UPDATED FOR 2023. If you’re struggling to get over an encounter with a sociopath — whether a romantic relationship or some other involvement — keep this in mind: They are losers.
They are not worth any emotional energy that you are spending on them, or any pain that you feel. Here’s 10 reasons why:
1 Sociopaths cannot love the way you do
The root of serious personality disorders — antisocial, narcissistic, borderline and psychopathy — is an impaired ability to love. These people cannot feel empathy like you do. They are not interested in caregiving — a critical component of real love. People diagnosed as antisocials or psychopaths are not capable of love at all.
2. Sociopaths cannot be trusted
What do sociopaths really want in life? Power and control. Their objective is always to win — whatever that may look like at the moment. So they always have an ulterior motive, and for that reason, can never be trusted.
3. Sociopaths are empty inside
They have no real passion. Oh, they may have temporary obsessions, but they do not care deeply about any person, thing, place or ideal. Without any real depth, they are caricatures of human beings, cardboard cut-outs, creatures without substance.
Read more: 5 reasons why we fall for a con artist
4. Sociopaths have no real friends
They have minions. They have co-conspirators. They have dupes. But because of items 1, 2 and 3 above, sociopaths do not have friends. They really are alone in the world. It’s sad.
5. Sociopaths have no real family
Yes, they have parents, spouses, children and relatives (possibly including you), but no one involved will feel a sense of family. The sociopath will just take advantage of relatives, and any relatives who are not themselves disordered will feel abused.
6. Sociopaths’ schemes fall apart
They’re always coming up with get-rich-quick schemes, grandiose plans that depend on other people’s money. Sometimes the plans never get off the ground. Sometimes they get started, and then sputter to a halt. Sooner or later, sociopathic schemes usually fail.
7. Sociopaths have financial problems
Even when they have a job or profession, they often have financial problems. They get fired. They lose contracts. They get sued. But often when there’s a money crisis, other people pay, not them.
8. Sociopaths have legal problems
Many sociopaths are criminals. In fact the definitions of antisocial personality disorder and psychopathy refer to criminal behavior. But even those who aren’t arrested for crimes are frequently involved lawsuits, divorces and child custody battles. None of this really bothers the sociopaths, but it will bother you.
9. Sociopaths crash and burn
Sociopaths may race along for awhile, living on the edge — maybe even for years. But at some point, their unconscionable behavior tends to catch up with them. Their financial empires collapse. They end up estranged from everyone in their lives. They may finally be arrested. Sooner or later, for many sociopaths, it all falls apart.
10. Sociopaths tend to die earlier
Promiscuous sex, drugs, crime, violence — this is how many sociopaths live. Whether it’s health problems, accidents from risky behavior or angering the wrong person, many sociopaths end up dead. And those who don’t may suffer a lonely old age. If anyone takes care of them, it’s because of a sense of duty, although I don’t think it’s warranted.
If you’re struggling to break the bonds you feel with a sociopath, refer to this list. Sociopaths really are losers and are are not worth the aggravation.
Learn more: How to report your abuser’s crimes so the police take you seriously
Lovefraud originally posted this article on July 25, 2016.
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This was all about him and all about what he needed
OMG!
Every single one of these is 34 year old ‘SON’.
Zero contact…otherwise you continue to beat a dead horse.
not only did I have a marriage with one of these, for 29 years; but also to realize that our 3 grown sons are like their father in many ways. so not only do I have NO contact with my ex, but I’ve learned to keep the sons at arm’s length as well.
yes, zero contact.
Yes, yes and yes.
Now that its been an entire year;the spath moved to another state far, far away leaving LOTS of distance I have had time to catch my breath and sort things out.
I now know the reason I was targeted and tormented and have been working very hard to make sure it never happens again.
Done.
SITC
You are so fortunate, stronginthecity, that the SP is now far away.
I wish that for all of us.
🙂
yes, far away!!!!!!!!!!!!
Best wishes.
