and Randall T. Salekin, Ph.D. of the University of Alabama and reported in Behavioral Sciences and the Law, revealed the core qualities that best described young female sociopaths. The teens were callous and lacked empathy, had a grandiose sense of self worth and were conning and manipulative. They were also likely to engage in impersonal sexual relationships. Importantly, the researchers revealed that female sociopaths did not necessarily have “shallow emotions.” Again the lack of impulsivity and shallow emotions may make a female sociopath more difficult to spot.
Please read the true Lovefraud story of Michelle Drake. Notice that female sociopaths victimize other women as well as men. This vignette illustrates many of the core qualities of a female sociopath. As I read this case, I was painfully reminded of the male sociopath who was once part of my life; so perhaps the similarities between male and female sociopaths are more important than the differences. What struck me about the story is the elaborate con she perpetrated for really very little money. This case illustrates something truly amazing about sociopaths—the degree to which they derive pleasure from conning others. Their hoaxes are often outlandish and grandiose.
A friend of mine, who was once in law enforcement, says that conning is the sociopath’s profession and that that he/she may not even do it for the money. Conning is instead the work they have a passion for. As my friend says, “When a sociopath wakes up and opens his eyes in the morning, it’s show time!” I can envision Michelle saying that to herself as she donned the fake pregnancy costume.
The public and the courts are sympathetic toward female sociopaths
The case of Michelle Drake also illustrates something else about female sociopaths. The courts are more likely to go easy on them. This attitude of the courts may reflect the fact that many people excuse the behavior of female sociopaths and feel sorry for them. Look at the cases of women in the news lately. We don’t know if the women involved are sociopaths, however, these cases do illustrate the double standard that exists in how we judge female as opposed to male antisocial behavior. Several women teachers have been found guilty of sexually exploiting students. They were treated very leniently for the same crimes that would have put a man in jail for many years.
The NASA astronaut arrested for attempted murder is another example of the way people treat women differently and don’t take their crimes seriously. This week, a restaurant owner in Florida held a benefit night to raise money for the astronaut’s family. News commentators have been quick to voice sympathy for the astronaut, yet I have not heard a one express sympathy for the victim. I remind you that it is alleged that the astronaut sprayed her victim with mace and planned to kill her.
In conclusion, sociopathy is less common in women. Women who are sociopaths may not appear as shallow as men who are sociopaths. They are also less angry and impulsive compared to men. Although violence is less commonly perpetrated by women, if you are the victim, these statistics don’t matter.
Psyche: I appreciate your prayers!!!!
Yeah, my daughter is evil just like her father!!!! Bad wicked. And what is so sad is, she was sweet just like her daughter when she was little. I do feel my daughter loves to drive people, especially me, nuts and as you say, worse.
When my older daughter tried to reason with my daughter last night this is what my daughter wrote to me today when I asked to keep the GD. Quote:” I can’t turn my child over to insanity. Willingly or unwillingly. Keep the clawing bitch out of my face and you can still visit GD. Bring more drama in my life- ya gotta leave. It’s that easy.”
See how the GD is a power play for her? And I must accept my daughter’s terms or the GD is jerked away from me.
Oh boy, after rereading this, I fear now, that pushing my daughter to try and take this GD from her might result in her going full blown psychotic……and that leaves me wondering what she might do. And possibly she is enjoying cruelly toying with my mind/emotions in this area as well. Wicked beyond!
Dear TB,
Darling, there is NO limit to what they will do to punish us for not giving them supply. They will use their own children as weapons to beat us with. Before I had ever heard the word psychopath I saw families usiing children as baseball bats to go at each other like rabid Hell’s Angels. Not caring how the children were splintered and broken.
As difficult as it is to DO, some how you have to take a note out of Rosa’s play book if you want to be in contact with the GD.
If there is anything/one that you care about and THEY CONTROL your access to it, you can bet your bottom dollar they will use it as both a carrot and a stick to get you to do what they want you to. The ONLY defense you really have is to decide what you will “endure” in exchange for contact with that person or thing. Sometimes the price gets too high.
