Nearly all of the research into sociopathy has involved evaluating the personality traits of adult men in prison. The reason for this is that researchers have easy access to adult prisoners and more prisoners are male. Think about it—how else would a researcher find sociopaths to study? The problem with studying sociopathy in male prisoners is that we learn nothing about sociopaths who never get arrested. We also don’t know if the research results apply to women.
There is actually very little research data available regarding sociopathy in non-criminals and in women. The little research that has been done reveals that sociopathy in women entails two or three main features that are similar to those found in men. Namely, female sociopaths lack empathy and enjoy manipulating and exploiting others. Violent and impulsive behavior is less common in sociopathic women. This fact may make them more dangerous, as they more easily blend in with the rest of society.
The key traits of sociopathic females
A recent study of adolescent girls in detention performed by Crystal L. Schrum, M.A. and Randall T. Salekin, Ph.D. of the University of Alabama and reported in Behavioral Sciences and the Law, revealed the core qualities that best described young female sociopaths. The teens were callous and lacked empathy, had a grandiose sense of self worth and were conning and manipulative. They were also likely to engage in impersonal sexual relationships. Importantly, the researchers revealed that female sociopaths did not necessarily have “shallow emotions.” Again the lack of impulsivity and shallow emotions may make a female sociopath more difficult to spot.
Please read the true Lovefraud story of Michelle Drake. Notice that female sociopaths victimize other women as well as men. This vignette illustrates many of the core qualities of a female sociopath. As I read this case, I was painfully reminded of the male sociopath who was once part of my life; so perhaps the similarities between male and female sociopaths are more important than the differences. What struck me about the story is the elaborate con she perpetrated for really very little money. This case illustrates something truly amazing about sociopaths—the degree to which they derive pleasure from conning others. Their hoaxes are often outlandish and grandiose.
A friend of mine, who was once in law enforcement, says that conning is the sociopath’s profession and that that he/she may not even do it for the money. Conning is instead the work they have a passion for. As my friend says, “When a sociopath wakes up and opens his eyes in the morning, it’s show time!” I can envision Michelle saying that to herself as she donned the fake pregnancy costume.
The public and the courts are sympathetic toward female sociopaths
The case of Michelle Drake also illustrates something else about female sociopaths. The courts are more likely to go easy on them. This attitude of the courts may reflect the fact that many people excuse the behavior of female sociopaths and feel sorry for them. Look at the cases of women in the news lately. We don’t know if the women involved are sociopaths, however, these cases do illustrate the double standard that exists in how we judge female as opposed to male antisocial behavior. Several women teachers have been found guilty of sexually exploiting students. They were treated very leniently for the same crimes that would have put a man in jail for many years.
The NASA astronaut arrested for attempted murder is another example of the way people treat women differently and don’t take their crimes seriously. This week, a restaurant owner in Florida held a benefit night to raise money for the astronaut’s family. News commentators have been quick to voice sympathy for the astronaut, yet I have not heard a one express sympathy for the victim. I remind you that it is alleged that the astronaut sprayed her victim with mace and planned to kill her.
In conclusion, sociopathy is less common in women. Women who are sociopaths may not appear as shallow as men who are sociopaths. They are also less angry and impulsive compared to men. Although violence is less commonly perpetrated by women, if you are the victim, these statistics don’t matter.
Dearest TB I have to agree with Oxy, yes, ts horribly painful, but Ive had to do what she did, ie, divorce both my adult girls.
I have now got to the stage the stress is off the charts if I get to see my daughter again,a she will NEVER apologise for all the mean hurtful things she has done to me, and even if she did apologise, it would only be to keep me as a sourse of supply,{ie cash, food vouchers and goods, for her.} I have seen my GKDs fairly regularly up to the age of the youngest being 8 years old,-last April, when I sww her last, and I have to say, Ive seen the best of them. Holly is 15 now, Fin is 12, they have les and less time now for Grandma anyway. My daughter did the same as TB kept all the kids at arms length so I could never really bond with them. In a way this has been a blessing to me, as I dont crave to see them too much. Also, now that my SIL[they are still not divorced after 4 years]has FT custody of all 3 kids, he drives a long way evry weekend to see his girlfriend, and my spath daughter babysits her own kids at weekends. Which effectively means I cant see them, as Ive been totally NC with her for one year.If I rang her up and asked to see hte kids, shed think shed won, and I wont do this,ever.At least mySIL posts recent pics of the GKs on his Facebook page , so thats something, actually he did a recent album for me of the kids and labelled it,”For Maia”, So he has some feelings for me, and my situation, but lets face it, getting laid at the wekend is anicer option for him than visiting Grandma!Sometimes we just have to do what we have to to survive. Love, Mama Gem.XX
Dear TB,
After reading your story, TB, I am wondering if SP’s are born that way, or do they have a personality disorder that is developmental? ie. the theory is that people with PD’s had some kind of trauma before the age of 3, and never developed a full personality.
I ask that question because it would determine how I would deal with your situation. Either way, there is nothing you can do to change her.
I remember babysitting for a 3 yr old boy one time, who I swear was spawned by the devil.