I wish I could offer an alternative view but sadly, I can’t. It has been almost 2 years, this October, and I have not seen my daughter. From the moment I decided her promiscuity was a problem for me to accept, I have not missed my daughter at all. I see the light and whether my ill conceived marriage of 30 years to a sociopath contributed to her disorder I have decided to just move on. I use to blame myself for EVERYThing! Wasted my time, energy and financial stability on trying to make things “Right”! I stopped, cold turkey. We really can not go back. We can try but for me it was futile. I kept hearing that term, “unconditional” love. Whatever that is suppose to mean, with a selfish grownup child, it simply means, a one way street to hell! Nothing is valued, nothing is deeply appreciated and as a parent only heartache will follow. I have tried with my son and now my daughter, and nothing can heal their wounds except what they lack, “humility”! Regards, Kalina
Yes, Kalina. I agree with you 100%.
You can keep trying to ‘fix’ things, but the reality is, you can’t fix things.
Unconditional love indeed. A trite saying, perhaps a nice thought, but completely impossible, when your child is disordered in this way.
Nothing is valued, nothing is appreciated, and only heartache follows. Perfectly said.
A one way street to hell, indeed, again…I have almost ‘plagiarized’ your entire post, because your post is a perfect post that explains TRYING to be a parent to a child like this. You simply can’t.
Oh, and no, we cannot go back. I know if I have contact with SON again, it will be my demise…the death of me…not literally, but emotionally.
Been a long time since I’ve posted here. I do read often however.
My adult, 32, year old daughter is a Spath.
She stole thousands from me while I was in the hospital, almost dying from the Swine Flu…had many organ failures and COPD on top…no sympathy needed here. This was 2 years ago. Was in a coma for 4 weeks. My daughter gave the wrong info to the doctors about my medicines. Didn’t find that out for many months after I came home.
She had stolen jewelry from me that her late grandmother had left to me as well…all 14K gold.
I was so fed up I filed a lawsuit against her…called a promissary note due that forced her to sell her house. (paid by her late grandfather)
She hasn’t worked in five years with two kids in school.
My health is very poor and this lawsuit is my last resort to somehow expose her for what she is. The family has turned against me, on her dad’s side, which doesn’t concern me since we are divorced.
This daughter never bonded with me. How about the other of you??? My daughter as a baby didn’t climb on my lap, didn’t like to be held, rocked, loved…just wanted her freedom.
It was if she existed somewhere out there.
She was diagnosed as a sociopath in her late teens.
She made my life a living hell.
I have seen my young granddaughters once in 2 years. It breaks my heart that they are missing out on time with me as I love them dearly.
I wonder how GOD judges them? DO YOU?
I pray to try to forgive, but I just can’t do it. I believe that you have to repent first and have remorse. I don’t expect GOD to forgive us unless we ask HIM to.
My grands don’t ever go to a church…know nothing about Jesus…so very sad.
I hope she gets what’s coming to her before I die. I don’t wish her harm, but I hope she does something that causes her to be LOCKED UP a long time.
Then, maybe those girls (grands) will have a chance at some type of life!
Sorry to be so long but I have a lot to say! I do support a few others going through similar circumstances and that makes me feel good.
Ditto Caroline.
SON (sorry, I can’t put the word ‘my’ in front of the word son any more) never felt like he was mine, from the day that he was born. Like you, he never wanted to be cuddled, never climbed into my lap, never wanted to be held, and never even liked to be fed as a baby. He also seemed to want to just be free, of me, of my husband, of other people. He preferred to be alone. He did indeed seem like he was just somewhere out there. That’s a good way to put it.
SON would not skip a beat if either of us, or probably anyone, died. I am certain of that. He also has two children who I do not and will not see. SON wants us to, but just because of how that appears to others. He is in a nasty fight with his ex over those children, or was for the past year…go figure. Before they split up, he barely was at home or had anything to do with the children. Of course, after the break up, he had to ‘look good’ by pretending to fight for them. I do not wish to confuse those children as I cannot pretend…I do not like SON.Since he is their father, I will bow out. They live 3 hours away, anyway, so that makes it easier.
