Lovefraud frequently hears from readers who have been discarded by sociopaths, but still feel like they’re in love with them, and can’t get them out of their minds. We frequently tell these readers that sociopathic relationships are very much like addictions.
Now, there’s proof. A recent study found that “the pain anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings,” according to Science Daily.
Read Romantic rejection stimulates areas of brain involved with motivation, reward and addiction on sciencedaily.com.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
Ox Drover
I lost a long post about this E72—we had a physician and 2 secretaries charged here in AR and convicted of FELONIES of looking at inappropriate information they had no right to. Plus the victim’s family sued the heck out of them. And should have. There is no excuse for “recreational” reading of medical records.
CALL THE COMPLIANCE MANAGER of the hospital. Don’t even yell at the person doing it, just TURN THEM IN IMMEDIATELY from another phone. IT has got it so they can be proven, in fact, go to the complliance manager NOW (tomorrow) and tell them WHO and when, if the manager doesn’t take it seriously, then go up the line, all the way to the FBI!
silvermoon
OX has a great suggestion. If you don’t bring it up to compliance, you could be named complicit….. Its not ok to know and go along or stand by. Even if its a difficult situation.
Do you have any witnesses to you calling them on it?
erin1972
I don’t think I have witnesses. The only problem I have is that I NEED this job until I can get my other one back and I have to work with these people everyday. My coworkers dislike me already because I’m not like them (S/N) and they will know who told on them.
teacher123
Well I don’t know why you would still want your sociopathic partner, but here is a reason to not want them. I just heard this and it is awesome. The lyrics to Social Distortion’s Far Behind.- It rocks too.
With friends like you who needs enemies
You ain’t right, you ain’t never gonna be
You’re out of the call, I’m afraid you’ve been declined
You shake my hand while you’re pissin’ on my leg
I’m cuttin’ you loose, I don’t need this misery
Your soul is toxic, you ain’t no friend of mine
No!
You talk real trash when I’m not around
To build yourself up, you gotta tear me down
You’ll have to excuse me, I have better things to do
You smile through your teeth, you talk out your neck
Every chance you gonna get you’re gonna stab my back
Your time’s runnin’ out, I’ve got nothing left for you
I’m leaving you far behind
I’m leaving you far behind
Stop wastin’ all of my time
I’m leaving you far behind
Yeah!
So I’m pulling out the weeds, I’m taking stock
You can talk the talk, but can’t walk the walk
Your narcissistic ways have gotten the best of you
So I’m leaving you to sink, in all your glory
For you and me it’s the end of the story.
Get out of my way, I’ve got better things to do
I’m leaving you far behind
I’m leaving you far behind
Stop wastin’ all of my time
I’m leaving you far behind
I’m leaving you far behind
I’m leaving you far behind
Stop wastin’ all of my time
I’m leaving you far behind
I’m leaving you far behind
I’m leaving you far behind
Stop wastin’ all of my time
I’m leaving you far behind
With friends like you who needs enemies
You ain’t right, you ain’t never gonna be
Your soul is toxic, you ain’t no friend of mine
Delta1
Hiya again E72,
Well I guess I’ve been thinking about you. I think your story reasonates with me alot because my relationship with my ex N caused me (for a while) real c**p at work. I was flaming angry about this for the longest time.
I think, like you, I had a vocation to do my job and felt that my exN was evil for not only hurting me, but the knock on effects on everyone else around me – including my clients (That was my experience anyway).
I don’t know if I would’ve had your strength to face up to someone else who’d been ‘or is with with’ exN in a work situation so I’ve got sooooo much admiration for you for toughing this out.
I think it’s bound to hurt sometimes though – she’s a reminder and trigger of a very nasty experience.
What I found helped me, and maybe it would help you was to focus to trying to find whatever it was I thought I would have with ex N.
In my case my biological clock was ticking LOUDLY – I wanted a partner and children. I hung onto exN because of fear of ‘time running out’ – I even thought I could have a child even if he didn’t actually stay with me in the long run (soooooooooo glad this didn’t happen!!).
Actually I’ve now gone past where children are (for one reason or another) physically possible for me. I’ve decided to look into fostering, also I was also very comforted by volunteering at a street orphanage in India. So many children needing a mother’s love. I know that this would not be right for everyone who’s ‘childless’ – but it did really ease my pain and give me hope and a focus for my ‘maternal feelings’. I also got a dog LOL (cliche or what!).
Anyway my point really is that in those odd moments here and there (we all get ’em) when you think of some hope or dream or experience with exN that you ‘miss’ – if you focus it back on trying to make the kind of life for yourself that you want and remind yourself of what you are or could do to try to bring the things you want closer to you, I find it helps alot.
The exN mirrored our cherished dreams back to us, and we thought we’d found our dream – but maybe they were just a ‘sign-post’ to finding it for real?
I hope that this isn’t too obvious, i don’t want to insult your intelligence!