Best to you,
FPT
FPT: You know, I am torn on the answer to your question. But, I am going to answer it from the point of my hands on experience with 3 children by 2 P husbands. Two are by my first husband and 1 by my second. I dedicated my life to all three and they had a great home, love, full parental support from me. First two raised w/o P husband even in picture. Second one with husband always in picture. All 3 were great young kids. Two were great teens. All three show some degree of P now, as adults. All are highly intelligent, well liked, well educated, successful, productive citizens. However out of that realm, they are train wrecks emotionally and cruel beyond. Power mad to the max! So for me, my answer is: born that way-genetically wired P. I have often said scratch yourself and touch a drop of P blood and you will be psycho in 24 hours yourself. Just a little dark humor on my part, but it does seem that way. From my experience-genetics wins.
And you know, I was born into a highly successful family that was well respected but dysfunctional inside. I suffered great abuse emotionally and physically by my grown older brother and I am not P. However, having to ‘handle’ a person like my brother as a child did leave me vulnerable to hooking up with P husbands. I can hear/see my little 3 year old GD already wise enough to manage her P mother. It just breaks my heart to watch her have to dance the P dance at 3 years old, already skilled verbally/emotionally at defusing this ticking bomb known as her mother.
Dear TB,
I’ve been pondering your situation for a while. I think all the above have the wisest answers to an unbearable situation.
Try to think: what would be best for you GD? Would she feel scared of her own mother? No doubt, but she wouldn’t be able to voice that fear, maybe.
Your job would be–as the wise folks said—to make it seem like your GD is just coming to your house for a visit, while your daughter “takes a little break.”
The way it is, you have to also take care of the mother’s ego in order to protect your GD’s life.
A vacation sounds better that Child Protective Services, just for now I mean. After you get your GD stabilized with you, THEN I’d call CPS.
Twenty years ago, I used to be a social worker. I worked with trauma and child abuse victims.
The tricky part is: to not to ADD to the child’s trauma of her crazy mother, which is already that kid’s burden. But at the same time, protect that child.
It’s like having a rabid dog walking towards some kids. (To Kill a Mockingbird) You want to keep the kids calm so you can deal with the danger.
FPT
I also like all the wise advice about “drop-kicking” SP’s out of your life. That is what I am doing now, out of necessity…and life force.
For me, now, it is a matter of survival: them or me.
It’s as though we who have been drop-kicked, blenderized, and nearly killed by P’s are part of a special club, here at LF.
I feel life more poignantly now. I am making my own life a priority, now.
I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than have to go through the experience of having (several) SP’s in my life, sucking my life away, like ELECTROLUX VACUUM CLEANERS, ala’ SP!
I say: Just change the bag and get on with our lives!
ha, ha.
FPT
wow! did I just say all that? I almost feel brave enough to tell the rest of my story when I get this mad.
Hey Guys!!! I joined because I am scarred as hell. Dont know what to do or look for. I am dating a young lady Rose.. her sister warns me literally everyday that she is a social path. She gives me names of people and what she did. I bring them up to Rose and she says that they are completely untrue. She has admitted to having a few guys in her life. No biggie right? Then I talk to there mother who I am close with also. I take her home to pick up some clothes and me and her mother talk and she tells me I need to watch out for her daughter. I am about to leave then mom approached Rose about what she has done to guys. They get into it >> ( fast forward ). As I am about to leave Roses mom starts crying and is telling me that she is a bad person. Roses sister and I are best friends. Have been for years.. Any traits or experiences you guys can fill my in on that I can look out for so I don’t f*ck myself over.
Thanks Guys
Dear Match1,
Welcome to Love fraud. I STRONGLY SUGGEST though that you edit your post and remove your private e mail address.
As far as advice on Rose—–RUN RUN RUNNNNNNNNN away from this woman as fast as you can. If both her mother and her sister have warned you about her, what are you waiting for?
Good luck. Hang around here and read articles in the arichives and learn about psychopaths. God bless.
Match1:
First….please delete your email…..go to the edit function and take it out. We can all respond to you here.
Second….I am going to assume you have read all of the comments from survivors who have debated about warning….to warn or not to warn…..and how the ‘warning’ has been received.
Okay…..so mom and sister have given you info……WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING STICKING AROUND WITH THIS GIRL FOR???????
You said yourself….you don’t want to fuC& yourself over…..
Well……your gonna!
There is NOTHING you can do to change this girl, head off her behaviors or anything else you can do to avoid her wrath of hurt you have been warned about.
So again…..WHY ARE YOU STILL AROUND?
Her own mother and sister……HELLLLLLOOOOOOO.
They have given you a gift……if you choose to take it, you will do yourself great honor. If you return it to sender…..you;ll find out soon enough….the HARD way. ( and I assure you….when you have your ‘aha’ moment…you will wish you would have taken their gift)….
There are NO awards for being with a sociopath. Trust me…..only pain, destruction…..and the long process of healing and picking up the pieces.
Get out!
In the meantime…..stick around LF….and read our stories and the articles. It will give you good insight on what could be in your future.
Welcome to LF….I hope for you…..you can gain enough education to make the best decision for yourself.
ErinBrock,OxDrover – Thank you so much for your reply’s!! I have read all of the post when I found the site. The only thing I can relate to thus far is the animal like sex? I read all the tell signs and the one that I picked up on is that she is impulsive? She pays for her own stuff and does everything she can for me. So I am very confused they are telling me this but she is so nice its kinda hard to believe. I only know about one guy recently but she left him? The main reasons why her family warning me is because apparently she had sex with people when she was single when she did. Which to me is really not a big deal. Anything I need to look out for. Sorry if I sound completely stupid in the matter but I want to make sure I don’t lose a good thing.
M1zS