Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call Abby21. She describes how, after the sociopath came into her life, she went from stability to homelessness.
After my father’s death in 2000 is when I became involved with a sociopath. Now I can look back and clearly see my vulnerability and why I was targeted.
I was 30 years old and at the age of 16 actually babysat for him and his second wife, who was the bridesmaid in his first wife’s wedding. He has two children by his first wife and he felt he had to marry because at 17 she became pregnant and three boys from his second wife who according to him cheated on him and that is why they divorced. But rumor had it that the wife of a teacher at the local high school who lived across the street from this sociopath had his baby and that is why the couple left town. Of course he denied the baby but admitted to the affair.
I always thought he acted like he was above everyone else and had a big ego and really didn’t like him when I was a teenager or over the years but had very little contact until my dad died and I moved back to the small town where I lived as a teenager and he lived his whole life. He owned, or should I say operated, the lodge, which is a restaurant at a lake 5 miles out of town.
I was completely devastated at the sudden death of my father. Completely out of control, drinking and dabbling in drugs. I would not go to the lodge because of who owned it, but one night two of my friends talked me into going to the lodge and that was that. The sociopath, which of course I had no clue they existed, had a target as big as Texas — “ME.”
I had a good job and a new car and I worked hard. I had no children. So it began. He charmed me and I convinced myself I had been wrong about him — he didn’t have a big ego after all. He called and asked me on a date I said yes.
When he arrived he wasn’t driving his van, which is ironic because my dad used to tell me, ‘Don’t trust a guy that drives a van.” He was driving a brand new ford pickup. I never saw that truck again. The lodge also had a bar and guess who was the bartender — yep and so it goes.
I had life by the tail
I had worked my way up to associate manager at my place if work and was offered my own store in the neighboring state — a salary of six figures. I had life by the tail — no second thoughts — I was going, when I discovered I was pregnant. I did not think I was able to have children as my first husband and I were married for seven years and not even a scare.
Long story short, I wanted to be the one to raise my child and with the promise of my beau, I could do that in the house where my parents, my mom’s parents, and my grandmother’s parents lived — my family’s farm that my mom could not afford and with me starting a family sold to us — oh wait to him — at a very low price. I later found out it was in his name only.
My new car — he promised to keep the payments. But I watched it being hauled away after they let me grab the car seat out. This is the first six months of him buying my family’s home and 5 acres, me having my beautiful baby girl and giving up my career. I thought he has a lot on his plate at that time not knowing just how screwed I was.
So now I have gone from good credit to bad credit, employed to unemployed, no children to a child, from having a vehicle to no vehicle, living in the country raising my baby.
He worked from sun up to sun down every day, 7 days a week. We had what we needed and I was content and thrilled to have my baby girl.
As seconds turn into minutes, and minutes to hours, hours to days, days to months and months to years, red flags and funny feelings and my instincts were telling me something is off.
The sociopath went to help my friend
I had rekindled a friendship of a girl I had known. In school our kids about the same age — now I have a son as well. Anyway her husband passed away and I was trying to help anyway I could with kids etc. One night she called, needed me. It was late — she lived 60 miles away — scared — had kids locked in car with high power rifle — convinced someone was trying to get her. So I tell the sociopath and he goes instead. Which of course was fine with me.
The odd thing was when he got home he wakes me and says, “I want you to know nothing happened.” After that he did not like us to hang out. Come to find out there was some touching according to her — I don’t know but I do. There is so much I could write forever.
We did not marry. He would ask and I would say I take it very seriously. I married once swearing I would never divorce, but I had and did not want to do that again. It took 8 years and I finally gave in and we married on my dad’s birthday in 2012.
He was secretive about finances
I felt like the. I should have in my lockbox papers that made sure the kids and I had a home and car to drive should something happen to the sociopath. He was very very very secretive with any finances. He said he would, but he wouldn’t. I would ask again and the same — he would get agitated and storm off.
I knew I was I trouble he gave me some post dated life insurance policy that was suppose to be what paid off the house should something happen to him — a deed upon death and a hand written amount that he owed the bank (our debt). I began going through his paperwork and boy I knew he was bad news — scared me, but still not realizing exactly what he was,
I figured out that he preyed on widowed women and the elderly. That would be my mom. That is what I thought — he used me.
Long attracts short — I was being accused of cheating and being a drug addict, which I had given up after becoming pregnant. I went nowhere, saw no one except my mom, but I was questioning him now that we were married and I wanted proof of security should something happen to him and he was pissed. I asked him to leave as he had multiple options for a place to stay and he refused — better put ignored my request and acted like nothing was wrong.
After 6 months of marriage, he filed for divorce
Labor Day weekend 2013 my kids and I join my three brothers and mom at a state lake. I later leave my kids with family and go meet a friend, have a drink and don’t return because I did not want to drink and drive. The sociopath was already at the lake filling my family full of a lot of lies about me. I had not shared what I was going through with them they had no idea and they believed it.
We were married 6 months. He filed for divorce, lied to the court, said I abandoned my children, took them to their stepbrother’s house, left them and stalked me day and night. I was not allowed back to my home had no idea where my kids were and was receiving threatening calls and texts.
I went home and the sociopath dismissed everything at that time. I had not read any motions he had made and no ide he had filed for divorce. I went home he acted like nothing ever happened. I got a hold of the motion and was absolutely devastated at the accusations he had made, the lies he told and found out about the divorce, so it of course got ugly.
Cops were called and I was homeless and no contact again. I was out of my mind — several times over the next three years he motioned the court for no contact with my kids because of neglect, abandonment and drug use, every time dismissing it at the end of a six weeks no contact.
I was lured to the courthouse on a motion that had been filed by the sociopath where I was met by the sheriff, the undersheriff and two deputies and held — they said because I had missed a hearing that I had no idea about. They took me upstairs and said the judge ordered me to go to a mental health facility to be evaluated. He was trying to get me admitted. It was horrible yet a blessing in disguise as I ended up meeting a therapist who was actually on my side and an ace that is still up my sleeve.
We did divorce. I was dead broke. I had an attorney that I would bet my life was gotten to by the sociopath or his attorney because she did not do her job. Again I was totally devastated. What I thought was a meeting to begin figuring out who got what etc. turned out to be my divorce hearing. I didn’t have a home or a car but I did have my two kids, which is all that mattered to me anyway.
From stability to homelessness
Oh I needed to get health insurance on them. The state had provided that through the sociopath for years. Now I all of a sudden I needed to do that. Multiple court dates after divorce he would get a no contact order in place made me very crazy. My kids have gone through hell. I went from stability to homelessness. Anyway I am living with the sociopath right now at his family farm with my son who is 16. That is the only reason I am here — to try to protect him the best I can.
Donna I don’t know why or how your email popped up. Maybe Googling sociopaths but it has been heaven sent. I listen to your videos and can relate and have taken the steps you talk bout on my difficult journey. I have disconnected emotionally and I know what he is and that he will not change. I need alt more advice on educating my teenage children on their father’s disorder. I don’t want them to think I am bashing. Bless you and what you do.