Lovefraud frequently hears from readers who have been discarded by sociopaths, but still feel like they’re in love with them, and can’t get them out of their minds. We frequently tell these readers that sociopathic relationships are very much like addictions.
Now, there’s proof. A recent study found that “the pain anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings,” according to Science Daily.
Read Romantic rejection stimulates areas of brain involved with motivation, reward and addiction on sciencedaily.com.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
“Entitlement. Even in bed”
YES!! i dont even want to repeat some of the ways he spoke to me, objectified me as if i OWED him sexually.
LL, i’ve said it before but yours and mine, they must be related. if you ever want to discuss anything, just let me know. having such similarities might make us good support for each other.
Coping, thank you for your prayers. You are in mine as well.
Everyone who is going through this, i try to think good thoughts for them. I give thanks for the people who are sharing their experiences to comfort others. i come here because it reminds me people get through this. there are GOOD PEOPLE just like me out there, smart, kind people who got sucked in too. ir reminds me to not be ashamed. i hope i can give back something for having lived this experience.
but today, i find tears uncontrollably falling.
i wake up with his face in my head and his name on my tongue.
i feel week and defeated, abused yet guilty becayse he makes it sound like i broke his heart into a thousand pieces (even though HE left me, and he has moved on to the next).
i feel desperate for him back, and desperate for him to fall off the face of the earth. that makes it really hard to feel sane.
Greenbean
You may ask Donna for my email and I’d be happy to exchange more with you.
I understand TOTALLY where you’re at right now, but I’m telling you with what I’m about to share (I don’t know how long you’ve been out yet), but I’ve been out just five weeks now (complete NC-2 months since I saw him last), but everyday that goes by, I get MORE and MORE clarity. I”m starting to see what were his patterns, but was initially too distraught to make sense of it. Be patient with yourself, you’ll get there. WRite it down, come here or whatever you need to do to get through thie initial shock.
Having said that, I put something together about my spath in thinking about the seduction and here’s what I find. ANGER!! Anger at myself, BUT also, forgiveness. Oh my spath was SO good at being so STEALTH!!!
HIs MO’S: Wine and obsessive talk about it, as if sharing about it as an interest at first. Second MO: “teach me baby” about the sex shit. I’m SO pissed about that. Each spath is different in their approach, but the same. they lie. They manipulate. but my spath’s FAVORITE approach, knowing how he came off to me then to love bomb I found out about, is his wife wouldn’t do with him in bed what he knew could be had with sex and that he never had the chance to do those things with her. WTF? RED FLAG!! Wait, so he’s been married TWICE and NEITHER knew how to have sex with him? He used that ploy for BOTH marriages. IT WORKED. The idea was to “teach” him about sex, he always told me, “I don’t know how could it can be because I have nothing to compare too” FUCKING PRICK!!!!!! YES YOU DID, TWO WIVES!! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I feel so stupid for buying into that. When I found out he was using the same ploy about sex to love bomb, I was so pissed. ANd he’s using it on current gf too. What a bunch of CRAP!!!! Of course, he failed to tell love bomb about ME and the mindblowing sex I gave him for NINE years of his seventeen year marriage and guess what? I bet his wife was trying to do the same and all but gave up because he’s such a PRICK out of bed!!!! Hard to want to have sex with a man whose an asshole!!!! I don’t believe for ONE MINUTE that this man wasn’t getting great sex with BOTH ex wives. I hope new gf finds out about his nine year affair with me, some how, some way. I hope she finds out what a LIAR he is. He’ll never mention it, just as he did not to love bomb. When she starts finding out what he’s done (inevitable), as he starts to triangulate with his ex wife (inevitable as they share joint custody) or through the children (they’ll see his lies), shit is going to hit the fan. I can just see his scurried little ass trying to compartmentalize new gf from finding out any info about what destroyed his marriage: HIM AND his affair WITH ME! How could you eventually NOT find out about that?
What a loser,lying piece of shit!!! I’m so mad at myself for falling for that crap, but at the same time,knowing he’s done it to many other women, provides a strange sense of comfort in understanding that it wasn’t my fault, what he did to me. I have a lot of work to do on myself in understanding my vulnerability and what is happening as I see the set up through my life, is where it started and how it kept going. Seeing a lot I’ve not shared here the last few days. It is anger provoking and painful, but ya know what? I HOPE AND PRAY I get to live long enough to find peace in my life.
I want to STRANGLE the little bastard!!!! But there is peace in knowing, for me, that the same tactics will be used over and over on other women, the triangulations and the little dramas he creates with his lies.
I hate him. HATE him.
LL
LL–
What a loser is right.
How the heck were you supposed to know he was lying?
Who lies like that?
