Lovefraud frequently hears from readers who have been discarded by sociopaths, but still feel like they’re in love with them, and can’t get them out of their minds. We frequently tell these readers that sociopathic relationships are very much like addictions.
Now, there’s proof. A recent study found that “the pain anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings,” according to Science Daily.
Read Romantic rejection stimulates areas of brain involved with motivation, reward and addiction on sciencedaily.com.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
bluejay
justdreamin,
If this man were serious about improving his life, he would do it. Actions speak louder than words. You are a giving person, having a ton of compassion. This man is a person who uses others. My h-spath comes across as such a nice guy, very charming. I think that I have figured him out pretty much, being certain that he’s a sociopath, his genes and upbringing producing the person that he is today. I am a compassionate person, having a hard time putting someone to the curb when that’s where they deserve to be. It goes against my character, but then I recall all the things that this person has done, displaying his true character – he could throw me under the bus, not shielding me from disasters. Do I want some one like this in my life? No way. If you stay with these folks, you will always be living a soap opera, the one creating all the Drama (the spath) not caring one iota about what he has put you and others through. God can take care of the spath – I’ve done enough. Be true to yourself and let yourself be free of him. Stay NO CONTACT.
Wini
BulletProof, fantastic post. You added a new insight … using the tape recordings to sooth yourself through your healing.
Did you ever think of making these tapes and healing others with soothing reminders? Especially when they are in the pull the rug from under you, numbing, deer caught in the headlight phase.
Just a thought on how you could start a new business!
bluejay
Wini,
Hi. Keep on posting, enjoying your words, insights. It’s great that we can share our experiences, helping others along the way. Take care – I need to pack up for our family vacation.
bulletproof
Wini
Bless you Wini….thanks for the idea!! thanks for the encouragment…it’s so healing!! xx
Ox Drover
Dear Just dreaming,
Go back and read my article about “Life Suppport” you are keeping this relationship on life support, using the energy and resources to keep yourself alive for him, not yourself. When you die, do you think he will? Or will he care? No, he will just go find another victim to support him….and suck them dry and then find another.
FOG keeps us from seeing things correctly—FEAR and OBLIGATION and GUILT. When you let the idea that you are responsible for him, are obligated to support him, and therefore NEGLECT YOUR REAL OBLIGATIONS to take care of yourself, you end up letting yourself die…emotionally, mentally and even physically.
It is a do-it-your-self project though. None of us can do it for you, you must do it for yourself. I hope and pray you can. ((((Hugs)))) and God bless you.
FightAnotherDay
Oxy, and all,
So the Spath and I have FINALLY, after 14 months come to a settlement.
However, he is ALREADY up to NEW No-Good.
He has already decreased his CS payment which should not go into effect until the paper work is written and signed (my att. says, about 2 weeks).
It will cost more than $25 to the get the $25.
Here is my question:
Do I send him and short, but sweet e mail reminding him that the new settlement does not go into effect (and the CURRENT court order prevails) until the settlement is signed, knowing that I may not get my money, but I can begin a paper trail of what will be an ongoing battle for support. So I can take him to family court in a year or two?
Ideas, suggestions and what to write if you are feeling adventurous 🙂
On the Road again.
YAY!!!! My D is settled!!!!!!!!!
But I want to be prepared and do a GREAT job with my paper trail so I can GET him good (without an att.) in a few years.
Thanks
-Fight
Ox Drover
Are you guys using the journal still? Is that to be part of the on going chikld exchange? (BTW are you keeping a XEROX COPY of the journal and keeping it up dated in case he decides to “lose it:?
I would write it in the JOURNAL, if you are still using the journal.
If not, I would change over to that computerized program where everything is noted, timed, etc. and on record—can[t remember the name of it, family wizard or something, it is on here, on some thread.
The other thing, if you cant do either of those things, is to send him an e mail. Just with those SHORT WORDS and say something along the line of
“Stubert, Just to remind you that the new decreased CS amount does not go into effect until xyz date, and I really hate to have to go back to court again for a lousy $25, so I will appreciate you forwarding me another check for that amount. Thank you.”
BTW did you get any of the back CHILD SUPPORT?
I’m glad you got settled though. Love Oxy
FightAnotherDay
That’s the thing. The judge ordered that the “new” agreement would go into effect in Sept.
That included 2 additional days/mo. for Spath, an arrears payment of $327 AND the CS payment of $525 instead of $550.
It has been Spath’s prerogative to “pick and choose” from any and all agreements, but if he wants the new agreement to take effect NOW, he should also pay me the arrears before the end of the month.
I talked to my att. since writing the previous and she has to review the final doc. with Spath’s att. anyway, SO she is going to imply just THAT; that he either owes me $25 OR $327.
MMph.
Ox Drover
Dear FAD,
Keep his nose to the grindstone (document, document!!!) I’m glad he is having to pay the arrears. That will at least help you a bit! Sooner or later he will get tired of paying this to you and get behind again!!! The more he violates, the better for you!
strungalong89
ok…I’m 21 years old and for the last 2 years I’ve been involved with a sociopath. I don’t really know what to say other than I finally understand why i can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m just so fooled and embarrassed that I’m not even in love with a person but a mere empty shell of one. I am just infatuated with him and even though he just leads me on and hurts me almost daily…i never put 2 and 2 together. I’m a little worried about myself, am i going to be stuck thinking he’s going to change forever? Am i ever going to be able to move on and be happy?? How can i do this? help!!!