Nearly all of the research into sociopathy has involved evaluating the personality traits of adult men in prison. The reason for this is that researchers have easy access to adult prisoners and more prisoners are male. Think about it—how else would a researcher find sociopaths to study? The problem with studying sociopathy in male prisoners is that we learn nothing about sociopaths who never get arrested. We also don’t know if the research results apply to women.
There is actually very little research data available regarding sociopathy in non-criminals and in women. The little research that has been done reveals that sociopathy in women entails two or three main features that are similar to those found in men. Namely, female sociopaths lack empathy and enjoy manipulating and exploiting others. Violent and impulsive behavior is less common in sociopathic women. This fact may make them more dangerous, as they more easily blend in with the rest of society.
The key traits of sociopathic females
A recent study of adolescent girls in detention performed by Crystal L. Schrum, M.A. and Randall T. Salekin, Ph.D. of the University of Alabama and reported in Behavioral Sciences and the Law, revealed the core qualities that best described young female sociopaths. The teens were callous and lacked empathy, had a grandiose sense of self worth and were conning and manipulative. They were also likely to engage in impersonal sexual relationships. Importantly, the researchers revealed that female sociopaths did not necessarily have “shallow emotions.” Again the lack of impulsivity and shallow emotions may make a female sociopath more difficult to spot.
Please read the true Lovefraud story of Michelle Drake. Notice that female sociopaths victimize other women as well as men. This vignette illustrates many of the core qualities of a female sociopath. As I read this case, I was painfully reminded of the male sociopath who was once part of my life; so perhaps the similarities between male and female sociopaths are more important than the differences. What struck me about the story is the elaborate con she perpetrated for really very little money. This case illustrates something truly amazing about sociopaths—the degree to which they derive pleasure from conning others. Their hoaxes are often outlandish and grandiose.
A friend of mine, who was once in law enforcement, says that conning is the sociopath’s profession and that that he/she may not even do it for the money. Conning is instead the work they have a passion for. As my friend says, “When a sociopath wakes up and opens his eyes in the morning, it’s show time!” I can envision Michelle saying that to herself as she donned the fake pregnancy costume.
The public and the courts are sympathetic toward female sociopaths
The case of Michelle Drake also illustrates something else about female sociopaths. The courts are more likely to go easy on them. This attitude of the courts may reflect the fact that many people excuse the behavior of female sociopaths and feel sorry for them. Look at the cases of women in the news lately. We don’t know if the women involved are sociopaths, however, these cases do illustrate the double standard that exists in how we judge female as opposed to male antisocial behavior. Several women teachers have been found guilty of sexually exploiting students. They were treated very leniently for the same crimes that would have put a man in jail for many years.
The NASA astronaut arrested for attempted murder is another example of the way people treat women differently and don’t take their crimes seriously. This week, a restaurant owner in Florida held a benefit night to raise money for the astronaut’s family. News commentators have been quick to voice sympathy for the astronaut, yet I have not heard a one express sympathy for the victim. I remind you that it is alleged that the astronaut sprayed her victim with mace and planned to kill her.
In conclusion, sociopathy is less common in women. Women who are sociopaths may not appear as shallow as men who are sociopaths. They are also less angry and impulsive compared to men. Although violence is less commonly perpetrated by women, if you are the victim, these statistics don’t matter.
How were things to start with?
Beverly, In the beginning things were intense and moved fast. We communicated via email first, then phone then out of the blue at 9:30p on New Year’s Eve she called and said she wanted to come out for new years. She is 2 hours away and we got meet each in person only 20 minutes before the ball dropped. We kissed that night, actually she kissed me and the L word was dropped within a few weeks. She turned to me completely out-of-the-blue on one of the regular nights out with my friends for wings and whispered in my ear “I love you”. Then the rest of the first two months were 2 people moving too fast in one of those relationships you hear about that end up married in 6 months after meeting.
Last night I spent some time reading through past emails and found so many more clues and red flags. By Jan 18th I was ready to walk. Again by March 12th and so on and so on. It was like the hook you can’t get out of the fishes mouth. She had me hooked, intrigued more or less. I think she became a challenge to me to understand her. Based on my past relationships with 3 women all long term, she acted nothing like them. Things that were easy in the past ones were difficult in this one and vice versa.
I was always puzzled and always trying to figure things out where in past relationships I never felt that way. She was unlike any experience in the past. Very quick wit and funny, we seemed to smile and laugh non-stop in the beginning. The fun was short lived when I became increasingly suspicious that something isn’t right here and too many things are not adding up.
Mainly the things she would txt me. “I love you”, “we are kickass”, “I’m so lucky” etc never seemed to come across when we were together. I take that back, when she was here it was but when I was at her house it wasn’t. The relationship appeared as if she was trying to fit me in on her terms. I commented several times “you are the busiest person I think I ever met” in a sarcastic way. I’m a busy person, was then and I made time no problem. After the first 2 months is just felt as though there was someone else. Like I said earlier, things that were easy in past relationships became so difficult. Natural things that happen when two people are in love.
