By | February 3, 2014 19 Comments

Why sociopaths keep showing up

A Lovefraud reader recently sent me the following question:

I seem to only attract what I believe are sociopaths into my life even when I am not trying to find anyone. I feel as if they find me and try to befriend me. Is there some kind of an explanation for this?

This reader posts as “Sam.” Last year I published her story as a “Letter to Lovefraud.” The explanation for her current experience is in her story. Please read it:

I have no further use to him and I am being disposed of

Sam’s story is absolutely tragic. Here is what happened to her:

  • She witnessed domestic violence from a very young age.
  • She left home before she turned 15.
  • She suffered from depression.
  • Her first relationship was with a guy who was physically, verbally and mentally abusive.
  • She met “the love of her life,” but it just didn’t seem right, so she didn’t stay with him.
  • Her next partner was insecure and controlling, and took no interest in their baby.
  • She reconnected with “the love of her life,” who betrayed her over and over for the next seven years.

Can you imagine the breadth and depth of Sam’s emotional wounds? These wounds are the reason why Sam keeps running into sociopaths.

Human energy fields

What exactly is an emotional wound? It is a disturbance in our own personal energy field. These disturbances affect our health and our lives until they are healed.

I’m going to briefly explain how it works. I’m not an expert in this. But I can say that if I didn’t have my energy healer, it would have been much more difficult for me to recover from the experience of being betrayed by my sociopathic ex-husband.

Much of today’s understanding of energy medicine is based on ancient Indian and Chinese concepts. The foundation is the idea that a life force, or energy, permeates the entire universe and everything in it, including us. This energy is called “prana” in Sanskrit and “chi” or “qi” by the Chinese. (Many other cultures also recognize this energy.)

Our personal energy fields include several distinct structures. The most well-known are the meridians used in acupuncture and acupressure, the seven chakras and the aura, which itself has seven distinct layers.

Some well-known healers, such as Donna Eden and Barbara Brennan, can perceive these energy fields. My energy healer could also see my chakras and aura. Barbara Brennan (who earned degrees in physics and atmospheric physics and worked for NASA) believes anyone can learn to perceive them.

Energy disturbances

The following interview with Barbara Brennan explains how our human energy fields work:

Exploring the Human Energy System, on

On page 2 of the story, about halfway down, the interviewer, Russel E. DiCarlo, asks Brennan:

You have said that the major cause of illness stems from how we habitually imbalance our fields, thereby making it weak and ourselves susceptible to physical illness. Why do we do this?

Brenan explains that when we experience childhood traumas, disturbances are created in our energy fields. I would add that these energetic disturbances are created any time during our lives when we experience trauma, disappointment or betrayal.

We don’t want to feel the pain of our experiences, Brennan explains. “So we create a way to hold these ‘blobs,’ shall we say, of consciousness and energy so that we might never have to experience them.” Consequently, the disturbances get stuck in our energy fields.

These stuck disturbances have two effects:

  1. They create blockages prevent our life energies from flowing properly.
  2. They draw more experiences to our lives that match the energy of the disturbance.

This is exactly what is happening to Sam. She had one abusive experience after another in her life. With this parade of sociopaths, the energy disturbances they caused are likely still stuck in her energy field.

Energy attracts energy that is like itself. So because of the energy disturbances caused by sociopaths, more sociopaths keep showing up.

This, of course, is painful. But in the next question of the interview, Brennan explains that pain motivates us to change.

Healing the disturbances

So how do we get the disturbances out of our energy fields? One way is to allow ourselves to actually feel the pain and trauma of the experiences.

Often we’re afraid of the pain. We feel that if we ever allow ourselves to start crying about what happened to us, or if we pull the lid off of our anger, the emotions will overwhelm us.

But keeping the pain bottled up becomes toxic. It prevents us from enjoying life as we should. It also turns into disease, such as cancer.

I believe we should allow ourselves to cry. We should express our anger, although not necessarily to the person who betrayed us. That’s useless with a sociopath. It’s much better to take out your anger on a punching bag.

Another way to dissolve the negative energy is through EFT tapping. Here’s what I wrote about tapping recently.

True recovery from the sociopath through tapping and energy psychology

Sam, I recommend that you work on your personal healing. By siphoning off the negative energy and replacing it with positive energy, you’ll change your life.

More information

Some people believe these ideas are New Age hocus pocus. But scientists have recently been able to measure and document the effects of universal energy and the human energy field. Here are some books that I’ve found helpful in explaining these concepts. They’re all available on

Hands of Light A guide to healing through the human energy field, by Barbara Ann Brennan, Ph.D.

