I recently had clinical contact with a client who left me with the unusually strong, immediate impression of “schemer,” “slick,” “full of crap.” He was instantly, aggressively ingratiating—less, I felt, from insecurity, as from ulterior motives, as if he were angling, at the outset, for an edge. I had the uncomfortable feeling I get around intrusive salesmen who leave you feeling like an “object” from whom to extract a sale and commission. I should mention that he was glib. Glibness is a trait often associated with certain sociopaths. My client was so glib, as a matter of fact, that for the first time in a long while the word “glib” actually popped into my head. When I say “glib,” I d …
Update from Gem, daughter of imprisoned con artist
I just received this from Gem (see Realities only family members know) so I thought I would pass it along. You can see how wise a resilient young lady can be and what it takes to cope with a sociopath father. I just received a new letter from my dad, I thought I would share it with you... and you are welcome to use anything from this letter for blogging purposes or anything else. " Dear _______(My sweetheart), How are you G- Boy do I miss you! How is your big senior year going. Hang in there you are almost there. I want to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day. You are, and always will be my sweetheart. I love you. I pray for you daily, never missed a day since September 5th. Hang in there, …
Are We There Yet?
By OxDrover I remember when I was a little kid, driving with my parents, sitting in the back seat sans seatbelt (there were no such things in those days) and leaning over the front seat, repeatedly asking my parents, “Are we there yet?” or “How long til we get there?” Of course there had been no reasonable way for my parents to convey to me “how long” since I didn't tell time when I was four, so there was no use saying “one hour” because I wouldn't be able to comprehend what an “hour” was. Time is sort of fluid anyway, relative to what is going on. If you are bored, an hour is forever. If you are interested in something, an hour is very short. To a bored child in the back seat of a car, …
Drew Peterson: Suspect, fiance, puppeteer
Lovefraud could have written about Drew Peterson at any time since he was declared a suspect in disappearance of his fourth wife, Stacy Peterson, who vanished on Oct. 28, 2007. Drew Peterson, who at the time was a sergeant in the Bolingbrook, Illinois police department, didn't seem to be at all concerned about his wife's whereabouts, claiming that she probably left him for another man. He cheerfully talked to the media, despite sordid allegations about his past. After Stacy disappeared, Peterson became a suspect in the death of his third wife, Kathleen Savio, who was found dead in a bathtub. While they were married, police were called to the home they shared 18 times for domestic …
Sociopaths, cluster B personality disorders and psychopathy
A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle. Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause …
Sociopaths, cluster B personality disorders and psychopathyRead More
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Child of an undiagnosed sociopath
Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader, we'll call him Allen, tells his story. I know the story starts way before my time with my dad, so I can only tell you what I saw growing up and what I now see in hindsight. I think the biggest thing that I see in him is that he takes no personal responsibility for anything. Somewhere in his late 20's he “found God” whatever that really means to him, and it was right around the time that my mom finally left him because of physical abuse that he denies to this day. He says that he never laid a hand on her and then when I remind him that I was there that day and saw everything he still denies it. He claims that pushing her over a couch and through a screen d …
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The flaw in viewing sociopaths through normal eyes
Lovefraud recently received an e-mail from a young man, we'll call him Kyle, who has just broken up with a woman whom he now believes is a sociopath. Based on the behavior he described, I'd say the guy is right. The woman cheated on him, and when confronted, either downplayed her behavior, said it was none of his business, or verbally attacked him. She had no interest in resolving problems. "Her solution to everything was to run, wait awhile, and then pile on affection as if nothing ever happened," Kyle wrote. Kyle has been researching sociopathy to try to grasp what is really going on with this woman. Here's more of his e-mail, which I have reproduced with his permission: First of all, I …
After the sociopath: How do we heal? Part 3-Denial
This column is dedicated to my sister, who is my best friend and wise counsel in so much of this learning In Part 2, I wrote about painful shock, our instantaneous reactions to stabilize us until we have time to heal, and the everyday process that we use to resolve trauma. In a relationship with a sociopath, something goes wrong with this process. We don't handle “bad things that happen to us” in an expeditious way. It may be that we do not have skills for fast processing of emotional trauma, because we are burdened by residue of previous trauma. But beyond that, the typical sociopathic technique of recruiting us through seductive love-bombing, followed by withdrawal of positive attention, …
Sociopaths, words and sharing
Old time psychoanalysts connect a young child's desire to share experiences with caregivers to the development of a healthy personality. The idea that any pleasure is better if we share it starts shortly after the first birthday. That is also the time language starts to develop. Words then become a way to share experiences. Healthy people use words to share their feelings, interests and desires. A little child who has just learned to walk will bring her toy over to dad to share it. She is delighted when he makes some comment about it. We take for granted that everyone has this desire to share and take mutual delight. As I write this I am sharing with you truths I have found deeply …
Can I Have A Witness?
For purposes of simplicity I will be using “he” throughout this post to designate the abuser and “she” to designate the abuse victim. We can all agree that males are also abused in relationships by females. One of the insidious (and enabling) aspects of abuse is that the abuse victim often lacks a credible witness to the abuse that is occurring (or has occurred). “Witnessing” is the act of validating, of believing, the victim's presentation of her trauma. It is the willingness to face, not turn away from, the victim's experience of her experience. The abuse victim often lacks a mature, credible witness to validate the abuse as existing as a real problem—a real problem that is called “abus …