My egg donor used to hold out her approval as a bait for me, then her disapproval as a stick to punish me, but it finally got to the point that I couldn’t pay the PRICE any more. It is I guess like teasing a dog with a bone, eventually even a dog will realize that they are not going to ever actually give it to you so you quit wanting or expecting to get it and quit reaching for it.
When it comes to a child that you love, I think that is the most PAINFUL thing someone could do to you AND the child. Creampuff is in that situation with her Grandkids because of her own P dtr and step dtr, and passive aggressive husband.
I know she is starting to come to grips with it, and then there are all these young women with babies and x-husband Ps and the problems they have for decades. To say nothing of those of us like you, me, Gem, Creampuff, etc etc who have adult children that have already broken our hearts and continue to try to (or worse)—-sometimes it is chokingly awful to even imagine how much pain these excuses for humans can inflict on others without a single backward glance.
About all any of us can do I think is to keep on praying for each other and hang in there. I don’t know how I would have sorted half this carp out without you guys there. You might not have been able to tell me what to do to “fix” something, but I sure knew you knew how I felt! ((((hugs)))) and prayers for us all.
Hi Oxy,
Thanks for responding! I have tried every avenue I know with this daughter right down to just saying, “Go have some fun and party, but let me play with my GD…it’s like having you little again and I enjoy it.” No go. She does not intend on ever letting me keep her much. And….believe it or not, she told my older daughter why. Because she will never risk that GD loving me more than her. I asked to just allow my GD to come here and stay with me for awhile and nope. She calculatingly replied, I could “visit” with my GD. See how clever and aware she is and how she loves to cause trouble. She feeds on it. One thing that worries me is, I have had so much stress that my health is poor now. I don’t feel well most of the time due to all the stress related trauma and I don’t know what to do about that either, since it never lets up. I divorced the PX but cannot divorce my children. I am exhausted. Also, she enjoys playing on married men and breaking up their homes.
PS….thanks for all the hugs and prayers! I am so grateful to have this place and you all! Please pray for my GD! Thank you!
Love,
TB
Dear Twice Betrayed,
I’m so sorry to hear about the situation with your daughter. She does not seem to have a conscience in how she treats you and her own daughter. There is something wrong with people who wish to hurt you deliberately. All of us hurt people in our lives by saying something insensitive, etc. but what your daughter is doing is malicious and wrong.
The way you are feeling right now has taken it’s toll on your health and well being, you need to make sure you care for yourself first. That way you are better able to care for GD. Unfortuately it comes down to what is in your control and what is out of your control. Do you want to play her game to be able to have some influence in your precious grand daughters life? Having a stable, loving grand mother will help your GD see how a healthy person behaves. Someone who loves her unconditionally will help fend off the possiblity of her becoming a disordered adult. You might have to play the game and let her think she is winning. That way you are able to still see GD and be a positive part of her life.
It breaks my heart that your GD could be used as a pawn in some sick game of control and manipulation. What is with these people? I never knew there were so many hurtful, evil people in the world.
Psyche and Oxy had some good advice, I hope the situation changes soon with your GD. Social services may have to be called eventually.
Dearest TB, Yes, they really know how to put the boot in, and torture us with their own kids. Really, all you can do is to pray lik mad for that dear little girl. Ask the Lord to put a hedge of protection around her, and do this every day.Ask that she be shielded from emotional, mental and physical harm, from the top of her head to the soles of her feet. Ask that her 5 senses be protected. Ask the healing Angels, from the heirarchies of Raphael, Michael,& Zadkiel protect her, day and night. {Raphael, is the Archangel of healing, Michael is the warrior Angel.}If you do this every day, no harm can come to her.
Blessings and Love, Mama GemXX
I have read all your comments and stories. I know I will have much more to say, later on. Right now, it drains me to simply tell my own story.
Please forgive me..
So, As the Sociopath turns’ continues now, like the bad soap opera that it is!
PART 2: My life with a sociopath: “MP”
As I said in my other Part 2 (which should have been Part 1),
Like my alcoholic mother, MP could be very funny. But later on, as I got to know her, she could be very abusive, as well.
