Nearly all of the research into sociopathy has involved evaluating the personality traits of adult men in prison. The reason for this is that researchers have easy access to adult prisoners and more prisoners are male. Think about it—how else would a researcher find sociopaths to study? The problem with studying sociopathy in male prisoners is that we learn nothing about sociopaths who never get arrested. We also don’t know if the research results apply to women.
There is actually very little research data available regarding sociopathy in non-criminals and in women. The little research that has been done reveals that sociopathy in women entails two or three main features that are similar to those found in men. Namely, female sociopaths lack empathy and enjoy manipulating and exploiting others. Violent and impulsive behavior is less common in sociopathic women. This fact may make them more dangerous, as they more easily blend in with the rest of society.
The key traits of sociopathic females
A recent study of adolescent girls in detention performed by Crystal L. Schrum, M.A. and Randall T. Salekin, Ph.D. of the University of Alabama and reported in Behavioral Sciences and the Law, revealed the core qualities that best described young female sociopaths. The teens were callous and lacked empathy, had a grandiose sense of self worth and were conning and manipulative. They were also likely to engage in impersonal sexual relationships. Importantly, the researchers revealed that female sociopaths did not necessarily have “shallow emotions.” Again the lack of impulsivity and shallow emotions may make a female sociopath more difficult to spot.
Please read the true Lovefraud story of Michelle Drake. Notice that female sociopaths victimize other women as well as men. This vignette illustrates many of the core qualities of a female sociopath. As I read this case, I was painfully reminded of the male sociopath who was once part of my life; so perhaps the similarities between male and female sociopaths are more important than the differences. What struck me about the story is the elaborate con she perpetrated for really very little money. This case illustrates something truly amazing about sociopaths—the degree to which they derive pleasure from conning others. Their hoaxes are often outlandish and grandiose.
A friend of mine, who was once in law enforcement, says that conning is the sociopath’s profession and that that he/she may not even do it for the money. Conning is instead the work they have a passion for. As my friend says, “When a sociopath wakes up and opens his eyes in the morning, it’s show time!” I can envision Michelle saying that to herself as she donned the fake pregnancy costume.
The public and the courts are sympathetic toward female sociopaths
The case of Michelle Drake also illustrates something else about female sociopaths. The courts are more likely to go easy on them. This attitude of the courts may reflect the fact that many people excuse the behavior of female sociopaths and feel sorry for them. Look at the cases of women in the news lately. We don’t know if the women involved are sociopaths, however, these cases do illustrate the double standard that exists in how we judge female as opposed to male antisocial behavior. Several women teachers have been found guilty of sexually exploiting students. They were treated very leniently for the same crimes that would have put a man in jail for many years.
The NASA astronaut arrested for attempted murder is another example of the way people treat women differently and don’t take their crimes seriously. This week, a restaurant owner in Florida held a benefit night to raise money for the astronaut’s family. News commentators have been quick to voice sympathy for the astronaut, yet I have not heard a one express sympathy for the victim. I remind you that it is alleged that the astronaut sprayed her victim with mace and planned to kill her.
In conclusion, sociopathy is less common in women. Women who are sociopaths may not appear as shallow as men who are sociopaths. They are also less angry and impulsive compared to men. Although violence is less commonly perpetrated by women, if you are the victim, these statistics don’t matter.
match – you say her sister is a friend of yours, and that you are close to her mom also. how long have you known these folks? do you know THIER reputations? If they have good reps and don’t exhibit signs of sociopathy themselves – then i would take the risk of ‘losing a good thing.’
you have to know – spaths can look like the BEST people to us – it’s called the ‘lovebomb.’
be careful.
Let me start out by explaining that I am a very easy going person and I hate confrontation. So, I guess I was a prime target for the psychopath where I worked. I had never been around anyone like her before.
The new Park Manager had no morals, so when SS was hired as an office clerk, she was comfortable in her new home. Prior to that time, she had worked at a prison and often talked about it as being a place she enjoyed working. The only thing she didn’t like was the structured environment. (I have often wondered if she willingly left that job.) Others told me, she had not been able to keep any other job.
SS started trying to manipulate me into letting her have her way soon after she was hired. She would tell me what a great job I did, even though it was obvious she had no knowledge of the type of work I did. She tried to convince me that we shared like interests and even went so far as to claim to know members of my family, my wife’s boss, and pretended to have had conversations with my wife. All were lies made without so much as blinking an eye.
