UPDATED FOR 2023. If you’re struggling to get over an encounter with a sociopath — whether a romantic relationship or some other involvement — keep this in mind: They are losers.
They are not worth any emotional energy that you are spending on them, or any pain that you feel. Here’s 10 reasons why:
1 Sociopaths cannot love the way you do
The root of serious personality disorders — antisocial, narcissistic, borderline and psychopathy — is an impaired ability to love. These people cannot feel empathy like you do. They are not interested in caregiving — a critical component of real love. People diagnosed as antisocials or psychopaths are not capable of love at all.
2. Sociopaths cannot be trusted
What do sociopaths really want in life? Power and control. Their objective is always to win — whatever that may look like at the moment. So they always have an ulterior motive, and for that reason, can never be trusted.
3. Sociopaths are empty inside
They have no real passion. Oh, they may have temporary obsessions, but they do not care deeply about any person, thing, place or ideal. Without any real depth, they are caricatures of human beings, cardboard cut-outs, creatures without substance.
Read more: 5 reasons why we fall for a con artist
4. Sociopaths have no real friends
They have minions. They have co-conspirators. They have dupes. But because of items 1, 2 and 3 above, sociopaths do not have friends. They really are alone in the world. It’s sad.
5. Sociopaths have no real family
Yes, they have parents, spouses, children and relatives (possibly including you), but no one involved will feel a sense of family. The sociopath will just take advantage of relatives, and any relatives who are not themselves disordered will feel abused.
6. Sociopaths’ schemes fall apart
They’re always coming up with get-rich-quick schemes, grandiose plans that depend on other people’s money. Sometimes the plans never get off the ground. Sometimes they get started, and then sputter to a halt. Sooner or later, sociopathic schemes usually fail.
7. Sociopaths have financial problems
Even when they have a job or profession, they often have financial problems. They get fired. They lose contracts. They get sued. But often when there’s a money crisis, other people pay, not them.
8. Sociopaths have legal problems
Many sociopaths are criminals. In fact the definitions of antisocial personality disorder and psychopathy refer to criminal behavior. But even those who aren’t arrested for crimes are frequently involved lawsuits, divorces and child custody battles. None of this really bothers the sociopaths, but it will bother you.
9. Sociopaths crash and burn
Sociopaths may race along for awhile, living on the edge — maybe even for years. But at some point, their unconscionable behavior tends to catch up with them. Their financial empires collapse. They end up estranged from everyone in their lives. They may finally be arrested. Sooner or later, for many sociopaths, it all falls apart.
10. Sociopaths tend to die earlier
Promiscuous sex, drugs, crime, violence — this is how many sociopaths live. Whether it’s health problems, accidents from risky behavior or angering the wrong person, many sociopaths end up dead. And those who don’t may suffer a lonely old age. If anyone takes care of them, it’s because of a sense of duty, although I don’t think it’s warranted.
If you’re struggling to break the bonds you feel with a sociopath, refer to this list. Sociopaths really are losers and are are not worth the aggravation.
Learn more: How to report your abuser’s crimes so the police take you seriously
Lovefraud originally posted this article on July 25, 2016.
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This was all about him and all about what he needed
Haven’t been on for a while…. but this article AND comments ring so many bells for me!!!!
For those who do not know my story, my wolf in sheep’s clothing was my greatest life lesson.
ALL the points in the article resonate…This man who I once thought of as a brilliant engineer Sr. Global position in multinational tech companies is AGAIN unemployed. Four jobs in four years…..this time though he must have become impatient and played hard enough to become named as a company’s officer in a class action suit by share holders. SEC investigations are brutal!!!!
He has spent SO irrationally on lawyers and bling for his targets that I remain his first lien holder. ( Never going to see a dime of it).
He has had to stay married to the woman he had an international long distance affair with…He is miserable and tries to pity play me CONSTANTLY!!!
NO family relationships
No relationship with my daughter…..My son has estranged himself from all of us.
No friends.
Shallow unhappy and miserable….Thank God I’m not with him now!!!
He was SOOOOOO covert for 28 years I was never married and miserable. But once the mask slips……RUN and keep away!!!
For me as well the greatest sorrow has been estrangement from my son.
My daughter has openly told me that she is aware that she too has traits but makes conscious choices to be good. Almost seven years and I have a zero BS tolerance. Stargazer if you read this it came from one sentence you had written: “If its not fun I’m done!!!!”
In a healthy happier place now!!!!
Yes, they are losers.
The pen is mightier than the sword. I have to believe that is true. The depth of sorrow knows no bounds when fighting a sociopath narcissist. That is a joke. You cannot fight a sociopath. They do not have the capacity to lose. They must win at all cost and they will bring you down to the lowest rung on the ladder. Lower than you ever thought you could go. And when you think it cannot get any worse, and when you think you cannot feel any more helpless than you do right now they bring you down another notch. And this continues day after day, month after month, year after year until you decide you have had enough. When you finally get the courage, you will try to fight for what is rightfully and legally yours. You might think the law is on your side if you live in a community property state like California but let me give you a piece of advice from a person who has been trying to divorce a sociopath for 2 years. Do not bother looking for justice, there is none. The law can be manipulated by a manipulator. oo
The law actually rewards liars. My sociopath narcissist hides money obtained from his cash businesses and it is too expensive to find the money. My sociopath lies on his income and expense declaration and no one seems to care. My narcissist cheats the government on his taxes and the IRS does not care either. My narcissist has everyone duped into thinking he is such a great guy. None of these people sees him for who he really is. What a scam.
My sociopath narcissist emotionally abuses my son and yells at him when he misses a ball in basketball when they are on the same team because his dad cannot stand it when his son loses, and no one cares. I have asked the lawyers to intervene and help me but they do not.
