Lovefraud frequently hears from readers who have been discarded by sociopaths, but still feel like they’re in love with them, and can’t get them out of their minds. We frequently tell these readers that sociopathic relationships are very much like addictions.
Now, there’s proof. A recent study found that “the pain anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings,” according to Science Daily.
Read Romantic rejection stimulates areas of brain involved with motivation, reward and addiction on sciencedaily.com.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
Ok I am prolly gonna pith you off again but here’s my 2 cent’s. You were not only giving him mindblowing sex but you were also recieving mindblowing sex. YES making love is great but with the spaths it was mostly about good ole sex. It was the making love we couldnt feel from them but we still felt connected with the good ole mind blowing sex. Sex is at the core of our identities, I think it was the mind blowing exploitation by the spaths that makes us want to make love and not mindblowing sex so much anymore. You miss the sex LL and there is nothing wrong with that, as I have said before you need to get laid. How’s that for a fart in church?
DW
Ya know what? You’re NOT pissing me off lol!
I appreciate your insights, but I HAVE to disagree here.
Sex is great. I only miss CERTAIN aspects of it…but in recognizing who I am and who I am becoming, mindblowing sex doesn’t mean much if there isn’t the accompaniment of connection out of bed.
Well, shoot……I can pay or get paid or go to some bar and get laid with “mindblowing” sex anytime.
IT’d be the same as it was with exPOS. It gets old after awhile, DW.
I’d rather “make love”.
If I can’t do that, well………..my vibrator is a GREAT and viable option 🙂
LL
DW?
He didn’t give me mindblowing sex. I did most of the work.
That got old too. Entitlement. Even in bed.
LL
LL,
No i don’t think you were recieving mind-blowing sex. I think you were receiving what you were used to receiving from you step dad and dad and ex-spath.
People pleasing sex. right?
you know how to please others and you want to do it, right?
yeah, me too. Not with sex because the exP was a fucking prostitute. but with everything else, yeah, I’m a prostitute.
I just want everyone else to be happy so that I’m worthwhile. sick sick sick.
Whatever. women are all trained to do this to some extent or another.
LL, I’m still learning, but I can tell you that the spaths become whatever they need to become to create the fantasy that will hook you. if it means they are you slave, then that’s what they become, otherwise you are their slave. But it’s all a con. They aren’t anything real at all.
The really interesting thing is that they reveal to YOU what you are. They are infants who can gauge your emotions like an infant does to survive. When we see what they are doing, we learn about outselves. Thank God for that.
LL,
we posted over each other.
I knew you weren’t receiving MB sex even tho I did for the first few years. They gauge you. They give you what they think you need to get hooked.
My spath thought he could hook me with that. Almost did. I’m very sexual, but my life is not about sex and I easily gave it up for 15 years. That’s kind of a contradiction but its the truth. I really like mindblowing sex but it isnt what I live for. I prefer mindblowing TRUTH! It’s a real HIGH.
Sky
I’m very sexual too. I’m not opposed to every which way, and DID every which way…but with my ex spath, even from the beginning, he didn’t have to make it about me at all. I made it ALL ABOUT HIM….oh sure, I’d get an occasional good noogie, but that’s about it. The REST of the time was giving HIM mindblowing sex. The only “mindblowing sex” I got was intercourse, which I loved with him. He only gave me oral two or three times our entire relationshit. Last time I was in bed with him, he was asking me what women want with sex. What pleases them. IDIOT!! He hadn’t figured that out? His MO is that “I’ve never had great sex so teach me. You bust your ass off to “teach” him or give him what he claims his ex wife never did………so the Fuck what? Obviously, it made no difference to him, this pity ploy worked and had me giving it to him constantly. Near the end, he wouldn’t even let me FOREPLAY him, which he claimed to love from me. And which I loved to give initially, but as the years wore on, his constant sexual expectations, wore me out.
Pure entitlement. Even with sex.
LL
I have not slept. It is 5;15 am– and I have to work on Sat.
and Sunday night.
I am freakin.
The pain comes up– like a band aide being torn up– over this lying, ahole.
anxiety. stomach ache.
I will have to start taking something at night to sleep.
I am sooo scared to go to work now today. High stress- no sleep.
Pray for me guys.
akita –
I’m so glad you are at the “angry bit”!!!
It doesn’t much help the anxiety, however, so you need to learn to reverse your physiological symptoms, which in turn reverses the mental anxiety – they are inextricably linked.
When our anxiety builds to unnatural levels, our body reacts as if we are in a “fight or flight” situation. Our bloodflow is temporarily and partially diverted away from places like our stomach (thus the pains and nausea) and channelled more strongly into places like our legs (to help us run fast or to kick hard!) It’s why we feel sweaty, and it’s why our heart rate increases.
Then, because there is no actual “fight” to be engaged in or no actual need to run (take “flight”), we start to hyperventilate. Our breathing more shallow would have suited running away or physically defending ourselves, but because we don’t actually need to do either, we hyperventilate which leads to feeling dizzy and confused – which in turns feeds our anxiety – and on and on and round and round it goes.
To reverse the whole process, start with your breathing. Sit, close your eyes and focus on taking slow, deep breaths. Deep breath in and hold it for a count of five, then repeat for ten cycles. Reversing the breathing pattern reverses the dizziness, the hyperventilation and the confusion. Repeat the breathing cycle until the nausea subsides. By doing this, you “trick” your body into thinking there is no need to panic, so it steps down the rest of what it was doing. Your bloodflow returns to normal, your heart rate slows.
When your body does this, your brain is then also tricked into “standing down” off alert.
Try it. xxx It takes practice and persistance but it does work and it’s cheaper than and healthier for you than pills.
(But, by the same token, if you are not sleeping, pills for a while can also have their place) x
Dear Akitameg,
I agree with aussie girl, and being “worried” or “anxious” does give us insomnia and mess with our sleep which messes with how we feel too. So CALMING yourself, getting your thinking OFF OF HIM, and into the “now” like LL is trying to work on will help you sleep.
A regular pattern of sleep is necessary to good physical and mental health. Sleeping pills are for short term use only, so I suggest that you talk to your doctor about this. Alcohol and benadryl will make you “sleepy” but NEITHER of them gives you “good QUALITY sleep.” Most over the counter sleep pills contain Benadryl (an antihistamine).
I picked this out from the web site above…..
The pain and anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings, according to a study published in the July issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology.
Hope for the Lovelorn……….
There is hope for the lovelorn, however: The researchers found that the greater the number of days since the rejection, the less activity there was in the area of the brain associated with attachment, the right ventral putamen/pallidum area, when the participants viewed photographs of their former partners.
Also, areas associated with reappraising difficult emotional situations and assessing one’s gains and losses were activated, suggesting that rejected individuals are trying to understand and learn from their difficult situation–what could be an adaptive response to rejection.
If attachment responses decrease as the days go by and falling out of love is a learning process, there could very well be physiological evidence that time heals all wounds.
Not too sure about the ‘all’ wounds bit!