I don’t think it is about forgiving. I think that it is simply a realization that there is no love or a relationship there. There never can be. I want nothing to do with SON, who is now 34, and it took me until last year when his marriage fell apart, to fully realize it.
Yes, it feels very good to support others who are going through much the same. That is what gets me through!
Bev, it’s nice to “meet” someone with an adult child that has no conscience.
Most posts, it seems, are regarding male/female relationships.
To me the most difficult situation is when it involves someone we gave birth to.
I hate to admit this but I have asked GOD many times over and over..WHY did you give me a daughter like her…I know HE knows HIS reason, but I will never understand it.
It made me more skeptical, less trusting, negative, stressful, all negatives in my life for many years.
The ONLY earthly thing that has made me hang on is having a son who is nothing like her. THAT is my saving grace.
Maybe one day after we leave this earthly place, we will know what GOD had planned for us. There is a lesson in all of this, I just don’t know what it is……..still waiting for a revelation…LOL
Nice to meet you!
Caroline & Bev;
I am in the enviable position of just having been discarded by my most recent Spath, but also am raising one of the children of my adult Spath who fortunately (even though tragically the child called my ex Spath “Daddy” and had definitely been exposed to some peculiar behaviors) has been with me since a baby and seems to be completely normal. I also have a grown son, who, although he mimics some of his narcissistic father’s behavior, has a lot of empathy and seems deep down to be good.
Yes, I have a knack. Two years after I divorced my first narcissist and feeling pretty strong (after recovering from 18 years of emotional abuse) I met my next “partner”. Thank God we never married. But he was good, he behaved differently, seemed exactly like me and it seemed we were soul mates. Although in hindsight, I remember him telling me that he didn’t believe in soul mates. I wasn’t listening. Furthermore, he supported me with my “no contact” with my daughter (at the time 19) who had since birth been a little weird. Same. No climbing in the lap, always wanted to be put down, nursed only because she was hungry, not at all like my son who I lugged around for 2 years. She was mean to him too. I know part of who he is has something to do with his sister and his father, both of whom were incredibly heartless and cruel to him, and me.
So, you’d think after having been traumatized by my first husband, (who was a mean, nasty, verbally abusive man) and my daughter who I(once I knew what it was) could see clearly was a sociopath with no kindness or empathy in her, would have gotten a little smarter. But I used up all the strength I had garnered; dealing with the crystal meth crash parties at my house, all of my valuables being stolen by her and her friends, having her involuntarily committed after a feigned suicide and leaving me to take care of the little one. And enter Mr. Wrong. He was there to save the day. He put on a good show. For 10 years. And he upheld the no-contact rule with my daughter so I didn’t have to. I’ve heard that like vampires, sociopaths can spot other sociopaths and don’t want them around.
I know what its like. The disappointment, the guilt, the shame at having brought a child into the world who didn’t turn out “right”. It’s heartbreaking. All the years of trying to fix things, all the repeated bizarre behavior which bore no resemblance to anything I had tried to teach. My whirlwind of SPath experiences at this point seems to be lifelong. I can’t really believe how many I’ve encountered or been in relationships with. I’m sure I’m above average in that category. Only now, am I really figuring it all out. Only now am I staring the evil in the face and calling it what it is. I have always tried to see the good in everyone. It is a tragic flaw in my character although I never thought it so until recently. Some people have no good in them. And for whatever reason (I’m working on it) I am to them as a magnet to steel.
I have a lot more – but its late.
Nice to meet you, too Caroline!
I have no other children, because of SON. After him, I did not want any more.
Yes, it is the most difficult situation to give birth to a disordered one. Mothers are expected to love and accept their children, no matter what. That old chestnut, ‘unconditional’ love, that is driven into our heads. I have learned that I cannot and do not care what others think any more.