There is nothing I can do to stop this process. It has a life of its own. I cannot get my attorney to settle this, I cannot stop the forensic accounting and legal fees. It just keeps on going like the Energizer bunny. My sociopath needs some major karmic payback. But there is no such thing as karma with a sociopath. They have no conscience, never feel guilt, shame or empathy. I have never hated anyone as much as I hate him and it is wasted hate. He does not care I hate him. The only thing the hate does is to eat me up inside. Of all the emotions I have experienced in the last two years nothing has been beneficial other than positive. The fear did not help anything. The anger got me nowhere. The anxiety failed to produce any positive experience and the depression just sapped my energy and stopped me from accomplishing those things that needed my attention the most; my family and my business.
From someone who has endured more emotional pain than she ever thought she could, the only thing left is to try to help someone else in similar shoes so they do not have to go through the same torturous experience I have gone through. So here it is my advice to you is if you have children, protect them at all cost. Then your goal should be to do whatever it takes to get the sociopath out of your life. Do not try to find justice. There will never be any. If you need to walk away, then walk away…strike that, run away. Do not fight him, it is not worth it. No amount of money in the world is worth this horrible emotional pain. The sociopath is abusing you then the lawyers are, the court system, the judge, the forensic accountants. You cannot win with a sociopath. You will never get him to feel remorse. You will never get him to say he is sorry. You will never get him to acknowledge his behavior. He will never see how cruel he is.
F
It is impossible for you to not feed into your anger and your helplessness when you have children with a sociopath ex you live this ever-evolving, never ending nightmare 24/7 with no end game. Equally horrific is that your family and friends who love you, the only people you have in the world that you can turn to for love, support and loyalty end up being the ones who untended hurt you the most with their love and support because it is impossible for them to help you and that is inconceivable for them and you to accept. The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept that you are alone. It’s not going to be easy, it is going to take great strength, you’re going to have push yourself harder. Once you accept this gut, soul, heartwrenching fact”the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to start a new life, knowing you may never heal from the pain is your best weapon to help you redirect your negative energy into positive energy. Get things done. The only justice that exists is one day your children will see him for what he is and that is when he find himself all alone. The thing that he fears the most will come true. That is the day you will have your justice. You just won’t be around to see it because you will be off somewhere enjoying your life. I hope.
Each situation is different but I agree with Donna. I think they are losers.
Can someone please answer my question….since Path’s are incapable of love, does this mean they do not and will never love their own children?
I will chime in.
Spaths may appear to love their own children, and may even believe that they love their own children.
It may be a ‘sick’ kind of love…different that real love for one’s children, in that spaths usually have children to have some sort of control over someone, as they thrive on control. Spaths also have children so that others will see them as ‘normal’ or good people.
It is hard to explain. Spaths tend to ‘show’ over love in public, but things are usually much different behind closed doors. In a neglectful way. They will often appear to ‘love’ being around children, as children are easier to control and do not ‘see’ that the spath is disordered.
Also…there is a darker side to spaths and children.
We have to be very careful that the spath is also not a pedophile, whether they have acted on it yet, or not.
These disordered people can be both, and often are. Spaths seem charming and to generally ‘love’ being around children…but often are discovered at a later date, to be pedophiles as well.
Just a heads up here.
How do sociopaths view their children?
You might think that because sociopaths do not ’love’ in the traditional sense, then they will think nothing of their children, so why won’t they go quietly? The truth is that the sociopath, just as they view their partners, well even more than they view their partners, see their children, as something that they own their possession, something that is theirs, as much theirs as their arms or legs.
The sociopath can feel great attachment to their children. But almost always this is for their own selfish supply to meet their own needs, as
they are unable to put the needs of anyone before themselves. They also cannot place the needs of the child in front of their own.
This means that the sociopath will likely use the child to control you. You might read recommendations on posts that say, NO contact!!! And think, but I can’t? I have children. How can I have no contact? This is impossible. You are right. It is impossible. You most likely will feel despair and feel trapped. knowing that the sociopath can now try to use your child as a weapon to manipulate and control you.
For instance,
Tell you that you are wicked, or cruel or a bad parent, if you do not allow him to see their child. That you are not acting in the best interests of the
child (even if you are)
Constantly changing the goal posts, chopping and changing their mind, leaving you upset, and not wanting to let your child down, or see your
child hurt
Belittling you, or your parenting skills either to the child, or in front of
your child
Using the excuse to talk about the child, to keep in contact with you, and to then use information gained
Telling you that you are a bad parent and threatening to take your children away from you”
Sociopaths enjoy playing the legal game and having lawyers to fight against you, they will use the legal process to fight you, and make your
life hell, just ”“ because they can!!
Yes, Cindy. This is all very true.
They do view their children as possessions, that they own. That is the psuedo ‘love’ that they have.
Unfortunately, it looks like real love, to outsiders. It looks like ‘love’, when, really, their children are just tools for manipulation. In many ways. To support their ‘illusion’ that they want to project to the world. To torment an ex with. The list goes on.
I read that they are incapable of closure and keep coming back. I was harassed by a female neighbor and distanced myself from her but I recently was out and she walked by and said hi as though there was no horrendous history. They are weird.
A mutual female friend of the psychopath thought he was a nice guy but I recently saw her and she now knows he is a jerk.
That is all we can hope for…that eventually, others will see.
I agree.
It’s been a year of no contact. Recovery is good.
Yes. It is the only way.
We are not happily skipping through the fields of life, but no contact is better than anything else.
I an happy for you Sunnygal…:)
Sandra Brown will be on Flourish (Hay House Radio Show) with Dr. Christine Northrop, dec. 14, morning, ‘Making life easy: relationships’. Check local station. Also later on archives.
I did something today that reminded me of the recent psychopath but I was O.K.