When that didn’t get the results she wanted, she started flirting with me. She openly stated that her marriage meant nothing to her. She used her kids to talk about herself; it was never about them. When I tried to remind her she was married, she let me know that she was going to do what she wanted. She had no respect for anyone. She was very aggressive when it came to getting her way.
SS was an ugly woman, grossly overweight with no redeeming physical characteristics. She was jealous of anything that might take attention away from her. She disliked other women and tried to convince the men at work that she looked better than them. She even went so far as to run down a new born baby to us. Even though she had a huge flat butt, she wiggled it in front of me and tried to get me to compliment her. I didn’t. The worse she got, the more I tried to avoid her. Each time she pulled something, I would walk away and hope she got the hint that I wasn’t interested. She never did. As soon as I would get one thing stopped she would try something else.
It wasn’t long before she was trying to find ways to be alone with me. She tried to force her way into going with me (I was often in inaccessible areas of the Park.) I let her know I wasn’t going to take her with me, but that didn’t stop her from trying to get the manager to make me take her. I refused.
It wasn’t long before she started trying to corner me at the office and talk about sex. She would be talking about something innocent and suddenly tell me she was good in bed, or that she liked to look at men’s penis’s and watch them masturbate. She blatantly propositioned me on more than one occasion. Each time she would pull this, I would quit what I was doing and leave. I thought surely she would realize I wasn’t interested. But she never stopped. I started trying to completely avoid her.
No matter how many times I stopped her, Stephanie continued to get worse and worse. When it became impossible to corner me at the office, she started showing up where I was working and even at the shop during my lunch hour. She brought a meal for two and tried to get me to share it with her. I ignored her then eventually had to confront her and had to make her leave.
A week later, she overheard a conversation between the Park Manager and myself and thought she had found another way to be with me ”“I was able to stop her before she had a chance to further her agenda.
Even when I refused to speak to her, she pursued me. Eventually I had to confront her and tell her to leave me alone. I was very clear and laid out exactly what I wouldn’t allow. I told her any dealings she had with me were to be kept strictly professional. I tried to do it in a way that would cause the least amount of drama, and still get my point across. I explained that her actions were causing gossip and that I didn’t want my family embarrassed by the gossip. She told me she didn’t care how anything looked, what anyone thought, and that no one was going to tell her what to do. In fact, she continued to argue with me until I finally told her she was acting like a bitch in heat.
By the next day, she had twisted that conversation to mean that my wife was jealous of her and told my boss that my wife made me call her that. (Of course I didn’t know this until some months later when I got my personnel file. During the meeting she hinted I had problems at home, but there were no open accusation against my wife.) My boss said that my calling her a bitch in heat could be considered sexual harassment. I told him I hadn’t called her anything but said that was how she was acting towards me. It soon became obvious that she was trying to get me to back down from my stance. I didn’t.
After thinking about some of the things she had said during the meeting, I decided to confront her one final time the next day. I wanted it clear that I wasn’t going to put up with anything else from her. At the final meeting, she once again tried to get me to back down. First she told me that they had tried to get her to file a complaint against me, but she wouldn’t do it. Then she started talking about the divorce rate in prison, and how wives couldn’t deal with their husband’s work. At the time, I couldn’t fathom what she was talking about; I didn’t work in a prison. Then she asked if I was sure that was all I wanted between us? I told her that I meant what I said, any dealings with me were to be kept strictly professional. It wasn’t until much later, that I realized she was suggesting that I divorce my wife.
Once it finally became clear to SS that I had drawn the line and she wasn’t going to be able to manipulate me, she decided to get even with me. After 16 years of a perfect record I was fired. Even though I got my job back, I couldn’t stay there.
One more thing I need to add is that I wasn’t the only one she made sexual advances toward at the park. A few Park visitors said they would never be back because of her. I overheard her teasing one male employees about being a minuteman in bed, found notes to the manager telling him he was full of snot, but not in his nose, listened to complaints about her and another employee being locked in the office during office hours, and refusing to open the door, etc. It seems as if I was the only one to see through her, or at least the only one that objected to her actions.
I was raised to respect women and treat them like ladies. This one didn’t deserve it. I filed sexual harassment charges against her, but as far as I know, nothing was done. When I left the park, she didn’t stop. About a month later, we returned home from a weekend at our son’s to find a pair of her panties in our bedroom. Other things were done that left little doubt who had been there, but we asked around until we found someone who could give us a description of the persons entering our house. No one should have to put up with the unwanted and unsolicited advances that I had to put up with from this very sick individual.
