Lovefraud frequently hears from readers who have been discarded by sociopaths, but still feel like they’re in love with them, and can’t get them out of their minds. We frequently tell these readers that sociopathic relationships are very much like addictions.
Now, there’s proof. A recent study found that “the pain anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings,” according to Science Daily.
Read Romantic rejection stimulates areas of brain involved with motivation, reward and addiction on sciencedaily.com.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
pumpkin time for me – if prince charming finds my slipper you let me know erinB
I’ll keep an eye out for him!
Night~
Southernman,
The monthly archives only go back one year. However, all of the old articles are accessible. They are in the “Categories.”
Lovefraud.com launched in July 2005. The blog was added in February 2006.
Hi. I have never done anything like this before. I would like some advice please? I think my wife fits the profile completely. She recently left me for another man that she had an affair with nine years ago. I just cant understand it? I cant stop feeling bad or get her out of my head. I know she has treated me badly for years, but I dont seem to care. She showed no remorse back then and obviuosly doesnt care now. She is going full steam ahead in her new life. Its as if I never existed. I try to have no contact, but its hard because we have children. I get emails regaring the children which I have to reply to, but this is every day! What do I do? Any advice appreciated.
Lobo1066, welcome and I’m sorry that you’re experiencing these awful issues.
I can’t advise you, but I would suggest that you don’t “HAVE” to reply to anything, unless it is urgent. If the parameters of visitation have been outlined, child support, etc., have been ironed out, then the only discussions should center around the needs of the children – period. As far as receiving emails on a daily basis, there are two things that we “have” to do in this lifetime: a. pay taxes, and b. die. Otherwise, we don’t “have” to respond to every email that’s sent.
Brightest blessings.
Buttons. Thanks for your words. Unfortunatly the visitation with the children is between us. It is only emails regarding times for pick up and dropping off of the children. But there are far too many. All asking for a reply. I find myself at this point far too weak as not to reply. Hoping, I suppose. Yet I know it is not the answer.
Dear Lobo,
I second Buttons welcome here. The first thing I suggest is that you go back through the archives and READ and learn all the previously written articles. I am sorry you have had this experience but knowing more about WHAT they are, how they can SEEM to be normal human beings but are NOT normal human beings, how they enjoy torturning their victims, how they are truly unable to bond with, or to love, other humans, that will help you. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
It won’t get better quickly, but if you work on it, it will get better. It starts out learning about them, then becomes learning about ourselves.
Cut down the amount of interaction (as buttons suggested) with her. She doesn’;t want you, but she does want to continue to CONTROL you. CONTROL of others is one of their BIG deals.
How old are your children? If your children are old enough to answer those e mails, let them do so. Tell them to make their arrangements for pick up and drop off etc themselves, then check with you to make sure it is conveninent with you, then THEY can communicate with her.
As for your X sending messages (*or you) sending via them likek “tell your dad he’s a jerk’ if you kids say “mom said…..Yoou’re a jerk” Just tell the kids that you are not going to discuss HER with them, only pick up and drop off issues, and then stick to that.
Do not talk to friends or neighbors about her (come here!) try to keep her from knowing your business and that may mean keeping it secret from your kids as well. ISOLATE yourself from her the best you can. READ and Learn about psychopaths, and about how we can heal.
Good luck and God bless you! You can’t change her, she is what she is, but you can change your response to her. (((Hugs))))
Dear OxDrover,
Thank you for your advice. One of my children lives with me, there are three others, only two of which are too young to relay the visitation details with their mother. I did try to get my daughter to arrange times with her mother, but she was told in no uncertain terms that her mother would only be dealing with me!
I am trying to make less contact, I have now organized the next two weeks so there should be no need for any contact.
The problem I have is as I stated, I find myself looking for hope in the contact because she changed her mind before and possibly will again in the future. At this moment I would probably, even knowing what I do, take her back. I need more time to build my strength.
But I will be standing stong and having as little contact as possible, even though it hurts.
Thank you again for your kind words.
Dear Lobo,
Giving up that “hope” which is like a MALIGNANT TUMOR IN YOUR SOUL is difficult. We sort of have to do surgery on ourselves to cut out the CANCER of false hope.
She is NOT going to change, and she very well may come back, but you have to keep in mind, that the way you tell sxhe is lying is that HER MOUTH IS MOVING.
Reading and learning is the ONLY solution, and accepting that the “truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off” is the only way to get through this “valley of the shadow of death” alive and intact. READ until your eyes drop out! Cry until your tears run dry. RAGE until your voice goes silent, and continue to come here for support. We’ve been through this, and there are people here newly in recovery, those of us who have been working on it for years, but we all need support, just like AA is “one day at a time” so is recovery from the psychopaths! God bless you!
lobo1066,
Like you, my marriage is over – my h-spath leaving me last September. I have been through every emotion that a person can have. Oxy is right, “the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” Like she suggested, get the emotions out, feel them. It’s hard, but I am trying to let myself experience what I need to experience, emotionally. To me, the constant drama that I’ve lived with for years is enough for me to say No Way to ever reconciling. At this stage, I want a settled existence, having had enough of the craziness that comes from a spath connection. Good luck!