The constant catching her in lies was getting bad, meaningless lies. For example: She told me early on (Jan) she had to help her boss set up quickbooks for the lady she worked for part time at a mortgage company and also owned the bar she worked a few nights at. She was also part time at a small CPA firm, her being the only employee. So apparently she set her quickbooks up, that’s what she said. Then in March she said the same thing, she said I have to go set up my boss’s quickbooks, I’ve been putting it off. I said I thought you already did that?? She said “no, I haven’t had time”. Then in June once again her boss and I heard her boss on the phone this time ask her when she can come and setup her quicksbooks. My X told her “I know I have been putting that off since the beginning of the year, I can come over tomorrow”. Completely forgetting that she already told me she did that two other times.
My female socio was beautiful, charming and so much fun!.. then it all went south, the “rules” of the relationship started to change daily, and I couldn’t keep up with it… I was depressed and sad and couldn’t undertsnd why… wasn’t I supposed to happy with her?… Hard to imagine a woman who was gentle, giving to the homeless, physicaly beautiful, charming, lit up the room when she entered, I was so proud of her and thought how lucky I was to have her in my life….. then…. she turneed on me and became somebody she hated.. after I had lavished on her love, money, gifts, attention….. the biggest shock was how cold, emotionless, hateful she became… then she walks out without a care and totally wiped everything away like I never exisited….. I had never met anyone in my entire life that could be so coldhearted…. and evil… all in a beautiful package that most men would clammer over each other to just get a chance with… I learned so much….now… beauty and charm mean nothing.. being a mother means nothing.. telling me that I am amazing, exceptional….means nothing…. onguard68, I feel for you and know your pain….. these female vampires will suckthe live force out of you, then hang your dried out husk on their web, as a trophy, with the others, as they have already have the next victim in their sights….. BEWARE of women with a anger issue towards men.. even if they treat you nice at the present moment, it’s only a matter of time before their unresolved anger towards men in general is turned in your direction, and you will be the focus of their rage aganist mankind…. and it will never matter how nice and wonderful, understanding you are towards them… this is the truth.
southernman429, yep I’m with you, beautiful, fun etc. Wow you sound like you met her!!! I commented to her during one of our break ups that “just chalk me up on that board of yours ”“ you have another one come and go from your life”, feeling used and assuming this was her pattern but not knowing for sure.
As far as I know, she was married for 12 yrs with the father of her two girls and she told me she stayed because of the girls. She also said she had plans well in advance for the day she was going to leave him. Then I know of one other guy she dated for 3 yrs. She said they argued all the time but she said it was because of his drinking. I don’t buy it. I think what he went through is the same thing I did. He is still around in the sense of one of her girls plays softball his girl. So he is around, I met him many times but never asked him anything but always wanted to. I even feel like calling him. Not sure if that is a good idea but there is no friend of my X I can call on to ask anything about her. I’m left removed from her world, her circle of friends, isolated.
Here is something worth noting: My X told me about her 12 yr X that he used to mark chalk on the garage floor to see if she left the house and did other things out of suspicion that she may have been up to something. I just found that out less than a month ago. My X told me that!!! I’d say from middle of March til June I had every suspicion she was up to something. Just nothing she said made sense anymore.
Wow, I cannot believe my eyes… I just found this forum today. I started researching psychopaths (aka “Antisocial personality disorder”) because I suspected my partner (so-to-speak) is a psychopath. I couldn’t be more right. It is unbelievable the stuff I am reading. It is unfortunate that these posts are from 2008… I wonder if any of the members are still around? I would absolutely love to talk to some other folks on here who have experienced similar issues as I have.
I may at some point list all of the things that I have experienced and endured, but I am going to recharge myself right now. I am a bit exhausted from all the reading. I have some house chores I need to do right now!
Coming soon!
Let me know if you’re available for chat 🙂 Support is good and necessary at this point.
Thanks!
Hello Not2bforgot10 🙂
I have discovered a young female sociopath in my family quite recently, so I would be very interested in this topic being picked up again.
I look forward to hearing from you and am sorry that you have to be here but glad you found us:)
P.S – this doesnt really work as an ‘instant message’ type chat room… unless we’re all on line at the same time… which doesn’t happen to me often, but if you post or have a question…LF folk will respond!:)x
Not2bforgot10
I know two sociopaths both female and they both are similar in many ways but there are some marked differences. One is more clever than the other better able to hide her issues. The other has issues with self control so her issues are very blatant. The more dangerous one of course is the more clever of the two.
My energy is still spent from having been up late last night, stressed, and reading, and from having read most of the morning today, but I will try and respond either tonight or tomorrow.
Anyway, I am really glad that some people responded on here… I thought that the thread was old since the last person that wrote was in 2008. Do you know if onguard is still active on here? I really related to this sharing… everyone else’s, too, of course 🙂
I am hesitant to share how I am feeling until I first share my situation and all I have endured, but I will say that my energy is literally spent, and I am drained and have been highly depressed for quite some time, particularly now since my sociopath partner and I have split up (Things are very confusing between us… to say the least, we are both trying to distance ourselves from one another but keep engaging in push/pull acts), but happen to be living under the same roof. Long story… as I’m sure you know 😉
I’ll talk to you guys later.
scout, are you me writing about my neighbour!? We know the same person, or you are me! My neighbour cried tears to my family, and my DSM sister was right behind her every stepof the way.
