How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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First impressions are important–especially from the psychopath’s point of view

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By Ox Drover Someone recently forwarded to me one of those funny e-mails that we almost all get on a daily basis. This particular one was from a site called “failblog.org” and showed a photograph of a pretentious front entrance to a house from the front, and then showed the same house from the side, revealing what lay behind that pretentious entrance façade. I laughed of course, but then I had an “ah ha” moment, when I realized that that is just exactly how the psychopaths present themselves to victims. The façade they present with “love bombing” to impress the victim with what a wonderful person they are—how could they not be “wonderful,” because they recognize just how special you …

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Finding our ADAMANT– unearthing our most valuable gem

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By ErinBrock One thing we see over and over from the fallout of a sociopathic relationship is destroyed self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Lacking self-esteem and confidence leads to overlooking behaviors and having a hard time making firm decisions for ourselves. Destroyed self-esteem makes it difficult some days to even get out of bed, let alone get out of the house and participate in life. It's hard to plan for meals, school lunches, kid activities, legal angles, financial support and moving forward. We want to hide under the covers and make it all go away. Okay yes, and justifiably so. BUT ”¦ if we want to get “somewhere,” we must first find our adamant. Adamant …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Should I warn the next victim?

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Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as “forever_me:” Hello. I am looking for some guidance. I was in a romantic relationship with a P for over 2 years, but just broke it off earlier this week. I discovered that he was using an online dating site and was able to access it because I knew the patterns of his passwords. I created a bogus profile on the same website and contacted one of the women he was messaging. She was shocked to hear from me because my P told her he was single and not dating anyone. What was worse was that they had engaged in unprotected sex a few days before my P and I had unprotected sex. We agreed to meet each other to discuss the …

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Intuition, purpose and sociopaths

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In my previous two articles on this blog, I wrote that our awful entanglements with sociopaths often have a larger purpose—our personal spiritual growth. This is an extremely difficult concept, especially when we believe in a benevolent God, universe, or higher power—whatever term you want to use—who only wants the best for us. Why, if God loves us, would he/she want us to experience the deceit, betrayal and destruction of a sociopath? In my case, the terrible experience allowed me to unearth internal pain and disappointment that was blocking me from feeling love and peace. My sociopathic ex sensed the negative feelings within me, and promised to be the answer to my prayers and the …

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When history is a predictor of future behavior

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When is history predictive of future behavior? Who can change? Who will change? Can sociopaths change? What is meaningful versus unmeaningful change? I would argue that history is most predictive of future behavior when the mindset of the individual—especially the motivational mindset of the individual—remains static. By this I mean that short of a radicalized mindset, one can assume that the individual's historical behaviors and attitudes will not change, at least not meaningfully. So motivation goes directly to the question who is likely, or unlikely, to make changes in historical behavior patterns. One must ask, what is the individual's motivation to change previous …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Will I be able to prove it?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from the reader who posts as “Hehadme39.” Okay, I became involved with my psychopath in Dec. 2008. I ended our relationship in July 2010. During the course of this relationship he took advantage of me in several ways. The first time he took advantage of me I came to find out he was committing a mass amount of fraud. Not only with me and my financial information but with several others' financial information. I kicked him out took the evidence I had to the police. The Secret Service and the FBI got involved as well as the Department of Education. There was a mountain of evidence I delivered to them but in the end, I was told by a TX …

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Gasoline and Fire Psychopathic Relationships and Last Minute Redemption

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By Ox Drover Most of us know that when you combine gasoline and fire there is not only a larger fire, but an explosive one. Our here in the boondocks we have occasion to burn brush piles or even trash sometimes and anyone except some pure idiot knows you never use gasoline as an accelerant for burning anything, you use diesel. Diesel fuel is more akin to what they call fuel oil up north and they fuel their household heaters with it.  It ignites slowly without a lot of vapor and burns steadily, not causing an explosion. Gasoline on the other hand, starts to vaporize as soon as it is poured out and when you strike a match to it, that vapor cloud explodes into a huge fireball, engulfing …

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I wasn’t that stupid

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Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. A Lovefraud reader recently sent me the following link from Wikipedia: Psychological manipulation The author of the article on psychological manipulation based most of its information on three books: Who's Pulling Your Strings?, by Harriet B. Braiker; In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, by George K. Simon; and The Psychopathology of Everyday Life, by Martin Kantor. The first two sections of the article are excellent. First, the author discusses the requirements of successful manipulation: According to Simon, successful …

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If only the media added educational to the sensational

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A Lovefraud reader frequently sends me links to stories in the Daily Mail, a tabloid based in the United Kingdom. Here are some recent articles: Newlywed ”˜murdered his wife of just five months after she discovered his affairs on Facebook' (September 3, 2010) Bigamist who claimed to be decorated Falklands hero to woo fifth wife then fleeced her of £50,000 (September 6, 2010) Cheating husband bludgeoned wife to death before going Christmas shopping with mistress (September 9, 2010) Internet Romeo conned dozens of women out of £500,000 pretending to be terminally ill (September 15, 2010) Here at Lovefraud, we can recognize that the bad actors in all of these cases are likely …

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Somewhere Inbetween Time: Between Past-Perfect and Future-Perfect

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By the Front Porch Talker Somewhere along the time-space continuum we have space-time. Space is three-dimensional and time is in the fourth-dimension, with different spatial dimensions. According to perceptions, the universe has three dimensions of space and one of time. By combining space and time, we have the freedom to describe life more accurately—from the quantum level to the super galactical levels; thus, expanding our entire perceptions of time and space, and life ultimately. Everything is relative, of course, even our own experiences and perceptions of life. Depending upon where we are observing an event, how close and how distant, and depending on the gravitational forces, we …

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