Disgusted,
This woman is something else! What I question is why your empoyer would want to keep her around – she’s bad news. You have my sympathy – sociopaths know how to ruin your day. It’s unfortunate that decent, normal people get targeted by these creatures, making life difficult.
Disgusted, you just described half the female work force where I was employed.
Thank God you got away from her clutches because, it’s all about her, her, her, her, her.
Oh, P.S. You never tell an ash hole, they are an ash hole. Why? Because they are an ash hole.
Peace.
The boss saw nothing wrong with her actions. He often talked about his sister-in-law which was very much like her. when I said she had found her new home, I meant it. This was the perfect place for her to be able to do whatever she wanted… He turned a blind eye as long as she didn’t cause him problems. SS was quite good at reading others and knowing exactly how to work them to get her way. He adored SS and believed everything she said.
Before she was hired, he made it clear to everyone that there was only qualification – and that the woman hired be “wife safe” in looks. It didn’t matter to him if she could do the job, etc., as long as his wife didn’t consider her a threat, he was happy.
Now I’m disgusted! Good reasons to document everything and to let your manager know right away what’s going on. I’m so glad you got your job back!!! (even though not at same site) “wife safe” HA HA.
To Twice Betrayed
I am a Child Protection social worker in the UK and can only speak from the perspective of that country of course. Also I don’t have all the information I would need to make a proper ‘professional assessment in any way. However, with that disclaimer, I am concerned enough to suggest as others have done that you should seriously consider calling Children’s Services in your area – you can do this anonymously (refuse to give names/identifying details) in the first instance to ‘take the temperature’ if you wish. Of course if the SW is doing their job they will pressure you very much to give identifying details (that’s what I’d do!!)
If your concern is your daughter taking your GD out to bars etc and GD’s hearing could be long-term damaged etc then this could be considered significant physical/emotional child abuse (depending entirely on whether your concerns can be independently evidenced somehow).
Any CP worker would also take into consideration frequency of visits to bars and other contextual information. In my own practice I find that I (and fellow SW’s) are not usually fooled by ‘nice houses – tidy, clean etc’ when it comes to this particular form of abuse – clearly having a tidy house is ‘nothing to do with it’.
If this were allocated to me I would likely insist on hearing tests for the child if the ‘basic facts’ i.e. the child is being regularly exposed to loud music could be established.
Please consider that if other abuse occurs (likely if your D is truely a P or S) and CS become involved anyway if someone else reports concerns – you would not want to be seen to have ‘protected’ your D over your GD by NOT reporting abuse.
The downside is that your daughter would likely unleash ‘war on you’ and probably stop access to GD if she can, though CS would try to prevent this in my experience. It is likely that stopping the relationship formerly enjoyed with your would be seen as further proof of emotionally abusive behaviour by your D to your GD.
No-one can make this crucial decision for you. And just because this is ‘my view’ I absolutely cannot say what another CP SW would say or see the situation – because I don’t have ‘all the facts’ of course.
Blessings
Delta 1
i was married to an spath for 10 years.i believe she was anyway.we divorced 7 years ago and she wanted to be friends so i tried.well needless to say 4 weeks ago i decided to not be friends anymore and she really did not like tha idea but i did it anyway.it really dont make me feel any better though.my question is will she return and what should i do if she does?she lied ,cheated ,opened credit cards in my name really did me wrong.
Doggedout, I’m sorry that you had the experiences that you did. It is quite likely that she will try to keep that line open with you, if she can. What “should” you do if she does? Only you know the answer to that. Not one reader on this site is going to tell you what you “should” do.
Think about what you want out of life, and then think about what life with her in your world does to help you get to where you want to be and where you should be. Then, you’ll have your answer.
spaths and ppaths don’t like letting go of good supply.
they will keep a person hanging for years just so they have a place to go to when they need it. it has nothing to do with us.
well, i shut the hotel down and rolled up the ‘welcome mat’.
if someone stole my credit, i would make a police report.
i would call the credit card company and tell them it was identity theft and follow up on it. contact your local authorities for further assistance, doggedout.
Sorry for your misfortune.
Hang in there and Truthspeak is right: think about what you want out of life and then go for it. Make it about you but not in a bitter or selfish way…
Blessings ~ Dupey