Wini, your post on Tuesday, 24 June 2008 @....... 6:51am
re: […I did my own research on female and male anti-social personalities as they came in and out of my 52 years. I always asked the victims of female anti-socials (that I knew were of this making), that’s after they licked their wounds …] It was when the DSM neighbour planted that seed of thought in me that I startted researching online. her words had neon blue and lime lights; and I guess I have to thank her for being less subtle (even if it was subtle as hell, and only me and her in her home witho nobody to hear her); The dialogue you exhange with a sociopath is quite unlike any other. If you repeat what she says it sounds utterly hilarious. They hate hearing their crap back. try it; it makes them uncomfortable.
spot on all the way.
My DSM sister met her husband (boss) when his first wife was terminally ill. This lady woudlhave met my sister in her vulnerable state; she would have met this woman who came into her husband’s life. Her husband said his first wife said something about my sister he cannot reveal for its severity. After her death I was invited to a group spiritual reading, her name (spirit) was around me : “she is angry” was her message. My sister and BiL were courting. It pains me what she experienced with my sister. She was flirting with him during her last few months. Perfumed cards. She was so intent on getting him and knew it wouldnt be long. I saw all this right in front of me; no awareness of what others can see. She masturbated when I was sharing a bed (I was at uni) – she can do anything. She could scream at her toddlers with wide staring eyes and a voice that carries ugly threat. She’s a f**ng disgraceful mother when nobody’s watching. But the world see’s a doting mother. She performs much of her abuse to others (inc her children) in front of me; knowing I am silenced and would never speak up. It’s my word against hers – and children either go wit my word or deny it (to avoid punishment).
I have a slim pocket size digital recorder. I must use it I think. Gather up decades of evidence.
Not2be4gotten, when you are ready. We are all ready to listen and respond. It hurts and we know the kind of pain. I didn’t think anyone knew, then realise people have known this kind of pain well before you. Sites like these are protect us in the raw stages. It then helps us heal, educates how to avoid further pain.
Wow.just registered today. i had a relationship with a girl for 4 years that is clearly a psychopath. i noticed odd things in her behavior very early on but i didnt know what to make of it. I live in rio de janeiro. im a foreigner and have been living here for more than 5 years. she´s an absolutely stunning beautiful girl which she uses extremely effectively. better than anyone i have ever met. i was fascinated by her almost imediately. My sex life with her was amazing, intense, anamalistic. i was addicted to her. i had a best friend help me with my situation for some two years. i would send him emails she had written me for him to analyze as well as conversations via skype or messenger that i had recorded. this site has been a wealth of information for me and has caused so much relief for me. whn i told people what i thought of her they wouldnt believe me and must have thought i was exagerating as she made herself to be very innocent. she had the most devilish gaze ive seen in a human being and i can relate to endless stories on this site and others. she sucked all the energy out of me for years. i could see that she enjoyed it. this was her only goal. i am a wealthy individual but she never used me for financial reasons. she manipulated and lied about so many things with so much calm and precision. she was the best manipulater i have ever met without a doubt. soemtimes i found myself in situations that made me think that for her to have caused this she would have had to plan it for months, which was the case.
she would write me emails about how much she cared for me but i never saw any truth behind it. no feelings whatsoever. and she has every charicteristic of a psychopath.always smiling without a worry in the world. manipulates men like crazy. makes everyone believe her stories and lies. she wanted to get married but i knew better. she still sends me emails and writes me like the nicest human being and i can see that it is all fake. its amazing. it was the worst relationship ive had in my life. intense as hell. as dramatic as they come. she still lives in rio and is on to her next victim. a young brazlian soap opera actor. im not worried a bit and im so happy i found this site and others. and more relieved than anyone that i was able to flee without a problem even though those were the 4 worst years i have ever had in a relationship. i thought it would never end. i searched for some sign of some kind of authentic feeling in her since i met her. never found any. i had never come across another human being like this so i had no idea what i was dealing with. i literally studied her for years until a friend asked me one day. do u know what a psycopath is? it took us both years to finally understand what was going on since she showed signs of liking me so many times and i wanted it to work. everything in these blogs about psycopaths fit to describe her perfectly. its amazing. everything. she has one hell of a weapon. shes absolutely beautiful. one of the prettiest girls i know in rio de janeiro, which says a lot. she felt insecure with me at times because im a good looking man myself (not trying to sound arrogant, just explaining the situation). her insecurity just came from the fact that she was worried that she could lose the person she was sucking so much energy from. Ive never had so much energy sucked out of me in my life. Everything she does is subtle and is executed perfectly many many times agressively as well. But always with the intention to hurt. extremely vindictive. I didnt even know the definition of the word until i met her. she is so affective in making others feel badly even if she is at falt its amazing. it has been great for me to share this story with you all. it took me a long time to get over her and i thought the day would never come. This is a relief for me. I know one thing now. I know exactly what a psycopath is. and yes women can be psycopaths. and more accuretly the most dangerous of the psycopaths. poor poor women. i feel so sorry for them. NOT!