Lovefraud frequently hears from readers who have been discarded by sociopaths, but still feel like they’re in love with them, and can’t get them out of their minds. We frequently tell these readers that sociopathic relationships are very much like addictions.
Now, there’s proof. A recent study found that “the pain anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings,” according to Science Daily.
Read Romantic rejection stimulates areas of brain involved with motivation, reward and addiction on sciencedaily.com.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
I’m glad you are self-protectively aware of that Shana. This past week was the 6th anniversary of my late husband’s death and I’m over the mourning from that, ov er the psychopathic X BF and probably would be sake enough now to date, but havne’t seen anything I am the least interested in. Not many guys could pass my “standards” test—and am not going to lower my standards so I can find “a man”—if I wanted to lower them enough, I could run down to the wino shelter and pick one out and have him home before sundown, but Illl stick to the boundaries I have set. LOL
I am feeling ya every step of the way Oxy!
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with a man of this nature when co-parenting is involved? This man insists on attending our children’s weekly dance and karate classes, but all he does is focus on me. Making rude and suggestive comments under his breath. I have walked out to wait in my car only to have him follow me and taunt and harass me outside. He blocks his number and calls me to the point I have now set my phone not to ring unless your in a set group of numbers. I’m trying the no contact tactic and it’s becoming very difficult. My nerves are a wreck. My stomach turns and I get physically ill when my phone or doorbell rings, even when my phone doesn’t ring and I just see unknown caller on my phone. When I pick up my children I make no eye contact with him, but he insists on putting his face as close to mine insisting I look at him. I almost unintentionally closed the car door on his head this past weekend. Any suggestions on making this easier on me? Mentally, physically? I’d appreciate any ideas.
brwneyed girl,
what he is doing is trying to REGAIN CONTROL. You not responding to him is driving him bat chit!
One way to stop that is to have someone else pick up or drop off the kids. Even if it means putting them into a taxi (if they are old enough to do so) and having the taxi deliver them. Pay a sitter or professional child care person, or get a relative. The point is to KEEP HIM FROM GETTING SATISFACTION. He is in effect, STALKING you. He is VIOLATING YOUR SPACE, using the kids as an excuse,
Do NOT go to the kids’ classes alone, or just drop them off and leave. Or have someone else drop them off and pick them up.
The point is that YOU have to take control of YOU–he counts on your good manners of not making a “fuss” in public.
So, make a FUSS—if you choose to go, and he sits next to you, get up and move and say, loudly enough for others to hear but not a shout, “John, I do not appreciate what you are saying to me.” Then get up and move.
If you go outside make sure you are not alone and say, again loudly enough for people sitting near you “I do not want to be near you I am going outside.” then if you do go outside. get in your car and roll up the windows or drive somewhere else. DO NOT respond to him.
Don’t act like Mel Gibson, laugh, but tell him FIRMLY “I do not want to speak with you.”
He wants control over you. Pure and simple. He will USE your kids or hurt them to get it, but unless you take firm action he will go on forever. At first he will get WORSE but if you are firm and don’t waiver, he will eventually calm down. In the past, he has been successful in pulling your chain so he is just trying to do that again. DON’T LET HIM SUCCEED. BE FIRM, and ENDURE for however long it takes.
Block his phone calls (which you have done) and any other contact, but keep copies of any threatening or harassing voice mails, or e mails, etc. Keep a record of how many times he calls and if it is like 1 a.m. etc. it sounds like you MAY have to get a restraining order on him. You might also consider picking up and dropping the kids off at the police station. If it continues also contact your divorce attorney. STAY STRONG! (((hugs)))) and my prayers for you!
This Mel Gibson thing is ?
Mel is and was a ‘needy penis’ with big ego issues…
read about it on http://www.womenexplode.com
My children are 4 and 7. My kids love knowing I’m there and it absolutely angers me that I may have to simply drop them off at their classes. After every big kick or every little twirl they look my way to make sure I didn’t miss it. Right now they need me more than ever. It’s heartbreaking and unfair to me that he still in a sense controls where I go and don’t go. I will try everything else first and if they don’t work, my only option left is a restraining order. That saddens me because I know he’s going to attempt to poison my kids against me. My little girl worships the ground he walks on and she has come home recently telling me to stop being mean to her daddy. She’s only 4 so I know she can’t understand but it still hurts. My son on the other hand is beginning to resent his father. He no longer wants to go with him. At the same time, anytime he doesn’t get his way he demands to go with him and I’m beginning to see a little bit of his father in him when he’s angry. It scares me almost to the point of wanting to take my children away from him completely.
Dear Brwneyedgrl,
Yep, that is exactly what is happening. Your son will learn to manipulate between you and his dad. Your X will foster this bad behavior.
I suggest that you read the blog “raising the at risk child” and contact Dr. Leedom. This is a woman who is also concerned about her own son’s genetic propensity and making sure that he has empathy etc. She has also written a great book entitled “Just like his father” that you also might want to read.
That is the TERRIBLE PART in co-parenting with a monster who will use the children for his own purposes. Get all the help and support that you can and I suggest that you get some counseling and maybe take your children for counseling. It also might help you in getting some help.
Your husband is likely to scream that you are “alienating” your children against HIM!!! when he is the one doing the alienating.
God bless you and give you strength. Just take a breath and then another one, put one foot before the next and rinse and repeat. Do the best you can, don’t despair and give the rest to God. ((((Hugs))))
I’m so glad I found this website…. it’s the therapy and support I need. Thank you.
It’s been about a year since I’ve been with my sociopath. Since then, I’ve run into him several times when I’ve returned to his hometown to visit my parents. He usually texts me after I see him (creepy that he still has my number). I learned to stop replying. He has gone through multiple girls since me, even paying 14 year olds to have sex with him (he’s 19.) He draws in the girls and pushes them away, gets a new girl soon after and turns the new one against the old one. I’ve noticed none of his old girls can let go. I’m having troube too. I want so badly to expose him. I know it’s unhealthy to dwell on it like this. I haven’t felt happy this past year at all and I should be, I graduated college, started my career, my life is moving on…so why can’t my mind. So tired of this.
Dear Butterfly 0924,
For whatever reason, these spaths have charisma up the wazoo and we end up missing it when it’s gone. Just like an addiction.
Your ex sounds like a user and he is breaking laws by having sex with underaged girls, not to mention permanently scarring them. Keep focused on your career and it will pass. The more time goes by, the easier it gets.
I’m still working on my circumstances and hope to resolve it sooner than later, and it has been hard to break away.
The golden rule is NO CONTACT! Don’t anwser his texts or respond to him at all!!! You have perspective on the situation so you are getting out of his control, don’t let him have any part of you, even thinking about him takes some of your power away.
Hang in there, it will get better!