Energy Medicine and Energy Medicine for Women, by Donna Eden and David Feinstein.

The Genie in Your Genes epigenetic medicine and the new biology of intention, by Dawson Church, Ph.D.

The Promise of Energy Psychology Revolutionary tools for dramatic personal change, by David Feinstein, Donna Eden and Gary Craig.


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I am SO glad this was posted!! I have the exact same problem…and as I reflect, it looks as though it goes as far back as I can remember, and they seem to keep finding me. I realize that I am some sort of magnet to this type of thing…and I also realize that there has got to be something about my energy field that attracts them to me. Because this has been a life-long thing for me, I am SO confused as to what I need to be doing/not doing…and therefore, I become confused about who I really am and whether or not I will EVER be able to trust my own judgement. I have had periods of supreme success and happiness, but they all seem to be when I’ve not been partnered up or when I have secluded myself from most people. This is not how I wish to live the rest of my life. I want meaningful friendships and relationships, but am SO skittish about allowing that for myself BECAUSE of this. I have grown quite a big backbone and the first sign someone shows of taking advantage, I am reading them their “you’ve crossed the line with me” rights. How can I balance my compassionate and contributory side without waving it out there like a “come one, come all to tread upon me” flag while keeping my integrity intact enough to ward off and weed through the dark masses? This has been my exact problem. It seems that every negative thing that happens to me, I automatically attribute to the extremely negative things these types of people have led me through, and it is a vicious cycle that I cannot break. It seems I was completely RAISED and PROGRAMMED this way. I’m buying ALL of those books!!


ok, I managed to have contact once again.
u will NOT believe this. i rly wasnt contacting him.
I posted a rant on Craigslist about him. Just a very general rant, short, 3 little lines, no details. Basically how he’d always say ive changed, ive changed and its just sick. I was venting to the cosmos. He doesnt read CL ads lol
i cudnt believe i got a reply at all, but his was one of several.
he asked if i was still with him. i was all like oh HELL no and sent off a reply of that with i’d left in early Nov.
he answered really? i had something like that happen then too.
so now im intrigued–and no warning bells going off as I never said i’ve changed. *I* didnt need changing. I never promised anything different. HE DID.
so I ask this mystery emailer wat happened.
He gives me his synposis. I am 3 sentences in and I go F-N NO! Then I notice in this, longer, email, his peculiar grammatical quirks. And then the name on the email is JR…his initials.
I am shaking.
And yeah, he’s still totally projecting, besides lying.
I feel sick to my stomach at his baiting and netting another poor woman.


Look, darlin’, you just illustrated the theme of this post: That sociopaths show up somehow telepathically when you put that energy out there on their particular radio frequency. That’s what you did by ranting on Craigslist. The Craigslist stunt doesn’t even have to be a part of it; you can just THINK of them, fantasize about what you’re going to say next — and they call, or show up, or stalk you.

I know. I had an ex-roommate who stalked me for a few years about some money I supposedly owed her. She ONLY showed up when I’d been thinking about her.

This “energy” stuff is real. You’ve just been given a teachable moment in it. A demonstration.

Now get out of your head about it, the he-said/she-said, and distract yourself with something higher up the frequency scale: pleasure, humor — reach for the YouTube comedy standups right away. Get a used collection of “Herman” comics and read them. “The Onion.” “Reductress.” “Funny or Die.” Abraham-Hicks snippets on YouTube work for me.


Yeah that’s why I post it here lol
And I was so stressed I wanted to eat things I can not have.
And I didn’t. I ended up with a diet pepsi in the late evening, that’s a toxic substance to put in my body but I didn’t drink more than half.

I am getting better. And he’s not bringing me down again. Didn’t last night; won’t ever. 🙂


Good lord, aintgonna. You ranted about him on Craigslist? *face palm* Some day you will look back and see the humor in that. Until then, just rant here. (((hugs))) You’ll be over him some day.


not about him specifically, it was very vague. very little said.
But you know what?
his very first contact, he asked u still with him?
i replied on hell no, i was just venting to the cosmos.
he then said oh…well I HEARD YA lol…blahblahblah
well the significance of that in light of this article struck me while i was walking this a.m.
that energy…he “HEARD” that energy and zeroed in on it. not knowing it was me at all, but another VICTIM.
he’s just evil.


I love this post! I am going to check out these books! Thanks!

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