Akita
A spath does 🙂
LL
Candy, thanks for that post, it was a good one!
ARGGGHH!
just got an email from my s-brother who lives in my parents’ basement and who put me in jail by making up a phone dv charge, when I went to live with them after escaping from the evil-spath.
here it is:
“This might not get through to you. I don’t know what state of mind you are in nowadays. But I have to tell you something. I will always love you sister and will always care about you. Last time we spoke you said you don’t believe anything I say. But I had to tell you this just in case it matters to you. I’m sorry I am not the brother or friend you might want or need.”
WTF???
What does he want?
I have nothing to do with him, I don’t speak to him on the few occassions I’ve seen him.
I think he’s up to something. Spaths begin the testing phase before they start the con.
Freakin ruined my day! Now I’ll be thinking about it all day.
Dear Sky,
BLOCK his ability to send you e mails. Don’t respond, and don’t let it ruin your day! He isn’t worth letting it ruin a minute much less your day. He was probably high or drunk when he wrote it and wants something. Of course he wants something! DUH!?
Today, it has been 3 months, today that the sociopath left me a note on my nightstand tell me he was going to marry another woman. Yes, I text him in the morning and the little bastard told me that he was “just getting up and moving” clever! He stopped texting me and I just knew he wasn’t there anymore. He had meet a new victim only 12 days after breaking up with me. But in the several months following he came back to be three times. The last time was three months ago. He crushed me. He actually had the nerve to call me on a pay phone and ask me if I would take him back. The phone hung up before I could give him an answer. Twisted… I wanted him back…. but I know that it was a a game to him. He is now married to his newest victim. She is under his spell. I tried to warn her, but she believed all his lies. He lied so much in just the few months that he has been with her. I pointed out the lies, but she believes him. She married him. Now, he as everything. She doesn’t understand the pain he is going to cause. I didn’t marry him, but he asked me over and over. He wanted more of me. He wanted all of me. My heart, soul, money, but most of all my self esteem. He has left me empty. I thank you for having this site, it helps to write.
Sadme – Get up and go – yep that’s what they do. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones.
I think we all probably took them back time and again but finally we ‘got it’ and stood our ground. When they realise that there is no more ‘supply’ they sneak off to find new blood (like vampires)
You tried to warn the new victim. She would not listen but she is not your responsibility, you can not save her. One day she will wake up and see him for what he is.
Stop making this about HIM (cos that’s what he wants) and concentrate on YOU.
Thanks for the pep talk. I know I have to concentrate on me. It is so hard. We were together for a year. I was the perfect victim. Recently divorced, with my own home, and a good job and nice car. A friend suggested a dating site and that is where he found me. He was prince charming. He was everything I had ever wanted. He found out I was getting a divorce settlement and moved right in. Ask me to marry him, he told me ” you will marry me one day” When I got my settlement, he showed me a paper that his chid suport was in the rear, that it needed to be paid or he wouldn’t get that great job he kept telling me he was going to get. I paid it for him, since he said he was going to pay me back and take care of me when he got this great job. Well, he lost two jobs and had his car repoed and I learned that he had been sleeping with another woman while he was with me. He would come up with lie after lie and I kept believing him, till I had enough. I kicked him out and was strong for a few weeks. Then he wore me down and I let him back. He was already on to his next victim but strung me along for months. He left with my car and promised to pay me for it. He did for a few months then got back with me and stole the title, the money he was going to use to pay for the car and the car. He left behind the phone that I had been paying for, his new victim bought him a better one. He tried to cover his tracks, but over the few months that he kept coming back to me I got wiser and was able to find him using his new victims license plate number. He came to my place of work to pay me for the car (this is before I took him back again, for the last time) He brought me a check and told me not to cash it till the next day. He expected me to hand over the signed title. I didn’t so that is when he had to figure out his next move. He talked me into getting back with him. That is how he got everything. Sneaky bastard. I was able to serve him at his new victims house and went to court. He showed up with his new bride. Sick. I still have to go back to court for the other money, but I know that I hurt him the only way I could, in his pocket book. He sold the car 4 days after he left me, he knew he was asking for trouble there. He really thought he got away. He actually called me a month after he left me from a pay phone crying that she(his new victim is driving him crazy) If I would ever consider taking him back. He was on a pay phone and it hung up before I could answer. I have a feeling he hung it up, just to mess with my head. To see if I would try to contact him again. He loved the drama. Anyway, I am really trying to get over him. I am a great person that got caught in a twisted web of a sociopath. I wish I would have had some tell me what he was. I found out after our breakup that he is on a web site for warning women about men. Womensaver.com. I found out about other victims of this preditor. I have been finding some comfort in knowing that I will be able to love again. He has never and will never feel that. It is sad, but sooooo true