Lovefraud frequently hears from readers who have been discarded by sociopaths, but still feel like they’re in love with them, and can’t get them out of their minds. We frequently tell these readers that sociopathic relationships are very much like addictions.
Now, there’s proof. A recent study found that “the pain anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings,” according to Science Daily.
Read Romantic rejection stimulates areas of brain involved with motivation, reward and addiction on sciencedaily.com.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
Frost, I’m glad my theory makes sense with you. It reminded me of my bosses insisting I go to the sell out employees assistant program (EAP) to tell one of the therapist how I felt about my job. Those sell out therapists would run that confidential information immediately back to my managers so they could figure out my Achilles heel and do me under quicker. I refused to attend EAP (it’s not mandatory). Never allowing my bosses to know FACTS (have the upper hand) of how I felt, what I perceived about anything pertaining to their actions, the office, etc. If that’s what I learned from other co-workers who were sold out by EAP therapists … how to play my cards with my bosses, I naturally assume it goes for all our EXs.
Peace.
I chose a user name that fit my situation with my sociopath. I liken it to having Stockholm syndrome. Like Patty Hearst, I too, took up with my captor. I didn’t rob banks or commit any heinous crime but that is the best comparison I can make. To top it off, he fed me drugs because that was the only way I could or would cope with his abuse and stay. I had multiple addictions when first leaving him but like someone said previously, once you are around normal people it easier to spot the crazies. I had a hard time keeping away from him in the beginning but now, no sweat. He can kiss my ass. I wouldn’t pee on him if he was on fire, but I might spill some gasoline. Okay, I’m still working on the anger thing – but I’m a work in progress.
Hello Patty – Welcome to LF. You are not only a work in progress you are a work of art. So much you said in one short paragraph..
Hi Patty, it’s hard to spot the crazies if they are acting like a normal human being when you first meet them! Then they get their hook in. On LF I have learned a lot of things to watch out for in the future! Your analogy to Patty Hearst is spot on. Love your whole post! …”I might spill some gasoline”… oops!
brwneyedgrl, hi sweetie, I’m glad you found this website, but sorry you have to be here. It can take quite a while to work through everything that has happened to you, it is a shock to realize that everything they said was a lie. My best advice is to read the articles here on lovefraud, read as many as you can!!! I have learned so much here, not just about sociopaths, but about myself, the people here are very supportive. You love the person you thought he was, not the monster!! You are on a healing journey, maybe just a few yards down the road… but you’re on your way!! Hope you keep posting, it really helps, believe me, I’ve posted and read so many comments about constantly thinking about “them”, but it does get better!!!
brwneyedgrl – please look through all of the posts and read as much as you can. You are still in the ‘fog’, and it will take some time and effort to get out of it – but the good news is that it is totally doable.
there is a very good book – the betrayal bond, which might help you to understand what happened.
‘moving on’ is more like ‘moving in’ for most of us – you need to get st8t with you before you can date.
and by the way – you don’t actually love him – you are hooked. there is a difference. it’s just as powerful as loving someone. lots of people here talk about it. the ‘betrayal bond’ is all about how it happens.
keep your spirits up, healing is possible. keep coming to read and post. it will get better.
To shabbychic and one_step_at_a_time, thank you both for your comments. I’ve read a few books, not the one mentioned. Mostly on bad relationships and none of them were as helpful as this site. I don’t want to read a book on relationship repair or a book that wants to victimize them. I’m even afraid to read a book on religion because I don’t want to forgive him. It seems that everywhere I turn it’s all about forgiving and in the past that’s lead me straight back to him. This site clearly states there will be no change so I come here often, several times a day lately!! It’s so helpful that I’m not the only one going through this. As for the love, you’re right….. the person I loved was only in my imagination. I do feel hooked. Almost like an addiction. But I’m not giving up on myself. I’m so glad I found this support because no one except someone who’s been in a relationship with kind this of person can fully understand. I will be going out and looking for that book today by the way, thanks.
The only thing that really helps me with the longing part is something I learned a long time ago in codependency treatment: DETATCHMENT
It’s amazing, as soon as I stop wishing and wanting those around me to respond to my inner needs and remember they are just gonna do whatever it is they do… suddenly it just doesn’t hurt me like it usually would. I become patient, things just don’t seem to upset me as much. I guess it’s just remembering you are dealing with that sneaky snake in the grass… of course it’s gonna bite you, it’s a snake.
I have a question…… what is it about these people that leave us feeling rejected? I don’t understand it. How can someone who’s treated me so badly still have not only a hold on me, but leave me feeling like I lost something great?
It is the energy and attention that they lavish on us. Either good or bad, it is lots of action and intensity. They keep you in their world, tie you in with constant phone calls, texting, acitivity and when it is gone, it leaves a void…
http://www.womenexplode.com check out interview with a newly divorced man in the dating world