Lovefraud frequently hears from readers who have been discarded by sociopaths, but still feel like they’re in love with them, and can’t get them out of their minds. We frequently tell these readers that sociopathic relationships are very much like addictions.
Now, there’s proof. A recent study found that “the pain anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings,” according to Science Daily.
Read Romantic rejection stimulates areas of brain involved with motivation, reward and addiction on sciencedaily.com.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
Hi Erin72 – Glad you survived that… she doesnt have anything to brag about and I am sure she is very unhappy..anyone involved with your X is unhappy or soon will be…
Hens-you are SO right on that one!
Oxy, I had to take a little break. I’ve been quiet lately. Sometimes I have to step back a little because being on here makes me think about the drama of the relationship more than I want to. It kinda bums me out sometimes because I don’t want to always think about it. I started to feel like it was never going to go away. I think it will be kinda funny though when she does finally figure out who I am. She will know that we’ve been around each other all this time. Last week I had a dream that she read my badge, found out who I was and tried to approach. I turned around and walked away from her and back to my department while she continued to call my name and I continued ignoring her. In my dream she followed me into my cath lab and began going off on me and yelling in front of my coworkers. I then called hospital police and had her dragged out and she looked really crazy. Then my boss started asking questions and I said that we had a history, she hated me, and that the New Orleans Police Department ordered me to be NC with her and not to entertain her at all.
My captain actually DID tell me that so it makes it easier for me follow orders because she is captain and she gave them! 🙂
Erin1972, now you are understanding why (some of us old timers) blow off steam on this site and talk about everything under the sun, except the Xs in our lives. Those blogs do and can get off the wall at times … but, good stuff comes out of those posts too. Then it’s back to being serious when a newbie writes and are still in the horror/denial stages of their experience.
You can’t deal rationally with irrational people. Having been raised by Christian parents to think “where there is God, there is hope”, made me an easy target for my spath husband. Protecting myself (not giving my spath husband room to run me) ultimately protects my children. We are separated. Co-parenting our daughter will be a nightmare. The first 6 months we were separated, he didn’t talk at all about our daughter – just how he was working hard to fix his problems so we could get back togegther.
He still has not made any connection that his abuse hurt our daughgter nor has he ever said he wanted to fix his problems to be a better dad. Our conversations, even now – 9 months into our separation, are devoid of any responsibility for her. How I truly recognized him to be a spath was his lack of any authentic emotion. He says and does things he thinks he should – not because it is a real feeling.
I have always lived by a code of “treat others as you want to be treated”. I naiively thought others would do the same. This has gotten me in trouble with my spath husband because I’ve given him way too much consideration. Once, I told a contractor to work on my home and protect it as he would his own. I learned thru that experience to always drive by the contractor’s home before hiring him.
I read somewhere it is easier to shoot them than to divorce them… oh no…. that is what I said about my previous ex-husband. Hmm….. I’ve never been accused of being the sharpest tool in the shed. ; )
Just fantasizing. I don’t want to get responses trying to talk me down off the ledge of doing something stupid. LOL. I have a crazy sense of humor which can get me into trouble. Right now, it’s all that gets me thru the days. I went from earning 6 figures/yr – making a pretty good life for my kids (from another marriage) – to literally living in public housing, no job, no car and losing custody of those kids because of danger my husband presented to kids. (he never literally hurt them – just them thru me) Living with the consequences of bad judgment, day in and day out, is very sad. Laughter promotes living.
Why do we allow others to hurt us so? 8 years ago I helped a friend get out of a physically and mentally abusive relationship. Why couldn’t I do the same for myself before he completely dessimated me?
Thanks for letting me blow a bit!!
justcallmepatty,
I’m going through the same “dessimation” and I guess it’s easier to help others than to help ourselves. For me, it made me happy to help others, so I just did it without thought. And, I figured if anything bad happened, someone would help me.
I had to rebuild a lot of trust and reliability with my daughter after the sociopath blew through my life, so I know how painful it can be.
Yesterday, I got my hair cut for the first time in a LONG time. It’s the first time I’ve been able to do anything “extra” for myself (it’s taken a long time to rebuild myself financially – and I’m still in the processess of getting to zero, instead of the negatives – haha) You’ve gotta count your blessings and your lessons!
Great name, btw!
JustCallMePatty, as a Christian I can tell you that your parents didn’t finish their saying “where there is God, there is hope”. They should have included that ONLY those thirsty to know God will find Him. Others who deny God, don’t know Him.
There are too many false preachers teaching God’s truth. Same goes with the scriptures DO NOT JUDGE, LEAST YOU BE JUDGED. God wants us to JUDGE for those that read His truth … using His righteous teachings while doing so. Spaths love to throw in the DO NOT JUDGE scriptures to get us to stop throwing them to the curb where they belong.
It’s good that your sense of humor is back. My sense of humor, or lack of it going through my ordeals really concerned me. I remembered that to get my sense of humor back was one of the most important things to me.
Peace.
Dear Just call me Patty,
I was also raised that “forgiveness” means if they even indicate the words “I’m sorry” you have to completely pretend none of it happened, no matter how bad it is and restore trust. Boulderdash, I am a christian too, but I have learned that the Bible does not say what I have been taught it does. I read it for myself now and I am no longer afraid of the angry, vengeful god I was brought up to FEAR and tremble in front of, but I found the LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER WHO CARES FOR ME. BIG difference.
I’m glad you are here Patty, this is a great place to learn and vent and believe me, ,WE GET IT here, so feel free to hang around. Welcome. Sorry you qualify to join our club, but if you qualify, it is the best one for the purpose. God bless.
I 2nd what Wini said – she’s spot on. God doesn’t want us giving endlessly to sinners, and never judge. It’s when they repent and do right by God that “they’re welcome into the circle” so to speak.
JCMP and PureWaters3, I learned (even more so than before) that it’s OK to be myself, on my own, without a significant other. The other thing I learned is we don’t have to help everyone that shouts they need help. We have to try and uncover if there is a pattern this person uses …why are they constantly waving the SOS flag … that put them in distress. Meaning, are they selfish, self absorbed and self centered and this is their pity ploy they use on everyone … or are they legit? I know when I help a user, I’m crashed and burned in the end of the journey. If I help a real person out, none of the crashing and burning comes my way.
PureWaters, exactly. We call it discerning. Nice polite way to say “are you one of us”!