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Archive for April, 2012

Differentiating the sociopath from the borderline from the narcissist

Man, it’s not easy out there. Your partner clearly has a major personality disturbance, but sometimes separating borderline, narcissistic and sociopathic behavior can be hard. Real tough. Especially when there are spill-over behaviors, cross-contaminating behaviors and attitudes (as there often are) that further muddy the diagnostic waters.

Let’s look at rage, for instance. Rage is a major marker of the borderline and narcissistic personality. Sociopaths, being essentially malignant, high-end narcissists, like any full-blown narcissist, are also capable of frightful, bullying, abusive rages.

The borderline’s rage, much like the narcissist’s, tends to be elicted by disappoinment. And it’s not always “abandonment”-related. When the borderline, much like the narcissist, feels uncatered to, neglected or invalidated, WATCH OUT!!!!

The sociopathic syndrome

I recently heard from a man, whom we’ll call “Jeff,” who wanted to know if the woman he was involved with, “Amanda,” was a sociopath.

It started as a friendly involvement, with Jeff trying to help Amanda out. Amanda, who was from a foreign country, called Jeff her “best friend.” Jeff eventually started to have feelings for her. But then came a series of unsettling experiences:

  • Amanda made pornographic videos, which were posted on the Internet.
  • Amanda worked as an escort. Jeff offered to pay her rent, so she wouldn’t have to be an escort, and Amanda agreed—and continued being an escort anyway.

Striking back at a stalker

A stalker sent a picture of his genitals to Ariane Friedrich, an Olympic athlete from Germany. She, pardon the pun, exposed him on Facebook. And some people say the stalker was entitled to privacy.

Read: Olympian outs stalker on Facebook, triggers debate, on MSNBC.MSN.com.

Link sent by a Lovefraud reader.

Born bad

Two young girls adopted by a loving British couple took after their criminal biological mother. For the adoptive parents, it was a disaster.

Read When Cherry adopted these ‘angelic’ sisters she thought a loving home would heal the wounds of their troubled past. how terrifyingly wrong she was, on DailyMail.co.uk.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

The Red Flags of dysfunction

Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

After reading Donna’s newest book on the 10 Red Flags of spotting psychopaths, I got to thinking that there are Red Flags in our own lives that we should also take notice of and avoid.

When we first start the “journey toward healing,” and I do think it is a journey, not a destination, we have to learn the things about ourselves that we need to change in order to live a healthy life, one free of psychopaths and other abusers. Our journey started out in learning the behavior of the psychopaths and abusers so we could spot these people who will not change their bad behavior, but it ends up being learning about ourselves, and how our own behavior contributed to the psychopath’s ability to continue to abuse us.

Denied a restraining order, now dead

Kevin Conover shot his wife outside her divorce attorney’s office in Petaluma, California. Then he shot himself.

Read Slain Petaluma wife was denied restraining order, on SFGate.com.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.

LETTERS TO LOVE FRAUD: When life ain’t fair

Editor’s Note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader called “Adelade.” Her previous post is “This is the time for me to learn who I am.”

I’m having a really tough time, these days. The divorce hearing is coming down to the wire, and I am very fearful that the sociopath ex-husband is going to walk away from his crimes, unscathed.

Birthday wish: his wife killed

Jorge Victorino-Vazquez of Las Vegas, Nevada, wanted to get rid of his wife, so he hired someone to kill her —on his birthday. The plan was foiled by police.

Read Police: Vegas man wanted wife killed as birthday present, on KCTV5.com.

Posted in: Laws and courts

When the sociopath isn’t wearing a mask

The concept of the sociopath as “masking sanity,” originally from Hervey Cleckley, MD, and since as confirmed and elaborated by other experts, is certainly chilling, great, profound and often-times apt.

But I’d suggest we be careful not to apply it too indiscriminately. In other words, not all sociopaths “wear masks” in the classic sense of Cleckley’s concept. For this reason, if you’re looking for “masks” as a prerequisite to confirming the sociopath, you risk missing the sociopath.

Some sociopaths are more manifestly who they are—sociopaths. They aren’t “masking” much of anything. They aren’t necessarily taking brilliant precautions to conceal themselves.

Three Years After The Psychopath

This weekend marked an anniversary for me. It was three years to the day since I discovered the trail of emails that was to lead me to the truth about my ”˜soul mate’ of ten years. Three years since my entire world shattered round me, leaving me lost and alone to deal with the ugly, frightening truth.

I remember so clearly the evening I found the black and white proof that my marriage was nothing but a sham. Reading one email after another, I remember literally holding my throat and gasping for air. Pushing down my nearly overwhelming desire to be sick, and doing my best to control the shaking in my legs while my heart pumped in my mouth.

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