I gotta say. The guy chased me down like a cheetah on prey. I didn’t even know he was alive, yet he noticed me, and noticed I had a hyper active son who was wearing me thin. He noticed that my son kept working me for ice cream even after I allowed him to have it, and I was paying for it, my little son kept working on me while I was nervously digging for change in my purse to pay for the ice cream. The kid was still working me for ice cream while I was paying for it! I was nervous cause I was so embarrassed. The predator was watching on the sidelines. He tracked me down on the dating site. Please don’t let this become a topic of dating sites. The predator could have tracked me down in other ways.
Cause I feel that people think online is taboo, and they may gain a false sense of security if they meet a predator at picnic, or at church, or at wedding.
Of course I noticed that he had nothing to offer. It’s just that he had this standoffish way that made me work harder to get his attention. I wouldn’t do that now. It’s just that the guy got me at the right moment when I was vulnerable. As predators will do. AND I was open minded. Or least that is what I thought. Looking back, no it was not open minded, IT was WIDE OPEN to attack. Vulnerable.
He is the guy who would blow me off on weekends. Then expect me to take his calls on Monday morning. Cause he wanted to go grocery shopping with my car.
His house is a hoarder house. He walks on garbage. NOT even a clean path through house. He lines up urine bottles in the living room, and urine bottles lined up in his bedroom. He says his back is broken, his knees are broken, he has nerve damage, and sciatica. But, his body doesn’t hurt too bad to storm over to my house to bust down the door if I don’t answer the phone on Monday morning.
I could see the guy is a loser. It’s just that he made himself GOD.
And, he has his endless following who confirms he is GOD. I was out numbered.
Now to point out about meeting a guy at a wedding. He said he used to crash weddings. He would buy a card. Place it in the Gift Box at the reception, sign the registry. He made it look like he was invited to the wedding. He said he was looking for women, and while he was at it, he could enjoy the free food and drink. Going by that, he could do the same thing at a church.
Not to make anyone fearful. Just go by your gut instincts. If something feels OFF, then trust your gut.
Remember the Zodiac Killer operated on a church computer.
Yes, P/SPs do feel ‘off’. Your gut, or intuition, does tell you that. As normal empathetic humans, we often ignore that inner voice and instead, give others the benefit of the doubt.
I am so sorry for all the SPs that you have had to deal with. You are no longer a ‘magnet’, for now, you are aware.
Cheers to you, your wisdom, and your strength.
I also gotta point out the guy looks SO innocent! I saw him in recent months at the food bank. He was sitting on bench in front. Maybe he had someone picking up the food for him. His arm was in a sling. He sat there looking so innocent. Yet, I know he has a criminal mind.
My son also saw him elsewhere and my son said the same thing. He looks so innocent, even though he is NOT.
They say the eyes are the window to the soul. But, if the mind has been talking lies over and over again to the point where the person believes their own lies. . . , they’re eyes lie.
I will never forgot when I first met him. He was not doing that innocent look. He gave me that hard predator stare.
I about jumped out of my skin it scared me that bad. Yet, I obeyed.
I feel I need to make an important distinction between a sociopath who is an ex husband or lover and a sociopathic child. The trauma is different, the grieving is longer and there is more personal responsibility when the loss is one’s child. Of course, I’m referring to a grown up child. The loss of hope when one has been devoted to a child involves very deep and mostly complex forms of grief. I make it a point to take full responsibility for the absence of a relationship with my daughter. I never disclose any hint of a flaw in her character. She may say negatives about me, perhaps even slander my name, as did my son and ex husband, and mother as well, I however, never say a nasty or hurtful thing about any of them. I actually do not need to hurt anyone behind their back. It would simply create doubt about my own sincerity. Her motive, they would say, “envy” because she lacks the charisma and charm of the person she is defending herself from. The sociopath is so much more skilled than any of us to reap the advantages of a well placed assault. We, labeled as their opponents in this zero-sum game, will feel like we have been buried alive!! Just know who you are, where you want to go with your life and how you want to get there. That is a far more rewarding battle to fight than one with a “Spath”! Regards, Kalina
Wow, thank you Kalina. Well said.
AMEN. I really needed to see this right now! Thank you for this website!