Blessings
Delta1
erin1972
Delta1-you’re not insulting my intelligence. I really appreciate what you said and your situation appears to be a little similar with mine. My ex N/S had a 23 y/o daughter but told me that he wanted another child but it never happened so we were planning on it for after I went to the police academy and got settled in the career. See, I am 37 and my clock is ticking badly too. Most all of my friends and acquaintances have those things already-the partner and children. My thing is, is that prior to meeting him, I never wanted children because I felt like my mom messed me up so much and didn’t want that responsibility. I fell SO INCREDIBLY HARD for him and it was my first time truly being in love. Suddenly those feelings came crashing into me-that I wanted that little person that was a combo of both of us. It was before I knew that he was a fake/phony. He really should get an academy award. That’s one of the reason that I was SO devastated. When he left I didn’t think I would ever be normal ever again. I had never felt pain like that in my life and it’s still hard to talk about a little. I couldn’t work for 4 months. I was doing temp work cuz it was all I could get due to the economy. No one in my city was hiring full time in my field after I had to quit my beloved police academy. I kept getting released from all the temp assignments cuz I was crying all the time. I didn’t sleep for months and months and stayed in a dark room crying and watching DVD’s and crying some more. I was weeping for months. For the first month I was completely hysterical with pain. Sometimes I wonder how I survived. I don’t know if I will ever take a chance on love again. I NEVER want to feel that level of pain EVER again. It was like he reached inside my chest,ripped my heart out and stomped on it til it died and wouldn’t work anymore. I can’t feel that kind of pain anymore. Right now I just want my police job back so much. After the 1st of the year I’m applying to like 8 different cities. If they don’t start to hire in my hometown, I’ll have to leave and go elsewhere. For a long time after we broke up I still was so hurt because I wanted that child. I wanted it more than anything. That’s why I finally came to this blog and learned so much. Oxy told me that if I had a child with him that it would have a really high chance of being a P/N/S because of his genetics and I didn’t want to worry about our child growing up to hurt people.
Buttons
Erin1972…{{HUGS}} Perhaps, Erin, you didn’t produce that child with the spath so that you COULD realize your true potential. Try to imagine an innocent life being brought into an environment of a spath. Then, try to imagine feeling that you’ll never get OUT with your child, so you are compelled to remain in the spath insanity. Then, compound all of those factors and imagine what an emotionally UNhealthy child would have resulted.
You’re blessed, Erin – you have an opportunity to do what you’ve always wanted. You’ve also gained enormous wisdom as a result of your experiences. You’re a hero to others who are just climbing out of the spath hole.
Brightest, most healing blessings to you!
erin1972
Buttons-thanks. I had originally wished that I had gone ahead and gotten pregnant when I wanted to but now I’m glad I didn’t. I had always promised him that I wouldn’t go off the pill unless we were both ready for it and had talked and agreed that it was time. When he discarded me and I was in so much pain, I wanted that child so desperately to have a part of him to hang onto cuz I was upset that I lost him to HER.
Now I feel so glad that it didn’t happen because I may look at that child the same way that a rape victim would if they kept their child-I may love that child but grow to resent him/her. I DO not want to do that to a child. So now I try and put it out of my mind. It’s hard when I hear about people at work talking about having kids-sometimes it’s hard not to cry and I just have to suck it up.
Now when I see his wife at work, I don’t feel threatened by her and I’m sure not jealous of her. Yes, she won him but what kind of a prize is it? I would definitely NOT like being in a situation where I knew that my husband had a very deep intimate relationship with someone else and only wanted me around for his social status. His wife felt that he was “in love with me” and that’s why she hates me. She wanted him back though for HER social status, so I think she is as crazy as he is and that’s why I can see her as wallpaper or a potted plant because I have no use for her and she can’t harm me.
Hopeforjoy
Dear Erin1972,
I have been reading your posts about having a child with your ex. Buttons was dead on when she said that the child may end up having a disordered personality due to the genes of the spath father.
My 16 year old daughter had signs of being unable to emotionally attach when she was younger, kind of in her own little world. Luckily, she grew into her emotions and now is empathetic and cares for people. One thing that is kind of eerie, she is smart about her dad and said the reason is because she can think like him. She has some sort of insite into his distorted thinking. She is the one telling me not to believe anything he says and all he wants is control and to win. She sometimes feels that she has two halves to her personality, her logical side and emotional side. I put her in
counseling because of her dad and it has helped her considerably.
You have a big heart and one day you may decide to adopt or have in vitro fertiliation. After you finish the acadamy and become more of who you were meant to be, you may find that you want to have a child and it’s not too late. Give yourself the love and forgiveness that was missing from your relationship with your mom and with the spath. You deserve happiness and so much more. Strenghten your core, be impervious to the spaths wife or anyone trying to take advantage of your good nature.
Best wishes…
Maryjane
Just recently some movies that we had gone to are now on TV and I was watching them and it made me melancoly for him and the time that we were together. But it was for the dream and the spin that he created. He was so good at creating this ‘dream’ for what life was going to be. We did have some fun together, but it was based on lies and smoke and mirrors. I look back and have these moments of wishing that he had been real and true and that what he painted as possible, would’ve happened. But is was improbable, it was a false story that could never live. But still, I have moments of longing. But those moments are getting fewer and further apart.
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