They both had addiction problems, although unlike my mother MP had professed to be “in recovery.” They both had had numerous bad marriages, affairs, etc.
Years later, I thought MP might have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). But, she was much too cunning and calculating for that, unlike my mother who was mostly a “victim” of the men in her life.
My mother had been a black-out drunk for many years, the last five of her life, she’d been completely on a “liquid” diet.
MP went with me to see my mother in her last days–
One night, she disappeared in the middle-of the-night—which she would do more and more of as the years went by. I was frantic. When she showed-up at my beach motel the next morning she simply told me that she’d “gotten lost.”
She was explosive, just as my mother was, during a black-out. I was terrified of MP’S rages in the same way too. Something seemingly small would send her into a red-hot tantrum.
I know now that MP was a bona fide sociopath/psychopath—maybe you’ll agree as the story escalates.
Then, she would abandon me, break-up, leave, take the credit cards (mine), have an affair.
The Gas lighting would begin, although I didn’t know that term back then. It’s where that person convinces you that it is you who is crazy and unreasonable, for some small mistake or doubt you had.
She both had me “hooked” and was jealous, on the one hand. (She hated a friend of mine, “MO”). On the other hand, she abandoned me, suddenly, without warning, leaving me without resources, blaming me.
I’d have a panic-attack, hyperventilating and sobbing, and PTSD—horrible episodes. But MP would coldly walk away as if she had never known me.
That was also like my mother, of course. During my teen days, I ran away from home, from 13- and for the final time at 16. I finished high-school with the help of my boyfreind’s family. I sent myself to college and Grad School, on my own.
My mother would have black-out rages and throw me out in the middle of a snowy winter night in the same way Mp did, without caring if I had a coat or gloves, or money to survive on.
The trip to visit my dying mother became a nightmare for me. Not only did I have to “choose” who would go down with me—Mp or Mo—(they wouldn’t go if the other one did), my mother was also dying!
was disappearing for hours at a time (and a night)—explaining it away as having a new Diagnosis: Narcolepsy! Later on, I’ll explain why that didn’t seem crazy to me at the time. Plus, I was terrified of her rages, which she never apologized for or explained to me.
My mother finally died. I was relieved, frankly, and sad too. I had terrible unresolved feelings about my mother, of course. It’s terrible when you love somebody who also has abused you. And worse, that person was your own mother.
MP and I returned to my town. (This was before she moved 300 miles back to the town she’d grown up in, where I eventually bought a house.)
MP was a character out of a Bette Davis movie. Around others, she was charming and well-spoken. But mostly, she slept and slept and slept. As I mentioned, she was on disability for several undefinable and other unexplained illnesses. She had chronic illnesses, which her family doubted. Of course, her family were all crazy addicts too, so it was hard to tell.
She “had” to take morphine, oxycontin, etc. all of which her doctors had prescribed to her. Who was I to doubt her doctors? This woman supposedly couldn’t move out of bed without med’s.
Being the codependent that I was, I covered Mp’s health insurance, so we had the same doctor. (in the end, she had the doctor convinced that I was the one who’d abused med’s!)
Of course, several of Mp’s doctors had lost their medical licenses for being too liberal with med’s. I will end this part with our last days in my city, before she moved back to her own hometown, 300 miles away (and I followed).
This whole story, as you will see, is one of betrayals and lack of integrity in every corner of my life. I was the only one I knew, save some close friends, who seemed to stand up for what was moral and right, and who would help a friend, for instance, if they were nearly homeless, like MP was. But, I digress.
I had no way out!
p.s. I have been plagued since yesterday when was making fun of a man who called it “LA MISERABLE!”
But I, in my haste to be funny and clever, also misspelled it. ha, ha!
Your post was hilarious about this!
And for today, my fellow smarty-pants, I shall leave you with this soothing message, in latin, of course:
“NIL DESPERATUM!” (NO WORRIES!)
Wow! Just WHERE does the time go? Time flies when
you’re tres’ MISERABLE! HA, AH.(stupid smiley face goes here!)
“Nil